Tag Archives: Shirtless

A Holiday Glee-cap

I’m fairly certain that Michelle M., Craig and myself are the only ones that still watch Glee.  So instead of accepting that you’ve given up on the series, I’ve decided to cram the crap-fest down your unwelcoming throats!  Behold, the highlights of last week’s Holiday episode:

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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Ryan Wins!

This is it!  The final week is complete!  Today we reveal the winner of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3, the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh!  But before we make it official and name Ryan as the winner, let’s check in with our contestants one final time and find out how they’re doing.  How do they feel about the contest?  Are they proud or disappointed?  Would they do it again?  Here’s what they had to say, in order of Rudest Loser to Biggest Cock:


MR. SOMBRERO: 8th Place, RUDEST LOSER!
It’s been quite a ride. I’m nowhere near the goal I set for myself but I did manage to lose few tiny pounds of blubber. I think I would be better at it if I didn’t have to write all these weekly updates 8-/ (was that the right emoticon for rolling eyes? Anywho, I will continue ‘participating’ even after this contest is done so maybe by the next round I’ll be more disciplined. And now, if you’ll excuse me, imma go celebrate with señor Cuervo.


POLT: 7th Place!
So this is then, the Final Week. Comparing this with my first photo, you can see I lost the weight, but kept all the skin. *SIGH* What did I think of the contest? Same as the others, although it was fun to check each week and see how everybody else was doing. Would I do it again? Sure why not? I’ve been in all three of them so far, right? Why not a fourth, if there is one? And how did I do? Well, I didn’t lose as much weight as I wanted, but then again, weight loss has always been a secondary goal. I’m on the diet to get my blood sugar under control, per the doctor. And I won’t know how successful I was at that until the middle of June when I get my blood work results. But at any rate, it was fun, congrats to everyone who did better than me (which I presume is everyone else), and I’ll see ya all again in the fourth contest (if there IS one).


ADAM: 6th Place!
I managed to lose of bit of weight during the course of BC&RL3, but overall I’m fairly disappointed with myself. I had hoped to jump start a significant weight loss and that didn’t happen … yet. Losing weight is a constant battle and I really just need to get my head in the game. Am I proud of myself? Yes! Somebody’s gotta be proud of me! ((self hug)) Would I do it again? OF COURSE! (It’s my website, I don’t have a choice!) Love to you all and congrats to Ryan!!


TWOPI: 5th Place!
I’m submitting the same photo that I started this competition with, as I feel like I’m just getting started on my diet, WWO-style. I’m pleased that I managed some modest weight loss in BC&RL3, but I need more dramatic changes to get to where I want to be.


TAM: 4th Place!
Well, overall I’m disappointed in my result. I know it’s mostly because I didn’t exercise but it did make me more conscious of what’s going into my mouth, not a bad thing and it’s nice to know I’m not the only slack ass out there who can’t stick to a diet. Yay for the lazy dieters club. I intend on keeping up the efforts and keep trying. Maybe I’ll even put more effort in. Or not. I’m not sure but I’m going to not be so oblivious as I go forward, so thanks for that C&R, it’s been fun, sort of.


MICHELLE M.: 3rd Place!
I’m sad the contest is over. Because I’m only about halfway to my goal weight – I went from being a hippo to a pig. But I’m proud of myself because I lost 7 pounds. It’s hard for me to lose weight now that I’m older, so I’ll take what I can get. Too bad I didn’t work out… But I’m going to keep on keepin’ on until I lose the rest of the weight. I don’t want to have to participate in BC&RL 4 next year!


MIKEY: 2nd Place!
Am I proud of myself? YES! I lost more weight in this round of BC&RL than I did in the previous rounds. Also, I’m eating healthier and going to continue to lose weight even now that this stupid thing is over. I will celebrate by commencing operation starvation. Will I do the contest again? YES. Especially if I can end up winning like he was formerly in cupcake form.


RYAN: 1st Place, BIGGEST COCK!!!
I am happy to have lost some more weight, but I’m a little disappointed that I wasn’t as disciplined as last time. At least I’m no longer embarrassed to take off my shirt.


And now the results:

CONGRATULATIONS RYAN!!!
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST COCK!!!
…AND You Won Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!


A Cocky & Rude Christmas Carol 1.01















Watcha Gonna Watch: Part the Number 2

And we are back. I know you are all waiting on pins and needles for the final fourteen (and maybe actually hot) shows of the new fall season. Last week we learned that even thought there are a lot of guys on tv this fall, they aren’t all hot. Many of them are actually quite not hot. This is awful. So where are all the hot men these days? Let’s find out.

14. How to be a Gentlemen
– Sadly one of this fall’s shows that is supposed to be about men has very boring talent. David Hornsby is cute but Kevin Dillon is creepyish.

13. The Playboy Club
– The second show of the season trying to use 60s nostalgia has an admittedly attractive man in it’s cast. Sadly Eddie Cibrian is married to Leann Rhimes. That’s just crazy.

12. Charlie’s Angels
– For a show that is probably supposed to be chock full of hot women, it sure has one sexy man in the cast. Sadly, I don’t think there will be a lot of hotties in the regular cast. Ramon Rodriguez (sexy)

11. Ringer
– Yes, Buffy is finally back, but more importantly she is surrounded by men ranging from creepy, ancient handsome to dreamy handsom. I hope this twisty show finds a way for all these guys to end up in bed together.

