Tag Archives: Happiness

Who Should Hook Up?

Here at C&R, we’re all about love and happiness.  With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we’re hoping to spread some love by pairing up some previously unattached couples.  Vote for your favorite new couple below … and maybe we’ll spark a love connection! *Contestants (except for Mr. Sombrero) are encouraged (but are under no obligation) to bang.

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A Cocky & Rude Christmas Carol 1.03

episode 1.01 | episode 1.02











A Cocky & Rude Christmas Carol 1.02

episode 1.01










A Holiday Gift Extravaganza!


This week the California lottery mega millions jackpot was $116,000,000. It dawned on me that if I won, I could do some holiday shopping for my bloggy friends. So after some careful consideration I made out my ChristmasHanukkahKwanzaaWhatever list. So keep your fingers crossed that I win* and you just might find the following under your treemenorahmkekawhatever. And because there’s a slight chance I might not win, I came up with some alternative gift choices to give you.**
(Click to enlarge any of the photos)


For Tam – A luxury yacht to go island hopping and a membership to the Man of the Month club.


But if I don’t win she’ll have to settle for a toy boat and a framed photo of Polt’s ass.


For Jere – Marvel Entertainment. And I’ll throw in DC for good measure. Maybe he can do something about a Wonder Woman movie…


If I don’t win, he’ll have to stick to lawyering, so a booze hiding law book might come in handy.


For Craig – a centipede-free mansion in San Diego, so he can hang out with me (all the time)!


But the odds aren’t good, so a can of bug spray and some ear guards will have to do.


For Paul, a starring role in the upcoming Star Trek film and one of those back end movie deals where he makes mega-bucks.


But should I not win the jackpot, an Enterprise scratching post for Whitey will have to suffice.


For Ryan, I will pay off his student loans. He will also get one of these nifty cupcake cars and a lifetime supply of gas.


But if I remain a big old loser, he’s going to have to make do with this cheery little painting.


For my darling VUBOQ, a house with a pottery studio, a fully stocked walk in closet and all the gin his liver can take.


But if I don’t win, he’s getting a sparkly shoe and a jar of olives.


Lucky Mel will finally get to make lopapeysu all day in his Iceland dream house.


Unless I lose. Then he gets ice cubes and a ball of yarn.


Heather and TwoPi both like math, which is completely crazy. So I’m going to set them up with lifetime psychiatric therapy.


But if I don’t win, they will receive Godzilla pajamas, slippers and a toy city they can take turns destroying.


Adam will also get a house in San Diego and will finally find a Lexus with a big red bow in his driveway.


If I don’t have the winning numbers, though, he’ll receive a boob mug and a copy of The Vagina Monologues.


Mikey gets a wine shop. And a cheese shop.


Unless I lose. Then he gets a box of wine and a 99 cent bag of Cheetos.


For Polt, a purple palace filled with Asians with hairthings.


If I don’t win, our favorite stalker gets a fake nose and glasses and a pair of binoculars instead.


For my favorite duo, Joshrico, I’d  buy penthouses and limos. Fame, fortune and the paparazzi are sure to follow.


But if I’m not the next lottery winner, I might be able to pay this guy to follow them around for an hour with his camera.


There’s always that one person on your list you have no idea what to get. For me, it’s M. Nico.
He’ll just have to settle for a gift card from Amazon.


Unless I don’t win. Then he gets fruitcake.


Mush gets a mansion, her own record label (I quite like the name “Mushtones”) and a kick ass tour bus so she can tour the country (and visit me, of course).


But if megamillions are not in my stars, she’ll be unwrapping Mr. Microphone.


Fdot watches a lot of movies, so he’ll need a mansion with a state of the art, luxury home theater.


If I lose, he’ll receive Jiffy pop and a DVD of the “best worst movie ever made” Troll 2. Featuring such classic scenes as the following:


Chris D. is excited by space, so I’ll send him there in his very own rocket.


If someone else wins my money he can pretend to be in orbit with these stick on ceiling stars.


David P. will get the VIP treatment with front row seats to any play/musical in the world. Free meals at any restaurant included.


Life does not always (or ever!) go my way though, so David can put on his own shows with these nifty finger puppets and afterward have dinner at McDonald’s.


Justin loves maple. So he will get one of those fancy million dollar log cabins in the middle of a maple tree forest.


Unless my numbers are off. Then he gets a bottle of imitation maple syrup.


