Tag Archives: Rebecca Black

McKayla and I are not impressed.


If you waste as much time on the internet as I do, you’ve probably seen the McKayla is not impressed meme. Perhaps you even submitted a post to the blog. I have submitted several (What can I say? This is the kind of stuff I obsess over). My Peanuts one even made it. Yay!

But what happened to all my other submissions? Some ideas I’ve had, I’ve seen posted by other people days after I submitted them (great minds think alike). Maybe there’s a backlog, or maybe they didn’t go through, or maybe they’re saving them up for a grand finale, or maybe they’re just lame… Anyway, I’m tired of waiting for them to show up (or not show up). So here they are:


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Stuff I daydream about.

Life is harsh. Sometimes the best thing to do is slip into a nice daydream. Here’s just some of the stuff I like to imagine while I’m stargazing, woolgathering or just plain avoiding reality.

My most frequent daydream is of winning the mega millions lottery.
But The Publisher’s Clearing House prize would do just fine. I’m not picky.

After I win my millions, Harry and I will travel. Some of the places I fantasize about going to are Fiji (or any tropical island, really), Santorini, Austria, Australia, The U.K., Copenhagen and Belgium (I hear they make a good french fry…).

I like to pretend that I’m a ballerina. And not just a ballerina, but a prima ballerina assoluta.

I also like to daydream that I’m a singer/songwriter with a multi-octave range.
Here I am performing at one of my sold out concerts.

One of my favorite sports is figure skating. I like to imagine what music I would skate to, what costumes I would wear and what it would feel like to win an Olympic gold medal (in my head I have also won the gold in equestrian events, diving, skiing and gymnastics).

Have you heard? I’m (supposed to be) writing a novel. Of course, I like to think it will be a #1 best selling book. It will, of course, be optioned for a movie. And I’ll have so much fun traveling around the country staying in 5 star hotels and doing book signings. Make sure you come out to see me when I come to a bookstore near you!

Naturally I’ll win a best screenplay Oscar when I adapt my book for film. I’ll receive a standing ovation for my humble and humorous, yet touching acceptance speech.

Once I win the Oscar, maybe they’ll give me a whack at writing that Wonder Woman movie I’ve been waiting for…

All my daydreams aren’t frivolous, though. Sometimes I pretend that I’ve come up with the cure for cancer, paralysis or any other number of illnesses/diseases. The Nobel prize, Time cover for Person of the Year, money and accolades will all be secondary to the knowledge that I am helping the human race.

Some of my daydreams are actually attainable. I often wish that my house was sparkling clean, my laundry and ironing is all done, the cupboards and refrigerator are filled with food, and I’m at my goal weight. Then I can completely relax while watching movies and reading a stack of books guilt-free.

So what do you like to daydream about? Flying to the moon? Scoring the game winning touchdown? Being the homecoming queen? Stealing Mr. Sombrero away from Adam? Let me know in comments!


It’s Your Friday Five!

This week I turned to you for a Friday Five… and by FSM, you delivered!  By the power of Grayskull, I present YOUR Friday Five!

Hot problems! We can all relate, I’m sure. These girls are just… awful. They make yearn for the vocal styling of Rebecca Black. I’m pretty sure this video is the beginning of the End of Days. -Michelle M.

NYC is Effed.

And you know what End of Days means. That’s right. Zombies! Here’s a Zombie Survival Map. Just plug in your address and find all the resources you need to help you survive an undead outbreak. -Michelle M.

Since we’ve been rehearsing FAME like forever – the mastermind behind Tyrone Jackson decided to start filming us seeing as we are a kick ass cast! The vlogs have been posted for our viewing enjoyment and this is our most recent. I recommend skipping the useless stuff and going straight to 2:48 where we start dance warm up with our lovely choreographer Chloe! Then it’s our opening number, Pray/Hard Work. After is our wonderful Tyrone singing Dancing on the Sidewalk! Enjoy! Also this is still rehearsal we’re much better now I promise! Our opening night went fantastic and hopefully the rest do toooooo! -Kristen “The Kid”

I know that this Doritos commercial is from the Super Bowl but I still love it. Every time it’s on I have to stop what I’m doing and watch. When he slams into the window it kills me! -Tam

Polt's laptop was broken!

What made this week great for me? Friends that have enough intimate knowledge of computers to help me reformat my laptop. Thanks to StratCat, it’s now back up and running, albeit, a smidge differently than before, just minor changes, mind you, but changes nonetheless. Still, it’s better than what I had before she got it up and running. So yay to friends who can do that, in general, and to StratCat in particular! -Polt

Have you ever imagined what goes on inside the head of your favorite pet?  Well one enterprising Brit put those wonders onto my current favorite tumblr blog.  It even got me to use the term tumblr, which I hate.  I mean…why not tumbler?  It’s only one more letter.  I mean….seriously.  Anyway….check out the site for all the real life inspired texts between one person and their dog. -Mikey

Roscoe would look awesome with a monocle.

