Tag Archives: ground

Stuff I actually dream about

In my last post I talked about the things I like to daydream about.
But what do I dream about when I’m fast asleep? Let’s find out…

Monday I dreamed that Jessica Simpson was coming out with a line of butter candies. The flavors she had were: buttered toast, buttered popcorn, hot buttered rum and baked potato with butter. She needed my help to come up with the 5th flavor. I suggested buttered waffles.

Tuesday I dreamed that I worked at the Mad Men offices. I was going through everyone’s files to find out what their salaries were. I’m sneaky that way.

Wednesday I dreamed that I was hanging out with Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman. She was really impressed that I had a gold ring with three purple stones (I do not really have a gold ring with three purple stones).

Thursday I dreamed that I was a consumer reporter analyzing pool rafts.

Friday I dreamed that I couldn’t open my high school locker. It seemed I spent all night trying to open my combination lock. I hate those kinds of dreams. (In high school my locker combination was 10-16-38).

Saturday I dreamed that I was in charge of refreshments for the Honey Boo Boo airshow (she would jump out of an airplane and fly to the ground). I couldn’t find a dozen doughnuts, cupcakes or cookies, so I had to mix and match. It was very frustrating.

On Sunday I dreamed that I went to a party thrown by Kathy Griffin. I par-tayed until the wee hours. The next day Liam Neeson was mad at me for keeping his little boy out all night long. I guess I was supposed to be babysitting him – oops.

So what does any of this mean? Who cares. At least I didn’t dream that my teeth were falling out or that I had a mouth full of gum. My favorite dreams are flying dreams – but I rarely have those. What are some of the weird dreams you have? Let me know in comments!


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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 6

Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate five weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Our dieters are doing great! Have you ever wondered what their average meal looks like? This week we invited each of our contestants to submit a photo and a description of a meal that they’re particularly proud of. Here’s what they’re eating:


Mikey
The food pictured here is your typical diet food: tasteless and full of vegetables. Sometimes vegetables have flavor. These do not. These are the lengths I have gone to in order to lose weight…which appears to be stopping at the moment.


TwoPi
Weight loss did a bit of backtracking this week, which isn’t so surprising. Work is getting stressful (end of semester), and I’ve had some lapses of the between-meal snacking variety. I should have planned my photo better and gotten images from earlier nights cooking Mollie Katzen dishes, but instead it was “oh no I need to photograph what we’re eating TONIGHT” and so here is a pretty typical meal: homemade split pea soup and cornbread. Healthy in that there is fairly little fat (apart from what goes into the cornbread dough itself) and there are lots of veggies in the soup, which is thick enough so that one cup is quite filling.


Polt
This week, it’s our Meal Plan. Upon starting the competition, I had no meal plan, none at all. Since then, my new doctor has thrown me on low to no carb diet, so now, yes, I DO have a meal plan. Here is a typical meal: twice baked potato (37 grams of carbs) (I’m allowed 45 per meal), steak (although there’s also been a lot of ham, burger patties, and sausages), a small side salad (having one of those with EVERY meal), Diet Coke, and the current book I’m reading. I do not, however, eat the book, I just read it while eating. And yes, this is basically what my meals consist of nowadays (although asparagus or green beans take the place of the potato).


Ryan
I’ve been continuing my culinary experiments. The photo shows off my latest trial before I cooked it. My goal was to increase the beans to non-beans ratio and therefore the protein to carbohydrate ratio, and that was a success. However, cooking that much stuff at once is pushing the limit of my Crock Pot, and the black beans made everything else a lot less colorful. I think next time I will cook the non-beans separately.


Tam
Okay, so I was a total loser and didn’t know about the picture thing, so here is a mock-up of a meal I had. Steak, rice and roasted orange cauliflower. My steak didn’t look quite like that, but close enough. That’s pretty typical. We do eat pretty healthy. Breakfast is usually cereal or toast and juice, lunch is either a salad or sandwich with fruit and dinner is a protein, carb and vegetable. I’m really frustrated though because I have been so good for nearly 2 weeks, recording everything I’ve eaten, am ALWAYS under the total allowed and this week, nothing. Arrgghh. I’m considering trying the Polt diet. Maybe I need to go low-carb and shock my system into realizing it’s not playing fair.


Mr. Sombrero
I am very proud of this meal because it looks like a pool of barf, and C&R readers can appreciate a good barf pic. Apart from the snacks (which are my downfall), my meals are pretty healthy. Granted, they are not always vegan, but I try. 😀


Michelle M.
This was my dinner Tuesday night. Half a turkey burger light (Harry had the other half) with bbq sauce and a side of steamed vegetables. I was going to submit a photo of a vegetable stir fry, a light pasta, or a soup or something, but I didn’t feel like cooking that night. In general, my meals (especially the ones I cook) are healthy – it’s the junk I snack on at night that is turning me into fat Betty.


