Tag Archives: office

Stuff I actually dream about

In my last post I talked about the things I like to daydream about.
But what do I dream about when I’m fast asleep? Let’s find out…

Monday I dreamed that Jessica Simpson was coming out with a line of butter candies. The flavors she had were: buttered toast, buttered popcorn, hot buttered rum and baked potato with butter. She needed my help to come up with the 5th flavor. I suggested buttered waffles.

Tuesday I dreamed that I worked at the Mad Men offices. I was going through everyone’s files to find out what their salaries were. I’m sneaky that way.

Wednesday I dreamed that I was hanging out with Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman. She was really impressed that I had a gold ring with three purple stones (I do not really have a gold ring with three purple stones).

Thursday I dreamed that I was a consumer reporter analyzing pool rafts.

Friday I dreamed that I couldn’t open my high school locker. It seemed I spent all night trying to open my combination lock. I hate those kinds of dreams. (In high school my locker combination was 10-16-38).

Saturday I dreamed that I was in charge of refreshments for the Honey Boo Boo airshow (she would jump out of an airplane and fly to the ground). I couldn’t find a dozen doughnuts, cupcakes or cookies, so I had to mix and match. It was very frustrating.

On Sunday I dreamed that I went to a party thrown by Kathy Griffin. I par-tayed until the wee hours. The next day Liam Neeson was mad at me for keeping his little boy out all night long. I guess I was supposed to be babysitting him – oops.

So what does any of this mean? Who cares. At least I didn’t dream that my teeth were falling out or that I had a mouth full of gum. My favorite dreams are flying dreams – but I rarely have those. What are some of the weird dreams you have? Let me know in comments!


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Have You Ever … Had Bad Business Etiquette?!

OMG!  Did you know that we missed National Business Etiquette Week?  It was June 3rd – 9th.  DAMMIT!  That’s usually the only week a year that I behave myself at work.  I guess I’ll just have to wait until next year.  Do you have good business etiquette?  Let’s find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever farted loudly at work?
2. Have you ever burped loudly at work?
3. Have you ever pooped your pants at work?
4. Have you ever cursed at a coworker?
5. Have you ever been cursed at by a coworker?
6. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a coworker?
7. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a client/supplier/customer?
8. Have you ever stunk up the office with your nasty smelling food?
9. Have you ever eaten someone else’s food out of the office fridge?
10. Have you ever hogged the work microwave for 5 minutes warming up frozen food?
11. Have you ever borrowed office supplies off of a coworkers desk and not returned them?
12. Have you ever finished the office coffee and not made another pot?
13. Have you ever left the copier jammed after you jammed it?
14. Have you ever stolen office supplies from the office for home use?
15. Have you ever been reprimanded for not adhereing to the dress code at work?
16. Have you ever clogged the toilet at work and not tell anyone?
17. Have you ever snuck out of the office early and not tell anyone?
18. Have you ever used your lunch hour to interview for another job?
19. Have you ever complained about your job on facebook while at your job?
20. Have you ever physically struck a coworker?
21. Have you ever been physically struck by a coworker
22. Have you ever sexually harassed a coworker?
23. Have you ever been sexually harassed by a coworker?
24. Have you ever been sexually harassed by your boss?
25. Have you ever had sex with a coworker?

Tell us your total in the comments!


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 8

Our seventh week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate seven weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Temptation is something that plagues every dieter.  Whether it’s food, laziness, or something else — sometimes it’s all you’re thinking about when you should be eating healthy and exercising.  What tempts our contestants?  We’re about to find out!


Michelle M.
It doesn’t take much to tempt me away from exercising. But the couch/television and internet are the worst offenders. “All I wanna do is stay home and eat chips” – little Mackenzie (my favorite) from Dance Moms.


Polt
So this week’s theme is Temptation: what’s tempting me. Well, I’ve not had many chips in the last month, and I used to have them with nearly every meal, so they’re kinda tempting. And what do chips go best with but a delicious sub? Yeah, I’d like to have one of those, thick roll piled high with meat, mayo, lettuce, onions….yum. But what’s REALLY tempting me? PASTA! I’d give my left nut for a big bowl of fettuccine, covered in sauce and loaded with meatballs. YUM! For me now, pasta is the face of evil, tempting me so, yet SO wrong for me!


