Tag Archives: sex

How To Get Super Ripped So Everyone Wants To Have Sex With You!

I was paging through the latest issue of Details magazine and I don’t know why, but this article caught my eye.

exercise

It’s all about The Six Fastest Ways To Get Ripped; which are (1) pull-ups, (2) bench presses, (3) squats, (4) farmers walks*, (5) military presses* and (6) deadlifts*. BUT I DISAGREE! That list is complete bullshit.

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Here’s my list of The Fastest 6 Ways to Get Ripped:

1. Have good genes.
2. Exercise 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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3. Take lots of steroids.
4. Never eat anything that tastes good.

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5. When the photographer comes, make sure you’re super tan, dehydrated, and covered in oil.
6. Make sure that they Photoshop the crap out of you so you look perfect!

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are super ripped and everyone wants to have sex with you!

*You may be wondering WTF farmers walks, military presses and deadlifts are. I have no idea. If I had actually read the article, I could probably tell you.


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Who Needs To Diet When You Can Just Bang Instead?

This guy used to be a fat ass until he started masturbating 100 times a day!

A recent article on Shine From Yahoo! has listed the amount of calories you can burn by participating in romantic activities.

Making Out, 30 minutes: 230 calories
Foreplay20 minutes: 87 calories for women, 107 for men
Unclasping a bra with both hands: 8 calories
Unclasping a bra with one hand: 18 calories
Unclasping a bra with your mouth: 67 calories
Strip Tease: 60 calories
Oral Sex: 100 calories
Missionary Position, 10 minutes: 250 calories
Woman on Top, 10 minutes: 300 calories for women, 130 calories for men
Sex Standing Up: Up to 600 calories for both people
Masturbation: Up to 150 calories per session
Orgasm: From 60-100 calories

What does this mean?

Each time you eat three Oreo cookies (160 calories), you should perform one session of oral sex and then do a strip tease.

After eating a scoop of vanilla ice cream (2-1/2 oz. – 170 calories), you should masturbate and then unclasp a bra with on hand.

After binging on an entire jar of peanut butter (18 oz. – 3,200 calories), you should have sex standing up 5 times and then unclasp about 12 bras with one hand.

I think you get the point…

So how many calories have you burned lately? Why do we even bother exercising when we can just bang instead? And after reading this, are you going to rethink your exercise routine?


The REAL Reasons Behind Tom & Katie’s Divorce!











Thanks to Craig for his assistance with this post!


Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!

I’ve written so many of these damn Have You Ever quizzes that I actually searched C&R and Googled to make sure that I haven’t already written an ‘On Your Birthday’ one. If it does exist, I can’t find it. So here it is! In honor of my upcoming birthday: Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!

You know the rules but I’ll tell you anyway: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever had a birthday?
2. Have you ever received a crappy gift on your birthday?
3. Have you ever bought yourself a present on your birthday?
4. Have you ever worked on your birthday?
5. Have you ever thrown yourself a party on your birthday?
6. Have you ever been surprised by a birthday party at work on your birthday?
7. Have you ever been surprised by a surprise party on your birthday?
8. Have you ever baked yourself a cake on your birthday?
9. Have you ever received a free meal at a restaurant on your birthday?
10. Have you ever received a free drink at a bar on your birthday?
11. Have you ever turned into a gluttonous cake monster on your birthday?
12. Have you ever thrown up on your birthday?
13. Have you ever been disappointed (for any reason) on your birthday?
14. Have you ever lied about your age on your birthday?
15. Have you ever forgotten your own birthday?
16. Have you ever ignored your birthday and hoped it would just go away?
17. Have you ever cried on your birthday?
18. Have you ever gotten really drunk on your birthday?
19. Have you ever used illegal drugs on your birthday?
20. Have you ever had to spend your birthday alone?
21. Have you ever broken up with someone on your birthday?
22. Have you ever deleted your birthday on Facebook just to see who really remembers your birthday?
23. Have you ever had sex on your birthday?
24. Have you ever received any type of sex act as a birthday gift?
25. Have you ever slept with a prostitute on your birthday?

