Tag Archives: Gossip Girl

Advice From The Expert… ASK ADAM!

It seems that people are always pestering me for my expert advice.  Truth be told, I’m awesome at everything.  I know all of the answers.  All you have to do is ask.  That’s why I’m introducing my new advice column: Advice From The Expert… Ask Adam! 


Dear Adam: What should I make for dinner tonight?
Signed, Starving For Supper

How about a nice micro-green salad topped with a simple ginger and garlic-spiked orange glazed tempeh!  Nom!


Dear Adam: I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who was young, cute, and rich. But I only got two out of three. Should I hold out for the full package or should I settle for hot but poor?
Signed, Should I Settle?

How many young, cute and rich guys do you know that aren’t characters on Gossip Girl? Be happy that you landed 2/3 of the perfect man!


Dear Adam: I know you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, but what are you proscribed from wearing after Memorial Day?
Signed, Fashion Backwards

When in doubt … just wear plaid!


Dear Adam: How can I get my husband to clean his bathroom more often?
Signed, Wedded Pissed

Two words: WITHHOLD SEX. It’s the best way to get whatever you want!  That bathroom will be sparkling in no time!


Dear Adam: A couple of vegans moved in across the street. Should I be afraid of their aggressive cult-like ways?
Signed, Confused Carnivore

Trust me, vegans are just like everyone else! … but just to be safe, make sure to lock your doors and windows after dark.


Dear Adam: My younger brother is a great guy but has no self-esteem. His lack of confidence has kept him from doing anything with his life. He’s in a dead end job, hasn’t had a relationship in years, and his circle of friends has dwindles more and more each year. I want to encourage him, but he refuses to discuss his plans or goals with anyone. I just want him to be happy, but he clearly is not. What should I do?
Signed, Sibling Misery

Don’t worry, he’ll grow up eventually. Can I have his number?


Dear Adam: What the hell should I do with my life?
Signed, Miss Direction

Become a prostitute! Prostitutes make TONS of money!  You’ll be rich in not time at all!


Have a question for Adam? Email him today!

Advertisements

Long Weekend, Photo Explosion!

I’ve spent the last four days in a constant state of motion.  On Thursday and Friday, I took vacation days from work and met two of my real-world BFFs in the Lancaster, PA area.  One of my BFFs is getting married in a few weeks, so she decided that she wanted to live it up and get wild … in Amish country.  Then on Saturday, Mr. Sombrero and I spent the day in New York City, where we checked out two Tribeca Film Festival movies.  And finally on Sunday, it was a morning of Easter Zombie Jesus Day festivities with my family and then an afternoon of relaxing spring cleaning! Here’s some photos from my crazy weekend:

Wednesday night I spent 45 minutes at the self-service car wash, vacuuming up every spec of dirt, dust and sand on the inside and scrubbing away all of the dirt on the outside of my car.  Thursday morning I was greeted by a dozen blobs of avian diarrhea on its hood and roof.  Ugh.  (That’s my landlord’s truck and half-dead bush in the background.)

Not too far from Lancaster is Adamstown, PA.  That’s where I found Adam’s Antiques!  I never knew that I had an antique store … but with my never-ending energy and obsessive work ethic, it doesn’t surprise me that my antique store is open 7 days a week.

In another antique shop I discovered this super-creepy Donny & Marie costume (I bet that every kid wanted one of these!).  I was a little surprised that the manufacturer chose not to go with the more common phrase, “flame retardant” and instead chose to use … that other word.  (click photo to enlarge)

On the second day of our trip, my friends and I visited Intercourse, PA.  Here’s a photo of me making a duckface next to the sign.

The word “Intercourse” just makes everything funny!

Here’s just one of the many horse and buggies that got in my way as I was trying to speed down the streets of Intercourse in my shit-covered car.

When I finally got home on Friday, I was greeted by Spring and her three perfect pee pee puddles.  Is it weird that I took a picture of this?  Yes, yes it is.

While I was snapping photos of urine clumps on Friday, Mr. Sombrero attended a Tribeca Film Festival screening of Angels Crest, which starred Kate Walsh (she used to be on Grey’s Anatomy, but now she’s on that other show), Jeremy Piven (I loved him when he was on Ellen, but now he’s just a douche), Mira Sorvino (meh) and Thomas Dekker (John Connor in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles AND he was gay and then not gay and then gay again or something like that … on Heroes).  Here’s a shot of the stars on stage during the post-movie Q&A session.  (click photo to enlarge)

On Saturday, I joined him at the festival where we attended screenings of Gone and Point Blank.

Here’s Kathy Gilleran, the subject and voice of Gone.

From the TribecaFilm.com: This gripping confessional documentary becomes an outlet for a mother to tell the heartrending story of her search for her missing son. Kathy Gilleran, a retired police officer from Ithaca, New York with 20 years under her belt, received a phone call on October 31, 2007. It was from the UN Industrial Development Organization in Vienna, Austria, where her 34-year-old son, Aeryn, was working. He had disappeared.  In Gone, Gilleran shares her personal journey, putting together pieces of what happened, only to have them fall apart again. Talking directly to the camera for most of the film, her articulate manner draws the viewer into her quest for the truth. Mixing in footage she shot while searching for Aeryn in Vienna, she speaks about the frustration with the local police and an investigation full of holes. Like any loving mother, Kathy perseveres—through dead ends, contradicting reports, and signs of homophobia when Aeryn’s openly gay life came into question. Gone will most likely leave many wanting more answers—the same answers Kathy wants.

