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The Great 2012 Bloggy Regift Exchange!

After months of planning, shopping, mailing, and waiting … the gifts have been opened and now it’s time to reveal your glorious loot! This year’s participants were: AdamChris D.CraigDavid P.DrParaEnricoFDotJere, John, JoshJustin, Kristen, MarcusMelMichelle M.Mikey, Mr. Sombrero, MushNathanPoltTalitaTamTwoPi, Ty, VUBOQ, & Xi-HeatherHere’s Part 2 of the Great 2012 Bloggy Gift Exchange. This time, it’s all about the Regifts!


To: Xi-Heather / From: Chris D.

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My regift from Chris wasn’t obviously a regift, falling squarely in the “shiny!” category of objects. It’s a color changing glowy thing with etched cubes: this one had a balloon. I’d initially thought it could become a Christmas decoration on account of the lights and color, but I’ve been informed by the kiddos that it needs to stay out year round. Apparently I’m not the only magpie in the house. Thank you!


To: VUBOQ / From: Josh

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Words are inadequate to express how I feel.


To: Ty / From: Talita

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Talita regifted three souvenir shot glasses. One was damaged in transit, but the other two were ready for use. I tried to fill them with the candy and Luna bar she included, but it just didn’t feel right. If only I had had something more appropriate…


To: TwoPi / From: DrPara

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From DrPara, I received the “I Can’t Sleep” book, which is “a journal for passing the time when insomnia strikes”. Each left-hand page has a sleep-related quote from a famous person (Samuel Butler’s quote in the photo is pretty apt), while the right-hand page is lined, available for journaling. I like many of the quotes – they seem likely to prompt interesting journaling. And no doubt this book will be more effective than what I currently use in the middle of a sleepless night: kakuru. He also sent two cds, one a collection of The Cure (with a couple tracks by Air Liquide and Bjork), and the other The Orb’s “Orbus Terrarum”, which I’ve had in my laptop for a couple days straight now. (As a bonus, this gift led me to discover “Picard” by MusicBrainz, a fab bit of software to help identify individual music files and reveal their associated artist and album info.) Thank you!!!


To: Tam / From: Nathan

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I got my regift from Nathan, these uber-groovy modern mix-tape kits. Each cassette tape has a space where you put in the memory stick. Now my next big decision is who will be the victim, um, I mean lucky recipient of my mix-tape love. Hmmmm.


To: Talita / From: Michelle M.

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I received my re-gift items from Michelle M. She sent me a pretty pink clock and matching frame, that I plan on using. She also sent me delicious peppermint bark, that did not last by the time this photo was taken. The best part of my package was the dog toy she sent, Preston loved it as you can see!! Thanks Michelle M. you’re the best again!!! 🙂


To: Polt / From: FDot

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FDot had my name in the regift, and he sent me this book. I’m kinda surprised that someone had gotten him a Superman kids books but even MORE surprised that he’d not want to keep it for himself forever! Shocked even. But it’s a fun book that will fit in well with my Superman collection: You can feel Superman’s cape, see how his x-ray vision works, pet Krypto’s fur, etc. And seriously, is there a better gift for me than being able to “Touch And Feel” Superman???? Thanks, FDOT!


To: Nathan / From: David P.

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My gift from David was a snowman shaped mug with one serving of cocoa and several suspicious looking chocolate chip cookies. Apparently, people know that I like to drink. Thusly, I put some Bailey’s in my cocoa and it was actually quite good. Thanks, David.


To: Mush / From: Mel

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My regifter was the lovely and clever Dr Mel who sent me two balls of awesome yarn AND low-sugar chocolate bars.


To: Mr. Sombrero / From: John

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For the regift exchange, John sent me a whole bunch of goodies. My favorite is the ‘Hub Man’ which is a USB splitter that looks like a happy little guy. He also sent some delicious Cranberry Bog Frogs candy, a Dilbert calendar and some ‘Hope’ word magnets. I don’t know if any of these awesome items were actually regifted (they seem too good to be regifts) but I don’t really care … Thanks John!


To: Mikey / From: Marcus

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Marcus sent me these three printouts of neon colors.


To: Michelle M. / From: Enrico

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My regift was from Enrico – it featured everything I love. He sent me the “Made in America: Our Best Chefs Reinvent Comfort Food” cookbook. It has lots of recipes I’m eager to try. He also sent me the BEST MIX CD EVER!!! In a little mug (which I shall use for my hot chocolate) were a bunch of chocolate truffles (which will all be gone by the time you read this). Last, but not least, was a little travel clock, which I hope to use soon. Maybe on a trip to visit Enrico to thank him in person… Thank you Enrico!!


