Previously on The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo:
American Idol’s Katelyn Epperly may have started the trend … but I’ve kept it going.
Of course you remember our post back on February 22nd, 2010, where I mentioned her photoshopped-away right arm. You know what I’m talking about. Katelyn unknowningly began a trend of arm-removal that would reach far and wide in the Cocky & Rude galaxy.
In mid-June, Jonathan Metz of Connecticut attempted to remove his own arm after getting it lodged behind his furnace. The Today Show gave Armless Jonathan a lot of press. At one point, Matt Lauer even cinched up his pants and took a trip to Connecticut to examine Armless Jonathan’s wood.
A week later, I was forced to make the same choice. After getting my arm stuck in a jetty at the Jersey shore, I just lopped it off and continued on my way. Surprisingly, Matt Lauer didn’t give a shit.
A few weeks after that, I was forced to make the same choice, again! After getting my arm stuck while hiking with Mikey, I once again removed my own arm. Again, the Today Show wasn’t interested in my story. Not even Kathie Lee & Hoda were interested in interviewing me during the fourth hour.
And just this last weekend, while hiking at Hawk Mountain Sanctuary in Kempton, PA, it happened again. Arm? Stuck and chopped off. Again!
Where was the Today Show this time? Where was Matt Lauer? Nowhere to be found. I was beginning to take the snub personally. Clearly it was a case of homophobia, gingerphobia, or some combination of the two.
But fuck them!!! …cuz I just got a call from Michelle, my high-priced Hollywood agent. They’re turning my story into a MAJOR MOTION PICTURE! AND, my doppelganger, James Franco, will be playing me! Perfect casting, because we have SO much in common! Sure they’re changing the location and making my character hetero … but who gives a shit?! I’m gonna be so rich!
Don’t even bother lining up with your hands out. Cuz I ain’t even share’n a penny with you people. I’m gunna be so rich that I can buy all new friends!!!
Just when you thought that the Puntabulous Pool Party couldn’t get any wilder … it did. As I teased yesterday, Part Two features spousal abuse, boob grabs, hugs, and sexy sandwiches. Are you ready, cuz I am!
Since we had so much fun with one cardboard cutout, we decided that it was time to hang out with Craig’s wife, Natalie Portman Padmé Amidala Skywalker-Puntabulous (a lovely girl, but she has the personality of a cardboard cutout).
…and then performed cunnilingus on her (because he felt bad for committing spousal abuse).
And here’s Michelle pretending she’s almost as freakisly tall as Craig.
And here’s Craig, with the love of his life: Me.
And finally, the last photo I took was inside Craig‘s bathroom. It made me chuckle!
Jere, VUBOQ, Mikey and I left La Casa Puntabulous a little bit before 10pm, and headed for NYC. After dropping off the boys, I headed home to Ringoes, and arrived around 1am. Despite spending a grand total of 7.5 hours driving, I had a great day! It was fantastic to meet so many long-time friends that I had never met in person. Many thanks to Craig and his family for throwing such a fantastic event! And thanks to all my online friends for being so kind and inviting, and making this gay boy from the burbs feel so welcome and loved.
But more important than all that crap, I’m so glad that I was able to grace all of you with my presence! Let’s do it again soon!
As most of you already know, last Saturday was the biggest event of the season! And no! I’m not talking about horse-faced Chelsea Clinton’s big, stupid, overpriced wedding (seriously, why would anyone waste so much money?!). I’m talking about the Puntabulous Pool Party! Here’s what went down…
I left Ringoes, NJ at 11:30am, thinking that it wouldn’t take any more than 2.5 hours to get from here to East Islip, NY, with a pit stop in Queens to pick up Mikey. Here’s a shot that I took right before I entered the Holland Tunnel … when I was still on time.
Traffic in NYC was shitty. The minutes clicked by and I became later and later. When my GPS seemed to be taking me in the wrong direction, I called Mikey on the telephone. Our conversation went like this:
Adam: I think I’m heading in the wrong direction.
Mikey: No, no, no, you’re heading in the right direction!
Adam: I’m at my destination … and I’m in Brooklyn.
Mikey: Oh crap, I’m an idiot!
So after I turned around and began heading in the right direction, I found the hard way that talking on your cell phone while driving in NYC is a bad thing. A $130 sorta bad thing. UGH!
Finally I picked up Mike (at approx. 2PM — the time we had hoped to arrive in East Islip) and headed for Long Island.
Finally we arrived at the part (almost 2 hours late! doh!) and everyone greeted us with a standing ovation and a giant round of applause. For some reason, Justin filmed the whole thing.
I didn’t take any photos for a while, so I’m cheating by showing this one to you next. For most of the party, everyone sat around and talked about how smart, funny, cute and all around cool I am. It went something like this (in order from left to right):
Paul: OMG, everything Adam says is so funny!
Harry: Adam is more awesome than math.
Michelle: His blog is the best one on the ‘net!
Polt: He’s so smart! HUGS…
Nathan: He’s pretty cute too, Eh?
Kristen: He is! Eh?
Tam: He’s just awesome! Eh?
VUBOQ: He’s alright…
Chris: He’s just all around cool, don’t you think?
David: Forget Mikey, Adam is my favorite!
Jere: I think he’s the cutest guy here!
Speaking of Craig, he spent most of the party playing host.
Craig: Would you like something to drink? Can I top off your beverage? Would you like more ice? Can I take your plate? Are you finished with that? Can I give you a BJ?
He didn’t actually say one of those things. And hey, look! There’s FDot in the background!
At one point I handed my photo over to Tam’s daughter, Kristen, and told her to take photos of people’s croches. Here’s Craig‘s croch.
And here are Jere‘s, Paul’s and Harry’s sexy bulges. Remember that you can click to enlarge these photos for your viewing pleasure.
Then everyone decided it was time to get undressed and show of their beach bods. Here I am, showing off my giant bazooms, standing next to a muscley Craig. He plays an instrument?! Swoon!
And so we’ve reached the end of the Pool Party: Part One! Stay tuned tomorrow for the dramatic conclusion (featuring spousal abuse, licking, boob grabs, hugs, and sexy sandwiches). How’s that for a teaser?!