Tell us your total in the comments!


Fat Betty in “Dear Katie”











It’s National HIV Testing Day 2012 … Have You Ever Been Tested?!

Today is National HIV Testing Day 2012! NHTD was founded in 1995 to spread the message of ‘Take the Test, Take Control’ across the country. Have you ever been tested for HIV? Let’s find out.

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever worn an AIDS Awareness pin or red ribbon?
2. Have you ever been tested or checked for an STD?
3. Have you ever been anonymously tested for HIV?
4. Have you ever been tested by your family doctor for HIV?
5. Have you ever encouraged a friend to be tested for HIV?
6. Have you ever gone with a friend to get tested for HIV?
7. Have you ever encouraged a sexual partner to be tested for HIV?
8. Have you ever gone with a sexual partner to get tested for HIV?
9. Have you ever had a partner ask you to get an HIV test?
10. Have you ever dated someone who tested positive for HIV?
11. Have you ever stopped dating someone because they tested positive for HIV?
12. Have you ever refused to have protected sexual relations with a partner until they were tested for HIV?
13. Have you ever refused to have unprotected sexual relations with a partner until they were tested for HIV?
14. Have you ever had protected sex with someone whose HIV status you didn’t know?
15. Have you ever had unprotected sex with someone whose HIV status you didn’t know?
16. Have you ever had sexual relations with someone you knew was HIV+?
17. Have you ever had sexual relations with someone you later found out was HIV+?
18. Have you ever been concerned that you had HIV based upon banal symptoms (common cold, or something)?
19. Have you ever had an HIV scare? (You thought that you might test positive)
20. Have you ever had a false positive HIV test?
21. Have you ever been tested positive for HIV?
22. Have you ever had a friend or family member who is HIV+?
23. Have you ever lost a friend or family member to an AIDS related illness?
24. Have you ever lost a (current or former) partner to an AIDS related illness?
25. Have you ever played Adventures in Sex City to learn more about sexual health?

Find out more about the National HIV Testing Day 2012 at NAPWA.org.

Thanks to Craig & Mikey for your help with this post!



Advice From The Expert… ASK ADAM!

It seems that people are always pestering me for my expert advice.  Truth be told, I’m awesome at everything.  I know all of the answers.  All you have to do is ask.  That’s why I’m introducing my new advice column: Advice From The Expert… Ask Adam! 


Dear Adam: What should I make for dinner tonight?
Signed, Starving For Supper

How about a nice micro-green salad topped with a simple ginger and garlic-spiked orange glazed tempeh!  Nom!


Dear Adam: I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who was young, cute, and rich. But I only got two out of three. Should I hold out for the full package or should I settle for hot but poor?
Signed, Should I Settle?

How many young, cute and rich guys do you know that aren’t characters on Gossip Girl? Be happy that you landed 2/3 of the perfect man!


Dear Adam: I know you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, but what are you proscribed from wearing after Memorial Day?
Signed, Fashion Backwards

When in doubt … just wear plaid!


Dear Adam: How can I get my husband to clean his bathroom more often?
Signed, Wedded Pissed

Two words: WITHHOLD SEX. It’s the best way to get whatever you want!  That bathroom will be sparkling in no time!


Dear Adam: A couple of vegans moved in across the street. Should I be afraid of their aggressive cult-like ways?
Signed, Confused Carnivore

Trust me, vegans are just like everyone else! … but just to be safe, make sure to lock your doors and windows after dark.


Dear Adam: My younger brother is a great guy but has no self-esteem. His lack of confidence has kept him from doing anything with his life. He’s in a dead end job, hasn’t had a relationship in years, and his circle of friends has dwindles more and more each year. I want to encourage him, but he refuses to discuss his plans or goals with anyone. I just want him to be happy, but he clearly is not. What should I do?
Signed, Sibling Misery

Don’t worry, he’ll grow up eventually. Can I have his number?


Dear Adam: What the hell should I do with my life?
Signed, Miss Direction

Become a prostitute! Prostitutes make TONS of money!  You’ll be rich in not time at all!


Have a question for Adam? Email him today!