To: Mel / From: Justin

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Although I admittedly opened this with some trepidation, I was pleasantly surprised to get something so useful. Oven mitts and potholders are always handy. Thanks, Justin!


To: Marcus / From: Mikey

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For the regift I received a marshmallow shooter and some marshmallows from Mikey.


To: Kristen / From: Mr. Sombrero

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I was surprised to learn this was a regift since it was so nice. This cute little notebook is just the size to fit in my pencil case at school so I can definitely make some good use of this. Thank-you so much Mr. Sombrero! 😀 😀


To: Justin / From: TwoPi

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For the regifting portion of this year’s Bloggy Gift Exchange, my gift-giver was TwoPi, who gave me an item that only the Japanese could think of: an Eco Otome Toilet Noise Blocker (as explained at the website http://www.odditycentral.com/funny/eco-otome-japans-solution-to-embarrassing-toilet-noise.html ). I’m not entirely sure what makes this item “Eco”, and even less what makes the “white color motif” a “save the earth” design per se. I did get a good chuckle out of it. I’ll let Mark’s words speak for themselves: “I had read several years ago about the ‘sound princess’” – he had? What’s a sound princess? “… and was intruiged … so when an opportunity arose to get an Eco Otome import, I naturally” – naturally? – “ did so. It’s not quite what I expected” – what in heaven’s name DID he expect? – “but it does have some humor value. (Perhaps some practical value as well…)” I can’t attest to the practical value, but I can definitely confirm for TwoPi that it has significant humor value – as did the card 🙂 Thanks, Mark, for a very amusing gift!


To: Josh / From: Kristen

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Kristen regifted me plastic bugs! Which is actually an incredible gift considering that JT & I’s apartment is chock full of animal statues/figurines. Our collection, which currently features 3 pigs, 1 seal, 1 octopus, two snails, 1 walrus, 1 turkey, 3 elephants, 3 dogs, 1 frog, 2 cats, 2 whales, 1 fish, 1 monkey, & 1 cow, now has a (semi) brand new ant, grasshopper, lady bug, & 2 stick bugs. THANKS KRISTEN!


To: John / From: Jere

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Jere gave me the best re-gift of all. (That’s right bitches, get in line, I got the best re-gift.) Jere knit me a scarf! He said it fits the re-gift criteria as he received the skein of yarn as a gift and decided to make it into something useful. I love it! It goes perfectly with my black jacket. Thank you Jere, I really appreciate you taking the time to make such a great gift!


To: Jere / From: Xi-Heather

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From the lovely Xi-Heather, I was regifted an 8-piece set of coffee mugs. I promptly continued the regifting cycle by making candy and hot cocoa gift packs for all the people who surprised me with unexpected gifts this year (so I wouldn’t feel guilty I didn’t get them anything). I did have one mug left over, which I am currently using to finish off the leftover hot chocolate packets with the help of some Peppermint Schnapps.


To: FDot / From: VUBOQ

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My regifting bloggy person was VUBOQ! I received 3 items from him. First, I unwrapped a small box labeled “I Ching”. I wondered why VUBOQ would send me a box of racist jokes. Upon further reflection, I remembered that the I Ching is actually a divination system, sort of like ancient tarot cards. I used to be able to read tarot cards, so this should be fun to use.

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Second, was a pair of Healthy Chinese Balls which Mr. Fuzzywitz has already appropriated for his nefarious uses. If I can get them away from him, they will make for some nice relaxation therapy.

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Thirdly, the above two items were in the package surrounded by obviously sensitive, yet shredded documents. I will be painstakingly recreating the scenes in Argo where a group of small, underpaid children piece documents just like these together. Whatever secrets I discover, I will share with you all.


To: Enrico / From: Adam

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For the regift exchange, Adam got me a Sin City graphic novel, the movie Rent, and this wonderful little statue, which I have placed on my bookshelf.


To: DrPara / From: Mush

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As you can see, the box opening inspired a real “what the fuck is this?” moment and I’m still kind of confused by the wooden grasshopper that is now sitting on my computer. The sauces bring forth everything in life that makes me uncomfortable, creamy white stuff and I would have slapped the person who gave me the Suduko game. All and all hilarious and thanks the other Michelle M, I never knew there was two … learn something everyday.


