Tag Archives: Rachel

A Holiday Glee-cap

I’m fairly certain that Michelle M., Craig and myself are the only ones that still watch Glee.  So instead of accepting that you’ve given up on the series, I’ve decided to cram the crap-fest down your unwelcoming throats!  Behold, the highlights of last week’s Holiday episode:

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Eight Ways To Fix Glee

Let’s face it. Glee is broken.  Mikey’s post last week that discussed what he referred to as an “alternating crap/great cycle” was a little too kind.  Almost the entire second season has been a revolving cycle of crap/crappier.

I’m guessing that most of Glee‘s fan base is made up of high school kids, women and gays.  Seriously, if you don’t fit into any of those categories, then you better take a long hard look into the mirror.  If you’re over 18, and don’t have a vagina, then surprise! You’re gay.  And although this fan base is probably more likely to be kind and stick around for quite a while longer than your standard male 18-49 year old demographic; we do have our limits.  We will not stand idly by forever.  Glee is broken, and Ryan Murphy, the writers, and 20th Century Fox needs to fix it.  Here’s how:

1. Be More Creative
Every week, Brittany makes dumb asides.  Every week, blond boy Sam takes his shirt off.  And there are thousands of more examples of this.  My suggestion: be more creative.  It’s as if the writers find something that works, and then just dump it on us every week.  Let’s break the repetition a little bit.  Maybe Brittany could shock the glee club by saying something smart for once?  And maybe Sam could take his pants off for a change?

2. Tell Us What’s Going On
I’m sure that Sue does more at the school than coach the Cheerios.  Is she also a gym teacher?  She seems to be a person  of authority at the school — is she a vice principal?  Will is a Spanish teacher … right?  Do the kids ever attend class?  All we ever see are hallway altercations and after-school activities.  Why not fill in a little bit of the rest of the day?

3. Try To Be Just A Little More Realistic
Of course I understand that Glee is a musical, and that musicals tend to lean a little towards the fantastic side of the spectrum, but can we please try to be just a little more realistic?  For example, let’s look at every other glee club that New Directions has ever spied on or competed against.  They’re all filled to the brim with amazingly talented supermodels.  I don’t know about you — but in my high school, our glee club was filled with girls, fatties, gays and outcasts.  Just like on Glee.  Why is every other school in Ohio different?

4. Cool Down The Dating Drama
First Finn dated Quinn who was impregnated by Puck, who occasionally dates Brittany and/or Santana, and also dated Rachel for one episode.  Now Finn dates Rachel and Quinn dates Sam.  Artie used to like Tina but now he’s crushing on Brittany.  Blah blah blah blah blah.  I get that it’s a teen drama, but no teen dates that much.  Especially not the kids in glee club.  Plus they’re all sexing and not sexing all the time.  High school kids don’t get laid (or not laid) that much!  Why does every episode have to revolve around their relationships?

5. Gimme More!
Jane Lynch won awards for last year’s season of Glee.  But lately she’s either been one-dimensional or just completely absent.  Sue Sylvester is the best character on Glee — use her better.  And along the same lines, Dot Jones as Coach Bieste has been fantastic this season.  Please continue to use her, but not just for tear-jerking  story lines that revolve around her being an ugly man-woman.  Let’s meet her sister (who should be played by Susan Boyle) who encourages her to start an adorable romance with the ex-coach, Ken Tanaka (who returns as a lovable janitor and assistant football coach after recovering from his nervous breakdown).  And what about Terri Schuester (Jessalyn Gilsig)?!  She’s a great actress and a great character — find a better place for her on this show!

6. Guest Stars
I look forward to the return of Sunshine Corazon and Dustin Goolsby (Cheyenne Jackson) this season … but smarmy Carl Howell (John Stamos)?  Not so much.  Just get rid of him!  How about a return of Shelby Corcoran (Rachel’s biological mom), or the introduction of Rachel’s two dads.  What about Molly Shannon, who guested as Brenda Castle (the alcoholic astronomy teacher and badminton coach), and clashed with Sue for about two seconds before she disappeared.  Did the writers forget about her?  And Jesse St. James (Jonathan Groff) who dated Rachel for a while and then… wait!  Kelly asked the question best on last week’s Glee-themed episode of The Office: “What was with Jesse’s sudden turn on Rachel, between ‘Dream On’ and ‘Funk’?”  Like many other TV series, Glee is falling into the guest star trap.  They’re often overutilized, underutilized, unnecessary, or just forgotten.

7. The Bully Thing
Bullying is socially relevant, and I applaud Glee for taking on the ‘Kurt gets bullied’ story line.  But when the bully kisses him in the locker room?  UGH!  Why does the biggest homophobe always turn out to be a self-hating homosexual?  And now Kurt is going to bond with his new boyfriend and consider switching schools?  Is there anyone in the writing room for this show?  Instead, let’s have Kurt grow some balls and go to Principal Figgins, or better yet, call the police next time that asshole slams him into the lockers.  If they don’t do anything about it, let’s have Rachel make her first selfless act and introduce Kurt to her dads — one of them who just happens to be a lawyer that helps him sue the bully, Principal Figgins, the Lima, Ohio Police Department and William McKinley High School for a LOT of money.  After all, isn’t gay bashing considered a HATE CRIME these days?

8. Try Harder
We’re watching your show every week.  We’re obsessed … but we won’t be forever.  We’re your fan base — don’t take us for granted!  Glee is often song-heavy and story-light.  But lately, it’s been even worse than that.  It’s a a whole bunch of songs wrapped up in the cheap wrapping paper of a story.  You know the stuff that you buy at the dollar store, and when you wrap a gift, it’s so thin that you can see right through it?  20th Century Fox, Ryan Murphy, the rest of the writers: I ask that you please try harder.

Those are my suggestions.  Did I hit the Glee nail on the Glee head?  Or am I totally off base.  What do you think of my ideas?  And would you add any to my list?  Auto-tune your mediocre voice and lip-sync a song for me in the comments!