Tag Archives: garlic

Advice From The Expert… ASK ADAM!

It seems that people are always pestering me for my expert advice.  Truth be told, I’m awesome at everything.  I know all of the answers.  All you have to do is ask.  That’s why I’m introducing my new advice column: Advice From The Expert… Ask Adam! 


Dear Adam: What should I make for dinner tonight?
Signed, Starving For Supper

How about a nice micro-green salad topped with a simple ginger and garlic-spiked orange glazed tempeh!  Nom!


Dear Adam: I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who was young, cute, and rich. But I only got two out of three. Should I hold out for the full package or should I settle for hot but poor?
Signed, Should I Settle?

How many young, cute and rich guys do you know that aren’t characters on Gossip Girl? Be happy that you landed 2/3 of the perfect man!


Dear Adam: I know you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, but what are you proscribed from wearing after Memorial Day?
Signed, Fashion Backwards

When in doubt … just wear plaid!


Dear Adam: How can I get my husband to clean his bathroom more often?
Signed, Wedded Pissed

Two words: WITHHOLD SEX. It’s the best way to get whatever you want!  That bathroom will be sparkling in no time!


Dear Adam: A couple of vegans moved in across the street. Should I be afraid of their aggressive cult-like ways?
Signed, Confused Carnivore

Trust me, vegans are just like everyone else! … but just to be safe, make sure to lock your doors and windows after dark.


Dear Adam: My younger brother is a great guy but has no self-esteem. His lack of confidence has kept him from doing anything with his life. He’s in a dead end job, hasn’t had a relationship in years, and his circle of friends has dwindles more and more each year. I want to encourage him, but he refuses to discuss his plans or goals with anyone. I just want him to be happy, but he clearly is not. What should I do?
Signed, Sibling Misery

Don’t worry, he’ll grow up eventually. Can I have his number?


Dear Adam: What the hell should I do with my life?
Signed, Miss Direction

Become a prostitute! Prostitutes make TONS of money!  You’ll be rich in not time at all!


Have a question for Adam? Email him today!

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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 7

Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate six weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Last week we took a look at a single meal that each of our contestants submitted. This week we’re taking a look inside each of their refrigerators. Just what are they hiding inside? We’re about to find out!


Mikey
In my fridge are a wild and crazy assortment of take out food products. With Ty away for work, I have indulged my inner bachelor with all the food ordering options Brooklyn has to offer. Please note the half eaten piece of carrot cake (gross) and the assorted condiments that I save from my meals and eventually throw out.


TwoPi
Apparently I’ve found a time machine, and managed to reverse what little progress I’d made so far in the competition. Time to reassess and regroup for next week. As for the fridge… From the top going down, reading left to right: We store cereal, dishwasher detergent, and pain medication on top of the fridge. I didn’t open up the freezer, but had I done so, you’d see ice cube trays and assorted frozen fruit, a few kinds of frozen pasta (ravioli mostly, for my kids mostly), and coffee grounds stored in the door. On the front of the freezer: a few photos of friends and their children, various coupons and papers, and fridge magnets, including our Puntabulous Memorial Magnet. Top shelf of the fridge: On the left, mostly jars, mostly condiments. On the right, beverages, primarily half-gallon glass bottles of milk, from a local dairy, and some fruit and veg juices. Next layer: cheeses (in the drawer), eggs (and dyed hard-boiled eggs in the cardboard container) Lowest shelf: Strawberries, apple sauce, juices, and some leftovers in the white bowl with blue lid. (Chicken and veg stir fry, if memory serves me correctly). Low bins: various shredded cheeses and tortillas on the left, various vegetables on the right. Door: The obligatory collection of salad dressings, steak sauce, and other random condiments, butter in the butter bin, random adult beverages on the lowest shelf.


Polt
So this week, we’re doing our fridge photo. Mine is now filled with stuff on my diet: meat (steak, sausages, ham) and salad stuff (lettuce, carrots, celery, cheese, hard boiled eggs, etc) and plenty of condiments (ketchup, A-1 Steak sauce, several different kinds of salad dressing). The yogurt’s been there a few weeks, too many carbs for me to eat too often. Diet Coke. Oh and that bottle of wine’s been there since before Christmas…have to find just the right time to drink that.


Ryan
A lot of the food here is actually my roommate’s, especially in the freezer. My single serving ice creams are just off camera in the freezer door. The other items of note are the blue containers filled with the beans that I cooked last night ready to be taken with me to work.


Tam
My fridge is usually filled with pretty healthy stuff, lots of cheese products, meats, fruits, veggies and things for lunches like juice boxes, pudding, fruit cups, etc. Also lots of random stuff like pickles, salad dressing, condiments. And usually leftovers of some kind, we always seem to have leftovers.