To: David P. / From: Craig

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I received two books from Craig. One is a collection of posts from the Overheard in the Office website. The other is a humorous book about hating your job. I’m sure I will enjoy both of them.


To: Craig / From: Polt

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For his regift, Polt gave me this um special wire sculpture of a beehive. It’s really quite um something. I can’t imagine why he would ever want to part with something so um different. Thanks Polt!


To: Chris D. / From: Ty

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Ty sent me a “Pin the Macho on the Man” game. It was a leftover from his bachelor party. I think I’ll save it for a special occasion. Thanks Ty!


To: Adam / From: Tam

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Tam sent me a beautifully hand-painted unicorn figurine! I promptly took the figurine to a local art dealer, who appraised it at somewhere around a $100,000 (a bit over the exchange budget). The artist is a reclusive and little-known Canadian artist named “Kristen” (just one name, much like Cher or Madonna). The dealer dated the piece back to approximately 2005. Thanks Tam!!!


Thanks Everyone!

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The Great 2012 Bloggy Gift Exchange!

After months of planning, shopping, mailing, and waiting … the gifts have been opened and now it’s time to reveal your glorious loot! This year’s participants were: Adam, Chris D., Craig, David P., DrPara, Enrico, FDot, Jere, John, Josh, Justin, Kristen, Marcus, Mel, Michelle M., Mikey, Mr. Sombrero, Mush, Nathan, Polt, Talita, Tam, TwoPi, Ty, VUBOQ, & Xi-HeatherHere’s Part 1 of the Great 2012 Bloggy Gift Exchange. Part 2 (the Regift Exchange) will post on Monday.


To: Adam / From: Ty

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Ty sent me a great assortment of gifts entitled, “Adam’s Night at the Movies!” First I found a sparkly pair of glasses with the label, “You don’t need a 3D movie to wear cheap glasses!” Next, 2 packs of fancy microwave popcorn and 2 penis candy pops labeled, “What’s movie night without snacks?” And finally, within a gift labeled “And now… our feature presentation!” I found a DVD of the hit documentary, ‘Diagnostic & Statistical Manual: Psychiatry’s Deadliest Scam’ … what?!  So weird! So I opened the case and found a Fandango gift card labeled, “What do you mean, you don’t like documentaries?! Fine!”  THANKS TY!!!  You’re the best!


To: Chris D / From: Polt

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Polt sent me three lovely historic postcards featuring his home town.  The oldest is postmarked from 1907!  I just love historic postcards!  They are snapshots of a bygone era.  It it fascinating to think about the the all the people who came into contact with the postcards so many years go. These kinds of artifacts are very special to me.  Thanks Polt!


To: Craig / From: FDot

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For the gift exchange FDot gave me these awesome t-shirts from Star Wars and Army of Darkness. I actually had to look up where the S-Mart one was from though. After I did I felt like a dummy cause I loved that movie! Some references are even too good for me! Thanks FDot!


To: David P. / From: Chris D.

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I received two books from Chris D.  One is a coffee table book on Brooklyn.  The other is a Jewish approach to yoga.  I’m sure I’ll find them both very interesting.


To: DrPara / From: Justin

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My main gift was from Justin, the contents included a bottle of Captain filled with gummy bears, an extra bag of gummy bears and a card. Since the pictures I took with said gift were before I had gotten a haircut and shaved, I decided looking like shit was not something I wanted to do so included below are a picture of the bottle with the gummy bears in it and the second picture has a little background story to it. When the gummy bears were left unrefrigerated, it allowed them to caramelize along with the rum, essentially turning it into jello when fridge-rated. So, I poured them into a bowl, making them into a kind of rum jello mold (which btw, I’ll be using as my new alcoholic treat for parties for a bit.) Myself and a handful of people ate the pure alcohol jello at a party I threw the weekend before Christmas and the second pic is me holding up a piece of the jello I’m about to consume. I have to offer a huge thanks to Justin, who being my gay mentor, knew me so well to send me two of my favorite things <3!


To: Enrico / From: Kristen

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For the gift exchange, Kristen got me the flannel shirt I am wearing in this photograph and two boxes of candy (that were, of course, already empty at the time when I took the photo). I love my gifts — especially because I wore the shirt to work the day after I got it and the receptionist told me I looked most charming in it!