I was SO jealous that Mr. Sombrero saw famous people without me on Friday… so my eyes were peeled all day.  I may have had stars in my eyes, but I think I saw Connor Paolo (Serena’s gay little bro on Gossip Girl) on the subway and I think I passed Hamish Linklater (the Julia Louis-Dreyfus character’s brother on The New Adventures of Old Christine) in a crowd of people outside our second screening.  Oh, and a member of the festival’s jury, J.D. Heyman sat next to me during the first screening — I googled him, and it looks like he’s a managing editor for People magazine.

Mr. Sombrero insisted upon snapping my photo next to this “I’m Shady” poster.

And I insisted upon him snapping a photo of me tongue kissing one of the sexiest ladies ever: Madea.  Check out my impressive tongue length!

And here’s a photo of an adorable little subway rat!  I called to it, but it refused to come any closer to me.

On Sunday, in celebration of Zombie Jesus Day, I decided to snap a few photos of the pretty flowers that are growing all over my landlord’s property.

I think that this is a daffodil or something.

This one’s a ginger.

And then I decided that it’d be a good idea to clean out the giant closet in my kitchen.  Most people would probably use it as a pantry or something, but I use it more like a shed.  It’s where I store my bike, my tools (I’m handy!), my window-unit air conditioners, computer parts & wires, and some other odds and ends.  This photo would be far more impressive if I had taken a ‘before’ photo …

…but you’ll just have to use your imagination.  Imagine this heap of paper & cardboard recycling in assembled-box-form, filling the entire closet.  Or maybe you can’t even see my mountain of cardboard because you’re blinded by my wallpaper (which is still ugly).  Either way, just believe me that it was a disaster.  And now it’s organized!  Yay!

So that was my way-too-busy 4-day weekend.  What’d you do?

They're Here, They're Queer, They're Fabulously Animated!

I’ve always been drawn to television shows that feature realistic gay characters.  Will & Grace, Teletubbies, Ellen, Queer As Folk, Glee, Modern Family, Gossip Girl … they’re all great.  But gay cartoon characters?  They are hardly ever realistic, but are always lots of fun.  Here’s a top ten list of my favorites:

10. Snagglepuss
Snagglepuss is a big pink lion that talks a lot like an even gayer version of The Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz. Heavens to Murgatroyd!  The collar, the cufflinks, the flamboyance — he’s clearly gay, a homo even!  Exit, stage left!

http://www.youtube.com/v/L807pDZLWKs?fs=1&hl=en_US

9. Ren & Stimpy
Were Ren & Stimpy gay?  Of course they were.  They lived together and shared a bed. Oh, and as you’ll see in the video below, they had crazy butt sex too! Talk about, “Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!”

http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/video/x7f568?width=&theme=none&foreground=%23F7FFFD&highlight=%23FFC300&background=%23171D1B&start=&animatedTitle=&iframe=0&additionalInfos=0&autoPlay=0&hideInfos=0

8. He-Man & She-Ra
He-Man and his identical sister, She-Ra were both pretty gay. In his little loincloth and metal chest straps, He-Man was always running around with his sword. And She-Ra? She was a total lesbian.

http://www.youtube.com/v/-KzcE9-5cpU?fs=1&hl=en_US

7. Vanity Smurf & the rest of The Smurfs
Let’s face it — all of The Smurfs were pretty gay. With only one lady running around, what choice did they have? But none was gayer than Vanity Smurf, with a pink flower in his Smurf-hat (?) and an obsession with mirrors (he often kisses his own reflection), there’s no question that Vanity is a member of the team.

http://www.youtube.com/v/jwxOom02K1Q?fs=1&hl=en_US

6. Patty Bouvier & Waylon Smithers
While the gay character that most people might think about when they think of The Simpsons is Waylon Smithers (who has been lusting after Mr. Burns for years), my favorite is Marge‘s sister: Patty Bouvier. Patty came out in season 16 and is the only ‘out’ series regular on the show.

http://www.youtube.com/v/7TneHU7Sf8g?fs=1&hl=en_US

5. Fred & Velma
Fred, that orange ascot? Seriously? And Velma? Who are you kidding…

http://i.adultswim.com/adultswim/video2/tools/swf/viralplayer.swf

4. Bugs Bunny
Remember all those times that Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl? How about all those time (s)he kissed Elmer Fudd on the lips? Just say’n…

http://www.youtube.com/v/SQSprWzEB_s?fs=1&hl=en_US

3. Mr. Slave, Mr. (and Mrs.) Garrison & Big Gay Al
Of course there’s Big Gay Al and Mr. (and occasionally Mrs.) Garrison — but my favorite gay character on South Park is Mister Slave. He’s dressed in leather, enjoys a nice smack on the ass and often says, “Jesus Christ!”

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:southparkstudios.com:153723

2. Timon & Pumbaa
Timon & Pumbaa are outcasts, best friends and enjoy a nice song and dance. They’re happy together and live by the philosophy of ‘Hakuna Matata‘ — what a beautiful couple!

http://www.youtube.com/v/ejEVczA8PLU?fs=1&hl=en_US

1. Walter & Perry
And finally, my favorite animated gays: Walter and Perry from Home Movies! You may not have heard of these two or their cartoon, but after you watch this clip, you’ll fall instantly in love. They’re adorable, hilarious and totally in love!

http://www.youtube.com/v/gr0l6MiC8H8?fs=1&hl=en_US

http://www.youtube.com/v/v8P6760ap7s?fs=1&hl=en_US

And that wraps up my top ten favorite animated gay characters. Do you agree with my list? Did I forget anyone? Tell me your favorites in the comments!