Tag Archives: kids

Biggest C&R Loser 2013

Biggest_CR_Loser_2013

Welcome to the 6th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40!  This week’s theme is “MEAL PLAN” – each contestant will show you a meal that they’re particularly proud of. Do they eat this healthy at every meal, or is it a rarity? Who knows! Here’s what they had to say:


Mr. Sombrero

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This organic vegan place down the street has these awesome smoothies. This one is called “green power”. Ingredients are: pear, banana, almond butter, soy milk aaaaaand [drum role please] kale!!! It’s tastes really good, despite the fact that it looks like swamp water. I had it for breakfast couple of times this week and it’s a nice change from standards like oatmeal, yogurt or nothing.


Nathan

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I mentioned the banana smoothies I have in the morning before, but I came to the sad, pathetic realization that I’ve done very little cooking from scratch (except pasta, which isn’t very diet-y) While living in residence at teacher’s college. So I guess I have to stick with a paltry smoothie offering for this round.


Polt

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It’s a salad from a local buffet and a Diet Coke. And that’s healthy, right? The only problem is, this photo is from a few years ago. But I DO try to eat salads and healthy foods, more often than not. Well sometimes. Well, I WANT to eat healthier at times, at least. That counts, right?


Tam

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As a rule we eat pretty healthy. Most dinners are protein, vegetable, starch, lunches are usually sandwiches of some kind. We rarely have dessert but it varies from fruit to pudding to ice-cream if we have some in the freezer. I forgot I had to take a picture, so I found pictures of dinner I made Monday evening. Bulgar pilaf, pork loin, green beans and I confess I may have snuck a cruller that day, but that is the first donut I’ve had in… months.


TwoPi

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Most of my progress evaporated on Super Bowl Sunday, with its horrid temptations of beer and chili and chips and … and… (and that incredibly delicious buffalo chicken dip that Craig blogged about in 2008, back when Craig blogged.) But this week’s another week, and another opportunity to start eating right and exercising. (Bwahahaha!) Anyways, a fairly frequent meal in our house is a chicken and veggie stir fry. Lately I’ve been increasing the ratio of veggies to chicken, and cutting back on the Thai fish sauce to minimize sodium. It still tastes awesome, is easy to make, and my kids are even willing to eat a little bit of it.


Adam

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I’m so proud of the meal in this photo! It’s what I eat every day for breakfast … nothing! People say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but they can go fuck themselves. Plus the calories that I don’t eat for breakfast can be used later in the day (and I feel less guilty when I eat 10,000 cookies per day).


Michelle M.

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This meal consists of: vegetarian lentil stew (yummy!), a garden salad (with no fat Italian dressing) and a wheat roll. We had this the other night. I didn’t take a photo, but this is approximately what it looked like. Absent is the butter I put on my roll :(. The meals I cook are healthy. It’s the fact that I snack (chocolate and chips), eat late at night and don’t exercise that gets me in trouble. If I could cut all of that out, I’d be golden!


Mikey

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This is not the single healthiest meal I’ve eaten all week. I haven’t eaten very healthy at all this week. I took hot dogs, covered them with Jack Cheese and wrapped it in a pizza in honor of 30 Rock‘s finale. I stand by my choice.


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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 7

Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate six weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Last week we took a look at a single meal that each of our contestants submitted. This week we’re taking a look inside each of their refrigerators. Just what are they hiding inside? We’re about to find out!


Mikey
In my fridge are a wild and crazy assortment of take out food products. With Ty away for work, I have indulged my inner bachelor with all the food ordering options Brooklyn has to offer. Please note the half eaten piece of carrot cake (gross) and the assorted condiments that I save from my meals and eventually throw out.