I would pay all of john’s bills and buy him a house and an art gallery so he could quit his stupid job and concentrate on his art.


If I don’t win, a big bag of rabbit chow is just the ticket.


I would buy the Kid the Pittsburgh Penguins.


Or a Sidney Crosby bobblehead (if I’m doomed to a life as a non millionaire).


David G. is getting a first class ticket to Hollywood and his own studio. Those zombie screenplays of his will finally be up on the silver screen for me to enjoy.

But should I lose, here’s a t-shirt.


Nathan will get a private jet to fly him around the world.


Or this book of paper airplanes. Not winning the lottery sucks.


Ty will get that $250,000 Jeopardy money he should have gotten in the tournament of Champions.


But if I don’t win, a ceramic Dalmatian from the Old School Wheel of Fortune is just as good.


Mr. Sombrero already has Adam, so obviously he doesn’t need anything else.


I do have a lot of peanut butter left over from the taste test, though…

If I forgot anyone, let me know in the comments, and I’ll find a regift in the garage for you.

So, hopefully, I will be the next megamillionaire, but know that if I’m not I’ll be wishing you all health, love and happiness in the New Year and always.

*It might help if I bought a lottery ticket.
**Just kidding, I’m not getting you anything at all.

Have You Ever… In The Summertime?

Summer is a time of warm weather, happiness and fun in the sun. And what better way to start this new season than with a Have You Ever?! quiz?  Today’s quiz is a little different than what you’re used to.  Instead of asking you about all of the unsavory things that you’ve done during the summertime, we’re going to ask you about all the wonderful and whimsical summer activities that you’ve experienced over the years.  Let’s get started.

The rules are the same: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever flown a kite?
2. Have you ever ridden a swing as an adult?
3. Have you ever picked a bouquet of wildflowers?
4. Have you ever took a nap in a grassy field?
5. Have you ever sat under a tree and read a book?
6. Have you ever caught a jar full of lightning bugs?
7. Have you ever enjoyed a firework show?
8. Have you ever seen a drive-in movie?
9. Have you ever gotten up early and watched the sunrise?
10. Have you ever spent an evening under the stars naming constellations?
11. Have you ever slept under the stars?
12. Have you ever gone camping in a tent?
13. Have you ever gone to the bathroom outdoors?
14. Have you ever made ice cream from scratch?
15. Have you ever had a watermelon seed spitting contest?
16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
17. Have you ever participated in a water fight?
18. Have you ever gone swimming in a river or lake?
19. Have you ever gone fishing and caught a fish?
20. Have you ever ran through a sprinkler?
21. Have you ever skipped stones across water?
22. Have you ever built a sand castle?
23. Have you ever been buried in the sand?
24. Have you ever walked barefoot through grass?
25. Have you ever biked more than 20 miles in one day?

Now tell us your total in the comments.  Are you afraid your score is a little too low?  You have all summer to add more points to your total.  Get started today!

It’s The Friday Five!

Welcome to the Friday Five, where I examine my five favorites of the week!

It’s been a long time since I’ve presented you with my five favorites of the week.  When Mikey grabbed the Friday Five reigns a while back, I just sorta abandoned the idea and let him roll with it.  But I know that you’ve all been waiting for this day.  You’ve woken up early each Friday, wondering whether or not you’d ever see one of Adam’s Friday Fives again.  Each week, utter disappointment happiness? when you find another of Mikey’s Friday Fives greeting your sight holes with a mix of humor and web videos.  Well, ladies and germs … THE WAIT IS OVER.  I’M TAKING THIS MOTHERFU¢K’N B!TCH BACK TO WHERE IT BELONGS.  HERE IS ADAM’S FRIDAY FIVE!!!!!*

First up this week is Conan O’Brien.  I’ve been a fan of Conan since his days nights on Late Night, I followed him to The Tonight Show, and now I watch him every night on his self-titled TBS show.  Together with his sidekick, Andy Richter, Conan never fails to crack me up and put me to bed in a good mood.  This week featured Beardpocalypse, where after weeks of threats, Will Ferrel shaved off Conan’s awesome ginger beard.  It left him looking oddly thin and about 30 years younger, but just as funny.

Another beardless favorite this week is Barack Obama.  And no, it’s not because of him.  It’s because of what he said about this guy.  If you haven’t seen the portion of President Obama’s 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech, then you have to check it out.  I laughed a lot … but I don’t think that Donald Trump shared in my amusement.  Enjoy!