To: FDot / From: Mel

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My original bloggy exchange gifter is Mel!  I received a package from him that contained (as he said in his card) the “flavors and scents of Maine”.  “Hmmm,” I thought, “sweaty flannel and lobster?” “Caribou and fir trees?”  No!  Contained within was 2 jars of jelly (jam?) and soap!  A jar of blueberry jam (jelly?) featuring those famous Maine blueberries that I didn’t know existed.  A jar of Apple Jalapeno jamelly that sounds a tad frightening to taste, featuring those famous Maine jalapeno peppers.  The soap is shaped into a 5 year old Balsam Fir Tree and a slightly agitated Alpaca.  I haven’t decided which jellam would go best with which piece of soap yet, but trial and error should solve that problem.


To: Xi-Heather / From: Talita

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My gift was a fabulous superfecta (yup – I looked that up) of items from Talita: purply yarn, fancy party wear, cat toys, and chocolate.  The chocolate couldn’t be shown because of technical difficulties, but the rest promise ongoing hours of enjoyment!  Thank you!


To: Jere / From: Nathan

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Even as I was packing away the holiday decorations, a present arrived from some jolly dude up north. That’s right, just in time for Canadian Christmas, Nathan sent me comic book geek themed package. I guess this is the year I get kitchenware, because he got me an Avengers glass that is perfect for mixing my favorite mixed drink – rum and Diet Coke. I also got a flash drive that looks like The Joker. And because he ordered off ThinkGeek, I also got a pair of promotional stickers to add to my collection of Apple stickers and other items I will use to vandalize my next office space. Thanks, Nathan!


To: John / From: David P.

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My gifter this year was David P.  David sent me an iTunes gift certificate, which will come in very handy given my music addiction (though that may make David an enabler..).  David also very generously made a donation to the American Parkinson Disease Association.  This part of David’s gift is very special. In this time when money is tight for everyone and people have to make difficult choices about if and where to make donations, it is so meaningful that his donation was made to an organization to which I have personal ties.   Thank you David!


To: Josh / From: Jere

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From Jere I got a Taylor Swift (!!!) notebook and an iTunes giftcard!! Taylor looks especially mopey & reflective on the notebook cover walking through a swamp. I am using notebook to write depresso espresso poetry while listening to Anne Hathaway’s version of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Mis, which I bought with noted gift card.

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As these photos show, both my dog Bentley & cat BabyGirl aren’t too interested in my writings, but that’s cool cuz they’re still hot, hot, hot and can do what they wanna do. THANKS JERE!


To: Justin / From: Adam

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My bloggy gift giver this year was Adam, who was SO SWEET!!! First of all, he took it on himself very kindly to give me not only my 2012 gift, but he made up for the fact that I had never received a 2011 gift as well! There were four gifts in all – I’m not sure which gifts were for which year, so I’ll just lift them all. First of all, there was a charitable contribution made in my name to the HRC. Then there were two chocolate gifts (after all, I *do* love my food!), a robot bookmark (because robots are cool!), and superlativeliest of all, a genuine collectible bobble-head of K-9, the mechanical dog of the 4th Doctor!!! All in all, extremely thoughtful and great gifts!  Thank you, Adam!!! 😀


To: Kristen / From: Enrico

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Though it arrived a little late I couldn’t be more thrilled. This bag was definitely comprised of all my favorite things, nail polish, chocolate and a star bucks gift card. All of it will be put to good use, in fact I’ve already jumped right it to using some of the nail polish. It was a great gift. THANKS SO MUCH ENRICO 😀


To: Marcus / From: DrPara

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For my gift I received a book “Of human bondage,” a movie “the opposite of sex” three mix cd’s “the cure, calvin harris, & m83” and some Haribo gummy bears from DrPara.


To: Mel / From: Mush

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zOMG! Bentos! Baby Bels! Hannukah Gelt! I ❤ Mush!


To: Michelle M. / From: John

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My gift was from everyone’s favorite bunny, john. It was only the best present ever – a paper sculpture of Wonder Woman!! I am still freaking out over it. You would too. It is simply spectacular, and after I have it framed it will go on my office wall above my computer so I can look at it ALL THE TIME. The detail is incredible – I can only imagine the hours it took to create this work of art. I can’t really do it justice with words, so here is a close up picture so you can see just how amazing and talented john is. Thank you john!!


To: Mikey / From: Mr. Sombrero

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Mr. Sombrero gave me an amazing Dr Who t-shirt with some Reese’s Pieces.  To celebrate I put the shirt on and passed out eating the candy.  I stand by my decision.


