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What was Polt thinking?!
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Our ninth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate nine weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
As we begin the 10th week of BC&RL3, we check in with each of our contestants with the simple question: How are you feeling? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Anything? Here’s what they had to say…
If one word could encompass how I am feeling, it’s FRUSTRATION. I eat well, I exercise (occasionally) and yet it seems to be increasingly difficult for me to lose weight. WTF! I’m so sick of this … I’m ready to just give up and become one of those blobby people in WALL•E.
I would say I’m feeling optimistic. Even though I seem to have hit a plateau, I’m almost halfway to my goal. And that’s without exercising! My next step is to start moving around so I can drop the rest of the weight before summer begins.
I’m a sad puppy because I haven’t lost nearly as much weight as I would like…and because I’m eating too much crap! I blame stress, work, and Adam. Why can’t we live in a world were foods that make you fat tasted like rotting shark flesh instead of one where they taste sooooooo good.
So this week we’re supposed to discuss how we feel. Me, kinda meh. I’m glad I’m out there walking so much, it makes me feel better physically. I’m a bit disappointed in myself that I don’t stick to the diet regime as strictly as I’d like to be. I’ve me even more disappointed that I can’t seem to overtake Michelle M. and get that purple line on the graph all for myself! I won’t know exactly how good I’ve done, blood sugar wise, until June, but I think I’m doing well. At least I really hope so. But by and large, I’m feeling now with the contest almost over the same way I did before it began: Meh.
I’m feeling pretty good. I ended up walking 22.8 miles on Saturday and didn’t get as sore as I have in the past. I intend to try a full marathon length walk this week. With the extra exercise, I have been slacking about keeping within my calorie budget, so my weight has been flat. Hopefully, I’ll do better with that this week.
WTW?! I can’t believe it’s been 2 months. I’m nowhere near my goal of 10% which bums me out, but that only means that I have only few more weeks to get (half way) there. I am constantly working out and moving, so that’s a very positive thing. And if you’re wondering, this is actually a picture of me working out. Yeah, I’m that furry.
What am I feeling? Fat depressed frustrated pig. Sigh. I have been trying to be good, and nothing is happening. Arrgghh. I really need to get back in the measure and recording groove. This week. Cross my heart. It’s tempting to just say “screw it” and eat an entire cheesecake, but I haven’t gotten there yet, at least I’m not gaining. *eye roll* Ugh.
Classes ended last week, course grades are filed, and I’m essentially free for the next few months to recharge mentally and gear up for fall classes. And my weight is down a bit more, which is nice. So I ought to be able to say I’m feeling great, but instead… meh. Saw my physician yesterday, who looked at my weight (and other medical issues) over the long-term, and recommended I give up caffeine, and insisted I join weight-watchers. Sigh. So today I’m feeling more like disappointed-cat or discouraged-cat. However, I couldn’t find their pictures, so instead here is a photo of ennui-cat.
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Did you hear the news?! Andy Cohen, Bravo’s Executive Vice-President of Original Programming and Development has been FIRED!* My sources say that it was something to do with his smarmy attitude, giant teeth and lazy eye. I guess that people just couldn’t stand him anymore! In his absence, the Bravo Television Network has hired ME to develop a whole new slate of reality programming for the network. And who better to star in my new reality shows, than all my friends? Behold, Bravo’s new season of shows:
Mikey’s Getting Married! – A show that follows Mikey and Jeopardy! Champion Ty as they plan their nuptials. Episodes will focus on each detail of the wedding planning process, including an episode where their Save The Date card goes through 18 revisions before it is ready to send. The first season will culminate with a wedding, and season two will be retitled: Mikey’s Ever After.
Queen of Smut – This show follows the ultimate Queen of Smut, Tam, as she explores the world of M/M Slash Fiction. Tam travels the world to create the ultimate international collection of gay smut fiction, which will be cross-promoted and published by Bravo at the end of the season. Episodes will focus on every detail of the process, including author interviews, cover shoots, behind-the-scenes negotiations and Tam’s drunken exploits in New Orleans.
The Fabulous World of Polt – Polt became a worldwide sensation when he posted a photo of his nude ass online for the world to see. But that’s hardly the (rear) end of his story! Join Polt each week as he explores his fabulous world in search of hookups, obscure Star Trek novels, purple place mats, Superman t-shirts and the ultimate prize: true love.
Michelle Wins Everything – Each week, this game show will feature multiple contestants facing off against Michelle M. in a variety of challenges. The catch? They will never win! Michelle M. is perfect in every way, and will therefore win everything. There’s only one winner in this fantastic new reality game show!
It’s Just Craig – Craig amused us for years with his popular blog, Puntabulous. But then he quit! Is that the end of the story? This new series follows our favorite has-been star, Craig, as he strives to find his new place in the world. Will he return to blogging? Will he live happily ever after with a cardboard cutout of Natalie Portman? You’ll find out in Bravo’s new series: It’s Just Craig.
