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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 13

Our twelfth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate twelve weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

BC&RL3 is almost over!  What are the contestants going to do after the contest ends?  Will they continue their diets or fall back into their old ways? Here’s what they had to say…


Mr. Sombrero
Ok I barely lost any weight but this contest opened my eyes and I realized how much I suck at it an need to take this whole weight-losing seriously. Since I always cram things last minute I hope that I can lose few more pounds by the end of this competition. I have few things lying around the house that can help me do that…


TwoPi
On the advice of my physician, I’ve quit caffeine completely. Next up: joining Weight Watchers online. Charles Barkley says I need to “learn to lose like a man”; I’m guessing he lost a bet or something, based on the photo above. Will WW push my weight loss past the 10% goal I set at the start of BC&RL3? Time will tell. I do know that I won’t end up looking like this photo though — Sir Charles has much better legs than I do.


Tam
Will I continue after this great contest is over? Yes. I’ve been a total slacker lately, but it’s always been there in the back of my mind, so it’s keeping me more honest than I might be otherwise. I have a trip to the UK in Sept. and losing some weight would be nice, so I think I’ll keep at it, even if I don’t have to check in every week. The way things were going before we started this, I would have been up as much as I’ve lost, so if nothing else, this brought my compulsive eating to a halt. I’ll keep slogging away. Congrats to Cupcake. Someday I shall be a cupcake, ’tis my fondest wish. (And I’m writing this before I know who wins, but I’m sure it’s Cupcake.)


Adam
Let’s face it, I’ve done horribly in this competition. But I’m going to change — I swear! Diet, exercise, willpower, and weight loss are all in my future! I hope…


Michelle M.
I’m about halfway to my goal, so I’m going to keep on dieting until I get there. Summer is coming and I want to fit into my shorts!


Ryan
I plan to continue after this, but I haven’t exactly been that diligent over the past few weeks. If I do my best to keep track of what I eat and make my exercise goals, I could hit my next weight goal sometime this summer. I don”t know if that will be the end because I’ve never been this lean in my life, so I have no idea where I want to end up. I think I might pick up running in the next couple of weeks. I’m at the point that walking longer doesn’t provide much of a challenge beyond finding the time.


Polt
This week, we’re to talk about Beyond BC&RL3. When this is over, I’ll not fall back into my old ways, cause I don’t want my doctor yelling at me. I got onto this diet I’m on because of her, and luckily it just happened to correspond with this competition. Weight loss, though, is only a secondary goal. My main goal is to get my sugar levels down. And that I’ll continue, hopefully, well after the contest. And in doing so, I’ll eventually end up all sleek, and svelte, and sexy-like. Just like this photo!


Mikey
The graph here is what I had hoped my weight loss would look like. It hasn’t yet, but I have started to lose weight again! Ty and I are continuing to two a few things to maximize our loss and minimize our waists: cooking healthier foods rather than doing the NYC thing of ordering in ALL THE TIME, substituting seltzer for tonic (don’t laugh…it works. I lost 5 lbs after making that small change), and trying to get more of the dreaded exercise.


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 1

And so it begins! Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser begins today. Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season! Yay!

Meet the contestants!


Mikey
The whole idea for BC&RL started with me telling Adam that I was officially fat and needed to lose weight to be healthy again. Well…I’m hoping three times really is a charm. Plus…I have a lot of room to go if I’m going to fit into that size 6 wedding gown by Vera Wang this fall.


Adam
I’m so fu¢king fat that none of my clothes fit. My goal is to lose one thousand pounds. mmmm cookies.


Polt
Polt here, and looking over the rules for this thing, I see today I need discuss my reason for participating and what I hope to accomplish. Okay, both can be answered simply by looking at my most recent photo. Yes, I have put on a few pounds since the 2nd edition of this, thanks for noticing and while I ain’t much to look at, at least I’m purple. Anyway, I’m playing along this time because a) I played in the first two and I like being consistent, b) someone has to come in last, and I’ve got broads shoulders (and hips and stomach, etc) so I can take it, c) I’d hate to see Adam cry if not a lot of people played along and d) I might just end up losing a few pounds out of this. And what do I hope to accomplish? Well, some weight loss, I suppose, but I don’t have high hopes for it. No I’m not being negative, just pragmatic. Good luck to everyone!


TwoPi
My doctor has been hassling encouraging me to lose weight for a while. And while I know what I ought to do, having the motivation to actually do it is hard. “Eat right and exercise”; yeah, it might add ten years to my life, but (a) that’s ten years of eating right and exercising, and (b) it’s the LAST ten years it adds on. Give me ten more years as a thirty-year-old, and I might be interested! Anyways, it is something I’ve been meaning to get around to doing, and BC&RL3 seemed like it would be way more fun than going to Weight Watchers’ meetings. Here’s a photo of me with my body double, Alfred Hitchcock.


