Tag Archives: interview

It’s Your Friday Five!

This week I decided to do something a little different with the Friday Five.  I invited four of the C&Rmy to contribute their favorites of the week, and with our powers combined … I present Your Friday Five!

1. Laura Dern (submitted by Craig) Laura Dern winning a Golden Globe for Enlightened was about the only win I could muster up the energy to get remotely excited about last Sunday. The Descendants? The Artist? The Help? Jeez, what is with all the stupid movie titles starting with The? Boring! I’ve loved Laura Dern since 1993 when she starred in my favorite movie ever, Jurassic Park, and her new show Enlightened is pretty much the best thing ever. And it doesn’t start with The.

2. Channeling Morpheus (submitted by Tam) This week at my other blog Brief Encounters, we had vamp week where we profiled a series of short vampire stories called Channeling Morpheus by Jordan Castillo Price. This is one of the best vampire series I’ve ever read.  It’s horror, it’s grungy dirty nasty sex (the best kind after hardcore gay porn), it’s vigilante justice, and Wild Bill (the vamp) describes Michael (his human love interest & anti-vampire vigilante) as his “homicidal eye-candy.” This is actually a 10 book series, but the first five have just been re-released. Jordan is an amazing writer, and these books are uber-creepy and hot and gruesome at the same time. (check out the reviews) Although we review “romance,” it’s not your traditional romance by a mile, and if anyone wants to try all five e-books (about 250 pages total), you can leave a comment on Jordan’s interview posts (Monday & Tuesday) before midnight today to win a set. I plan to reread the first five this weekend.

3. Billy on the Street (submitted by Michelle M.) Billy on the Street! It’s my new favorite show. Billy is hilarious. He is my new BFF (and Adam’s too).


 
4.Being a Technical Master of Washing Machines (Adam wrote this crap) This week my mother bought a new washing machine.  After the first load, we knew there was a problem.  The clothes were ending the washing cycle completely soaked — there was either an issue with the spin cycle or the washer was not draining properly.  What were we to do?  My mother called for service, but I had another idea.  10 bucks, a trip to Lowes, a bit of plastic tubing, some tools and my innate manliness resulted in a fixed appliance!  (The very tight drain tube wasn’t draining, and lengthening it a bit seems to have fixed the issue.)  Clearly I am a technical master!

5. Dogs & Wedding Proposals (submitted by Mikey) Who needs any of the other four on this list?  I sure as hell don’t. Why do you ask?  Well let’s see I came home from work on Tuesday to find a surprise waiting for me at home: an amazingly adorable English Bulldog named Roscoe.  His presence in my house was enough to make my heart soar.  But then I took a closer look at the heart shaped tag he was wearing.  It simply read “Will you marry me? Love, Ty”  If you haven’t heard yet, I said yes.  The result is me being unable to stop skipping on my way to work and breaking into song.  Be happy you don’t work in my office.


And seriously, how the hell can anyone top that?

CONGRATULATIONS MIKEY & TY!

This week’s Friday Five featured award winners, awesome television, Hollywood stars, manic game shows, vampires, hardcore gay porn, books, contests, dogs, washing machines, technical wizardry, innate manliness, marriage proposals, dog tags, and probably a whole bunch more crap that I’ve already forgotten.  What could be better than that?  Maybe your week?  Tell us your Friday Five in the comments!

the CONAN show

Last Tuesday Harry and I went with our friends D. and S. to see Conan. Check in was in the ground level of a parking garage at 1:30. Notice my nails – I painted them orange for the occasion.

After we got our tickets we had time to kill until they took us to the studio at 3:00. The garage was freaking cold, so we left to find something to eat. We found a place called Henry’s Hat not too far away. The Conan staff took my camera, so here is recreation of my lunch: a Mai Tai in a tiki glass and breakfast potatoes.

Back at the garage we were led in groups (I have never seen so many f*cking hipsters in one place) to the studio. We walked across the street and then wound our way through the various sound stages to the Conan holding pens. I thought it was funny to muse out loud if random people we passed were famous. After the 30th time it was still hilarious. To me. Or maybe it was the Mai Tai talking. Anyway, imagine my excitement when I spotted Johnny Galecki (of The Big Bang Theory and one of my favorite shows, Roseanne)! He was on his cell phone and wearing a blue shirt! “It’s David Galecki!” I said excitedly (I was thinking of his character on Roseanne).

Brad, the guy in charge of our group confirmed that it was, indeed Johnny Galecki. Not one minute later an Asian guy passed by. “Hey, that guy’s famous!” I said. I didn’t know his name, but he looked like the guy from Entourage. Brad said he was on Community and Ugly Betty. So I said I’d Google him when I got home.

