Tag Archives: michelles

Let’s All Start Having Some Babies!

Let’s face it.  Most of our readers beginning to look a little long in tooth.  Some of you only have a few more good years before your insides dry up and begin to reject the idea of baby-making.  It’s right time that we all started rubbing our nether regions together with the single goal of squirting out the next generation of bloggers, before it’s too late.  Gay, straight, indifferent, not even human?  I don’t care what you are!  Start banging, because we need to procreate!

But which of us will create beautiful babies, and which of us will create horrible monsters, unlike the world has ever seen?  Let’s find out!  Using a time traveling device the miracle of online baby face generators, I’ve taken a peek into the future to see what each of our offspring will look like.  Here are the results:

What would happen if Cocky & Rude bloggers Mikey and Adam squirted out a little baby?
They’d welcome this little bundle of joy grump into the world.

How about Mr. Sombrero and his boyfriend Adam?
The stork would dump this little Santa hat wear’n tyke onto their doorstep.

How about Mikey and his boyfriend, Ty?  They’d be the proud co-daddies of this weird-looking little big-head!

How about the happily married wonder-couple of the blogosphere: Harry and Michelle?
They’d welcome this curly-haired little cutey!

Ever wonder what a Super-Michelle would look like?  Let’s mate two Michelles and find out!

What about this happy coupleTam and Polt would squirt out … an African American baby?!

But I’m guessing that Polt would rather have an African American baby
with Craig, whose bushes he normally inhabits.
Mel is a veterinarian, so we’ve paired him with a bunny: John!
Their bestiality would unleash this little monster upon the world.David and David have the same name … so why shouldn’t they make a baby?
They’d have this ugly, cross-eyed, round-headed, little puffer fish baby.

How about everyone’s favorite wonder twins,  Josh & Enrico?
Check out the adorable baby embodiment of Joshrico!

What if David and VUBOQ had some baby-making relations?
They’d produce this pointy-haired little cross-eyed demon!

Everyone’s favorite (non-Tam) Canadians, Kristen “The Kid” and Nathan.
What an … unexpectedly Asian baby they’d produce!

What kind of baby would Ryan have with his true love? 
This one — presumably with delicious cream filling!
This round-headed little monster is the product of Jere and Chris D.!
Please be responsible parents and wash your kid’s dirty face!
Paul made FDot a little less pure when they got together and created this little joy.

The only perfect mate for Justin is the website, Wikipedia.
Together, they’d create this all-knowing, all-correcting, asterisk-loving little egghead.
And finally … let’s mate Craig with his beloved Super Viagra & Vagina Girl.

Or, seeing the results … maybe we shouldn’t.
So which is your favorite baby?  Tell us who should mate (and who shouldn’t) in the comments!

The Cocky Awards: 2010 BC&RL Edition

Ladies and gentleman, please allow me to welcome you to the first annual Cocky Awards! Throughout the month of December, Mikey and I will be awarding these glorious trophies to all of our (and your) favorites of 2010. So sit back, relax and enjoy the show!

You probably remember back in September when our 8-week weight-loss extravaganza, Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser drew to a close. Some people gained a lot, and some lost a lot (and have since gained most of it back). While Enrico may have walked away with the big prize (Enrico, before you yell at me: I mailed it yesterday, I swear!!), there are a couple more people that deserve awards. Let’s get to it!

BC&RL FAN FAVORITE: Michelle #2
Michelle may gained seven pounds during our weight-loss competition. She may have had ankles that resembled water balloons. She may have finished last. But we loved Mush, who decided to quit smoking during the contest. We embraced her decision and rooted her on. That’s why Michelle won the coveted Fan Favorite Cocky!

BC&RL FAVORITE NON-CONTESTANT: Mel
Even thought he didn’t want to participate in the contest, Mel made a point of updating us on his weight-loss and exercise accomplishments every week. Instead of congratulating the winners in our final BC&RL post, he simply said: “I can still outrun all of y’all now.” You might be better than all of us, but we all love you Mel!

BC&RL LEAST EFFORT: Spring
Was she even aware that she was in a contest? Of course not! It was all kibble, all the time for our favorite fuzzy little lady. She spends about 99% of her day napping. The other 1% of her day is spent biting, scratching and mauling any human or inanimate object that comes in her way. Congratulations to Spring!

BC&RL CURVIEST: Mikey
First he gained weight, then he lost weight, then he gained weight, then he lost weight, then he gained weight, then he lost weight, then he gained weight, then he lost weight, or something like that. His weigh-loss and  gain chart was all over the place! Mikey was an impressive flip flopper, and for that he wins the Curviest Cocky!

And this concludes today’s Cocky Awards.  Leave your kind words of congratulation and your acceptance speeches in the comments!

