Tag Archives: Star Trek

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A Holiday Gift Extravaganza!


This week the California lottery mega millions jackpot was $116,000,000. It dawned on me that if I won, I could do some holiday shopping for my bloggy friends. So after some careful consideration I made out my ChristmasHanukkahKwanzaaWhatever list. So keep your fingers crossed that I win* and you just might find the following under your treemenorahmkekawhatever. And because there’s a slight chance I might not win, I came up with some alternative gift choices to give you.**
(Click to enlarge any of the photos)


For Tam – A luxury yacht to go island hopping and a membership to the Man of the Month club.


But if I don’t win she’ll have to settle for a toy boat and a framed photo of Polt’s ass.


For Jere – Marvel Entertainment. And I’ll throw in DC for good measure. Maybe he can do something about a Wonder Woman movie…


If I don’t win, he’ll have to stick to lawyering, so a booze hiding law book might come in handy.


For Craig – a centipede-free mansion in San Diego, so he can hang out with me (all the time)!


But the odds aren’t good, so a can of bug spray and some ear guards will have to do.


For Paul, a starring role in the upcoming Star Trek film and one of those back end movie deals where he makes mega-bucks.


But should I not win the jackpot, an Enterprise scratching post for Whitey will have to suffice.


For Ryan, I will pay off his student loans. He will also get one of these nifty cupcake cars and a lifetime supply of gas.


But if I remain a big old loser, he’s going to have to make do with this cheery little painting.


For my darling VUBOQ, a house with a pottery studio, a fully stocked walk in closet and all the gin his liver can take.


But if I don’t win, he’s getting a sparkly shoe and a jar of olives.


Lucky Mel will finally get to make lopapeysu all day in his Iceland dream house.


Unless I lose. Then he gets ice cubes and a ball of yarn.


Heather and TwoPi both like math, which is completely crazy. So I’m going to set them up with lifetime psychiatric therapy.


But if I don’t win, they will receive Godzilla pajamas, slippers and a toy city they can take turns destroying.


Adam will also get a house in San Diego and will finally find a Lexus with a big red bow in his driveway.


If I don’t have the winning numbers, though, he’ll receive a boob mug and a copy of The Vagina Monologues.


Mikey gets a wine shop. And a cheese shop.


Unless I lose. Then he gets a box of wine and a 99 cent bag of Cheetos.


For Polt, a purple palace filled with Asians with hairthings.


If I don’t win, our favorite stalker gets a fake nose and glasses and a pair of binoculars instead.


For my favorite duo, Joshrico, I’d  buy penthouses and limos. Fame, fortune and the paparazzi are sure to follow.


But if I’m not the next lottery winner, I might be able to pay this guy to follow them around for an hour with his camera.


There’s always that one person on your list you have no idea what to get. For me, it’s M. Nico.
He’ll just have to settle for a gift card from Amazon.


Unless I don’t win. Then he gets fruitcake.


Mush gets a mansion, her own record label (I quite like the name “Mushtones”) and a kick ass tour bus so she can tour the country (and visit me, of course).


But if megamillions are not in my stars, she’ll be unwrapping Mr. Microphone.


Fdot watches a lot of movies, so he’ll need a mansion with a state of the art, luxury home theater.


If I lose, he’ll receive Jiffy pop and a DVD of the “best worst movie ever made” Troll 2. Featuring such classic scenes as the following:


Chris D. is excited by space, so I’ll send him there in his very own rocket.


If someone else wins my money he can pretend to be in orbit with these stick on ceiling stars.


David P. will get the VIP treatment with front row seats to any play/musical in the world. Free meals at any restaurant included.


Life does not always (or ever!) go my way though, so David can put on his own shows with these nifty finger puppets and afterward have dinner at McDonald’s.


Justin loves maple. So he will get one of those fancy million dollar log cabins in the middle of a maple tree forest.


Unless my numbers are off. Then he gets a bottle of imitation maple syrup.


I would pay all of john’s bills and buy him a house and an art gallery so he could quit his stupid job and concentrate on his art.


If I don’t win, a big bag of rabbit chow is just the ticket.


I would buy the Kid the Pittsburgh Penguins.


Or a Sidney Crosby bobblehead (if I’m doomed to a life as a non millionaire).


David G. is getting a first class ticket to Hollywood and his own studio. Those zombie screenplays of his will finally be up on the silver screen for me to enjoy.

But should I lose, here’s a t-shirt.


Nathan will get a private jet to fly him around the world.


Or this book of paper airplanes. Not winning the lottery sucks.


Ty will get that $250,000 Jeopardy money he should have gotten in the tournament of Champions.


But if I don’t win, a ceramic Dalmatian from the Old School Wheel of Fortune is just as good.


Mr. Sombrero already has Adam, so obviously he doesn’t need anything else.


I do have a lot of peanut butter left over from the taste test, though…

If I forgot anyone, let me know in the comments, and I’ll find a regift in the garage for you.

So, hopefully, I will be the next megamillionaire, but know that if I’m not I’ll be wishing you all health, love and happiness in the New Year and always.

*It might help if I bought a lottery ticket.
**Just kidding, I’m not getting you anything at all.

It’s The Cocky & Rude Match Game!

Continue reading It’s The Cocky & Rude Match Game!

I ♥ Stewie


What is it that I love about Stewie? His English accent? His quest for world domination? His football shaped head? Maybe it’s his precociousness or his matricidal tendencies? Whatever it is, he’s adorable. And funny. Here are some of my favorite Stewie moments.

Stewie’s first soda.

Continue reading I ♥ Stewie

C&R Fight Club Round 2: Paul vs. VUBOQ vs. FDot!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Paul, VUBOQ & FDot.


