Tag Archives: travel

Stuff I daydream about.

Life is harsh. Sometimes the best thing to do is slip into a nice daydream. Here’s just some of the stuff I like to imagine while I’m stargazing, woolgathering or just plain avoiding reality.

My most frequent daydream is of winning the mega millions lottery.
But The Publisher’s Clearing House prize would do just fine. I’m not picky.

After I win my millions, Harry and I will travel. Some of the places I fantasize about going to are Fiji (or any tropical island, really), Santorini, Austria, Australia, The U.K., Copenhagen and Belgium (I hear they make a good french fry…).

I like to pretend that I’m a ballerina. And not just a ballerina, but a prima ballerina assoluta.

I also like to daydream that I’m a singer/songwriter with a multi-octave range.
Here I am performing at one of my sold out concerts.

One of my favorite sports is figure skating. I like to imagine what music I would skate to, what costumes I would wear and what it would feel like to win an Olympic gold medal (in my head I have also won the gold in equestrian events, diving, skiing and gymnastics).

Have you heard? I’m (supposed to be) writing a novel. Of course, I like to think it will be a #1 best selling book. It will, of course, be optioned for a movie. And I’ll have so much fun traveling around the country staying in 5 star hotels and doing book signings. Make sure you come out to see me when I come to a bookstore near you!

Naturally I’ll win a best screenplay Oscar when I adapt my book for film. I’ll receive a standing ovation for my humble and humorous, yet touching acceptance speech.

Once I win the Oscar, maybe they’ll give me a whack at writing that Wonder Woman movie I’ve been waiting for…

All my daydreams aren’t frivolous, though. Sometimes I pretend that I’ve come up with the cure for cancer, paralysis or any other number of illnesses/diseases. The Nobel prize, Time cover for Person of the Year, money and accolades will all be secondary to the knowledge that I am helping the human race.

Some of my daydreams are actually attainable. I often wish that my house was sparkling clean, my laundry and ironing is all done, the cupboards and refrigerator are filled with food, and I’m at my goal weight. Then I can completely relax while watching movies and reading a stack of books guilt-free.

So what do you like to daydream about? Flying to the moon? Scoring the game winning touchdown? Being the homecoming queen? Stealing Mr. Sombrero away from Adam? Let me know in comments!


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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 2

Our first week is complete!  Today our contestants celebrate one week into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh!  It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Everything is easier if there’s a goal & prize in place.  This week, the contestants were invited to tell us what they will do to reward themselves when they attain their weight-loss goals.  Here’s what they said:



TwoPi
My mid-range goal is to lose 10% and be able to maintain that weight loss. I’m hoping to feel healthier, have better flexibility, and be able to see my doctor without having her recommend yet another fad diet. Most importantly, I don’t want to have to buy new clothes in larger sizes than what I currently wear. So I guess the prize I’m working toward is keeping my current wardrobe intact!



Mikey
My goal is to look hotter than this bitch on my wedding day.  I know that’s  tall order, but everyone knows I’m a bigger queen than she will ever be.  I’m on my way there, too!  Despite four events for Ty’s birthday (including one with a 24 course meal), I managed to lose weight this week.  I’m attributing it to the flop sweat that broke out due to my extreme anxiety during planning the parties!



Mr. Sombrero
My goal is to lose 11% in this round so I can fit into my old pantalones again.



Michelle M.
Like Tam, My goal is to fit back into my jeans. I have been wearing the same pair (or sweats) for I don’t know how long. I refuse to buy more in a bigger size when I have plenty of good ones in my closet.



Tam
Hmmm. I thought about goals. New clothes? Well, that could be a necessity. Books? Ha! That’s a given. So I decided for every 10 lbs I lose I shall buy myself a lovely bouquet of flowers to remind me of what I’ve achieved. And how many bouquets do I get this week? Blerg. Thanks to traveling and eating out and receptions and booze and pastries … NADA. But I’m home next week where I can get back on the wagon, really. I think I will print out a nice flower pic and paste it to my fridge when I get home. Maybe it will help. One can only hope.


Adam
When I attain my weight-loss goal, I’m going to get a tattoo. Not as extreme as that guy … just something small on my right forearm. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, and this motivation is as good as any finally man-up and get it. Oh, and maybe I’ll go back to being a vegetarian. I’ll reward myself with tattoos and cheese!  But not a tattoo of cheese.