TwoPi
“I always avoid temptation, unless I can’t resist it.” Looking for images related to this quote, I stumbled on the cover of the sheet music for “Ev’rybody Shimmies Now”, which I can’t help but hear being sung by the Beach Boys. Apparently the Shimmy was a popular dance in the 1920s. Sorry, I got distracted. What is the theme again? Oh. I guess I’m tempted by the idea of the Beach Boys recording Mae West songs.


Tam
So, my biggest weakness is the damn computer. I’m either reading, writing something, or surfing the net. Sigh. I should be going for a walk, doing my laundry, something that actually requires burning more calories than typing. As for food weaknesses, lately it’s been ice-cream. (Not the Starbucks but the picture was close. I hate Starbuck.) It’s not a good thing when Ben & Jerry’s is on sale. I can resist when it’s $7/container, but $4 … not so much. Doesn’t help that this week is water retention week. Stupid girl problems.


Ryan
This past week they’ve been having food trucks come to our offices. This has disrupted my diet not only because I’m probably eating more than I normally would for lunch but also because the difficulty of figuring out how much I ate discourages me from making sure what I have for the rest of the day fits within my calorie ranges.


Mr. Sombrero
Dear PB, you suck! I love you. That about sums it up.


Mikey
My temptation of the moment is pizza. I have given in to it twice this past week, which explains why I am fatter today than I was last week. 😦 Anyway…I vow (again!) to resist temptation again. OH and to get off my fat butt and work out.


Adam
All I want is a cookie — ALL I WANT IS A COOKIE!! Why are vegan cookies still so bad for you? I haven’t had cookies in forevz (at least 2 days) and I still cannot seem to lose any weight. It’s pathetic! I’m just awful!!


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Adam Grrrrrrrr’s Too!

Stuff annoys me too.  Enjoy!

There’s not much that can distract me from Julia Roberts‘ giant mouth. One thing that can? Lily Collins‘ giant eyebrows in Mirror, Mirror.

I hate when people write the word that you’re trying to guess in Draw Something!!

And why the hell does it take so long for my Android Phone to load Draw Something? And why can’t I have the flashy loading screen that iPhone users get to see?

People at work that don’t know how to do their own job, and expect me to cover for them.

Movies like Tower Heist that pretend to be comedies. I DIDN’T LAUGH ONCE.

When I’m in a store and I can’t figure out how much something costs. Label the damn shelf!

Gas is so expensive! Grumble, grumble, grumble!!

People who don’t recycle!

Other things that bug me: People who throw trash on the floor of public restrooms, the fact that no matter how much I diet and exercise I can’t seem to lose any weight, I didn’t create (and then sell) Instagram, and people who won’t buy the stuff I’m selling on eBay.

Call me a whiny baby in the comments!

Have You Ever… Had a Workplace Conflict?!

Did you know that April is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month? I didn’t either! This month we strive to deal with conflicts openly and directly, in order to build a high performance organization. But instead of that crap, let’s talk about all the workplace conflicts that we’ve been involved with!

You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever been involved in a workplace conflict?
2. Have you ever had to deal with a rude, aggressive or inconsiderate coworker?
3. Have you ever shouted at a coworker?
4. Have you ever been shouted at by a coworker?
5. Have you ever been angry at a coworker?
6. Have you ever had a coworker that you never got along with?
7. Have you ever been the coworker that no one got along with?
8. Have you ever complained to a coworker’s boss about coworker’s behavior?
9. Have you ever been called to Human Resources or a manager’s office because of a workplace conflict?
10. Have you ever been sent home from work because of a workplace conflict?
11. Have you ever been suspended or otherwise punished for your poor workplace behavior?
12. Have you ever regretted your poor behavior in the workplace (in regards to a conflict)?
13. Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment?
14. Have you ever accused someone else of sexual harassment?
15. Have you ever been accused of discrimination in the workplace?
16. Have you ever accused someone else of discrimination in the workplace?
17. Have you ever kept notes on a coworker’s poor behavior to later use against them?
18. Have you ever gotten someone fired?
19. Have you ever been fired because of a workplace conflict?
20. Have you ever struck a coworker?
21. Have you ever been struck by a coworker?
22. Have you ever sabotaged (or pranked) a coworker to punish them for their poor workplace behavior?
23. Have you ever been sabotaged (or pranked) because of your poor workplace behavior?
24. Have you ever been reported to authorities (security, police, court, etc.) because of a workplace conflict?
25. Have you ever been sued or arrested because of a workplace conflict?

