Tag Archives: impressed

Stuff I actually dream about

In my last post I talked about the things I like to daydream about.
But what do I dream about when I’m fast asleep? Let’s find out…

Monday I dreamed that Jessica Simpson was coming out with a line of butter candies. The flavors she had were: buttered toast, buttered popcorn, hot buttered rum and baked potato with butter. She needed my help to come up with the 5th flavor. I suggested buttered waffles.

Tuesday I dreamed that I worked at the Mad Men offices. I was going through everyone’s files to find out what their salaries were. I’m sneaky that way.

Wednesday I dreamed that I was hanging out with Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman. She was really impressed that I had a gold ring with three purple stones (I do not really have a gold ring with three purple stones).

Thursday I dreamed that I was a consumer reporter analyzing pool rafts.

Friday I dreamed that I couldn’t open my high school locker. It seemed I spent all night trying to open my combination lock. I hate those kinds of dreams. (In high school my locker combination was 10-16-38).

Saturday I dreamed that I was in charge of refreshments for the Honey Boo Boo airshow (she would jump out of an airplane and fly to the ground). I couldn’t find a dozen doughnuts, cupcakes or cookies, so I had to mix and match. It was very frustrating.

On Sunday I dreamed that I went to a party thrown by Kathy Griffin. I par-tayed until the wee hours. The next day Liam Neeson was mad at me for keeping his little boy out all night long. I guess I was supposed to be babysitting him – oops.

So what does any of this mean? Who cares. At least I didn’t dream that my teeth were falling out or that I had a mouth full of gum. My favorite dreams are flying dreams – but I rarely have those. What are some of the weird dreams you have? Let me know in comments!


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It’s The Friday 5÷2!

Like last year at this time, Mikey has abandoned us for the sunny shores of Adam Corolla, North Carolina.  We can only imagine that he’s again eating giant tubs of cheese balls, drinking gallons of alcohol and feasting on just a bit too much Nutella.  I only hope that this year’s gluttonous behavior has not turned off his travel companion: Jeopardy! Champion Ty Cone.  After a week of debauchery, it’s needless to say that Mikey is in no shape to write a Friday Five.  So in his absence, Michelle M. and I have decided to each write a Friday 2.5.  Because 2.5 + 2.5 = 5.  I think.  Yay math!  Here goes…

Michelle M.’s First: Harry!

When we bought our house it came with a sunroom.  We found out after the first rainfall that the sunroom came with major problems including leaky walls and a crap foundation. It would have to go.

Harry and his friends were going to tear it out this summer, but Harry ended up doing it all by himself. I mean, I know it’s not like he changed the ballast in a fluorescent light fixture, but still, I’m pretty darn impressed!

Adam’s First:
Topping my list this week is Zoila Chavez, the housekeeper on Bravo’s Flipping Out.  Over five seasons as Jeff Lewis’s house keeper on Flipping Out, Zoila has proven herself to be a smart-mouthed, occasionally working, hilarious addition to the design/house-flipping reality show.  This season, Zoila had a facelift and recovered for a few episodes.  That left Jeff to clean up for himself (including washing Zoila’s underwear) until he could find a temporary replacement.  Hilarity ensued…

Michelle M.’s Second: The Woman in Black. I saw the trailer for this movie the other day. I LOVE scary movies. Especially the ones that keep me from sleeping at night. This one has lots of spooky elements: old timey photos, a decrepit house, rhyming, little girls, creepy ass dolls, creepy ass clown dolls, creepy ass monkey dolls, mud and a ghost. I can hardly wait! But I’ll have to – it doesn’t come out until Feb. 2012 : (.


Adam’s Second: This week, my #2 is Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody. Yesterday I did the unthinkable: I watched straight porn.  And as you know, that’s not my thing.  But lemme explain: I watched Star Trek The Next Generation – A XXX Parody!  It was everything I had hoped for (and some things that I hadn’t hoped for).  The story was great, the actors did a decent job, and the sets and special effects were phenomenal!  Commander Data even had makeup … all over his body!  All that has left me feeling even more excited for my next straight porn experience, Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody.  Check out the totally SFW trailer:

Michelle M.’s Half: Adam’s tags. Sometimes they’re funnier than the posts. Some of my favorites: tam loves worms, chris d. got naked on his blog, harry should keep his day job, michelle doesn’t care about adam’s feelings, mikey loves video posts, I can always lie and pretend my mistakes are games, poor craig probably cried and why do we have to keep looking at polt’s ass?