To: Mr. Sombrero / From: Craig

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For the gift exchange, Craig gave me a me a ‘Thing 1’ t-shirt, a heartfelt (super creepy) plaque, an alien Christmas ornament and some candy*.  He also sent Adam a ‘Thing 2’ t-shirt (so we can cause trouble together, Dr. Seuss-style).  Adam has already stolen the plaque and claims that he will burn it.  *The candy did not survive long enough to be photographed.


To: Mush / From: TwoPi

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My secret Santa TwoPi did an amazing job and sent me Knits For Nerds, a book of knitting patterns with a sci-fi/fantasy spin. There was also a nifty handmade candle holder.


To: Nathan / From: Josh

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My gift from Josh was a means of consuming warm beverages whilst I inhabit the dread reaches of the far north. This drinking vessel had a wonderful hand knitted sleeve with a rendition of Black Mage on it! It was also full of delicious starburst candy. I have yet to fill this beverage container with alcohol. Thanks, Josh!


To: Polt / From: Xi-Heather

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Xi-Heather had my name and in her card she sent along with the gift, she said as soon as she got my name, she broke out the yarn and knitted me this gift!  Not only is it handmade, which is totally awesome, but (even though you can’t see it in the photo) it’s purple!  And that makes it totally awesomer!  Thanks, Xi-Heather!  I’ll put it to good use this winter!


To: Talita / From: VUBOQ

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I got an awesome gift from my exchange partner. He made me a really nice bowl. He also sent me some Lush items that smelled so good! Thanks so much I really enjoyed my gift. 🙂


To:Tam / From: Mikey

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I got what I asked for from Mikey. I asked that a donation be made to the Ali Forney Center in New York (http://www.aliforneycenter.org). It offers housing services to LGBT youth and was completely hammered by the floods, so anyone can make a contribution to help them get going full-speed again. I also got an amazing furry polar bear card. I’m going to take him to my office so I can pet him when I’m stressed, and not two days before I opened the gift, we were watching a TV show which profiled a company making coiled candy cane Christmas trees, and … voila. There it was. So cool. So thanks Mikey for a terrific gift.


To: TwoPi / From: Marcus

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Marcus sent several fantastic things!  The largest is an anatomy book, fully 2 feet tall, which folds out to reveal 24 charts of various bodily systems (in the photo I’ve been studying the lumbar spine, where most of my arthritic problems seem to originate).  In the foreground is “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, an album of Elvis singing gospel numbers.  A welcome addition to our Christmas music collection!  And finally there was a package of cat toys, but within five minutes of opening the package the cats had taken them hither and yon…. Apparently BatCat and CrazyCat approve.  I do too!  Thank you!!!


To: Ty / From: Tam

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Tam sent me a lovely Christmas wine stopper and two bottles of some strange concoction called Icewine & Brandy, which Internet research has revealed to be “Kittling Ridge’s signature product, as it combines both the winemaker’s art & the still master’s craft.”  Must be some Canadian thing.  Sadly, I didn’t have anything to serve it in.  But then I remembered the shot glasses [see Monday’s Regift post!]!  A Christmas miracle worthy of O. Henry!


To: VUBOQ / From: Michelle M.

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The first photo shows all the fantastic presents I received from Michelle M.:  A Xmas CD that is fast becoming one of my favorites, Peppermint Bark (I’m not even sure what that is, but I managed to eat all of it at work on Boxing Day), a Sparkly Martini Ornament for my Xmas Tree, a fun little cat toy, and a vegetarian cookbook. The second photo is of Isabella and me enjoying our gifts.  She was totally into the cat toy.  She stalked it.  She batted it about.  She bit at the feathery part.  Several days later, she was all like “meh.  Is that the best you can do silly cat toy?”  As for the cookbook, it has some delicious-looking recipes in it.  One of the Alphabet Boys was over the other night and he was all “we should pick the most complicated recipe in it and make it one night.”  And I was all, “um.  ok.  If you do all the work.  Naked.”  Can’t wait to try it out!


Thanks Everyone!

Fat Betty in “How Many Things Can Betty Jam Into Her Mouth?”