Paul was our only contestant to face off against a destructive natural disaster.  Back on May 26th, Paul defeated a tornado in the C&R Fight Club battle of Swirl vs. Swirl with an impressive 93% of the popular vote.

Wow, this match up reminds me of the fight scene in Star Trek: Generations.  Three old guys, beating the crap out of each other in the rocky desert.  Since I am obviously the Malcolm McDowell in this battle, I will concede to my two opponents.  Now everyone had to decide who the “Kirk” is. -Paul

Can one man defeat Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood, Joey McIntyre, Jordan Knight, Jonathan Knight, Brian Littrell, Nick Carter, A. J. McLean, & Howie Dorough?  Of course he can!  In his C&R Fight Club bout, VUBOQ faced off against NKOTBSB (the New Kids on the Block / Backstreet Boys super group).  VUBOQ destroyed the nine boy-banders with 88% of the popular vote.

I’m really bad at trash talk.  So, um, I guess I’ll win because Paul and FDot seem really nice and I’m not really nice.  So there.  Take that. -VUBOQ

In the epic battle of Fan Favorite vs. Fan Favorite, we pitted Hollywood’s Tom Hanks against Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 Fan Favorite, FDot.  It was a struggle until the end, but FDot managed to beat the highest all time box office star with 67% of the popular vote.

Ok. Let’s see….. My competition is a guy who grew facial hair in an homage to Star Trek and a guy who consumes so much homemade hooch he addresses his blog posts to juvenile cats. Is there any need to trash talk? I just have to sit back and wait. Paul’s good counterpart will beam him back to the Terran Empire while VUBOQ’s operation will shortly be shut down by a joint task-force involving Uncle Jesse and Boss Hogg. As for myself, in case anyone has forgotten what my homemade chocolate chip cookies taste like, a win in Fight Club will surely allow me to refresh some people’s memories. That, and I’m awesome. -FDot


Who will win in the battle of  Paul vs. VUBOQ vs. FDot?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., Paul & VUBOQ for your assistance with this post!

It’s The Friday 5÷2!

Like last year at this time, Mikey has abandoned us for the sunny shores of Adam Corolla, North Carolina.  We can only imagine that he’s again eating giant tubs of cheese balls, drinking gallons of alcohol and feasting on just a bit too much Nutella.  I only hope that this year’s gluttonous behavior has not turned off his travel companion: Jeopardy! Champion Ty Cone.  After a week of debauchery, it’s needless to say that Mikey is in no shape to write a Friday Five.  So in his absence, Michelle M. and I have decided to each write a Friday 2.5.  Because 2.5 + 2.5 = 5.  I think.  Yay math!  Here goes…

Michelle M.’s First: Harry!

When we bought our house it came with a sunroom.  We found out after the first rainfall that the sunroom came with major problems including leaky walls and a crap foundation. It would have to go.

Harry and his friends were going to tear it out this summer, but Harry ended up doing it all by himself. I mean, I know it’s not like he changed the ballast in a fluorescent light fixture, but still, I’m pretty darn impressed!

Adam’s First:
Topping my list this week is Zoila Chavez, the housekeeper on Bravo’s Flipping Out.  Over five seasons as Jeff Lewis’s house keeper on Flipping Out, Zoila has proven herself to be a smart-mouthed, occasionally working, hilarious addition to the design/house-flipping reality show.  This season, Zoila had a facelift and recovered for a few episodes.  That left Jeff to clean up for himself (including washing Zoila’s underwear) until he could find a temporary replacement.  Hilarity ensued…

Michelle M.’s Second: The Woman in Black. I saw the trailer for this movie the other day. I LOVE scary movies. Especially the ones that keep me from sleeping at night. This one has lots of spooky elements: old timey photos, a decrepit house, rhyming, little girls, creepy ass dolls, creepy ass clown dolls, creepy ass monkey dolls, mud and a ghost. I can hardly wait! But I’ll have to – it doesn’t come out until Feb. 2012 : (.


Adam’s Second: This week, my #2 is Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody. Yesterday I did the unthinkable: I watched straight porn.  And as you know, that’s not my thing.  But lemme explain: I watched Star Trek The Next Generation – A XXX Parody!  It was everything I had hoped for (and some things that I hadn’t hoped for).  The story was great, the actors did a decent job, and the sets and special effects were phenomenal!  Commander Data even had makeup … all over his body!  All that has left me feeling even more excited for my next straight porn experience, Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody.  Check out the totally SFW trailer:

Michelle M.’s Half: Adam’s tags. Sometimes they’re funnier than the posts. Some of my favorites: tam loves worms, chris d. got naked on his blog, harry should keep his day job, michelle doesn’t care about adam’s feelings, mikey loves video posts, I can always lie and pretend my mistakes are games, poor craig probably cried and why do we have to keep looking at polt’s ass?

Adam’s Half: My half this week is none other than Tam!  Tam was a great sport when C&R had a lot of fun with her on our (2-day) “Tam Week.”  On top of that, she also sent me a present this week — for no reason!  Tam sent me a copy of The Vegan Table that she snagged at a Borders going-out-of-business sale when she was in Chicago last week.  She’s so nice!  Thanks Tam!  I’m totally inspired to use this cookbook when Michelle M. and I rip of Anna & Kristina’s Grocery Bag with our new TV series on OWN.  Stay tuned!  I’m so excited!  (And delusional!)

Great idea, Tam!  That’s such a thoughtful idea!

This week’s Friday Five is made up of Harry, Zoila, The Woman In Black, Star Wars Porn, Adam’s Tags and Tam!  What a great mix!  What’s in your Friday Five?