Tag Archives: vodka

Biggest C&R Loser 2013

Biggest_CR_Loser_2013

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Welcome to the 7th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40!  This week’s theme is always a Biggest C&R Loser favorite!  It’s time for: “What’s Inside Your Fridge?” Let’s see what our contestants are hiding behind the refrigerator door!  This week each of our contestants will show you a photo of their fridge and describe the contents. Here we go!


Nathan

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My fridge at home looks a lot like the one in this photo. Now that I’m leeching off my parents for practice teaching, they only have healthy things in the fridge. It should be good for me as long as I don’t splurge on my own! Which I won’t, because I’m broke.


Polt

photo (13)

Ah yes, this week is the fridge picture. And here we go! Top shelf: OJ, milk, butter, Ginger ale; next shelf: eggs, carrots, celery, salsa; next shelf: Salad stuff, and meat (to make chili tonight); next shelf: Diet Coke, baking soda, two bottles of wine, one bottle of beer; In the lower drawer is an onion, for the chili; The door shelves contain condiments, then yogurt, the applesauce. Healthy, I know! But now I’m really looking forward to the chili tonight!


Tam

fridge

So. Our fridges. I tried to have it neater this time so Adam wouldn’t freak out. I only got groceries on Sunday so I’m surprised it’s not fuller (more full?). My freezer is stocked up and yes, that is two containers of Hagen Daas. But come one, it was $3 off, and it’s next to the box of Weight Watchers egg mcmuffins so I think that has a moderating effect on the ice-cream calories. I tend to fill up the freezer, then don’t buy anything until it empties out. Just restocked. Our top shelf is usually lunch stuff, pudding, juice, etc. There are some leftovers in there this time, I usually have an average number of fruits and veggies in the bottom and we have lots of juice and soda in the door along with various bottles of sauce, relish, whipped cream in a can, marinade, salad dressing, etc. Oh and that little drawer inside is chock full of cheese. (Sorry Michelle) So an average fridge? We take our lunch to work/school every day and we cook dinner at home 13 out of 14 days, so we usually have a lot of staples on hand to make it fast and easy.


TwoPi

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Atop the fridge are several boxes of cereal, bottles of dishwasher detergent, and vitamins. Freezer is packed, mostly with frozen fruit, ice cube trays, and coffee. The main section of the fridge has waaaay too much stuff in it, with the bottom shelf dominated by a pot of broccoli-bean-and-lemon pasta, and various other containers of leftovers. Good luck finding what you’re looking for in there!


Adam

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In the freezer I have some frozen veggies and pitas. On the fridge door I have some condiments, seltzer, rice milk, canned fruit and water. In the fridge I have some Fresca, veggies, fake cheese, leftover taco “meat”, apples, hummus, peanut butter, tofu and tempeh. YUM! Now I want to go eat it all.


Michelle M.

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We always have the following in the fridge: juice, salad dressings, condiments, fruits, veggies, Harry’s beer and my zinfandel (Beringer’s!), dill pickles (Adam’s favorite) and salsa. There are usually ingredients for a meal or leftovers from my cooking, but I didn’t cook this week (lazy!), so the fridge is a little bare. There are some leftover fajitas from the Mexican restaurant where we had dinner the other night. And the yogurt (yuck!) is Harry’s, he’s been making smoothies.

freezer

In the freezer: 1st drawer: frozen veggies. 2nd drawer: popsicles (Harry had a cold/sore throat), ice cream and vodka. I find when I freeze Thin Mints, the box will last longer than a day. That hummus is soooo garlicky – when Harry eats it, the house reeks of garlic. That’s why it was banished to the freezer (until I’m out of town or die). 3rd drawer: Lots of leftovers (in the back), some Lonely Man dinners and a big old bag of strawberries for Harry’s smoothies.


Mikey

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What’s in my fridge? Not a lot at all as you can see. There are a lot of condiments though…I’m on the all condiment diet you see. Lots of flavor…very little health.


