Tag Archives: OMG

A Holiday Glee-cap

I’m fairly certain that Michelle M., Craig and myself are the only ones that still watch Glee.  So instead of accepting that you’ve given up on the series, I’ve decided to cram the crap-fest down your unwelcoming throats!  Behold, the highlights of last week’s Holiday episode:

GLEE01
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GLEE04
GLEE05
GLEE06
GLEE07
GLEE08
GLEE09
GLEE10
GLEE11
GLEE12
GLEE13
GLEE14
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GLEE18


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Fat Betty in “Dear Katie”











Have You Ever … Had Bad Business Etiquette?!

OMG!  Did you know that we missed National Business Etiquette Week?  It was June 3rd – 9th.  DAMMIT!  That’s usually the only week a year that I behave myself at work.  I guess I’ll just have to wait until next year.  Do you have good business etiquette?  Let’s find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever farted loudly at work?
2. Have you ever burped loudly at work?
3. Have you ever pooped your pants at work?
4. Have you ever cursed at a coworker?
5. Have you ever been cursed at by a coworker?
6. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a coworker?
7. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a client/supplier/customer?
8. Have you ever stunk up the office with your nasty smelling food?
9. Have you ever eaten someone else’s food out of the office fridge?
10. Have you ever hogged the work microwave for 5 minutes warming up frozen food?
11. Have you ever borrowed office supplies off of a coworkers desk and not returned them?
12. Have you ever finished the office coffee and not made another pot?
13. Have you ever left the copier jammed after you jammed it?
14. Have you ever stolen office supplies from the office for home use?
15. Have you ever been reprimanded for not adhereing to the dress code at work?
16. Have you ever clogged the toilet at work and not tell anyone?
17. Have you ever snuck out of the office early and not tell anyone?
18. Have you ever used your lunch hour to interview for another job?
19. Have you ever complained about your job on facebook while at your job?
20. Have you ever physically struck a coworker?
21. Have you ever been physically struck by a coworker
22. Have you ever sexually harassed a coworker?
23. Have you ever been sexually harassed by a coworker?
24. Have you ever been sexually harassed by your boss?
25. Have you ever had sex with a coworker?

Tell us your total in the comments!


DON’T TRUST THE B—- IN APARTMENT FRIDAY FIVE!

It’s Friday … and that can only mean one thing. It’s time for the Friday Five, MOTHAFUDGERS!

First up this week is the breaking news that a company called Applied Clean Tech has developed a system that makes paper from sewage! Apparently 99.9% of what comes through municipal waste water treatments systems is nasty-ass black and grey “water” … but that other .1% is a goldmine! It’s made up mostly of food waste, toilet paper and clothing fibers. Once cleaned, these “solids” can be transformed into a whole new type of paper. It’s an interesting idea … but I’m not sure if paper made of shit will really catch on.  Cuz it’s made of shit.  S-h-i-t.

Is your vagina white enough? Apparently in India, it’s rather important for your vagina to be as shiny and as white as possible. I had no idea, but I guess there’s a hierarchy of skin tone within the Indian community. “As if it isn’t bad enough that darker-skinned people are encouraged to stay out of the sun and invest in skin-bleaching products like Fair & Lovely, and that white actresses are being imported to play Indian people in Bollywood movies, now everyone has to be insecure about the fact that their vaginas happen to be the color that vaginas are?” On the one hand, this is deeply disturbing … on the other, it’s oddly hilarious (for people with sick senses of humor like me). Check out this commercial for Clean and Dry Intimate Wash:

Wednesday night I went to see David Sedaris! He’s one of my favorite authors, and whenever his tour makes its way to central Jersey I do my best to make it to one of his readings. This was my third time, and he never fails to amuse. The entire audience laughed for 90 minutes straight.  I just love him so much!

Forth on the weekly list of five is something mindless and stupid (JUST LIKE ME!) … it’s the … wait for it … PROCATINATOR! It doesn’t even really require explanation … just click here. Wait until you’re amused, and then hit refresh. Hit refresh again. Now come back to C&R. OMG I’m in heaven. Since I discovered Procatinator, I’ve visited at least 1000 times a day. Seriously.  I’m totally serial.

And finally this week is a web video so amazing that it deserves an introduction by none other than Michelle M.:Sweet Brown! Oh Lord Jesus, I love her.”  And I love you, Michelle M.!  I nominate Sweet Brown for Monday Muse 2012!  Check her out here:

This week’s Five contained paper made out of human shit, sparkling white vaginas, David Sedaris, animated cat .gifs with music, and SWEET BROWN!

OH LORD JESUS! I smell barbeque and that means I must run from my computer!  Now I got bronchitis! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Thank the FSM that the Friday Five is complete!

This week’s runners up: The return of The Big C and Nurse Jackie, Harry M. accepting my Facebook friend request, pizza, avocados, vacation requests, Kathy Griffin, Dawson’s Creek, Party of Five, unsweetened iced tea, and hardcore gay pornography.  DUCK!  (a reference from season 5)

WHAT’S YOUR FRIDAY FIVE??!?!?!?!?!

It’s Michelle & Adam’s Friday Five!

Guess what?  It’s Friday!  Yippie Skippy!  This week Michelle and I decided to each contribute 2.5 Friday favorites to everyone’s favorite Cocky & Rude Friday feature: It’s The Friday Five!