Find Out Who Has The Biggest Boy-Parts! (NSFW)

While innocently surfing the Internet, I stumbled upon some survey results from a few years ago.  It seems that the reputable source, Condomania.com has determined a unique rankings of average penis size in the 50 states.  Here’s Condomania’s results, ordered by largest to smallest penis:

By now you’ve scanned the list to see where you rank.  Are you lucky enough to be living in well-endowed New Hampshire?  Or maybe you’re living in Micropenisville, Wyoming?  Most of the C&R frequent commenters living in the following 8 states … and here’s how we measure up:

The results turned out quite well for the presumably well-hung Mikey, Craig, Ty, Josh, Jere and the rest of our New York commenters.  Unfortunately those of us in New Jersey (like myself) and Maine didn’t quite measure up.  But as those of us who are a bit less than well endowed often claim: it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean.

A final note … New Yorkers shouldn’t whip out their junk and celebrate too quickly.  When Condomania.com ranked the 20 most populated U.S. cities by their average penis size, some new facts were revealed:

It’s good news for commenters like Harry, Ryan and VUBOQ, who live in or near San Diego and Washington D.C.  It looks like they may out-measure a few of our New York City friends after all.

So how do you measure up?  Are these lists accurate?  And what city and state will you be visiting on your next vacation?


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Ryan Wins!

This is it!  The final week is complete!  Today we reveal the winner of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3, the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh!  But before we make it official and name Ryan as the winner, let’s check in with our contestants one final time and find out how they’re doing.  How do they feel about the contest?  Are they proud or disappointed?  Would they do it again?  Here’s what they had to say, in order of Rudest Loser to Biggest Cock:


MR. SOMBRERO: 8th Place, RUDEST LOSER!
It’s been quite a ride. I’m nowhere near the goal I set for myself but I did manage to lose few tiny pounds of blubber. I think I would be better at it if I didn’t have to write all these weekly updates 8-/ (was that the right emoticon for rolling eyes? Anywho, I will continue ‘participating’ even after this contest is done so maybe by the next round I’ll be more disciplined. And now, if you’ll excuse me, imma go celebrate with señor Cuervo.


POLT: 7th Place!
So this is then, the Final Week. Comparing this with my first photo, you can see I lost the weight, but kept all the skin. *SIGH* What did I think of the contest? Same as the others, although it was fun to check each week and see how everybody else was doing. Would I do it again? Sure why not? I’ve been in all three of them so far, right? Why not a fourth, if there is one? And how did I do? Well, I didn’t lose as much weight as I wanted, but then again, weight loss has always been a secondary goal. I’m on the diet to get my blood sugar under control, per the doctor. And I won’t know how successful I was at that until the middle of June when I get my blood work results. But at any rate, it was fun, congrats to everyone who did better than me (which I presume is everyone else), and I’ll see ya all again in the fourth contest (if there IS one).


ADAM: 6th Place!
I managed to lose of bit of weight during the course of BC&RL3, but overall I’m fairly disappointed with myself. I had hoped to jump start a significant weight loss and that didn’t happen … yet. Losing weight is a constant battle and I really just need to get my head in the game. Am I proud of myself? Yes! Somebody’s gotta be proud of me! ((self hug)) Would I do it again? OF COURSE! (It’s my website, I don’t have a choice!) Love to you all and congrats to Ryan!!


TWOPI: 5th Place!
I’m submitting the same photo that I started this competition with, as I feel like I’m just getting started on my diet, WWO-style. I’m pleased that I managed some modest weight loss in BC&RL3, but I need more dramatic changes to get to where I want to be.


TAM: 4th Place!
Well, overall I’m disappointed in my result. I know it’s mostly because I didn’t exercise but it did make me more conscious of what’s going into my mouth, not a bad thing and it’s nice to know I’m not the only slack ass out there who can’t stick to a diet. Yay for the lazy dieters club. I intend on keeping up the efforts and keep trying. Maybe I’ll even put more effort in. Or not. I’m not sure but I’m going to not be so oblivious as I go forward, so thanks for that C&R, it’s been fun, sort of.


MICHELLE M.: 3rd Place!
I’m sad the contest is over. Because I’m only about halfway to my goal weight – I went from being a hippo to a pig. But I’m proud of myself because I lost 7 pounds. It’s hard for me to lose weight now that I’m older, so I’ll take what I can get. Too bad I didn’t work out… But I’m going to keep on keepin’ on until I lose the rest of the weight. I don’t want to have to participate in BC&RL 4 next year!


MIKEY: 2nd Place!
Am I proud of myself? YES! I lost more weight in this round of BC&RL than I did in the previous rounds. Also, I’m eating healthier and going to continue to lose weight even now that this stupid thing is over. I will celebrate by commencing operation starvation. Will I do the contest again? YES. Especially if I can end up winning like he was formerly in cupcake form.