Mr. Sombrero

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Now that I look at this picture I realize how crammed, small, messy and badly-lit this fridge is. Maybe I should be on Food Hoarders, if there is a show like that. It does have good things in it. Lots of veggies and fruits, some protein and leftovers. Yummmmm!


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Commenter Cocktails!

Tomorrow is National Martini Day! Because the “M.” in Michelle M. sometimes stands for Mixologist, I created the following cocktails in honor of my favorite bloggers/commenters. Please drink responsibly.

The C&RmyCoke and rum and a splash of Berenger’s zinfandel. Garnish with cheeseball.

For Craig: The Dancing Monkey – Curacao, banana rum, pineapple vodka and cream of coconut.

For Mush: The Goblin Box – Green Goblin apple cider and boxed wine.

For Tam: The TaM/Mtini – Red vodka, Meyer’s Lemon mix and Maple syrup.

For The Kid: It’s not my job to corrupt the kid (that’s all on Adam). So it’s juice for her.
But she can put it in a Solo cup if that helps her cred.

For Nathan: The NathanCanadian whiskey and Kool – Aid.

For newlywed Talita: The Glamourgirlie – Pink vodka, Nuvo sparkling liqueur,
Chambord and pink sugar for the rim.

For john: The Boozy Bunny – Orange tequila, triple sec and carrot juice.

For Paul: The SwirlBailey’s Irish Cream, Kahlua, Chambord, raspberry
and chocolate syrup and whipped cream.

For Chris D.: The EnforcerIrish whiskey, coffee, donut vodka.

For Enrico: The Hotel TuesdayPineapple juice, tears and a maraschino cherry.

For josh: The Trashytini – Citrus vodka, orange and lemon-lime Flavor Ice.

For Ryan: The Skinny Cupcake – Skinny boy margarita and water.

For fdot: The Green Squirrel – Frangelico hazelnut liqueur, peanut vodka,
Nocello walnut liqueur, pistachio liqueur.

For Ty: The Ty One On – This potent potable contains Bulldog Strong Ale,
Bulldog gin and Bulldog rootbeer.

For Mr. Sombrero: The Sexy Sombrero – Sombrero tequila and ginger ale.
Because he has to deal with Adam, I recommend multiple shots.

For TwoPi: The TwoPi – 3.14 oz. Vanilla vodka, 3.14 oz. Apple beer and a splash
of pumpkin spice liqueur. Top off with Cool Whip.

For Jere: The Blind Mascots – Iguana beer, Flying Dog pale ale, Moosehead lager
and a splash of champagne to celebrate graduation from law school.

For Polt: The Purple Passion – Kurant vodka, curacao, grenadine and passion fruit liqueur.

For David P.: The Someone in a Martreeni – Acai vodka, wheat grass and spinach.

For Justin: The Asterisk – Dark Chocolate liqueur, maple liqueur and and an *endlessly* flowing keg of beer.

For Vuboq: The Vuboq – V is for vodka (pear), U is for umbrella, B is for bitters,
O is for Orangecello and Q is for quince liqueur.

Fat Betty: The Blambablam – Whipped cream vodka, caramel vodka, chocolate liqueur,
white chocolate liqueur, cappuccino liqueur, vanilla ice cream, chocolate shavings
and Reddi Whip (to top off drink or to spray directly into mouth).

For Dr. Para: The Dr. Para – Pour all drinks above in a Big Gulp cup, toss in some gummy bears and enjoy!

*Cooper’s cocktail will be featured on Cooper’s Corner Tuesday.

So how will you celebrate National Martini Day? What’s your alcoholic beverage of choice? How does it feel to have a beverage named after you? Did I forget anyone? Let me know in comments!


It’s The Cocky & Rude Match Game! (Part 2)

[Previously on The Cocky & Rude Match Game]

Continue reading It’s The Cocky & Rude Match Game! (Part 2)

The (not) Friday Five!


