Tag Archives: Xi_Heather

The Twelve Days of Whatever

On the first day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the second day of Whatever, my true love gave to me –
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.



On the third day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Eight Tams a riding,
seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Nine commenters commenting,
eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Ten armless Adams,
nine commenters commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Eleven pissy puddles, ten armless Adams, nine commenter commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin’,
five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes
and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Twelve boxers boxing, eleven pissy puddles, ten armless Adams, nine commenters commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes
and a parakeet in a pear tree.

Happy holidays to my C&R family!

Blogorama!


Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Or in my case, laziness. So here are some ideas that were stolen inspired by some of my favorite bloggers.

Polt’s Palace features Superman Sundays and Shirtless Mondays. Here is my pic combining the two:


Knitting and gorgeous photos can be found on Cabezelana. I don’t know how to knit, so I hopped on a plane and headed for Mel’s future home, Iceland, to see what all the fuss is about.

I Deny You the Nidus! has a macabre little game called “Guess That Grave.” FDot gives three clues, but I couldn’t narrow it down. Who knew dead people could be so fascinating?
This person:

  •  set an equine high jump record that stood for more than 25 years
  •  originally wanted to be a math (yuck) professor.
  •  had an aversion to any kind of profanity, noting that it was a waste of time. No off color stories were allowed to be told in his presence.
  • suffered intense migraine headaches which were sometimes reported as bouts of drunkenness.
  • was tone deaf and could not recognize any of the light airs of the time; military music was especially annoying to him.
  •  abhorred red meat of any kind, and the sight of blood made him ill. Consequently, he insisted on his meat being cooked on the verge of being charred. He would not eat any kind of fowl, but was fond of pork and beans, fruit, and buckwheat cakes.

Tam’s Reads has book reviews galore (interspersed with photos of hot guys!). Here is my book report of Tina Fey’s Bossypants:

This book is filled with sarcastic, self-deprecating humor – from the picture on the front to the blurbs on the back. It’s a fast read that touches on Tina Fey’s work and personal life. I wish she had gone into a little more depth regarding Mean Girls (and her other movies), her years at SNL, and her experiences at 30 Rock. And there was no dish about the celebrities she has worked with. I demand gossip! But bonus points for including unflattering photos of herself. I would recommend this book – but not enough to buy it. Borrow it from a friend or from the library.


Enrico at Hotel Tuesday posts the most adorable journal entries from his childhood. I don’t have any schoolwork saved from my childhood, but I did find this “ghost in the attic” tucked in a book. I think I was in 2nd or 3rd grade at the time:


So, did I find a puppy under the tree?


Just like Josh is Trashy, I have a Monday Muse as well. Behold the wonderment of Sponge Lady:

Social butterfly VUBOQ blogs about his wonderful pottery, yummy cocktails, ironing, blobbing and hanging out with letters of the alphabet. I can’t stand clay under my nails, so here I am ironing and enjoying a martini. Later I blobbed on the couch with H.

Xi_Heather and TwoPi have a math blog, 360. Like Barbie, I am allergic to math. I do have a nifty calculator with sparkly buttons, though.

Marry, F*ck or Kill on Jere’s blog, Blind Prophecy is a fun and thought provoking game. You must pick one person you would marry, one you would make sweet love to and one you would meet in the conservatory with a lead pipe. Here is the “all grown up” edition.
Choice One: Brian Austin Green (Beverly Hills 90210, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles)
Choice Two: Jason Bateman (Silver Spoons, Arrested Development)
Choice Three: Mark Paul Gosselaar (Saved By the Bell, Bangers and Mash)

Perspectologist often contains thoughtful explorations of Chris D.’s life/feelings (with  bonus nudie pics). But I don’t have feelings. And you do not want to see me without clothes. TRUST.  So we’ll just move along.

Cocky & Rude‘s Mikey and YouTube videos go hand in hand. Here is a video that made me cry kawaii tears.  Forget  puppies, I want Asian twins for Christmas!

Craig’s debates at Puntabulous are both controversial and hysterical. Here, Harry and I debate dark chocolate (yuck!) vs. milk chocolate (delicious!). Who do you think makes the most convincing argument? (Don’t forget who can paste your head on something unfortunate).