Adam’s Half: My half this week is none other than Tam!  Tam was a great sport when C&R had a lot of fun with her on our (2-day) “Tam Week.”  On top of that, she also sent me a present this week — for no reason!  Tam sent me a copy of The Vegan Table that she snagged at a Borders going-out-of-business sale when she was in Chicago last week.  She’s so nice!  Thanks Tam!  I’m totally inspired to use this cookbook when Michelle M. and I rip of Anna & Kristina’s Grocery Bag with our new TV series on OWN.  Stay tuned!  I’m so excited!  (And delusional!)

Great idea, Tam!  That’s such a thoughtful idea!

This week’s Friday Five is made up of Harry, Zoila, The Woman In Black, Star Wars Porn, Adam’s Tags and Tam!  What a great mix!  What’s in your Friday Five?

It’s The Friday Five

Just about every week, Cocky & Rude presents you with a Friday Five.  It’s a list of our five favorite things of the week, wrapped up in a concise package for you to enjoy.  This week is no different.  So sit back, relax, and enjoy (dramatic pause) the Friday Five.

First up this week is Chris Crocker.  You may remember him from a few years ago when he urged the world to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!  Fast forward all the way to 2011 and it seems that Chris has had a bit of a makeover.  He’s now recording music, living with his boyfriend, … and will be starring in a full-length gay porno this summer!  (Very NSFW preview photos can be found on Unrated Perez.)  Oh, and he also has a Tumblr page, where he posts photos and answers questions like, “how do you know when someone loves you for you, and not for what you have, or what you can do for them?”  Music, Porn, Dear Abby Chris … he’s a triple threat!  Woo hoo!  Way to go, Chris Crocker!  I wonder if he still likes Britney?

Next up this week is something a little bit more G-Rated: Bicycling! I love to go on long bike rides (featuring tired muscles and a sore ass).  But lately, my schedule has been so busy and my self has been so lazy that I just haven’t hopped onto the old 2-wheeler.  So yesterday, for the first time this summer, I pumped up tires, tossed my bike into the Fit and drove to Washington Crossing State Park (that’s where Washington crossed the Delaware on Christmas in 1776 and changed the course of he American Revolutionary War).  From there I rode my bike north along the D&R Canal Trail to just north of Lambertville, NJ.  That’s a round trip of about 16 miles!  Woo!  Note: if you don’t see any blog posts after today, it means that I’ve died.

Third this week is the United States Postal Service!  I must admit that it was going to be on my list of most hated things this week (because I am still waiting for all my birthday cards and presents from ALL of the C&R readers (Polt not included — he sent me a lovely card with cute boys on the front)) but the USPS really came through for me this week.  They delivered Mush‘s prize for winning Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 in two days (yes, I just sent it THIS week, and yes, she won the contest on March 31st).  I paid for the cheapest way to mail the box (because I’m poor) which claimed that it would get it to her in about 7 days … and it took 2.  From New Jersey to Washington state in 2 days.  I’m impressed.  Oh, and speaking of the USPS, it’s also the cause of Patton Oswalt’s most recent tragedy.  Enjoy:

Fourth this week are kittens!  As a bunch of you already know, I volunteer every week at a cat shelter, where I clean up various disgusting fluids (like diarrhea, vomit, pee, etc.), empty litter boxes, replace food and water dishes, sweep, vacuum, bleach, scrub, squeegee, etc.  Along with all my cleaning duties, I also get to spend a little time playing with cats … and kittens!  The summer months always mean that we have lots of kittens … and in case you were somehow unaware, kittens are amazing.  Not only are they playful and fun, they’re also soft, (usually) friendly, and most of all, they’re freak’n adorable.  Check out this kitten video that Tam passed on to me:

And finally this week is the TV series,  Fringe.  I always try my best (unlike some bloggers) to avoid blabbing on and on about old TV shows that I’m watching.  But I just finished watching three seasons of Fringe (over the course of about 3 weeks) and I wanna scream about it!  How come I never watched this show?  Have you seen it?!  It’s great!!  Granted, I love J.J. Abrams, the guy could take a dump for 2 hours, film it, call it a movie and I’d probably love it… But now I gotta wait until the fall season to see more FringeInconceivable!!!

So that’s this week’s Friday Five.  Do you love it?  Chris Crocker, Bicycling, the USPS, kittens, and Fringe!  It doesn’t get much better than that.  Or does it?  Tell me all about your five favorite things of the week in the comments!

Oh, and by the way, this week’s runners up are: the new cheap wok that I bought at Ikea, extra firm tofu, Trivial Pursuit questions (not the whole game), turtles, eBay, cancelling your Netflix subscription, and hardcore gay porn.