MY GOODNESS What a week! Hot Problems, Zombies, Fame, Doritos commercials, friends with computer knowledge, and a British dog that can text! It’s such a great Friday Five that there actually six! Wowzers!

And since I didn’t participate this week, here are MY runners up: open windows, my bicycle, Dick Clark died, Wawa Diet Green Tea, driving with the windows down, going to bed early, ant traps, Draw Something, mustaches, Kindle Fire and hardcore gay pornography.

It’s the 2011 Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award!

Before we bid farewell to the 2011 Cocky Awards, we have one final award to hand out.  Today, on the dawn of 2012, let’s join together to appreciate our final award recipient.

The 2011  Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award winner is none other than … POLT’S ASS!

With this award, we at Cocky & Rude pledge to always appreciate its nakedness, whiteness and utter flatness.  Thought it is true that Polt’s ass has been the butt of many jokes here at Cocky & Rude, we also acknowledge that as bloggers, we respect and admire everything about it.  And fear not — just because Polt’s ass has earned the 2011 Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award DOES NOT MEAN that we will retire the image in any way.  We at C&R will strive to do Polt’s ass justice as we move forward into the future.  Congratulations: Polt’s Ass.  You truly earned it.

Now please stand as the 2011 Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award runner-up, Rebecca Black, performs an original composition to the tune of her smash single, Friday, entitled: Polt’s Ass.


POLT’S ASS   (written by Adam, performed by Rebecca Black & Friends)

















Congratulations to Polt’s ass and all of the 2011 Cocky Award winners!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A friend for john?


In case you didn’t know, everyone’s favorite bunny has decided to get a pet.
Which of these animals will make the cut?

has had rabbits before. He wants a pet that will be a little more interactive.

Allergies.
Too big.

Too lame.

Too Richard Parker.

A disaster in the making.
Salmonella!

Boring.

Probably none of these – john seems to be leaning towards a dog. Instead of a parakeet.

Which is silly, because, as everyone knows, parakeets are as good as or even better than dogs.

Why parakeets are better than dogs:

Their poops are smaller and easier to clean up
You’ll never see them pulling a “Toby”

They are cheaper (food, toys, care) than a dog
You don’t need to walk them
They bathe themselves
They will vote for you in important C&R elections
They don’t slobber all over you when you kiss them
They won’t hump your leg
They don’t have bad breath
They sing along to the radio with you
They love youtube

They can fly
They can talk (even though it’s creepy)
They get along well with rabbits

If john does get a dog,
he needs to decide on a breed.

He recently asked for input on his facebook question of the day.
The kid suggested a greyhound – but are greyhounds and rabbits a good mix?


A lab probably isn’t a good idea either…

Tam suggested a Cavalier King Charles spaniel…

Or a pug – which is a breed john likes.

Justin didn’t weigh in, but I’m sure he would suggest a Siberian Husky.

David P. suggested a large dog,

while Polt would go for a lap dog. Maybe a poodle, like Mama Polt’s Angel.

I am partial to Shiba Inus.

Or collies. You never know when you might fall down a well.

josh said to get a nice dog.

In one of my favorite Kids In the Hall bits, Bruce McCulloch sings the praises of a terrier:

So many choices!

So, john, if you do end up with a dog, I’m sure the lucky pooch you choose will be a great addition to your life and will provide you with lots of love, joy and companionship. Just don’t put a bandanna on it.

It’s The Friday Five!

I just looked at the calendar, and ya know what I found?  It’s Friday.  And here at C&R, that can only mean one thing.  We’re all going to sing Rebecca Black songs!  It’s time for the Friday Five:

1. The New TV Season!  Nearly all of the new shows this season are sucking some major shit… but Terra Nova was pretty good.  Did you watch it? (Yea, yea, it’s sci-fi on Fox so I give it about half a season before they cancel it.)  To make up for the lackluster crop of new shows, there’s plenty of great returning series that I’m excited about.  Breaking Bad has been breathtakingly amazing!  Plus It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks & Recreation, Fringe, Happy Endings, and Modern Family are all going strong.  And I still love Glee, no matter what you say!

2. Andy Rooney is stepping down from 60 Minutes at the tender age of 472.  Slacker!  I hate lazy people that decide to retire early.  They’re all so smug and rich.  Ugh!  Hate that!  And who is Andy Rooney, anyway?  I’m 31 … does anyone my age watch 60 Minutes?  After a little bit of research, I’ve discovered that he’s a crotchety old geezer with ridiculous eyebrows.  Jesus, man!  Trim your forehead bush!  Here’s some funny videos that make fun of Andy Rooney:

3. Taking personal days off of work is pretty great!  I’ve worked at the same company for about 50 years, and I don’t think I’ve ever just taken a personal day.  I’ve pre-scheduled  ‘personal time’ before, but I’ve never just called out of work without lying about an illness.  “Hey, it’s Adam … I’m going to take a personal day today.  Call me if you need me … I’ll see you tomorrow.”  It’s great!  You should try it!  I did it on Wednesday, so I could take a nap in the afternoon before training my way to NYC to have dinner with Mr. Sombrero and a friend.  By the way, my favorite (made up) sick day excuse: “Hey it’s Adam.  I’m going to take a sick day today.  I’ve been up all night … the diarrhea is just awful.  I must have food poisoning or something.  It’s all over the walls of my apartment.  I think it might even be on the ceiling.  Oh God!  I gotta go!  See ya tomorrow!”  I actually did that.  It received a few hearty chuckles.