Tam
This is my inspiration for joining BC&RL3. I convinced myself I could still wear those jeans, I had just chosen not to. HAHAHAHA Oh right. Denial is a wonderful thing. My goals is to get back into those jeans and maybe even the pair a size smaller I admitted I couldn’t wear. Hopefully being accountable to the world wide web will help me stay on track, that along with the encouragement of the other contestants.


Michelle M.
I’m participating because I need to lose some damn weight!


Ryan
I kept going after last season and eventually lost seventy pounds. After taking the last few months off, I’m ready to lose the last bits of fat.


Mr. Sombrero
Mr. Sombrero needs to lose weight because his sombrero doesn’t fit him any more.


Predict a winner in the comments!

The Cocky & Rude Compatibility Quiz


Recently the C&Rmy was asked to take a compatibility quiz. After compiling and scrutinizing the data (aka, giving it Harry and making him figure out the percentages), the results were in. Here are your best and worst matches. Love is in the air, so if you need to, dump your significant other, fly across the country, destroy your competition and get ready to woo your true love!
























Happy Valentine’s Day!

Who Should Hook Up?

Here at C&R, we’re all about love and happiness.  With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we’re hoping to spread some love by pairing up some previously unattached couples.  Vote for your favorite new couple below … and maybe we’ll spark a love connection! *Contestants (except for Mr. Sombrero) are encouraged (but are under no obligation) to bang.

The Cocky Chronicles 1.03

Episode 1.01 | Episode 1.02

For more adventures of Super Viagra & Vagina Girl, go to Puntabulous.com

It’s The Cocky & Rude Match Game! (Part 2)

The Cocky & Rude Match Game: Part 1

Continue reading It’s The Cocky & Rude Match Game! (Part 2)

C&R Fight Club Round 3: Mr. Sombrero vs. Ty vs. Ryan

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Three, we’ll drop three Round Two winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Mr. Sombrero, Ty & Ryan.

In his C&R Round 1 Fight, the man from south of the border, Mr. Sombrero faced off against the redneck from north of the border, a Border Patrolman.  Mr. Sombrero proved victorious when he beat the Minuteman with a stunning 98% of the popular vote.  In round 2, the señor Sombrero faced off against C&R writer Mikey and the knitting/veterinarian/superstar, Mel.  Sombrero was again victorious, trouncing the pair with a surprising 45% of the popular vote.  How will he stand up against Ty and Ryan?  Only time will tell!

So far, I’ve destroyed uno, dos, TRES opponents in this silly battle.  What makes you silly American think that I can’t defeat DOS more?  I come from Mexico, where we murder people for fun.  I will rain down on all of you with the hot sauce fiery fury of a Taco Bell restroom!  Ty?  That silly, bald American could never win at the Mexican version of Jeopardy!  In our version, we play for tacos and kill the losers.  And the winners.  And Ryan?  My churro could beat his cupcake any day of the week.  I will destroy them both with my sombrero pulled down over my eyes! ¡Ay, caramba y yo quiero Taco Bell! -Mr. Sombrero

In his C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, resident Jeopardy! genius Ty faced off against the the wheelchair-bound Stephen Hawking.  After a fierce competition, The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, a very pale Ty faced off against the recently employed Mush and law student extraordinaire, Jere.  Ty proved that he wasn’t only good at fighting physically disabled people when he beat the two with 44% of the popular vote.  Will his pale skin and giant brain be enough to defeat Mr. Sombrero and Ryan?  Soon we’ll find out!

I didn’t sign up for this, I’m up against the head writer’s boyfriend, and — AND — even if I win, I have to face a  Wonder Woman at least 2.5 times as sassy as Lynda Carter.  In light of all that, I don’t really have the energy for smack talk.  Instead, here’s TV Guide’s summary for tonight’s episode of Whitney: “Whitney catches Alex eyeing [sic] a sightly woman and punishes him by refusing to talk to him.” YEAH!!!! -Ty

In his C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, Ryan with a Cupcake faced off against his mortal enemy, The Muffin Man.  The voice of the people was strong (and muffin-hating) as Ryan managed to earn a fantastic 99% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, Ryan faced off against blogging superstar and world celebrity, the cocky, the rude, the egomaniac: Adam … and Chris D.  And Adam won! Somehow, Ryan managed to defeat the dynamic duo with 49% of the popular vote.  Adam thinks that he may have cheated.  (He didn’t.)  Will he cupcake his way to victory against Mr. Sombrero and Ty?  We’ll find out soon enough!

Judging by his trash talk in the last round, Ty is just another nice guy. I would have thought that the milkman would have taught Ty how to stand up for himself. Meanwhile, all I have to do is take Mr. Sombrero’s hat to give him a crippling crisis of identity.


Who will win in the battle of  Mr. Sombrero vs. Ty vs. Ryan?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Mr. Sombrero, Ty & Ryan for your assistance with this post!