Tag Archives: josh

Commenter Cocktails!

Tomorrow is National Martini Day! Because the “M.” in Michelle M. sometimes stands for Mixologist, I created the following cocktails in honor of my favorite bloggers/commenters. Please drink responsibly.

The C&RmyCoke and rum and a splash of Berenger’s zinfandel. Garnish with cheeseball.

For Craig: The Dancing Monkey – Curacao, banana rum, pineapple vodka and cream of coconut.

For Mush: The Goblin Box – Green Goblin apple cider and boxed wine.

For Tam: The TaM/Mtini – Red vodka, Meyer’s Lemon mix and Maple syrup.

For The Kid: It’s not my job to corrupt the kid (that’s all on Adam). So it’s juice for her.
But she can put it in a Solo cup if that helps her cred.

For Nathan: The NathanCanadian whiskey and Kool – Aid.

For newlywed Talita: The Glamourgirlie – Pink vodka, Nuvo sparkling liqueur,
Chambord and pink sugar for the rim.

For john: The Boozy Bunny – Orange tequila, triple sec and carrot juice.

For Paul: The SwirlBailey’s Irish Cream, Kahlua, Chambord, raspberry
and chocolate syrup and whipped cream.

For Chris D.: The EnforcerIrish whiskey, coffee, donut vodka.

For Enrico: The Hotel TuesdayPineapple juice, tears and a maraschino cherry.

For josh: The Trashytini – Citrus vodka, orange and lemon-lime Flavor Ice.

For Ryan: The Skinny Cupcake – Skinny boy margarita and water.

For fdot: The Green Squirrel – Frangelico hazelnut liqueur, peanut vodka,
Nocello walnut liqueur, pistachio liqueur.

For Ty: The Ty One On – This potent potable contains Bulldog Strong Ale,
Bulldog gin and Bulldog rootbeer.

For Mr. Sombrero: The Sexy Sombrero – Sombrero tequila and ginger ale.
Because he has to deal with Adam, I recommend multiple shots.

For TwoPi: The TwoPi – 3.14 oz. Vanilla vodka, 3.14 oz. Apple beer and a splash
of pumpkin spice liqueur. Top off with Cool Whip.

For Jere: The Blind Mascots – Iguana beer, Flying Dog pale ale, Moosehead lager
and a splash of champagne to celebrate graduation from law school.

For Polt: The Purple Passion – Kurant vodka, curacao, grenadine and passion fruit liqueur.

For David P.: The Someone in a Martreeni – Acai vodka, wheat grass and spinach.

For Justin: The Asterisk – Dark Chocolate liqueur, maple liqueur and and an *endlessly* flowing keg of beer.

For Vuboq: The Vuboq – V is for vodka (pear), U is for umbrella, B is for bitters,
O is for Orangecello and Q is for quince liqueur.

Fat Betty: The Blambablam – Whipped cream vodka, caramel vodka, chocolate liqueur,
white chocolate liqueur, cappuccino liqueur, vanilla ice cream, chocolate shavings
and Reddi Whip (to top off drink or to spray directly into mouth).

For Dr. Para: The Dr. Para – Pour all drinks above in a Big Gulp cup, toss in some gummy bears and enjoy!

*Cooper’s cocktail will be featured on Cooper’s Corner Tuesday.

So how will you celebrate National Martini Day? What’s your alcoholic beverage of choice? How does it feel to have a beverage named after you? Did I forget anyone? Let me know in comments!


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Find Out Who Has The Biggest Boy-Parts! (NSFW)

While innocently surfing the Internet, I stumbled upon some survey results from a few years ago.  It seems that the reputable source, Condomania.com has determined a unique rankings of average penis size in the 50 states.  Here’s Condomania’s results, ordered by largest to smallest penis:

By now you’ve scanned the list to see where you rank.  Are you lucky enough to be living in well-endowed New Hampshire?  Or maybe you’re living in Micropenisville, Wyoming?  Most of the C&R frequent commenters living in the following 8 states … and here’s how we measure up:

The results turned out quite well for the presumably well-hung Mikey, Craig, Ty, Josh, Jere and the rest of our New York commenters.  Unfortunately those of us in New Jersey (like myself) and Maine didn’t quite measure up.  But as those of us who are a bit less than well endowed often claim: it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean.

A final note … New Yorkers shouldn’t whip out their junk and celebrate too quickly.  When Condomania.com ranked the 20 most populated U.S. cities by their average penis size, some new facts were revealed:

It’s good news for commenters like Harry, Ryan and VUBOQ, who live in or near San Diego and Washington D.C.  It looks like they may out-measure a few of our New York City friends after all.

So how do you measure up?  Are these lists accurate?  And what city and state will you be visiting on your next vacation?


Happy Birthday Michelle M.!

Today is a very special day … it’s Michelle M.’s Birthday!
From all of your friends, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


A Limerick:

We all know her as Michelle M.
We think her to be quite the gem.
But I have been told
She’s getting quite old,
So it’s time to start calling her “ma’am.”

– Jere



Wishing you a mouth-watering birthday!
-David P.