RYAN: 1st Place, BIGGEST COCK!!!
I am happy to have lost some more weight, but I’m a little disappointed that I wasn’t as disciplined as last time. At least I’m no longer embarrassed to take off my shirt.


And now the results:

CONGRATULATIONS RYAN!!!
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST COCK!!!
…AND You Won Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!


It’s the 2011 Cocky Awards!

It’s the end of 2011, and than can only mean one thing: it’s time for the 2011 Cocky Awards! This year’s awards will be determined solely by your votes.  Each week, C&R will present you with a few categories.  Each week, you’ll place your vote before the polls close at approximately 12:00 Noon (EST) each Friday.  Then each weekend, we’ll revel the latest winners.  One vote per IP address.


THIS WEEK’S CATEGORIES ARE:

Favorite 2011 C&R Blogger

2011 Second Favorite Blog



Of course we assume that Cocky & Rude is your favorite blog…
but the real question is: What’s your 2011 Second Favorite Blog?


Links: Goblinbox, Polt’s Palace, Puntabulous, Tam’s Reads, Vicious.Unrepentant.Bitter.Old.Queen


This week’s results will be revealed on Saturday 12/24/11.

After this week, there’s only one more 2011 Cocky Award to announce:
THE 2011 COCKY AWARD
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

The winner of this coveted prize will be revealed on 1/1/12!

RUDEST LOSER WINNER REVEALED!

So far we know that Mush has claimed Biggest Cock and FDot is your Fan Favorite of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2.  But who will claim the final prize: Rudest Loser?  This year we’re awarding Rudest Loser to the eliminated contestant that has lost the most weight.  What have our eliminated contestants been up to?  And who will win the prize?  Let’s find out…

Adam – Since being eliminated, I decided that I had no excuse but to eat everything in sight.  Thus I started making frequent trips to the grocery store just to restock my junk food snacks and candy stash.  But as of a week ago, I’ve gotten back on track.  I’ve been logging all of my food into FitDay and sticking to a strict <1300 calorie a day diet.  Let’s check back in a month (or 2) so I can win a prize too??

Craig – To be honest, I didn’t work too hard on trying to be the Rudest Loser. But I did my best to maintain the healthy habits I started using during the contests like not eating after 9, and no alcohol during the week, and in the end, I’m happy with the results.

FDot – At first, after being eliminated, I went on a Hershey Symphony Chocolate Bar binge.  Upon winning fan favorite, I’ve rededicated myself to losing some weight.  However, it has proven difficult to forgo many of the foods I’ve previously enjoyed on a whenever I wanted them basis.  I’ve found myself being reduced to skulking around and huffing fumes from used McDonald’s bags in vain attempts to trick my mind into believing my body has enjoyed a non-nutritious meal.  I believe this will end with either my willpower winning out as I learn to enjoy celery as a snack or being found behind a dumpster licking the insides of McChicken containers.  It’s 50-50 at this moment.

Harry – My final weight is down to 184 which was my target.  I did it by running/jogging 3-4 days a week and playing hockey twice a week. I also tried to make my diet healthier by reducing my beer intake, eating more veggies and cutting down on sugary snacks. The diet part was successful except for the beer which I figured was OK because some website said I should be eating 3500 calories a day. If it’s on the internet, it must be true, so I kept drinking beer to make up for those eliminated sugar calories. Michelle helped me to maintain this healthier routine because she kept the fridge stocked with good food and inspired me to go to the lake for a run. In conclusion, Team Oink wins! Suck it.

Jere – I blame the most recent weight loss on a clogged shower drain. For almost a week now our bathtub drain has been stopped up. Two bottles of Draino later (“don’t use Draino on old pipes” yells our management company) and a futile attempt to snake the drain through a small hole in the irremovable metal grate about 3 inches below the opening of the drain, our management company has called a plumber. When I go home tonight I may have a) a working drain, b) a whole new drain/bathtub, c) a big hole in the floor where a bathtub used to be, or d) 6 inches of standing water that has become the early spring breeding grounds for a colony of mosquitoes. The point of this story being that I’ve had to shower at the gym for the last few days. And because I don’t like feeling like a hobo, I insist on doing some kind of workout before taking my shower. Anyway, what was this week’s blurb supposed to be about? Oh, since being eliminated, I have restricted my diet to fast food and things covered in chocolate, but I also sang a danced to a lot of show tunes on stage, which is why I still look like gay Star Wars villain Ziro the Hutt.