10. The Secret Circle The CW does find very good man candy and Thomas Dekker definitely qualifies. This shows might have been bumped up on the list had Dekker gone gay like he was supposed to on that other show that time.

9. Whitney – What is with all the women centered shows??? Can’t they at least have more men like Chris D’Elia on them so they can be really hot?

8. Grimm – Things are not looking grim on Grimm. Star David Guintoli has my vote for break out hotty of the year.

7. Hell on Wheels – The title of this show might have hell in it, but the cast looks like heaven. A wide variety of types for all the connoiseurs out there.

6. Terra Nova – In the same class as the previous, this show has more men, but they are younger and hotter. Score! Even if it wants to be this years Lost.

5. Once Upon a Time – One of the real contenders for this year’s Lost has another wide swath of hot men. From the gorgeous Josh Dallas to the sexy male stripper of Robert Carlyle.

4. New Girl – For a show about a girl, this show has some the best Grade A beef out there. Perpetual hottie (and Veronica Mars alum) Max Greenfield is a mild obsession of mine. Oh and Jake Johnson and Lamorne Morris are both suitably hot as well.

3. Homeland Diego Klattenhoff is hot. He is a man in uniform. I want to see him out of that uniform. That is all.

2. A Gifted Man
– As a society, we have been blessed to receive many opportunities to see Patrick Wilson bare buttocks. Sure most of his work is really serious, but who cares. He’s amazing.

1. American Horror Story – It looked for a while like the way to win was to have the most men per screen minute. However the real way to win is to be Dylan McDerrmott. This man is the most gorgeous, sexy, blue-eyed, dark haired piece on the planet. I’m not scared at all.

Whatcha Gonna Watch: Part the Number 1

Every year (or at least the past two) Cocky & Rude has striven to inform our readers of the best new television shows of each season. To come up with our highly important rankings, I use a complicated point system that makes calculating the betting odds on a horse race look like basic addition. These numbers are then thrown out and I evaluate the programs based upon the only aspect that really matters: the hotness of the men on each program. Some say this is shallow, but to them I say “Jerry O’Connell: he’s not cute and he is tv show cyanide.” Now that you know what this post is all about, I will commence with what I do best, which is being a catty bitch while evaluating men.

This season there are THIRTY new scripted television shows. I don’t know if that is a record or anything, but it seems like a lot. Sure there are newer and newer networks introducing scripted shows than ever before, but that can’t account for all the turnover. Anyway, one of these new shows got removed from the list immediately due the fact that it is an animated series focusing primarily on children. I am not gross enough to evaluate the attractiveness of cartoon boys, so I am kindly leaving Allen Gregory off the list.

29. Pan Am – ABC’s “we are gonna copy Mad Men” show ends up all the way at the end of the line for not having a single penis in the cast of series regulars. I don’t like tuna enough to catch this flying honeypot.

28. Boss – Kelsey Grammer needs to go away. That is all I have on this show.

27. Last Man Standing – Ugh…do we have to deal with Tim Allen again? I say no. Sadly one of the supporting actors is Hector Elizondo whom I have always had a mild thing for. Sorry Hector!

26. 2 Broke Girls – Two girls making it on their own in the big city with two not so cute dudes played by Jonathan Kite & Matthew Moy. Boring!

25. Person of Interest – This drama pairs the creepy looking Michael Emerson with the Jesusiness of Jim Cavezial. That just doesn’t make me feel sexy at all.

24. Reed between the Lines – The younger O’Connell brother’s mildly more attractiveness can’t save this show from Ron Artest. Once the butt of 30 Rock joke, he now has a show. No thanks.

23. I Hate My Teenage Daughter – The only man I can find who is on this show is Chad Coleman who is not particularly unattractive, but he also doesn’t make think naughty thoughts. Bye!

22. Enlightened – Luke Wilson was sorta cute 10 years ago, now he’s just boring. And the other guy in the show looks like a Luke Wilson clone who has a mutation. Solidly cruising down the mediocre lane.

21. Free AgentsHank Azaria has the look of a man who might have been attractive, but something went wrong. I’m sure that this is the case for the show as well.

20. Man Up! – The men in this manly show range from cute to fugly. Hopefully they will be very nude and have hot bodies. THat might nudge them up the list (cuz lots of dudes is good).

19. Hart of Dixie – Youngster Ross Philips is kinda cute, but there are not enough men in this show to get into the top half of our poll. Let’s hope that changes. Can you do that Rachel?

18. Suburgatory Honestly this show should be lower on the list, but I think Rex Lee is hilarious and cute and Jeremy Sisto used to be hot.

17. Unforgettable – Nip/Tuck alum Dylan Walsh is very unforgettable (well his ass is at least), but Michael J Burg only inspires me to say “meh.”

16. Revenge – This is one of those shows that has a lot of promising talent, but one of them is so cute he might be ugly and the other has a dumb name.

15. Up All Night – Sweet, Cute, Adorable and Hilarious Will Arnett makes his return to television after last years troll doll fiasco. Let’s hope he stays cute and manages to break the streak.

Now that you suffered through the bottom 15, don’t you want to know what shows have all the hotties on them? Well you have to wait. Check back next week for the final 14 shows.