Every Friday either Adam or Mikey shares his five favorite things of the week. But why should they have all the fun? Here is my list of what was awesome this week:


1. Anna and Kristina’s Grocery Bag
I discovered this show on OWN (thanks Oprah!). They are showing all 3 seasons and I am currently having an A&K marathon. Anna and Kristina’s Grocery Bag is a cooking show where the hosts review popular cookbooks by cooking some of the recipes within. They also give tips about food and preparation as well as testing ingredients and cooking equipment. At the end of their cooktime they invite a chef over to taste and critique. I love when the chefs taste their food (or just look at it) and crack up. Anna and Kristina make me laugh – I would love to hang out with them. Plus – they’re Canadian*! They often (always) make mistakes (either their own or through the fault of the cookbook). Anyone who’s ever had a disaster in the kitchen can relate.

*Tam, Kristen and Nathan – why didn’t you tell me about this awesome show??


2. Unrecognizable actors
I just watched I Love You Phillip Morris – the movie was amusing (and based on a true story). When watching the credits at the end, I was dumbfounded that the character of Jim Carrey’s lover was played by Ewan McGregor. I didn’t even recognize him! I feel he really disappeared in this role. I don’t see this often (Tom Cruise is always Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson is always Jack Nicholson, Jennifer Aniston – well, you get it). So props to Ewan for being such a great chameleon.


3. vuboq’s cherry drink
I think of vuboq as the “queen of cocktails.” So, when I saw this drink on his blog, I just knew I had to try it.

Cherry Caipirissima (from the NYT’s article on simple summer cocktails)
3 cherries, pitted and halved
3/4 oz simple syrup (vuboq used Rose’s Lime Stuff)
2 lime wedges
2 oz of white rum
6 ice cubes

In a cocktail shaker, muddle the cherries and lime wedges with the syrup. Add the rum and ice cubes. Shake like the dickens. And pour into a rocks glass.

*I didn’t have cherries or limes, so I used strawberries and lemons. And I used vodka instead of rum. And I was too lazy to make simple syrup, so I substituted lemonade. It was super delicious! Thanks vuboq!

4. Asian kids!
They sing! They dance! They play musical instruments! They’re adorable and I can’t get enough. And Tam says they’re only $20,000. I better start saving up! (do I get my money back if they can’t sing or dance?) This little cutie is so talented he makes Crocs look good.


5. Me!
Thanks to being a Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser loser, I finally weigh enough to donate blood! Soon, some unfortunate soul will receive an infusion of AWESOME. And maybe now I’ll get into heaven!

This week’s runners up include: The premiere of Project Runway and all the other reality tv I’m watching, and that’s about it. I need a life.

10 Things To Do Before The World Ends

In case you haven’t heard … the end of the world is nearly upon us.  This Saturday, at 6pm EST, there will be a word-wide earthquake and God will Hoover all of his followers up to heaven. The rest of us sinners and non-believers will then be tormented with “hell on Earth” for 5 months until which time God will completely destroy Earth and the universe on October 21st.  That’s all according to the 91-year-old lunatic and president of the evangelical broadcast Family Radio, Harold Camping.  He and his followers have been spreading their word all over billboards, newspaper ads, protest signs and bus benches for quite a while now.

So just in case God skips over you when he’s rapturing all his followers up into the clouds (oh, and by the way, Camping hates the gays) … here are 10 suggestions for what you should spend your time doing over the next 5 months.

1. Take out as many loans and accept as many credit card offers as possible.  If you’re like me, you get credit card offers in your mailbox almost every day.  Why not accept … them all.  Also, visit every bank in town and take anything that they’re willing to loan you.  It’s not like you’ll ever have to pay any of it back!

2. Quit your job and ignore all of your responsibilities.  Jobs are for broke suckers that are planning for their future.  You only have 5 more months, and if you followed step #1, you’re loaded.  Why deal with those annoying coworkers and all the rest of your non-fun responsibilities if you don’t have to?  Quit!  Quit immediately!