TwoPi
Apparently I’ve found a time machine, and managed to reverse what little progress I’d made so far in the competition. Time to reassess and regroup for next week. As for the fridge… From the top going down, reading left to right: We store cereal, dishwasher detergent, and pain medication on top of the fridge. I didn’t open up the freezer, but had I done so, you’d see ice cube trays and assorted frozen fruit, a few kinds of frozen pasta (ravioli mostly, for my kids mostly), and coffee grounds stored in the door. On the front of the freezer: a few photos of friends and their children, various coupons and papers, and fridge magnets, including our Puntabulous Memorial Magnet. Top shelf of the fridge: On the left, mostly jars, mostly condiments. On the right, beverages, primarily half-gallon glass bottles of milk, from a local dairy, and some fruit and veg juices. Next layer: cheeses (in the drawer), eggs (and dyed hard-boiled eggs in the cardboard container) Lowest shelf: Strawberries, apple sauce, juices, and some leftovers in the white bowl with blue lid. (Chicken and veg stir fry, if memory serves me correctly). Low bins: various shredded cheeses and tortillas on the left, various vegetables on the right. Door: The obligatory collection of salad dressings, steak sauce, and other random condiments, butter in the butter bin, random adult beverages on the lowest shelf.


Polt
So this week, we’re doing our fridge photo. Mine is now filled with stuff on my diet: meat (steak, sausages, ham) and salad stuff (lettuce, carrots, celery, cheese, hard boiled eggs, etc) and plenty of condiments (ketchup, A-1 Steak sauce, several different kinds of salad dressing). The yogurt’s been there a few weeks, too many carbs for me to eat too often. Diet Coke. Oh and that bottle of wine’s been there since before Christmas…have to find just the right time to drink that.


Ryan
A lot of the food here is actually my roommate’s, especially in the freezer. My single serving ice creams are just off camera in the freezer door. The other items of note are the blue containers filled with the beans that I cooked last night ready to be taken with me to work.


Tam
My fridge is usually filled with pretty healthy stuff, lots of cheese products, meats, fruits, veggies and things for lunches like juice boxes, pudding, fruit cups, etc. Also lots of random stuff like pickles, salad dressing, condiments. And usually leftovers of some kind, we always seem to have leftovers.


Mr. Sombrero
Yeah, there’s mostly veggie and dairy action goin’ on in my refridge. Some soy and hummus goodies in between. And no, that’s not dried up poop, that’s a ginger root. Also, some cat food for Mr. Mini Sombrero.


Michelle M.

This is pretty much how the fridge always looks. Missing are containers of leftovers. I cook “real meals” about twice a week. Other nights we eat leftovers. The two nights a week Harry plays hockey, I usually have soup or rice. Weekends we go out for dinner or scrounge around in the cupboards. The container in the back is ground flax seed (which I always forget to sprinkle on stuff). The beer is Harry’s, I drink the zinfandel. Other stuff you see are condiments, salad dressing, salsa (is salsa a condiment?), applesauce, fruit, veggies, salad, assorted juices and water, butter (boo!) and soda (boo!). Pretty healthy for the most part. I’m glad Adam didn’t ask for a picture of the freezer. That’s where the thin mints, tater tots and ice cream live.


Adam
I admit it: My fridge usually isn’t this empty. I usually go grocery shopping on Sunday, but since last Sunday was some random Christian holiday, my grocery store was closed. So this week I’m just going to starve! Here’s what I have… Freezer door: frozen corn, peas, broccoli and Brussels sprouts. Freezer: frozen pitas and English muffins, 2 leftover frozen black bean burgers, and ice cube tray storage. Fridge door: ketchup, jelly, a few miscellaneous condiments, iced tea, seltzer water, almond “milk”, garlic, and a giant bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale that I got for my birthday (last July). Fridge: basket containing 3 apples, water, mozzarella-style vegan cheese, leftover pizza sauce, hummus, 2 whole wheat pitas, tofu, tempeh, and a bottle of diet root beer (hiding behind the water) that I can’t drink because I stopped drinking soda. Woohoo!


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Tam’s Twitter Adventures!

















The Cocky Chronicles 1.02

Episode 1.01

For more adventures of Super Viagra & Vagina Girl, go to Puntabulous.com

C&R Fight Club Round 2: Michelle M. vs. Captain Kirk vs. Polt!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Michelle M., Captain Kirk and Polt.

If you remember all the way back to April 14th, you’ll remember our first Cocky & Rude Fight Club battle, which pitted our beloved Michelle M. against the media mogul, Oprah Winfrey.  In the end, Michelle M. destroyed Oprah with 87% of the votes.

