I’m fairly certain that Michelle M., Craig and myself are the only ones that still watch Glee. So instead of accepting that you’ve given up on the series, I’ve decided to cram the crap-fest down your unwelcoming throats! Behold, the highlights of last week’s Holiday episode:
Did you know that April is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month? I didn’t either! This month we strive to deal with conflicts openly and directly, in order to build a high performance organization. But instead of that crap, let’s talk about all the workplace conflicts that we’ve been involved with!
You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!
1. Have you ever been involved in a workplace conflict? 2. Have you ever had to deal with a rude, aggressive or inconsiderate coworker? 3. Have you ever shouted at a coworker? 4. Have you ever been shouted at by a coworker? 5. Have you ever been angry at a coworker? 6. Have you ever had a coworker that you never got along with? 7. Have you ever been the coworker that no one got along with? 8. Have you ever complained to a coworker’s boss about coworker’s behavior? 9. Have you ever been called to Human Resources or a manager’s office because of a workplace conflict? 10. Have you ever been sent home from work because of a workplace conflict? 11. Have you ever been suspended or otherwise punished for your poor workplace behavior? 12. Have you ever regretted your poor behavior in the workplace (in regards to a conflict)? 13. Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment? 14. Have you ever accused someone else of sexual harassment? 15. Have you ever been accused of discrimination in the workplace? 16. Have you ever accused someone else of discrimination in the workplace? 17. Have you ever kept notes on a coworker’s poor behavior to later use against them? 18. Have you ever gotten someone fired? 19. Have you ever been fired because of a workplace conflict? 20. Have you ever struck a coworker? 21. Have you ever been struck by a coworker? 22. Have you ever sabotaged (or pranked) a coworker to punish them for their poor workplace behavior? 23. Have you ever been sabotaged (or pranked) because of your poor workplace behavior? 24. Have you ever been reported to authorities (security, police, court, etc.) because of a workplace conflict? 25. Have you ever been sued or arrested because of a workplace conflict?
Now punch the coworker that’s closest to you as hard as you can and then tell us your total in the comments. Do you have any good workplace conflict stories to share? Tell us all about those too!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Ty, Mush & Jere!
Our resident Jeopardy! genius, Ty, faced off against the wheelchair-bound genius, Stephen Hawking on July 7th. The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote.
I didn’t watch professional wrestling as a kid, and I don’t watch professional basketball as an adult, so I’m not super familiar with the concept of trash talk. According to my extensive Internet research, I should threaten to kill my opponents and their loved ones, impugn their paternity, and imply that I have had sexual relations with their significant others. That seems a bit harsh. So instead, I will say what I said to my opponents on Jeopardy!: “Good luck, suckas!!” -Ty
The following week, Michelle “Mush” Morgan faced off against Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the epic battle of Mush vs. Rock. The Rock’s expert wrestling moves and experience hitting people with folding chairs proved useless against Mush’s fiery Mexican food farts and superior IT skills when she beat The Rock with a very close 53% of the popular vote.
Just ’cause you bitches are big, strong, strapping boys don’t mean that my old age and treachery won’t overcome! I will beat your asses! I will dominate! YOU ARE GOIN’ DOWN!!! -Mush
Jere battled the animated twosome, Tom & Jerry in his first C&R Fight Club battle. Did the cat and mouse’s giant hammers, mouse traps, stinky cheese and presumable invincibility and immortality slow Jere down in his battle? Nope! He dragged the cartoons to court, sued (and kicked) their asses with a win of 95% of the popular vote.