David P. at Someone in a Tree has a weekly tent pitch. So I found a tent pitch of my own to share.

And here are David’s answers to the C&R Studio (better late than never).
Fave word: vacation
Least fave word: sorry
Turn on: muscles
Turn off: slovenliness
Sound likes: harmony
Sound dislikes: car alarms
Vocation like to try: actor
Vocation least like to try: sanitation worker
If heaven exists, what would he like God to say: “Thank you for all your hard work.”

Paul at Where The Parkway Ends (is he ever going to start blogging again?) posts catchy little tunes for your drive to and from work. Here is my boppy little “Friday Morning Commute Sing-a-long Song.”  What Do All the People Know is a one-hit wonder from the San Diego band, The Monroes:

John doesn’t have a blog, but he does have a Question of the Day he poses on Facebook. The trend these days seems to be for marines to ask celebrities to the Marine Corp Ball. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake have already accepted. Betty “Heartbreaker” White declined (luckily, Linda Hamilton came to the rescue). Anywayzle, here is my QOTD: If you were a marine, which celebrity would you invite to the ball?

Mush at Goblinbox is a bento magician. She really makes the most mouthwatering bento boxes. This is my first foray into bento-ing. Those little tortilla people are Mikey and Adam.


Don’t they look delicious?


Adam likes to live on the edge. Here is a gross/dangerous game he likes to play on Cocky & Rude. But why should he have all the fun? How many goldfish crackers (Xplosive Pizza!)* do you think Harry can cram into his mouth?

*I will never eat goldfish crackers again.

I’ll give the grave and mouth cram answers in the comment section at the end of the day. Thanks for all the entertainment/humor you have provided through your blogs – you guys are the best!

Get Your Hair Did!

Tired of sporting the same tired do? Stuck in a follicular rut? When you look in the mirror do you see nothing but dreckitude? Well, just like Tyra on America’s Next Top Model, I’ve decided to give you all a makeover to unleash your fabulous inner yous. And like Ms. Banks, I won’t be satisfied until I make one (or all) of you cry. So enjoy your fierce new looks and don’t forget to SMIZE, bitches!

What better way to play up Adam’s fiery ginger locks than with a big, beautiful ‘fro? It’s a hard knock life, but with “The Annie,” Adam is sure to attract all the sugar daddies. Better watch out Mr. Sombrero!

Have you heard that Ty and Mikey moved in together? Cute roommates deserve cute haircuts. With “The Bert and Ernie”* everyone will know these two belong together. *These hairstyles have been brought to you by the letters, C and R.

I was going to give our monkey lord “The God,” but I already did that. Since Craig’s other claim to fame is the Puntabuschlong, I thought it was only fitting I give Craig “The Rod.” And unlike Mr. Stewart, Craig will never have to ask, “Do ya think I’m sexy?”

Bald is sexy (I always say). Patrick Stewart, Boris Kodjoe, Elmer Fudd, Ziggy – all are bodaciously bare. It would be criminal to cover up Jere’s glorious pate, so I just enhanced it with “The Charlie.” Good grief, he looks hot.

I believe that among us, M. Nico has produced the most spawn. And so, “The Gosselin” seemed appropriate for this superdad. It’s all business up front and screeching harpy in back.

Chris D. is one wonderful, sensitive and thoughtful guy. But it’s the quiet ones you have to look out for. Let “The Anton” serve as a warning…

Kimi and I share a deep admiration for the host of tv’s Dirty Jobs, Mike Rowe. And what does every dirty boy need? A dirrty girl! With “The Xtina,” Kimi is beautiful in every single way. So don’t you bring her down.

As loyal C&R readers (all 5 of us) know, FDot continues to bring in the low scores on the Have You Ever?! quizzes.  So to bring out his inner slut, he gets “The Snooki.” Now he’ll have lots of dirty secrets to hide under that poof.

VUBOQ, in case you didn’t know, stands for Vicious Unrepentant Bitter Old Queen. I thought I’d give VUBOQ a more subtle look by dialing down the vicious to a mere nasty. With “The Nellie,” those little hoes on the prairie don’t stand a chance.