John – I have to admit, after I was excused from the competition, my resolve really waned.  Without the discipline of Dr. Mel to guide me, I slipped back into some old habits.  I wouldn’t eat cookies if they weren’t so yummy.  While I haven’t put much weight on, I haven’t lost any.  I am hoping to gain some inspiration from Michelle, Ryan and Paul, but so far all I want to say to the cabana boy is shut up and bring me some cheesecake.

Mel – Mel ignored all of our requests for his participation.

Michelle – My goal was to lose 10 pounds. My weight has been yo-yoing like crazy. PMS makes a contest like this difficult. I’ve lost 5 as of now. I started out great – exercising almost every other day (rollerblading and walks around the lake [5 miles]), drinking tea (yuck) and eating super healthy foods. Lots of vegetables and no treats. But after being kicked off (thanks Mikey and Adam!) I lost my incentive and started exercising maybe 3 times a week (and mostly just walking 3 miles). I also started to sneak in a cookie here, and a chip(s) there. Cupcakes (I think Sprinkles cupcakes are overrated, but I had to have two to be certain), ice cream and onion rings may have also been consumed. In all, I have learned that I pretty much have no will power, metabolism or hope of fitting into my jeans unless I step it up and renew my commitment to celery.

Mikey – Ugh….I feel no differently about my weight and health than I did before this contest began.  Sure I want to lose weight, but honestly the losing is always so much harder when you do it by changing your diet and getting exercise.  I much prefer to a) starve myself b) master cleanse (which is another way of saying starve) c) eat.  So that is why I’m exactly the same size I was when this started ages ago in January.

Mr. Sombrero – After elimination, I was not at all inspired to continue loosing weight. I turned into overworked, big, fat… apple. There should be an award for losing the least weight. That way I could win something.

Nathan – Getting kicked off in the first round really hit Nathan hard emotionally. Having told his friends that there is simply nothing that is more embarrassing than being the first person eliminated in a reality show competition, he quickly hit rock bottom. After being discovered weeks later underneath a vast wasteland of empty pizza boxes and taco bell wrappers, his friends put him onto an episode of Intervention. After an emergency triple stomach stapling and life coaching from Richard Simmons, Nathan was able to get his pathetic shell of a life into a semblance of what it once was and his net weight back to where he started in the competition. He was still too lazy to send in a photo of himself though, but sent this picture of an overweight beaver as a rough approximation of his current proportions.

Polt – Since I’ve been eliminated, I almost got back to my starting weight. See, everything balances out in the end. Congrats to the winners and those who kept their weight off. For me, I’m just happy to not have gone back over my starting weight. The same in the end as the beginning…like a set of plump purple Poltastic bookends!

Tam – Well, public humiliation appears to be effective only as long as you are in the public eye. Once I got turfed and sent to the beach cabana with Nathan and the cabana boys Juan and Julio, I lasted about another 2.5 weeks of being good and then … eh. I didn’t gain any back though so I guess not that bad, but not great. Being called on the carpet for your habits definitely works. I’m no Mushy Cupcake though.  Picture… ummm. You’ve got your choice of a) Half-nekkid rent-boy in ripped jean on a pool table because …. umm, it’s hot? b) the cute c) penis cupcakes. Damn, I’m craving cake.

Ty – Through sheer force of will, I was able to continue my BC&RL2 regimen after my elimination and, indeed, to this day.  As you may recall, that regimen consisted of doing absolutely nothing different.  As a result, I am proud to report that the contest DID NOT MAKE ME ONE OUNCE FATTER!!!  I will be happy to provide a (compensated) testimonial if BC&RL2 finally gives in to the demands of a desperate nation and makes an infomercial.


And now, without further ado … the results!  Who will win the Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2
Rudest Loser prize?
The winner is…

JERE!

Congratulations, Jere!  Even though you’ve turned to a life of fast food and show tunes, you still managed to lose more than the rest of us.  You’re the Rudest Loser, and the 4th place winner, overall.  Congratulations!

And how did everyone else do?  Let’s find out …


Congratulations to everyone who participated in Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 … but it’s finally over! And as one game show draws to a close, another begins. Stay tuned to Cocky & Rude because next Thursday, a brand new battle begins with … COCKY & RUDE FIGHT CLUB!