Those queens? Please. When I’m done cock-slapping them around this fight, they’re both gonna wish they had never seen me. Let us pray the pimp’s prayer for these bitches. Lord, please pray for the soul of these pussies and guide my pimp hand and make it strooong Lord! So that they might learn a ho’s place. Amen! -Jere
Who will win in the battle of Ty vs. Mush vs. Jere? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., Ty, Mush & Jere for your assistance with this post!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
TOM & JERRY
AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Tom Cat and Jerry Mouse, Tom was called “Jasper” and Jerry was known as “Jinx” in their debut appearances First Appearance: February 10th, 1940 in Puss Gets the Boot Created by: William Hanna and Joseph Barbera Place of Birth: Unknown Hair Color: Tom is white and two shades of gray (or blue), Jerry is two shades of brown Species: Cat & Mouse Current Residence: A house Relationship Status: Usually fighting, occasionally friends Occupations (current and/or past): Tom is a house cat, Jerry is vermin Notable Appearances: Television:The Tom and Jerry Show (ABC, 1975),The Tom and Jerry Comedy Show (CBS, 1980–1982),Tom & Jerry Kids (FOX, 1990–1995),Tom and Jerry Tales (The CW, 2006–2008) Movies: Jerry danced with Gene Kelly in the GM musical feature film Anchors Aweigh (1945), Tom and Jerry: The Movie (Turner Pictures/Film Roman/WMG, 1993), A new feature film is rumored to be in production. Height & Weight: Tom weighs approximately 12lbs, Jerry weighs approximately 7 ounces Hobbies: attempting to kill each other Favorite Song: their own theme song Awards: 7 Academy Awards for Best Short Subject: Cartoon Known for: their famous cartoon series Catch Phrases: Tom and Jerry almost never speak Favorite Food: Tom’s favorite food is Jerry, Jerry’s favorite food is cheese Claim to Fame: In 2000, TIME named the series one of the greatest television shows of all time. Favorite curse word: none
First appearing in a 1940 cartoon short, the characters of Tom & Jerry have been a favorite of children everywhere for over 70 years! Tom & Jerry have appeared in a ridiculous amount of theatrical animated shorts, television shows, movies, specials, video games, and more. Although they’re usually at odds with each other, this cat & mouse duo have decided to put their differences aside and enter the C&R Fight Club ring as allies. Their secret weapons include possible invincibility and immortality (after all, they’re still alive after a 70-year battle and don’t look as if they’ve even aged a day), giant hammers, mouse traps, stinky cheese, and wealth of friends and accomplices.
AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Call me “Jer-bear” and I’ll kill you Date of Birth & Age: May 29, 34 Created by: Equal parts luck, genius and boozy, regret-filled night Place of Birth:The City by the Pestilent Sea Hair Color: fleshy white boy Species: hillbilly wearleopard Current Residence: Harlem Relationship Status: desperate Occupations (current and/or past): former journalist, current law student, lifelong professional homosexual Notable Appearances (Film, TV, etc): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3frIKv7X-fM Height & Weight: 1800 calories a day diet Hobbies: voting 1 star for “very poor” on Cocky & Rude posts. Especially those involving cat urine. Favorite Song (this week):Monster by Kanye West [feat. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Bon Iver, and Nicki Minaj] Awards: “Best BJ of All Time” as acknowledged by several random guys Known for: Inappropriate and unfunny sexual harassment. Catch Phrases: “Hey teen gang, let’s go [insert name of activity we were going to do anyway]!” Favorite Food: Taco Bell Bean Burritos Claim to Fame:Indestructible. Favorite curse word: Justin Bieber’s Cunt!
Little is known about where Jere comes from, what he does with his time, or with whom he associates. This is remarkable because Jere is like the opposite of internet privacy and he frequently broadcasts his whereabouts, activities, thoughts and bowel movements to a world-wide web that largely pays no attention at all. Gossip tabloids have linked him romantically to famous person Tyler Posey of Teen Wolf, but Jere denies these rumors, commenting “I don’t date 20-year-old guys. Anymore.” Jere’s secret weapons include: The fact that he’s a dog person, he hasn’t had rodents in my apartment since the great “humane trap” invasion of fall 2010, he has an unlimited supply of siblings and family member who’ve got his back, and if all else fails, he’ll sue your ass.
Who will win in the battle of Tom & Jerry vs. Jere? Will Tom & Jerry team up and combine their strengths to defeat Jere? Or will Jer-bear sue them to death while screaming “Justin Bieber’s Cunt!” at the top of his lungs? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to both Jere and Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!