Now punch the coworker that’s closest to you as hard as you can and then tell us your total in the comments. Do you have any good workplace conflict stories to share? Tell us all about those too!


Related Articles:

The (not) Friday Five!

1. News interns caught on camera!

2. Harry!

Instead of doing it himself (which he is capable of, but would never get around to), Harry (finally) decided to hire a drywaller to patch up the holes and window frames in my office and in our bedroom. Hallelujah!

3. The Twilight Video Game!


 
4. Guest posts!

Posting is hard. Sometimes you just need a break. Adam came up with a guest post for me for Cooper’s Corner. Check it out! And if you would like to guest post for me (either here or on Cooper’s Corner, let me know! I’m lazy and not ashamed to admit it.)

5. The Girl Scout Thin Mints candy bar!

Nestle is teaming up with the Girl Scouts to produce a Thin Mints inspired candy bar. It may show up in June. I should be done with my diet by then.

Runners up: Homemade chicken noodle soup on a rainy day, library hold lists, hot water bottles, Canada Dry Ginger Ale, getting all your laundry done, and the My First Wonder Woman book (which I bought for my 3 year old niece [they have a Superman one too, Polt]).

It’s Your Friday Five!

This week I decided to do something a little different with the Friday Five.  I invited four of the C&Rmy to contribute their favorites of the week, and with our powers combined … I present Your Friday Five!

1. Laura Dern (submitted by Craig) Laura Dern winning a Golden Globe for Enlightened was about the only win I could muster up the energy to get remotely excited about last Sunday. The Descendants? The Artist? The Help? Jeez, what is with all the stupid movie titles starting with The? Boring! I’ve loved Laura Dern since 1993 when she starred in my favorite movie ever, Jurassic Park, and her new show Enlightened is pretty much the best thing ever. And it doesn’t start with The.

2. Channeling Morpheus (submitted by Tam) This week at my other blog Brief Encounters, we had vamp week where we profiled a series of short vampire stories called Channeling Morpheus by Jordan Castillo Price. This is one of the best vampire series I’ve ever read.  It’s horror, it’s grungy dirty nasty sex (the best kind after hardcore gay porn), it’s vigilante justice, and Wild Bill (the vamp) describes Michael (his human love interest & anti-vampire vigilante) as his “homicidal eye-candy.” This is actually a 10 book series, but the first five have just been re-released. Jordan is an amazing writer, and these books are uber-creepy and hot and gruesome at the same time. (check out the reviews) Although we review “romance,” it’s not your traditional romance by a mile, and if anyone wants to try all five e-books (about 250 pages total), you can leave a comment on Jordan’s interview posts (Monday & Tuesday) before midnight today to win a set. I plan to reread the first five this weekend.

3. Billy on the Street (submitted by Michelle M.) Billy on the Street! It’s my new favorite show. Billy is hilarious. He is my new BFF (and Adam’s too).


 
4.Being a Technical Master of Washing Machines (Adam wrote this crap) This week my mother bought a new washing machine.  After the first load, we knew there was a problem.  The clothes were ending the washing cycle completely soaked — there was either an issue with the spin cycle or the washer was not draining properly.  What were we to do?  My mother called for service, but I had another idea.  10 bucks, a trip to Lowes, a bit of plastic tubing, some tools and my innate manliness resulted in a fixed appliance!  (The very tight drain tube wasn’t draining, and lengthening it a bit seems to have fixed the issue.)  Clearly I am a technical master!

5. Dogs & Wedding Proposals (submitted by Mikey) Who needs any of the other four on this list?  I sure as hell don’t. Why do you ask?  Well let’s see I came home from work on Tuesday to find a surprise waiting for me at home: an amazingly adorable English Bulldog named Roscoe.  His presence in my house was enough to make my heart soar.  But then I took a closer look at the heart shaped tag he was wearing.  It simply read “Will you marry me? Love, Ty”  If you haven’t heard yet, I said yes.  The result is me being unable to stop skipping on my way to work and breaking into song.  Be happy you don’t work in my office.


And seriously, how the hell can anyone top that?

CONGRATULATIONS MIKEY & TY!

This week’s Friday Five featured award winners, awesome television, Hollywood stars, manic game shows, vampires, hardcore gay porn, books, contests, dogs, washing machines, technical wizardry, innate manliness, marriage proposals, dog tags, and probably a whole bunch more crap that I’ve already forgotten.  What could be better than that?  Maybe your week?  Tell us your Friday Five in the comments!