3. Have lots and lots and lots and lots of sex. Whether it’s with your one true love, or you’re just banging every man, woman or goat in town … do it a lot.  Sex feels good, and if you only have 5 more months to enjoy it, then you better start sexifying every willing participant in sight.

4. Only eat food that’s delicious, even if it’s bad for you.  Drink a lot, and take up smoking.  Maybe even try some drugs.  Mmmm cookies, candy, vodka, cigarettes and acid.  They’re now the only food groups you need!

5. Spit in the faces of all your enemies. Walk up to them one at a time, and simply spit into their faces.  It’ll make you good, I promise.

6. Travel and see everything you’ve always wanted to see.  Assuming that all the roads aren’t jammed with other non-believers and the airplane pilots haven’t all been raptured, it’s time to travel.  You’re rich, so it’s time to travel the world.  Just avoid all of the steamping pits of lava and that whole “hell on Earth” thing.

7. Stop shaving. Oh wait … I hardly ever do that anyway.

8. Break some stuff.  Store windows.  Church windows.  Car windows.  All windows.  Mirrors, sculptures, crystal vases, plates, art, chandeliers, expensive things, national monuments… they’re all on my list.

9. Punch horrible people in the face. Donald Trump.  Sarah Palin.  Justin Bieber.  George W. Bush.  Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, Rush Limbaugh, Jay Leno, Muammar Gaddafi. You’re all on my list!

10. Eat meat.  See what you’ve been missing all this time.  It’s all gunna die anyway…

11. OOPS!  And I almost forgot: Spend a lot of time with the people you love.  So what are you going to do during the next (and last) five months of your life?  Assuming, of course, that God doesn’t slurp you up to heaven tomorrow.

EXCLUSIVE: The Truth Behind Michelle’s Mugshot

Although Craig and I have occasionally been referred to as ‘rivals’, we are pretty good friends.  And every once and awhile, we trade ideas for blog posts.  When Dave S. resurfaced, I suggested that Craig interview him to find out where he had been for so many months.  When that idea imploded, I posed another interview question: “What’s the deal with Michelle M.’s mugshot?”  Craig countered with a better idea.  Instead of just asking Michelle, he decided instead to ask everyone else.  They’d come up with their ideas, he’d illustrate them, and it’d turn out to be a fantastic blog post.

But there’s one problem with that idea: Craig is lazy! He hasn’t taught himself the latest version of MS Paint, so he can’t really even draw the theories.  He also has also given up blogging lately as he plays with his new Tumblr site.  Flash forward a few weeks of my pestering, and I finally offered to just write the blog post myself.  Craig graciously accepted, forwarded me all of your theories, and the rest is history…

Why Was Michelle M. Arrested As A Child?

Chris D.’s Theory:

Michelle M. was arrested for accidentally stealing Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.  If one should accidentally stumble into an invisible jet, it is hard to get out of it.  All you have to do is bump the wrong darned invisible button, and the damn thing takes off and flies you to Wonder Woman’s home base. Then Wonder Woman is left to cab it back in costume. While waiting for a cab, Wonder Woman gets some “interesting” offers from sketchy looking lonely men, and eventually a dirty look from the cab driver.  She is so pissed off that she has wee Michelle arrested. (Chris D. blogs at Perspectologist)

Jere’s Theory:

Well, she obviously murdered a man just to watch him die. But I believe that she was arrested because authorities found truly shocking amounts of smut on her computer. I’m talking ridiculously excessive, even by California standards. Not like kiddie porn or anything, but a whole lot of disturbing and probably unsanitary images. There was a whole section devoted to back hair (divided into “slight” “beastly” and “braided”) and another titled “how I saw the pool party” that we can’t even describe in print. The most disturbing thing of all, though, was that every single picture had been digitally altered to replace the faces of the original subject with the cut-out heads of some random blogging nerds. (Jere blogs at Blind Prophecy)

Paul’s Theory:

Michelle McKee was born Magdalena Fuentes in Tijuana, Mexico.  She was arrested along with an accomplice (see photo below) stealing lip gloss and tequila from a liquor store.  Because she cooperated with investigators (and because she didn’t look Mexican) she was cleared of all charges and granted full citizenship.  Her accomplice was sentenced to a lifetime of wandering the world carrying a backpack full of useless crap. (Paul blogs at Where The Parkway Ends)

Ryan’s Theory:

It was for taking a joy ride on the USS Midway. Authorities are still not sure how she managed to get the museum’s engines to work again.