Mush & Friends – In this blatant rip-off of MTV: Canada & Logo’s hit show, 1 Girl 5 Gays, Bravo’s Mush & Friends is destined to be a hit! Each week, Mush Morgan will sit down with a rotating cast of 5 guests to answer 21 questions about love, life and sex. Panelists expected to appear: Chris D., Enrico, Jere, Jeliot, Josh, Justin, Mel, Mikey, Adam, Polt, Nathan, Justin**, Ryan, VUBOQ, FDot, TwoPi, Ty and M. Nico***!
It’s A Math Math World – TwoPi, Xi_Heather and the rest of their family star in this reality show about their exciting lives in the world of math! Hopefully it’s more exciting than it sounds.
VUBOQ: Vicious Unrepentant Bitter Old Queen – This self-titled series follows VUBOQ as he makes pottery, runs marathons, travels around the country, and has sex with every letter of the alphabet.
Watch What Happens Live with Adam & Michelle – Taking over the reins from the recently terminated Andy Cohen are new co-hosts, Adam and Michelle! Who better to interview all Z-list celebrities than these amazing new Bravo personalities? NO ONE, THAT’S WHO.
Rounding out Bravo’s schedule will be the returning hits: Top Chef, Top Chef: Just Desserts, Flipping Out!, Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis, Kathy (plus celebrity guests, minus the theme song), Tabatha Takes Over, and a brand new season of the previously cancelled series, Work Out. I’m going to cancel all of the Real Housewives shows and everything else because it’s all just crap.
So what do you think? Will I succeed as the new Executive Vice President of Original Programming and Development, or will I fail? What shows will you watch? And what other shows would you love to see? Tell me all about it in the comments!
*This whole post is a lie!
**Who invited him?!
***He probably won’t show up.
Just like Ross on Friends, I have a free pass list* (a celebrity free pass is an agreement between you and your significant other** that should you meet one of the five people on your list, you have free reign to get it on). Here are the lucky celebrities who may or may not have their world rocked should they happen to cross my path (or someone invents a time machine):
1. Barry Gibb (in his glory days). Who can resist gold medallions, a hairy chest and a falsetto?
2. Joe Manganiello. Joe is a classically trained American film and theatre actor. He is most known for his role as a werewolf on the series True Blood. He is active with several charities and looks good with his shirt off.
3. Cary Grant (in his heyday). So dashing and debonair. And that transatlantic accent – swoon!
4. Boris Frederic Cecil Tay-Natey Ofuatey-Kodjoe. Boris is an actor and former model. He was named one of People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People in the World and that’s good enough for me.
5. Christopher Reeve (in his alive, walking around days). When I was 10 I joined the Christoper Reeve fan club. Who wouldn’t want to fly with Superman? And Somewhere in Time is one of the most romantic movies ever.
*Unlike Ross, my list is not laminated and is subject to change without notice.
*Harry is allowed to have a free pass list, too. I better not find it, though, or there will be 5 fewer celebrities in the world.
So who is on your 5 list? Let me know in comments!
What does one do when they’ve had a busy week, realize they have a post due the next day and have no time or idea of what to do? Why, cobble together some random crap and send it in to Adam, that’s what.
1. Burger King was giving away free french fries on Saturday and Sunday.
Diet? What diet?
2. Did you know that you can tell which side of the car the gas tank is on by the little pump picture on the gas indicator? If the pump is on the right, the tank is on the right, and if it’s on the left, the tank is on the left. I just learned about this recently, thanks to Vanna White.
3. Adam posted this picture of a superhero cake on Facebook. Once again, Wonder Woman has been overlooked. It’s deplorable.
Here’s a cake that did it right. And it probably tastes better, too.
4. I went to the pet store with Harry and didn’t come home with all the parakeets.
5. The new Prometheus trailer looks amazing!
I got chills watching it. I can’t wait!!
So there you have it, my
(Not) Friday 5, er, Random Crap (part two)! Stay tuned next week to see if I post another tired 5 list or finally come up with something original.
1. News interns caught on camera!
Instead of doing it himself (which he is capable of, but would never get around to), Harry (finally) decided to hire a drywaller to patch up the holes and window frames in my office and in our bedroom. Hallelujah!
3. The Twilight Video Game!
4. Guest posts!
Posting is hard. Sometimes you just need a break. Adam came up with a guest post for me for Cooper’s Corner. Check it out! And if you would like to guest post for me (either here or on Cooper’s Corner, let me know! I’m lazy and not ashamed to admit it.)
5. The Girl Scout Thin Mints candy bar!
Nestle is teaming up with the Girl Scouts to produce a Thin Mints inspired candy bar. It may show up in June. I should be done with my diet by then.
Runners up: Homemade chicken noodle soup on a rainy day, library hold lists, hot water bottles, Canada Dry Ginger Ale, getting all your laundry done, and the My First Wonder Woman book (which I bought for my 3 year old niece [they have a Superman one too, Polt]).