Adam
This is a dinner that I make every week or so. What you’re looking at: grilled tempeh (grilled on my George Foreman Grill), avocado, broccoli, grape tomatoes, cubanelle peppers, baby carrots, baby portabella mushrooms and mixed greens. All that is topped with a mix of balsamic vinegar and a little bit of olive oil, some spices and a shake of ground flax seeds. I gave up all soda (diet and otherwise) a few weeks ago, so that’s unsweetened iced tea in the glass. My issue has always been snacking on junk food AFTER dinner … but I’ve been trying to give that up too. Maybe my straight line on the chart will actually move next week!


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Tam’s Twitter Adventures!














My 2012 Resolutions

Now that 2011 is drawing to a close, it’s time to make resolutions for 2012! Now, I could make my usual resolutions – lose weight, exercise, finish that novel, go back to school… but why bother. Word is it’s the end of days! So I’m going to live large and make this year count. Here are my 2012 resolutions:


January – I’m going to Disney World!


February – I’m going to eat VATS of mashed potatoes and gravy.


March – I resolve to stay in bed, read books, watch DVDs and eat tons of junk food.


April – I’ve always wanted to drive across country, and this is the year I’m going to do it.
I’ll make sure to see all my bloggy friends in between trips to see the largest ball of twine,
carhenge and big holes in the ground.


May – I’m going to hang out in the sewers with Britney and keep on dancing til the world ends.


June – On second thought, who wants to hang out in a stinky sewer? Ever since watching
The Love Boat
, I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise. I plan to eat, drink, read,
lay out at the pool, and eat and drink some more.


July – I resolve to island hop, enjoy tropical drinks and work on my skin cancer.


August – La Tomatina! Buñol, Spain has a huge tomato fight every year. I am totally there.


September – I’m going to hang out in Santorini, Greece. Soaking up the sun and eating.

But now that I think about it, I have no idea how the world is going to end. Maybe it won’t
be complete devastation from a pandemic, solar flares, a black hole or asteroid collision.
Maybe it will be a robot uprising, the rapture, or even worse – Zombies!

Maybe I better rethink my resolutions in case I’m stuck on this miserable,
god forsaken, zombie-ridden planet.

October – I better get in fighting shape, so I resolve to lose weight and exercise. sigh.

November – Since I’ll be stockpiling weapons, I better learn how to use them.

December – Several trips to Costco will be in order so I can fill up my hidden
bunker by the lake in the mountains. Bring it on zombies.

So there you have it. My 2012 resolutions. What are your resolutions?
Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse? Let me know in the comments!

10 Theories About Craig’s Sick Dick (NSFW)

As I mentioned yesterday, Craig missed Saturday’s Puntabugang C&R AAArrrrrrmy Party because he was suffering from a urinary tract infection.  But just how did Craig manage to infect his penis with disgusting bacteria?  Here’s 10 of my theories…

C&R Fight Club Round 2: Mel vs. Mr. Sombrero vs. Mikey!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Mel, Mr. Sombrero & Mikey!

On June 18th, Mel faced off against a fearsome duo: Raggedy Ann and Andy.  But in the end, Mel didn’t even have to raise one of his sharp knitting needles before those silly rag dolls, Raggedy Ann & Andy, crumpled to the ground and died.  Mel won with a very impressive 98% of the popular vote.

Excuse me? Me against the soft city boys? Not only do I come from a land where killing things is considered de rigueur, I live in a state where everyone – and I mean everyone – looks like a no-nonsense bulldyke. And when I say I cut bitches for a living, I mean that in the most literal sense. Scalpel in one hand and a syringe full of euthanasia solution in the other, I will seriously fuck these two over. -Mel

Mr. Sombrero claimed victory in his battle with a Confederate flag wielding, Sarah Palin loving, Redneck Border Patrolman.  With the help of his trusty burro and a bad case of Montezuma’s revenge, Mr. Sombrero won his fight with 99% of the popular vote.

En mi primero battle, I tore open the borders de Mexico to defeat that estúpido Redneck Border Patrolman.  And now you expect me to be afraid of a Mel, a man who fights dolls?  Or Mikey?  I can watch web videos faster than Speedy Gonzales!  Those two gringos are no match for me!  I will destroy them with my mustache tied behind my back!  ¡Ay, caramba y yo quiero Taco Bell! -Mr. Sombrero

C&R pitted our favorite Friday blogger, Mikey against the former heavyweight champion of the world: Mike Tyson.  But Tyson’s fight experience, rape conviction, face tattoo and an expertise in pigeon breeding were no match for Mikey’s love of cheese balls and web videos.  Mikey claimed an easy victory with 90% of the popular vote.

I’ve been around longer than Mr. Sombrero and I have heard from reliable sources that he smells bad.  Mel lives in Maine, which is barely a state these days.  I will triumph on the basis of proximity to greatness and clean-scentedness.  I call upon all of you vote for the only reasonable option. -Mikey


Who will win in the battle of  Paul vs. VUBOQ vs. FDot?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., Mikey, Mr. Sombrero & Mel for your assistance with this post!