Polt’s Theory:

Obviously, Michelle M. was arrested for being overly cute and excessively precocious! (Polt blogs at Polt’s Palace)

 

Mush’s Theory:

That kid was never any good. Getting processed at such a tender age did nothing to deter her; after the invention of Photoshop she was unstoppable. They used to call it graffiti. Now they call it humor. (Mush blogs at Goblinbox)

 

Tam’s Theory:

After extensively stalking Michelle’s family members on Facebook (especially her in-laws), following her non-existent Twitter feed and blog, and sending out my own special spy who happens to live Michelle’s area to canvas the neighbors, I believe I have finally unveiled the truth behind Michelle’s arrest during her dark and troubled childhood. As a child Michelle developed a love for beans. Kidney beans, wieners and beans, bean chili, bean soup and bean salad all left Michelle warm, content and full. However, as with many bean-lovers, there were side-effects. At school Michelle would try desperately to hold it in until she get to the playground at recess, but she could not help but let a little toot go from time to time in the class. The complaints of her classmates led to several reprimands from the teacher and this was followed by a visit to the principal. Michelle’s parents were called in and the school laid it on the line, Michelle had to quit the beans or face expulsion and several children had fallen ill following her last foray into bean heaven and the resulting gaseous explosions of an unnatural strength. However despite her parents’ best efforts to eliminate beans from their diet, Michelle managed to steal a case of pork and beans and before school ate the entire case. During math, Michelle let it rip and the smell caused three children to vomit, two had their eyes begin to water and the teacher to wretch. It was the last straw; after all of the warning, the school thought perhaps the police would be the answer. They called the police to promptly arrest Michelle for causing a public disturbance. The school was closed for the remainder of the week while it was aired and it was necessary for the police to drive back to the station with the windows down on the police car. Michelle did finally learn her lesson and no further police intervention was necessary. (Tam blogs at Tam’s Reads)

 

John’s Theory:

Michelle tried to use her adorable little smile and pig tails to begin her plot to rid the world of cheese.  Michelle developed her hate of the wonderful dairy product early on in her life.  Since Photoshop wasn’t around for Michelle to appropriately channel her rage, she turned to a life of crime.  Michelle, having just watched the Superfriends, tried to follow Lex Luthor’s lead and planned to kill all the grass in La Mesa CA.  Her logic: destroy the grass, cows can’t eat.  No cows =  no cheese.  The only flaw in her plan?  Michelle didn’t realize that La Mesa is in CA, not Wisconsin.  After serving time, and working with a court appointed psychiatrist, Michelle focused her considerable talent and intelligence in more artistic endeavors and to emulate Wonder Woman rather than Lex Luthor.

 

Craig’s Theory:

Michelle M. was arrested for burning a Wonder Woman training bra at a peace rally.  Charges were dropped when it was discovered that the bra belonged to the police officer. (Craig used to blog at Puntabulous)

 

Mikey’s Theory:

As a child, Michelle was the head of an international drug and gun cartel that was owned and operated out of the San Diego suburb of La Jolla.  Michelle was known as La Niña Brutal to the criminal community who feared her wrath.  Known for having killed ten men twice her size and three times her age, she alluded capture by the FBI for over years.  Once captured, prosecutors attempted to try her as an adult, but numerous child psychologists testified that she was being manipulated by the adults around her and therefore should be tried as a child.  She spent five years in a juvenile detention facility and had her record stricken once she turned 18.

 

And Here’s My Theory:

Which theory is your favorite?  And which one is most likely to be true?
Let’s come to terms with the truth, in the comments.