-Tam


Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people ever, Cooper’s mom and Wonder Women fan….
Michelle M.!!!! I hope you have the most awesome Birthday ever because you deserve it!!
xoxo
– TJ and the doggies (Cooper’s Compadres)



Happy Birthday! From X-Heather and TwoPi


A Haiku About Michelle

The best in our books
Happy Birthday To Michelle
Hail Wonder Woman

– Kristen



Ode to Her Awesomeness
By Craig

What could one possibly say,
About the delectable Michelle M?
If she were a dessert,
She’d be la crème de la crème.

She lives in California,
All the way on the West Coast.
She’s the Cocky & Rude writer,
That us readers love the most.

She never met a head,
She couldn’t put on another body.
Don’t let her sweet looks fool you,
For her mouth is quite a potty.

With those flowing golden locks,
Like a superhero’s cape.
It begs that age old question,
Does the carpet match the drapes?

Her husband is a sexy beast,
Who likes pizza and canned beer.
There’s not a single gay around,
Who doesn’t wish that he was queer.

Wonder Woman is her idol,
And Cooper is her bird.
I don’t know who she loves most,
But Harry’s definitely in third.

So today is her birthday,
Hope she have lots of fun.
Happy Birthday Michelle M!
Congrats on turning twenty one!


Dear Michelle,
I heard it was your birthday so I wanted to send you a short note. I hope you have a wonderful day and that you don’t divorce your husband so you can marry a politician and then your ex marries a skinny little waif and then you can’t stop eating because you hate your life and you are fighting with your kids and your mother-in-law thinks you are useless and then you become the fattest woman in Westchester and then you can’t wear any of your clothes and then you feel so worried that you will eat up all your kids and then you will worry that Gene might be too small and gamey to be palatable and then your daughter hates you because you want to go skiing and she goes to her dad’s and get’s her period and then she comes back to you and whines and you are thinking “hurry up and have a baby so I can eat it.” Can I eat your cake?
Love, Fat Betty


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
From Mikey & Ty


Happy birthday to the most creative, talented, elfin proportioned person I know!
Happy Birthday Michelle!
Have a great day and best wishes for the coming year! -John


Ok, I know that Harry and Craiggers are gonna get real jealous here, but I got only one question for Michelle M.:

I Wonder Woman, are you my kinda woman?
Wit a back like that you fly like jets
Are you my Wonder Woman?

te quiero,
mr. sombrero


Happy Birthday Michelle M.!!! I decided to celebrate your birthday by mixing
my two favorite things: you, and my favorite albums!!! -Enrico



HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MICHELLE!!!!


What does your pet say about you?

Some claim that the pet you choose can reveal a lot about your personality.
Is it true?  Let’s find out…


Mikey & Ty: English Bulldog
“People who owned utility dogs, like English bulldogs …[are] more conscientious and extroverted.” (source)


Adam: Cat
“…A sensitive fella! And he’s not only sensitive, but just loves to send you photos of his cat all day long and post them on Facebook and Twitter. I’m not sure why this is, but guys with cats are prone to such things.” (source)


Mel: French Bulldog, 3 cats (also: 2.5 alpacas and 2 Shetland sheep)
“The owners … are expressive and full of personality. These people are often overachievers because they like a dog that is a bit of a challenge.” (source) “Cats inexplicably make you stand out as more and more insane with each additional feline you possess.” (source)


Michelle M.: Parakeet
If you “…fancy a smaller variety such as a Parakeet or Canary,
you tend to be softer-spoken with a gentle demeanor.” (source)


VUBOQ: Cat
“You are easy going, but independent just like your cat; however,
you do enjoy a little snuggle time from time to time.” (source)


Craig: Wants a cat
Cat people are “more likely to be open… Open people tend to be:
curious, creative, artistic & nontraditional thinkers.” (source)


John: (had) Rabbits
“The reason your man would have a pet rabbit is because he never had one when he was a kid, and now that he’s living on his own, he’s going to finally fulfill that dream. The rabbit’s name is probably something like “Rambo”or “Killer” to make up for the fact that he’s a dude who actually owns a fluffy bunny.” (source)


Tam & The Kid: 2 Cats & a Rabbit
“If you get stressed out easily, you may be a cat person. Cat people were, as a group, 12% more neurotic than dog people. Neurotic people are: easily stressed, anxious & worriers.” (source) Rabbit owners are nice, active and are great with long-term commitments. (source) (Note: I couldn’t find a photo of Tam’s pets)


Josh: Cat & Dog
“If he owns a dog, your man is loyal and can actually commit, because owning a dog is as close to having a child as it comes.” (source) “Cat people are loners who are less religious than non-cat owners, want instant gratification, are satisfied with their jobs and are socially conscious.” (source)


Mama Polt: fluffy little dog
“…You have a desire to nurture your tiny pets. You tend to enjoy accessorizing and your pet can be an extension of that quality. Maybe you just really love cats but are in denial. In any case, you love that you can take your small pooch with you almost anywhere.  You are probably as cute and lovable as your puppy, but sometimes might be considered annoying.” (source)

The Twelve Days of Whatever

On the first day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the second day of Whatever, my true love gave to me –
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.



On the third day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Eight Tams a riding,
seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Nine commenters commenting,
eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Ten armless Adams,
nine commenters commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Eleven pissy puddles, ten armless Adams, nine commenter commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin’,
five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes
and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Twelve boxers boxing, eleven pissy puddles, ten armless Adams, nine commenters commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes
and a parakeet in a pear tree.

Happy holidays to my C&R family!