“After weeks of exhaustive training (imagining workout montages and putting on solid muscle fat) I feel I am ready for Round 2! I WILL avenge my darling Craig by K.O.ing the crap out of Kirk. He’s ancient and fat and his toupee and girdle will be his undoing. I think of Polt as a lover and not a fighter, so as long as I pay a few half-naked Asianswithhairthings to sit on the sidelines and distract him I am golden. Plus, I’m counting on the fact that Mama Polt taught her boy to never hit a lady. I AM TOO A LADY, SHUT UP! Anyway, if none of the above works, I will just unleash the Power of PMS. VICTORY IS MINE!!” -Michelle M.

In our shocking second Cocky & Rude Fight Club battle, Puntabulous’s Craig faced off against Star Trek’s Captain Kirk.  And in a shocking turn of events, Captain Kirk beat Craig with 52% of the vote.  Craig has the distinction of being the only real contestant in the history of C&R Fight Club to lose his battle against a fictional or celebrity contestant.

“Captain’s log, Star date 201108.18.  I’ve never trusted Polt and Michelle M., and I never will. I could never forgive them for the death of my boy.  Cocky & Rude Fight Club: the final frontier. These are the voyages of CAPTAIN MOTHERFUCK’N KIRK!!! My five-year mission: to destroy Polt & Michelle M., and win C&R Fight Club!! I  KHAAANNNN’T LOSE!!” -Captain James Tiberius Kirk

The third C&R Fight Club battle was a duel between the greatest queen that North America has ever seen and the United Kingdom’s actual Queen.  Polt easily beat Queen Elizabeth II to a bloody pulp when he earned 95% of the vote.

“Me versus Michelle M. & Kirk?  I should be worried right?  One is guy who defeated Craiggers and the other is Michelle M. (nuff said there, eh?).  But am i worried?  HELL NO!  Kirk doesnt bother me cause I know Battlestar Galactica kicks Star Trek’s ass any day of the week, so I’ll just channel some hard core Admiral Adama anger and take him right out!  And as for Michelle M., well no one wants to go up against her, do they, cause she’s so sweet and nice and Michelle M.-ey.  But I know the truth.  I know how to beat her: I’ll get a group of noisy kindergarten kids on one side of her and a tipsy VUBOQ with bottles of his homemade alcoholic creations on the other and then, while she’s distracted, I’ll just overwhelm her with the purpleness of my being!!!!  MWahahahahahaha!!!!   And if that doesn’t work, I’ll ask her very nicely, pretty please, with sugar and a cherry on top, to just lay down and pretend I beat her so that I don’t have to live with the embarrassment of being defeated by a woman smaller than the lower half of my right leg.    BRING IT ON, BIIIIIIIII-OTCHESSSSSSS!!!!!!” -Polt


Who will win in the battle of  Michelle M. vs. Captain Kirk vs. Polt?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M. & Polt for your assistance with this post!

Get Viral

In lieu of the weekly celebration of five things that are awesome in the world, I have decided to get lazy and go viral. No, I’m not going to post videos of myself doing a mash-up of Barbra Streisand and Lady Gaga (although I’m sure that would be a hit). I’m going to recap three videos I found this week that I absolutely adored.
Coincidentally they all feature kids. Kids are usually adorable, but not always. These kids just stole my heart right away.

Thor
Remember that big football game that happened in February? The one that everyone fast forwards through to get to the commercials? Well one of the biggest commercials that aired then featured a miniature Darth Vader trying to use the force on various things around his house. It was super cute and an immediate hit. Thor is even better.

Legally Blonde
I’ve never seen Legally Blond The Musical, because let’s face facts and accept that the movie was enough. There was no need for a terrible sequel or a lackluster musical. Yet if that lackluster musical had not happened, I would not have found this incredible video of an 11 year old boy singing his ass off to one of that shows numbers. This kid has stardom written all over him. Not sure? Check the sass out at the 2:08 mark, cuz girlfriend is gonna pwn the stage.

Born This Way
I do not like the new Lady Gaga music. I was only absentmindedly interested in her old stuff. I’m not looking forward to the new cover on Glee, but when I saw this video of a Cali kid doing his self-choreographed dance number in an Apple Store I actually listened to the whole thing through. It is very heartwarming to see young boys delighting in music and dance the way I did as a child, but without the stern disapproving stare of gender normativity that was my parents. They and I are just born this way.

Three Vids, Three Kids. No muss, No fuss. Got your own viral video to contribute? Please make it SFW…I’m looking at you, Polt!