It’s not over yet!  Look for Cocky Award posts throughout the month of December, culminating in our Reader’s Choice Cocky Awards results on December 30th and 31st!  The third in a series of Reader’s Choice ballots posts today at noon.

The Big Slutty Round-up!

The Great Cocky & Rude Purity Test was a huge success, so much so that Mikey and I took Friday off to pat ourselves on the back for coming up with such a popular blog idea. Yay for 47 comments (and counting)! CLEARLY a contest for the biggest slut was more fun than a weight-loss contest … right?!

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser: The End

The time has come to end our biggest adventure yet: Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser. The wait is over! You will finally learn who has lost their way to the top (or gained there way to the top, Enrico’s reverse competition really throws our puns for a loop).  So which of our lovely contestants will walk away with the grand prize? Let’s see!

Viva la water-logged ankle!

LAST PLACE & RUDEST LOSER: Michelle #2 (-5.30%)
I’m the most average person in the world. I’m of average height, average weight, and average intelligence. My name starts with an M, so whether they start roll call at the beginning or the end of the alphabet, I’m still in the middle. While I never win contests, I never lose them either. Being in last place is an accomplishment for me; it means I’m not in the center of the curve! Also, they weighed me at my doctor’s appointment today. I’m down to seven pounds above my starting point. Just sayin’.

LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING!!

SEVENTH PLACE: Michelle #1 (-0.89%)
Mikey: So Michelle, how did you do in the BCRL challenge?
Michelle: After all is said and done, I ended up gaining only one pound (crams french fries in mouth).
Adam: Geez. Wasn’t the point of the contest to LOSE weight?
Michelle: LAY OFF ME, I’M STARVING! Anyway, Adam did better because he only eats twigs and seeds. So, I graciously concede defeat. And will console myself with a brownie. Or two.

Some things never change...

FIFTH PLACE TIE: Polt (0.00%)
So I’m in fifth place. I’m gonna assume that’s not last place, so that’s one good thing. I ended up exactly where I started, so I suppose everything balanced out in the end, right? I’d say congrats to those who finished before me but 1) I don’t know who they are and 2) I’m not a gracious loser. And since I didn’t end up losing any weight at all, apparently I’m not any kind of loser. And as for a final indignity, I was tied in the contest with a cat. *SIGH* I need to now go eat something Mexican. Or Asti & peanuts. Or something purple.

A round little girl weighing in at 8lbs.

FIFTH PLACE TIE: Spring (0.00%)
Two months ago, unbeknownst to me, Adam signed me up for a weight-loss competition.  Then last week, I’m checking out some hot male pussy on the net and somehow I stumbled upon this website.  How fucking rude to enter me in a weight loss competition and not even tell me.  Of course I didn’t lose any weight … I didn’t know I was supposed to lose weight!  How humiliating.  But don’t worry … Adam will bleed for this.  A lot.

Mikey gave up and became a hush puppy.

FOURTH PLACE: Mikey (0.93%)
As one of the organizers of this contest, I knew it was rigged from the beginning. Adam only allowed Spring to participate as a form of magical vegan, animal loving, slight of hand that distracted us from the true project. He made us feel that we were all doing well as long as we were doing better than the cat, when I don’t think he tried to starve that cat at all. I’m very upset.

Matt's victory meal!

THIRD PLACE: Matt (4.00%)
Wow, I don’t know what to say. I’m the 3rd biggest cock? Feels like I’m right back in the high school locker room. So does this mean that if the 1st and 2nd biggest cocks can’t perform, I’m the go-to cock? Again, just like the locker room. I want to thank all my fellow participants whose guilty admissions of eating baked goods, cheez-its, and chocolates allowed me to forgive myself for my own terrible habits. And a special shout-out to Spring, whose bitchy aloofness towards this whole contest fueled me with the fiery rage to keep on trying. I may not have gotten all of those 10 pounds off, but I came pretty close. A personal victory! Huzzah!

Adam is at peace with 2nd place.

SECOND PLACE: Adam (6.01%)
I’m happy.   Sure, I didn’t win first place.  Sure, I need to plunk down some cold hard cash to buy Enrico a prize (even after his mean joke…).  But I still lost a bunch of weight!  I still fit into almost all the clothes in my closet!  And I still beat almost all of you losers!  Yay!  Note to self: Don’t let a ‘gainer’ compete with the ‘losers’ if we ever decide to have another Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser contest…

"Look how fat I got!!"

FIRST PLACE & BIGGEST COCK: Enrico (-6.36%)
I won?!?! Oh wait, I’m not surprised. First of all, I’d like to thank the other competitors for being such slackers. Next, I’d like to thank my homegirls Betty Crocker and Sara Lee. Also, I’d like to thank Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Brand New and Damien Rice for making music that inspired me to lay in bed and cry rather than exercise. Finally I’d like to thank Michelle McKee. NOW WHERE IS MY PRIZE?!?!