I just looked at the calendar, and ya know what I found? It’s Friday. And here at C&R, that can only mean one thing.
We’re all going to sing Rebecca Black songs! It’s time for the Friday Five:
1. The New TV Season! Nearly all of the new shows this season are sucking some major shit… but Terra Nova was pretty good. Did you watch it? (Yea, yea, it’s sci-fi on Fox so I give it about half a season before they cancel it.) To make up for the lackluster crop of new shows, there’s plenty of great returning series that I’m excited about. Breaking Bad has been breathtakingly amazing! Plus It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks & Recreation, Fringe, Happy Endings, and Modern Family are all going strong. And I still love Glee, no matter what you say!
2. Andy Rooney is stepping down from 60 Minutes at the tender age of 472. Slacker! I hate lazy people that decide to retire early. They’re all so smug and rich. Ugh! Hate that! And who is Andy Rooney, anyway? I’m 31 … does anyone my age watch 60 Minutes? After a little bit of research, I’ve discovered that he’s a crotchety old geezer with ridiculous eyebrows. Jesus, man! Trim your forehead bush! Here’s some funny videos that make fun of Andy Rooney:
3. Taking personal days off of work is pretty great! I’ve worked at the same company for about 50 years, and I don’t think I’ve ever just taken a personal day. I’ve pre-scheduled ‘personal time’ before, but I’ve never just called out of work without lying about an illness. “Hey, it’s Adam … I’m going to take a personal day today. Call me if you need me … I’ll see you tomorrow.” It’s great! You should try it! I did it on Wednesday, so I could take a nap in the afternoon before training my way to NYC to have dinner with Mr. Sombrero and a friend. By the way, my favorite (made up) sick day excuse: “Hey it’s Adam. I’m going to take a sick day today. I’ve been up all night … the diarrhea is just awful. I must have food poisoning or something. It’s all over the walls of my apartment. I think it might even be on the ceiling. Oh God! I gotta go! See ya tomorrow!” I actually did that. It received a few hearty chuckles.
4. Beards. I find beards on guys to be incredibly sexy. And I mean facial hair — not a gay guy’s fake girlfriend that’s on him. Just to clear that up. Anyway — I’ve never really had a beard for more than a couple weeks before. I always end up getting frustrated (because they’re either itchy or begin to act like a drool sponge when I’m sleeping) but I’m totally over my beard’s itchy/sponginess. All you gotta do is wipe your face off when you wake up. Use an absorbent material like a paper towel or your boyfriend’s sheet. It works great! Yea, so I’m rock’n a beard right now. And I look goooood.
5. Apples are in season! Woohoo! With the beginning of autumn comes apple season. Yay, cheap delicious fruit at the grocery store! My three favorite apples are: 1. Jazz, 2. Honeycrisp and 3. Fuji. Someone bake me some vegan apple crisp with a side of vegan apple pie! Yum! I hope that apartment that Tam’s renting in NYC next weekend has an oven … so she can bake for me! Yay!
That’s it bitches! My five favorites of the week are: TV, Andy Rooney, Taking Personal Days, Beards and Apples! What a loverly assortment of favorite things. I’m totally more creative than that queefing madwoman or that other chick that doesn’t read C&R. Runners up this week: free food, reading, regularly cleaning your toilet, bursts of energy, fancy nail clippers, my Kindle, exclamation points, masturbating and hardcore gay porn. Woohoo!
What’s your Friday Five? Tell me in the comments!