Ryan
Whenever I reach a weight milestone, I’m rewarding myself with music. It both motivates me to stay on course with my diet and exercise and makes sure that I put thought into what music I buy. I’ve shown a few options in my photo. PS – I’m pretty sure most of this week’s weight loss was the release of excess water and glycogen from my liver that built up from the conference the weekend before we started.



Polt
So I’m supposed to talk about my “Personal Goal Prize”. Hmm, well when I win the competition, I will have lost enough weight and firmed up enough to be able to wear one of these babies! I’m not sure WHERE I’d wear it, but that’s beside the point, cause looking like that, I’m sure I’ll find no shortage of places that would WANT me to wear it! And I do hope the pouch comes in various sizes, cause I’m gonna need a bigger pouch.


And now, the week’s results:


Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

The Cocky Chronicles 1.07

Episode 1.01 | Episode 1.02 | Episode 1.03 | Episode 1.04 | Episode 1.05 | Episode 1.06

The Five Vacation Worsts

Last week, fresh from my vacation, I brought you my five best things about vacations, but sadly summer vacation season is coming to an end and we must once again live in a world where we do not have a sunny week all to ourselves. For every good thing there is a bad thing; and for every good vacation thing, there is a bad vacation thing. Or so I’m told that tranny principle works. Without further ado, I give you the five vacation worsts.

Traveling
I love to go places. I do not love getting there. On my most recent vacation trip I had to deal with the following: cramped bus seats, some dumb girl who insisted on having a loud conversation on her cellphone the ENTIRE bus trip, torrential rain in Delaware, stupid traffic in Delaware, and poor cellphone reception. I was promised that teleportation would be invented by now and I am suing whoever promised that to us. I’m looking at you William Shatner.

Jellyfish & Mole Eating Fish
While on my vacation, we encountered a variety of sea life. Most of which was nice to us. The dolphins or porpoises or whatever were really neat. The two aforementioned varieties were not so nice to us. Two people got stung by the ooey-gooey minions of death that haunt the oceans and I was viciously attacked by a fish that decided my mole was a tasty morsel. All of these attacks were shocking and at least one of them lead to the receiver screeching like a girl. That persons identity will remain nameless to protect their innocence.

Ursula
On the day that the jellyfish descended, one of our beach neighbors rain screaming from the beach dramatically as if she had seen a huge shark eat her kid. All she saw was a jellyfish. Over the next few days, we observed her behaviour and demeanor, which lead to her being nicknamed Ursula based upon her resemblance to that evil woman. She was quite unpleasant to be around. She cursed a blue streak, left her baby unattended in the heat, and fed that same baby beef jerky. I’m very glad that Ariel came to vanquish her with her queefs.

Sunburn
In my earlier post, I waxed poetic about the sun like I have never done before. Well I forgot to mention the sunburn I got in the most random places: my right ear (not both…just the one), the top of my left foot in a weird triangular patch, and just outside my armpits. I hate sunburn. It hurts and makes you feel hot all over. Gross….

The first day back
All of that bad doesn’t really compare to the final worst: returning to work and that first day back. If all the time you relaxed was to be bunched up and flipped inside out to become a walloping ball of stress, that would be your first day back to work. People ask you ten million questions about stuff that you have idea about because you were out of town for a week. Also there is the fact that you can’t sleep in.

The only answer to these worsts is to stay on vacation forever at a beach resort that has no human attacking animals, plenty of shade, and no one resembling a Disney Character. Don’t you agree?

To Wave or Not To Wave

I’ve been driving a Honda Fit for the better part of three years.  In that time, I’ve waved to nearly every other Honda Fit driver that I’ve passed in my travels.  In my mind, it’s a ‘camaraderie’ sort of thing. We are all driving the same car, so why not say a quick hello to each other?  A friendly passing wave, that’s all I want.  Drivers of other car makes and models do it.  Motorcycles do it … even bicyclers do it.

SO WHY WON’T THEY WAVE TO ME?

In three years, I can count on one hand how many return waves I’ve received.  My favorite was a lady about six months ago that matched my speed in the lane next to me.  With a giant smile, she emphatically waved at me and then pointed to her own car and then to mine.  Marveling at fact that we were both driving the same car she… Okay, okay — maybe that lady was crazy.  But at least she waved.

Seriously, why won’t they wave to me?  Am I detestably ugly?  Is it not obvious that we’re driving the same car?  Is the average age of a Honda Fit driver too high (and female)?  Do people just not do the ‘wave’ thing anymore?  What is it?  I’m developing a complex!  I need to know!!  Why do you think people won’t wave to me?!

And while we’re on the topic … have you ever been a car waver?  Do people ever wave back?