4. Beards. I find beards on guys to be incredibly sexy.  And I mean facial hair — not a gay guy’s fake girlfriend that’s on him.  Just to clear that up.  Anyway — I’ve never really had a beard for more than a couple weeks before.  I always end up getting frustrated (because they’re either itchy or begin to act like a drool sponge when I’m sleeping) but I’m totally over my beard’s itchy/sponginess.  All you gotta do is wipe your face off when you wake up.  Use an absorbent material like a paper towel or your boyfriend’s sheet.  It works great!  Yea, so I’m rock’n a beard right now.  And I look goooood.

5. Apples are in season!  Woohoo!  With the beginning of autumn comes apple season.  Yay, cheap delicious fruit at the grocery store!  My three favorite apples are: 1. Jazz, 2. Honeycrisp and 3. Fuji.  Someone bake me some vegan apple crisp with a side of vegan apple pie!  Yum!  I hope that apartment that Tam’s renting in NYC next weekend has an oven … so she can bake for me!  Yay!

That’s it bitches!  My five favorites of the week are: TV, Andy Rooney, Taking Personal Days, Beards and Apples!  What a loverly assortment of favorite things.  I’m totally more creative than that queefing madwoman or that other chick that doesn’t read C&R.  Runners up this week: free food, reading, regularly cleaning your toilet, bursts of energy, fancy nail clippers, my Kindle, exclamation points, masturbating and hardcore gay porn.  Woohoo!

What’s your Friday Five?  Tell me in the comments!

C&R Fight Club Round 4: Michelle M. vs. The Kid vs. FDot

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Three, we’ll drop three Round Two winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Michelle M., “The Kid” and FDot.

In her C&R Fight Club Round 1 fight, the queen of of the Puntabugang, Michelle M. faced off against the queen of all media, Oprah Winfrey.  In what many thought would be a difficult match, Oprah queefed all the way to an easy knockout, when Michelle M. destroyed her with 87% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, Michelle M. faced off against two worthy opponents: Captain Kirk and Polt.  With firsts of fury, Michelle M. easily trounced the two with 66% of the popular vote.  Michelle M. has recently adopted a gluten-free diet… with this help or hurt her?  And with Cooper at her side, how will she stand up against “The Kid” and FDot?

These two don’t stand a chance. I mean, c’mon, I defeated Kirk. With one arm tied behind my back. There is no way that Fdot is ready to face me in the ring – he should just stay in the kitchen where he belongs. Those chocolate chip cookies aren’t going to make themselves. As for Kristin, face it, I’m older and I have more insurance.TOWANDA!!!!

In her C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, Tam’s little princess, “The Kid” faced off again pop princess, Rebecca Black.  With the assistance of her trusty steed, Sprinkles the Pony, “The Kid” defeated Black with just 59% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, “The Kid” faced off against John and her own mother — and managed to defeat them both with 80% of the popular vote.  “The Kid” is known for her movie references, hammering the refresh button, and she’s not afraid to beat up her own mother.  But does she stand a chance against FDot and Michelle M.?

If you think adding a third person to this fight will phase me, think again. After being a thirteen man cage match in the underground back in ’97 there ain’t a chance that I’ll lose. I’m fierce and have put on over 10kilos of muscle from training with the highest class of security guards around. I’m strong, I’m tough and I’m god’s unwanted child. I plan on taking this ring by storm and not only will I tear up the competition I’ll tear out the ring, the crowd and anything that’s within the square kilometer. Just call me the Hulk because once I’m in the ring I’m ready to explode.

In his C&R Fight Club Round 1, ‘Fan Favorite‘ FDot faced off against ‘Fan Favorite’ Tom Hanks.  FDot proved that there can only be on favorite when he defeated Tom Hanks with 67% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, FDot faced off against a dynamic duo of opponents: Paul and VUBOQ.  With just 46% of the popular vote, FDot managed to defeat them both.  FDot is known for his powerful trash-talking ability and chocolate chip cookie bribery … but will that be enough to beat “The Kid” and Michelle M.?  We will soon see…

So this week I have to face off against Inch High, Private Eye and The Fetus.  No problem.  For starters, Inchy already has a platform here every Monday, so a win for her could only lead to weekly doses of gloating.  The Fetus should be disqualified as she’s not even of voting age yet. Besides, losing is good for a teenager, it builds character.  As an extra precaution, I include pictures to keep Inchy and The Fetus distracted from voting: the world’s most expensive martini, and texting!  I’d also remind the majority of the male population here that I’m single, easy, discreet and have no problem picking up the tab.

Who will win in the battle of  Michelle M. vs. “The Kid” vs. FDot?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., “The Kid” and FDot for your assistance with this post!