1) American Horror Story. (Michelle) Why are there flies on those apples…? My favorite show of the new season!  The storyline keeps moving along with neat little twists. Last night’s was fantastic – too bad I had already read about it on the internet :(. Jessica Lange plays my favorite character. She does a wonderful job playing someone you love to hate and hate to love. Tate and Moira are other characters that tread the line between sympathetic and despicable. Guest spots by Mena Suvari, Zachary Quinto and Eric Stonestreet keep the show fresh. And there’s just the right amount of gruesome to satisfy this horror fan. If you’re not watching, you should be.

2) Hot chocolate. (Michelle) Hurray! It’s hot chocolate season. I like to throw a couple Hershey’s kisses in mine to make it extra chocolatey. And a splash of peppermint schnapps doesn’t hurt either.

3) This. (Michelle)

3.5) This. (Adam) (Even though everyone has already seen it because I shared it on Facebook.) (And even though it’s missing an apostrophe.)  It’s so funny!

4) The Hunger Games trilogy. (Adam) Mikey raved about it … so I decided to give it a chance.  Ever since I graduated from college (with a bachelor’s degree in English) I’ve strayed away from that whole ‘reading’ thing.  I few books here and there, but overall I’m a book burnout.  I started reading the first book in Montreal and (according to my Kindle) I’m now 61% of the way through the third.  It’s a lot of fun (even though it’s a young adult series) and I can’t wait for the movie!  Have you seen the trailer yet?  It looks sooooo good!

5) Chinese Food. (Adam) I recently discovered that my local Chinese Restaurant’s recipes for vegetable lo mein and  spring rolls are vegan (or so they claim), and now I can’t get enough!  Noodles, broccoli, weird looking mushrooms that they probably found growing in the sludge next to the dumpster, assorted other mystery vegetables … omg!  Spring rolls stuffed with random nondescript and often colorless vegetables all coated in a crispy deep-fried shell?  PLUS they claim that it’s all “healthy” Chinese food!  Who cares if they’re lying?  Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom!!

Runners Up This Week: staying in bed until 5 minutes before you’re supposed to leave for work (because the bed is warm and the apartment is cold) and then running around like a maniac to get ready, snuggling with Spring until she attacks, getting surprise gifts in the mail from Michelle M., getting calendars in the mail from Polt, Beavis & Butt-Head, and of course: hardcore gay pornography.

GUEST POST: Craig’s Friday Five!

Hey everybody! Craig from Puntabulous here! LOL, remember when I used to blog? Anyway, I’m here to bring an end to the week of awesomeness Craig that’s been going on here at Cocky & Rude this week. So I’m here to bring you my very own Friday Five!

1. My Birthday. Being thirty is awesome! Never mind the fact that I was supposed to be a published author, married, and with children by now! Look how much better than that I am! I stopped blogging, I can’t remember the last time I went on a real date, and I hate kids! Perfect! And when it’s your birthday, your friends write about you on their vastly superior updated blogs and people who put you into headlocks in junior high now wish you happy birthday cause you’re friends on Facebook now even though you still hate them! Yay!

2. Presents. Yeah, this should be rolled into the first item, but STFU. STOP. I haven’t blogged in a while and I’m still trying to get back in my groove. STOP. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m typing on. STOP. This one of those telegrams all the kids are talking about these days, right? STOP. Anyway, besides the requisite Tanqueray and Amazon gift cards, I also got this retro game emulator which is amazing! STOP. I don’t know how my parents knew I would love such a thing! STOP. Aren’t they awesome? STOP. (I ordered it for them with their credit card.) STOP. NO REALLY, STOP. THE STOP JOKE GOT LAME EIGHT STOPS AGO.

3. Television. What, you thought since I don’t blog about TV you don’t care about on my blog means I can’t blog about TV you don’t care about on other people’s blogs?! Think again! I’m still all about television. This years new shows of amazingness are Revenge and Once Upon a Time. Revenge is just so deliciously soapy and OMG there was gay sex last week, I love it! And Once Upon a Time is so sweet and cheesy it reminds me of Merlin starring Sam Neill which I love with all my heart. Ringer sucks, but I’m still watching it, and Glee is (mostly) good this season!

4. The Christmas Season is here! Fuck every single one of you who complains about seeing Christmas decorations in stores. This is the best part of the fucking year. First there is Halloween, then my birthday, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas! It’s like 3 months of complete awesomeness! So why not celebrate said awesomeness with an electric keyboard and clarinet version of All I Want for Christmas is You while strolling through your local mall, all decked out in fake snow?

5. Cocky & Rude. A whole week dedicated to yours truly?! Where the fuck else are you going to see such awesomeness? Brought to your face by the minds of Michelle M. and Adam! And let’s face it, even if you exclude this week of Craig, Cocky & Rude is prety damn fun every single frakking day. Also, Adam gives the best dating advice on the face of the planet. When I told him about the possibility of an upcoming date he gave these words of wisdom: “Make sure you fuck him!” and “Just get in there. You’re old now! The clock’s ticking! Fuck him on the first date!” Isn’t he romantic?

Runners Up: Peach cobbler, having my own mantle to put birthday cards on, Mikey and Ty’s public adoration of each other from continents away, & hardcore gay pornography.


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