It seems that people are always pestering me for my expert advice. Truth be told, I’m awesome at everything. I know all of the answers. All you have to do is ask. That’s why I’m introducing my new advice column: Advice From The Expert… Ask Adam!
Dear Adam: What should I make for dinner tonight?
Signed, Starving For Supper
How about a nice micro-green salad topped with a simple ginger and garlic-spiked orange glazed tempeh! Nom!
Dear Adam: I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who was young, cute, and rich. But I only got two out of three. Should I hold out for the full package or should I settle for hot but poor?
Signed, Should I Settle?
How many young, cute and rich guys do you know that aren’t characters on Gossip Girl? Be happy that you landed 2/3 of the perfect man!
Dear Adam: I know you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, but what are you proscribed from wearing after Memorial Day?
Signed, Fashion Backwards
When in doubt … just wear plaid!
Dear Adam: How can I get my husband to clean his bathroom more often?
Signed, Wedded Pissed
Two words: WITHHOLD SEX. It’s the best way to get whatever you want! That bathroom will be sparkling in no time!
Dear Adam: A couple of vegans moved in across the street. Should I be afraid of their aggressive cult-like ways?
Signed, Confused Carnivore
Trust me, vegans are just like everyone else! … but just to be safe, make sure to lock your doors and windows after dark.
Dear Adam: My younger brother is a great guy but has no self-esteem. His lack of confidence has kept him from doing anything with his life. He’s in a dead end job, hasn’t had a relationship in years, and his circle of friends has dwindles more and more each year. I want to encourage him, but he refuses to discuss his plans or goals with anyone. I just want him to be happy, but he clearly is not. What should I do?
Signed, Sibling Misery
Don’t worry, he’ll grow up eventually. Can I have his number?
Dear Adam: What the hell should I do with my life?
Signed, Miss Direction
Become a prostitute! Prostitutes make TONS of money! You’ll be rich in not time at all!
Have a question for Adam? Email him today!