Tag Archives: Wood

Craig Is A Creepy Freak!! What Should I Do?

This is a wooden plaque that Craig mailed to Mr. Sombrero (MY BOYFRIEND).

photo

Creepy, right?

So my question to you is: What should I do with it?

Advertisements

Have You Ever… Been Macho!?

The rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have you ever?!

1. Have you ever barbecued a big slab of meat?
2. Have you ever camped in the woods?
3. Have you ever climbed to the top of a mountain?
4. Have you ever bench pressed 200 pounds?
5. Have you ever ordered a scotch on the rocks?
6. Have you ever smoked a cigar?
7. Have you ever played rugby?
8. Have you ever repaired a car?
9. Have you ever used tools for home repairs?
10. Have you ever engaged in fisticuffs?
11. Have you ever eaten an entire habanero pepper?
12. Have you ever gone all in at a game of poker?
13. Have you ever grown a full beard?
14. Have you ever served in the military?
15. Have you ever practiced martial arts?
16. Have you ever driven a motorcycle?
17. Have you ever gone deep sea fishing?
18. Have you ever built a fire?
19. Have you ever rung the bell with a hammer at the fair’s strong man contest?
20. Have you ever had a hairy chest?
21. Have you ever gone skydiving?
22. Have you ever opened a bottle with your teeth?
23. Have you ever fired a gun?
24. Have you ever chopped wood?
25. Have you ever wrassled a bear?

Tell us your total in comments and lets find out… ¿quien es mas macho?


A Dream of Running, Shouting, Masons & Death

I will preempt my dream-tale by swearing to you that I did not eat or drink alcohol within a couple hours of bedtime, nor did I watch Lost, Alice in Wonderland or any other Disney movies.  All I watched last night was Glee, and I went to bed shortly afterward.

My dream began in the very large parking lot of a Wawa convenience store (in real life, Wawas never have large parking lots).  I was hurrying to meet my father at a nearby location, but chose to park at Wawa and walk to him because it was easier and more convenient for me.  However, every time I put my car into the park position, I’d start to get out and my car would slowly roll.  I’d jump back in, make sure it was in park, and try again.  This happened a few times, but finally it felt like it would stay still when I used the emergency brake.  I hopped out of the car and started to jog towards where I’d meet my father.  When I was about 100 feet away, my car suddenly sped in reverse across the parking lot, nearly hitting some girl along the way, and slammed into a dumpster.

I ran to my car and was confronted by the girl.  She screamed and yelled at me, and I was annoyed that she was acting like such a bitch.  After all, my car hadn’t hit her, GET OVER IT!  She finished her bitchy scream-fest and left.  I tried to move my crumpled car, but it was jammed against the dumpster.  I decided that I’d get my dad to help me, so I left it behind to go find him.

I found him in a nearby parking deck (what’s with all the parking lots, and why couldn’t I just park there?) and as I approached him, I realized that his clothes were all tattered and hanging off of him.  He was unconcerned about his clothing and about my car, and hurried me inside of an old church-like building.

Inside, everything was covered in glossy, dark stained wood.  The place seemed old, important, and steeped in history.  My dad mumbled something that I don’t remember, and shoved me into a tiny closet or confession booth-like room.  I was confused, but trusted him.  Filling most of the small floor was a circular platform that began to rotate.  As I stood on it, I began to spin.  Through the crack around the door and around the spinning platform, there was a glowing light that became more intense as I spun faster.  After just a few seconds I stopped spinning and the light went away.

The door opened itself, and I walked out into a different room.  I was aware that I had traveled to Washington D.C.  The room was cluttered with iconography and artifacts from many different religions.  What drew my attention the most was a large checkered board in the center of the room that was covered with dozens of miniature deity figurines from every religion.

A woman startled me as she began to shout.  She was furious that I had used the “Masonic Transportation Device” because I was not a Mason.  By using it, I would throw off the configuration of the ancient device, and they would no longer be able to predict the destination of travelers.  I remember thinking that it worked like a Stargate, but just on Earth.  She was so angry and I feared that she would hurt me, so I ran from her.

Through the jungle (?) of Washington D.C. I ran, faster and faster.  As I ran, I decided that it was stupid to run from her.  I was bigger than her and I was sure that I could overpower her in a fight.  We both turned around and I started to chase her.  Suddenly I wanted nothing more but to kill her, so I grabbed a spear and hurled it into her eye.

It hit her, and she fell to the ground.  On her back, she died very quickly.  Suddenly she began to shrink, and the spear shrunk with her.  She became very small and transformed into a small frog.  The dead frog laid there before me with the tiny spear sticking out of its eye.  I looked down at it and felt disappointed and confused.

Then I woke up.