My cat, Spring has always been a little “special” … but this week she’s been acting downright INSANE.  I’m not sure if it’s the open windows in my house or the fact that I’ve turned off the heat, but she’s been acting wayyyy weirder than normal.  She goes from super-affectionate (not normally her style), to ballistic attack (more her style), to running around the house like a maniac, viciously chasing her tail, and then standing in the kitchen and meowing at the ceiling.  I’m thoroughly enjoying the entertainment … but jeez girl, chill the frick out!

My favorite new show right now is Happy Endings, and you should be watching it!  It’s a sitcom on ABC (sorry Polt, I’m not referring to a porno or that thing you pay an extra few bucks for at the end of a massage), and stars Elisha Cuthbert (24), Damon Wayans Jr. (his dad is Damon Wayans), Zachary Knighton (FlashFoward), Eliza Coupe (Scrubs), Casey Wilson (Saturday Night Live), and Adam Pally (his IMBD resumé is kinda unimpressive).  Happy Endings is kinda like Seinfeld, meets Friends, meets 2011, meets awesome writing and hilarious comedy.  Plus Adam Pally’s character, Max, is so non-stereotypically gay that it adds a level of refreshing realism that a lot of shows with gay characters are missing.  So next time you’re watching Modern Family and Cougar Town, leave the television on for a bit longer and check out Happy Endings!  I promise it’s great!

And in the final spotlight of this week’s Friday Five are … mangoes.  Why?  Because they were on sale this week at my local grocery store, and they’re FREAK’N DELICIOUS.  I’ve watched all sorts of YouTube videos that teach me how to cut mangoes — but every time I eat one, I just give up.  I tear into it, peeling of skin, and biting at it like a ferocious animal.  When I’m finished, there’s a pile of skin and giant pit sitting in a puddle of mango juice.  My hands are wet and sticky, my mouth is dripping with sweet juice (calm down Polt), and I have all sorts of mango fibers stuck in my teeth.  MMMMM MANGOES!

This Week’s Runners Up: Long walks in the park, turning off my heat and dramatically reducing my electric bill, the fantastic return of Doctor Who, Indian guys and their tiny penises, The fact that Craig’s comment links have disappeared, some cool new character-centered X-Men trailers, Kate Middleton’s naked brother, this website, raising the roof, and hardcore gay pornography.

So that’s my Friday Five for this week: Conan O’Brien, Barack ObamaMy Insane Cat, Happy Endings, and Mangoes.  What’s your Friday Five?

*Note: Mikey is welcome to take back the Friday Five next week.  That whole opening paragraph was basically bullshit.  Actually, this whole post was basically bullshit.  We know that the only C&R posts you truly enjoy are Have You Ever?! quizzes and C&R Fight Club matches.  The rest is just in-between filler.

There's nothing to it.

http://www.youtube.com/v/CEcvi9hzWXs&hl=en_US&fs=1&

I’ve always liked Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but I’ve never really been obsessed with it.  My cell phone is Verizon, not AT&T.  But there’s something about this commercial that really gets to me.  I’m not sure what it is, but every time I catch it on TV, I stop what I’m doing and just watch.  Maybe it’s the whimsical, innocent, happy ideas.  Maybe it’s the cute crayon-drawn characters.  Maybe it’s the odd looking bearded man.  Whatever it is, it touches me.  If my heart had strings, this commercial would tug them.

Lately, my life has been difficult.  I’ve been too stressed out at work and in life, I’ve been taking on a few too many freelance projects at once, and I’m in the middle of moving.  Life is hard.  It would be nice to be five again.  It was such an innocent age, when your biggest worry was remembering to watch Sesame Street.  The realities of life hadn’t crushed your spirits yet.  I wasn’t constantly worried about lack of money, my weight, my utter lack of a love life, and the rest of my problems.  My days were structured around Legos in the morning, floating GI Joes down the stream in the afternoon and catching lightning bugs in the evenings.  Then my parents would tuck me into bed with a story, and I’d try to fade off to sleep while staring at my closet door in terror.  I swear it just moved!  (wait, scratch that last part!)

Today, when life gets you down today, just close your eyes for a minute.  Think of something simple that makes you happy.  Take a deep breath and smile.  If that fails, just imagine Gene Wilder singing to you and crayon monsters tromping through the city.  It works for me.