I don’t know what the hell Brad was talking about. It was totally Rex Lee from Entourage and Suburgatory (A show I watch!). Besides, Suburgatory films there, we passed right by their trailers and wardrobe racks. Whatever, Brad. We also passed by Chuck Lorre’s parking space and the Harry’s Law soundstage. How awesome would it have been to see Kathy Bates?! After a brief wait in the holding pens, we finally made it into the studio.

We were in the 7th row. Yay! Out of 9 rows. Boo!

The set looked so much smaller in real life. Some dude came out to warm up the audience and tell us to clap when the “applause” sign lit up. Then the band came out. They were awesome! First, La Bamba sang a song.

Then Mark Pender (the bald guy) sang a song. It kind of sounded like “Jump, Jive and Wail”, but it wasn’t. Anyway, they were fantastic.

Then the most boring Conan show ever taped started. Conan came out and did his monologue. He did his little jump, but no string dance. It was their one year anniversary, but you wouldn’t have known it from the show. They did nothing special to mark the occasion – no skit, no confetti, nothing. Maybe they were tired from the New York trip. He did do a funny sign bit with a guy in one of the front rows (to sit in the front rows you had to get there at 9:30).

Andy did a bit about fall foliage. Um, I adore Andy, but it wasn’t that funny. I’m going to blame the writers.

There was also a peanut players skit about Herman Cain. It was kinda meh. I think the Depardieu one from August was hilarious. Here’s that one.

The first guest was Julie Bowen. I love Modern Family, but she bugs me. Oh – we just watched Horrible Bosses last night – it was cute and funny and I would recommend it. She was in that. Oh well, at least she had some energy.

Her son made a turkey. It was the most interesting guest on the show.

Next up was a snowboarder. God, he was dull.

My mind wandered off halfway through the interview.

Then a comedienne (?) came out. She had a baby voice and made weird faces. She spoke too softly so we couldn’t make out a lot of what she was saying. That night when we watched the show on tv we were able to confirm that she was lame and not funny.

Then it was over, but before Conan left the stage he sang a sweet little goodbye song to the audience.

Outside it was dark and we made our way back to the garage. We passed my new friend Brad who called out to me to remember to Google that guy. Which I did. Brad, you need to watch more tv. On the way home we stopped at the Downey Brewery where I had a Lambic Frambois and some onion rings. God, I ate nothing healthy that day.

Harry had a sausage party.

Back on the road we went in the wrong direction for about half an hour, because we’re awesome like that. Despite the lackluster show, we had a great time and hope to see Conan again in the future.

The next day I had some homemade yellow split pea soup and a big salad to make up for the delicious crap I ate the day before.

EXCLUSIVE: The Truth Behind Michelle’s Mugshot

Although Craig and I have occasionally been referred to as ‘rivals’, we are pretty good friends.  And every once and awhile, we trade ideas for blog posts.  When Dave S. resurfaced, I suggested that Craig interview him to find out where he had been for so many months.  When that idea imploded, I posed another interview question: “What’s the deal with Michelle M.’s mugshot?”  Craig countered with a better idea.  Instead of just asking Michelle, he decided instead to ask everyone else.  They’d come up with their ideas, he’d illustrate them, and it’d turn out to be a fantastic blog post.

But there’s one problem with that idea: Craig is lazy! He hasn’t taught himself the latest version of MS Paint, so he can’t really even draw the theories.  He also has also given up blogging lately as he plays with his new Tumblr site.  Flash forward a few weeks of my pestering, and I finally offered to just write the blog post myself.  Craig graciously accepted, forwarded me all of your theories, and the rest is history…

Why Was Michelle M. Arrested As A Child?

Chris D.’s Theory:

Michelle M. was arrested for accidentally stealing Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.  If one should accidentally stumble into an invisible jet, it is hard to get out of it.  All you have to do is bump the wrong darned invisible button, and the damn thing takes off and flies you to Wonder Woman’s home base. Then Wonder Woman is left to cab it back in costume. While waiting for a cab, Wonder Woman gets some “interesting” offers from sketchy looking lonely men, and eventually a dirty look from the cab driver.  She is so pissed off that she has wee Michelle arrested. (Chris D. blogs at Perspectologist)

Jere’s Theory:

Well, she obviously murdered a man just to watch him die. But I believe that she was arrested because authorities found truly shocking amounts of smut on her computer. I’m talking ridiculously excessive, even by California standards. Not like kiddie porn or anything, but a whole lot of disturbing and probably unsanitary images. There was a whole section devoted to back hair (divided into “slight” “beastly” and “braided”) and another titled “how I saw the pool party” that we can’t even describe in print. The most disturbing thing of all, though, was that every single picture had been digitally altered to replace the faces of the original subject with the cut-out heads of some random blogging nerds. (Jere blogs at Blind Prophecy)

Paul’s Theory:

Michelle McKee was born Magdalena Fuentes in Tijuana, Mexico.  She was arrested along with an accomplice (see photo below) stealing lip gloss and tequila from a liquor store.  Because she cooperated with investigators (and because she didn’t look Mexican) she was cleared of all charges and granted full citizenship.  Her accomplice was sentenced to a lifetime of wandering the world carrying a backpack full of useless crap. (Paul blogs at Where The Parkway Ends)

Ryan’s Theory:

It was for taking a joy ride on the USS Midway. Authorities are still not sure how she managed to get the museum’s engines to work again.

Polt’s Theory:

Obviously, Michelle M. was arrested for being overly cute and excessively precocious! (Polt blogs at Polt’s Palace)

 

Mush’s Theory:

That kid was never any good. Getting processed at such a tender age did nothing to deter her; after the invention of Photoshop she was unstoppable. They used to call it graffiti. Now they call it humor. (Mush blogs at Goblinbox)

 

Tam’s Theory:

After extensively stalking Michelle’s family members on Facebook (especially her in-laws), following her non-existent Twitter feed and blog, and sending out my own special spy who happens to live Michelle’s area to canvas the neighbors, I believe I have finally unveiled the truth behind Michelle’s arrest during her dark and troubled childhood. As a child Michelle developed a love for beans. Kidney beans, wieners and beans, bean chili, bean soup and bean salad all left Michelle warm, content and full. However, as with many bean-lovers, there were side-effects. At school Michelle would try desperately to hold it in until she get to the playground at recess, but she could not help but let a little toot go from time to time in the class. The complaints of her classmates led to several reprimands from the teacher and this was followed by a visit to the principal. Michelle’s parents were called in and the school laid it on the line, Michelle had to quit the beans or face expulsion and several children had fallen ill following her last foray into bean heaven and the resulting gaseous explosions of an unnatural strength. However despite her parents’ best efforts to eliminate beans from their diet, Michelle managed to steal a case of pork and beans and before school ate the entire case. During math, Michelle let it rip and the smell caused three children to vomit, two had their eyes begin to water and the teacher to wretch. It was the last straw; after all of the warning, the school thought perhaps the police would be the answer. They called the police to promptly arrest Michelle for causing a public disturbance. The school was closed for the remainder of the week while it was aired and it was necessary for the police to drive back to the station with the windows down on the police car. Michelle did finally learn her lesson and no further police intervention was necessary. (Tam blogs at Tam’s Reads)

 

John’s Theory:

Michelle tried to use her adorable little smile and pig tails to begin her plot to rid the world of cheese.  Michelle developed her hate of the wonderful dairy product early on in her life.  Since Photoshop wasn’t around for Michelle to appropriately channel her rage, she turned to a life of crime.  Michelle, having just watched the Superfriends, tried to follow Lex Luthor’s lead and planned to kill all the grass in La Mesa CA.  Her logic: destroy the grass, cows can’t eat.  No cows =  no cheese.  The only flaw in her plan?  Michelle didn’t realize that La Mesa is in CA, not Wisconsin.  After serving time, and working with a court appointed psychiatrist, Michelle focused her considerable talent and intelligence in more artistic endeavors and to emulate Wonder Woman rather than Lex Luthor.

 

Craig’s Theory:

Michelle M. was arrested for burning a Wonder Woman training bra at a peace rally.  Charges were dropped when it was discovered that the bra belonged to the police officer. (Craig used to blog at Puntabulous)

 

Mikey’s Theory:

As a child, Michelle was the head of an international drug and gun cartel that was owned and operated out of the San Diego suburb of La Jolla.  Michelle was known as La Niña Brutal to the criminal community who feared her wrath.  Known for having killed ten men twice her size and three times her age, she alluded capture by the FBI for over years.  Once captured, prosecutors attempted to try her as an adult, but numerous child psychologists testified that she was being manipulated by the adults around her and therefore should be tried as a child.  She spent five years in a juvenile detention facility and had her record stricken once she turned 18.

 

And Here’s My Theory:

Which theory is your favorite?  And which one is most likely to be true?
Let’s come to terms with the truth, in the comments.