Did you know that Mel wants to move to Iceland? I figured I’d help him fit in with the locals by giving him “The Bjork.” Not only are his new buns adorable, but they’ll keep his ears warm during the cold, Icelandic winters.

Paul sports a glorious swirl on the back of his head. It’s the source of all his power. Thanks to “The Gwen” his new front swirl makes Paul invincible. I wonder if he’ll use his powers for good or evil…?

John’s been coasting on the cute bunny thing for too long. All that fluffy fur needed to go. “The Hareless” gives john the cutting edge look that might make us believe that he really does have a cold, dead heart.

Have you seen this man with his shirt off? Hubba hubba. And I’ll throw in an extra hubba for good measure. David could be on the cover of a romance novel. With the flowing mane of “The Fabio” it won’t be long before Harlequin comes a knockin’.

What better look for Bossy, the Chairwoman and CEO of I Am Bossy than “The Trump”? This powerful hairstyle demands authority, respect and billions of dollars – and will stay in place through multiple firings.

Enrico has graduated from college! And will be heading to New York! How will the big city and its wicked ways affect Enrico? Will he remain innocent or not that innocent? With “The Britney,” we’ll never know.

This Firework is meant for fame and fortune. With the “Katy” Josh is sure to be everybody’s Teenage Dream, at least that’s what this California Gurl thinks.

When he’s not making cupcakes, Ryan’s some sort of smart scientist guy. With “The Albert” maybe Ryan will come up with that anti-aging elixir I’ve been waiting for. Get going Ryan! I’m not getting any younger.

I can only imagine that Mr. Sombrero must be a pretty easygoing guy to put up with Adam’s shenanigans. So to help him stay “mellow,” I gave him “The Marley.” Plus – new hat! And I took away his shirt. You’re welcome.

David from Blogography has a very bad monkey. He creates chaos and destruction wherever he goes. But BM’s victims will never be angry with David. With “The Betty,” all is forgiven. Seriously, who could ever be mad at Betty White? Everyone loves her! And now they’ll love David, too. No matter what his little hellraiser does.

Purple…sex… why, Polt and Prince are almost the same person. With “The Prince” Polt is ready to hop into his little red corvette, drive to erotic city, pick up some sweet young thing in a raspberry beret and give him a kiss and some HUGS…

Nathan is Canadian. Which means he’s nice. So I waved my magic wand and gave him “The Glinda.” Now Nathan is officially a friend of Dorothy.

Tam. Also Canadian. Also nice. And who is nicer than Doris Day? Probably lots of people, because she’s dead. Wait, is she dead? I’m pretty sure she is. Anyway, Tam was already sweet, but with “The Doris,” she’ll give you a cavity.

I was going to go against the “nice” stereotype and give the kid “The Lohan,” but I didn’t want to corrupt her. That’s Adam’s job. So Kristen gets to stay wholesome with “The Funicello” – even though she is too young to know who that is.

To be brief (unlike Justin’s comments) I gave Justin “The Asterisk.”

David’s a writer, with a penchant for horror. To keep him in the mood, I gave him “The Poe.” I’m sure his new look will inspire that blockbuster zombie flick. Don’t forget me in your Oscar acceptance speech, David!

“The Dolly”* allows Mush to be a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. With her teased blonde hair, Mush can bring out the bubbly perkiness that lies within.  *Boobs included.

When I think “funny,” the last person I think of is Bruce Vilanch. But he’s one of the most ridiculous and thus, just the ticket for the Infamous Dr. Para. With “The Bruce,” I’ve turned scary into approachable. Or maybe I’ve turned scary into horrifying…

Now that I’m posting on C&R, my poor noodlepuddin’ is bound to be neglected. I gave him “The Alex” so that I will be reminded to never to ignore him. Hey, has anyone seen john?

Xi_Heather and TwoPi are two of the most intelligent people I’ve never met. Being so brilliant is exhausting (believe me, I know). So I’m giving their brains a much-deserved vacation from all that thinking with “The Chrissy” and “The Lloyd.”  Derp.

Growing up, I wanted to be a Brady. With “The Jan,” I am one far out, groovy chick. Marcia wishes she looked this good. And Thindy can thuck it. Now if you’ll excuse my beauty, I have a hot date with my boyfriend George Glass.