Mr. Sombrero
Yeah, there’s mostly veggie and dairy action goin’ on in my refridge. Some soy and hummus goodies in between. And no, that’s not dried up poop, that’s a ginger root. Also, some cat food for Mr. Mini Sombrero.


Michelle M.

This is pretty much how the fridge always looks. Missing are containers of leftovers. I cook “real meals” about twice a week. Other nights we eat leftovers. The two nights a week Harry plays hockey, I usually have soup or rice. Weekends we go out for dinner or scrounge around in the cupboards. The container in the back is ground flax seed (which I always forget to sprinkle on stuff). The beer is Harry’s, I drink the zinfandel. Other stuff you see are condiments, salad dressing, salsa (is salsa a condiment?), applesauce, fruit, veggies, salad, assorted juices and water, butter (boo!) and soda (boo!). Pretty healthy for the most part. I’m glad Adam didn’t ask for a picture of the freezer. That’s where the thin mints, tater tots and ice cream live.


Adam
I admit it: My fridge usually isn’t this empty. I usually go grocery shopping on Sunday, but since last Sunday was some random Christian holiday, my grocery store was closed. So this week I’m just going to starve! Here’s what I have… Freezer door: frozen corn, peas, broccoli and Brussels sprouts. Freezer: frozen pitas and English muffins, 2 leftover frozen black bean burgers, and ice cube tray storage. Fridge door: ketchup, jelly, a few miscellaneous condiments, iced tea, seltzer water, almond “milk”, garlic, and a giant bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale that I got for my birthday (last July). Fridge: basket containing 3 apples, water, mozzarella-style vegan cheese, leftover pizza sauce, hummus, 2 whole wheat pitas, tofu, tempeh, and a bottle of diet root beer (hiding behind the water) that I can’t drink because I stopped drinking soda. Woohoo!


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

The Unadventurous Eater: Adam’s Beanie Burgers


No pork. No seafood. No cheese. No tofu, mayonnaise, yogurt, eggs, horseradish, mustard, mushrooms, etc., etc. I’m a little picky when it comes to food. Harry and I have determined that if I ever had a cooking show it would be called “The Unadventurous Eater.” I’m always on the lookout for new recipes with ingredients that don’t gross me out. So when Adam told me about his Black Beanie Burgers – Mr. Sombrero Approved! I couldn’t wait to try out the recipe. Here it is:

2 15oz cans of black beans, rinsed and drained
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 small onion, minced
2 tsp. Creole seasoning
1/4 cup bread crumbs
1/2 cup flour
1 cup frozen corn
optional: Add some hot pepper seeds or cayenne pepper to give them some extra flavor.

Makes about 10-12 burgers (depending on how big u make your patties).

Mix and smoosh (works best if you use your hands) all ingredients. Form into patties and freeze for a few hours or until they’re fully frozen. If you’re in a big rush, don’t bother freezing them and just throw them on the grill — but they stay together better if you freeze em first.

Cook frozen patty on a George Forman-style grill or frying pan with a little bit of olive oil spray until they brown a bit (maybe 10 minutes? I’ve never really timed it). I liked to squish them a little in the GF grill about 1/2 way through.

Suggested topping: grilled cubanelle or bell peppers, grilled mushrooms, lettuce and a smear of roasted red pepper hummus. Serve on a toasted English muffin instead of a hamburger roll. Mmmm.

When I cook, I like to put on some music. I thought Adam Ant would be appropriate, but I don’t have any on my player, so I put on some Andy Gibb. Adam, Andy, whatever.

Next I had Harry pour me some wine. When I cook, I also like to drink. Harry is having a beer, because as he says, “If you’re not drinking with me, you’re drinking against me.” When Harry is hungry his eyes turn red. And stop looking at our brown lawn. That’s going to be replaced this summer after we tear out the patio.


Here I am enjoying my beloved Beringer’s in a plastic champagne glass. Klassy! I do have fancy wine glasses, but I have to hand wash them and that is just too much for me to deal with. Cheers!


Here are the ingredients. I bought the Creole seasoning especially for this recipe. Speaking of Creole, I just finished watching season 1 and 2 of True Blood. My favorite character is Lafayette! Isn’t he the best? LOVE him!


Exactly! HBO is free for us this weekend, so I get to watch Season 3. By the time you read this I will have had a True Blood pajama marathon! It’s good to be me.


How big is a small onion anyway? The store pretty much has one size. So I just cut it in two and used half.


Doesn’t this look delicious? The smooshing was fun.


Balls! Tee hee. After I flattened them, I froze them for about 2 hours.


If you don’t have a George Foreman grill, I highly recommend one.


Here is Harry assembling his burger. He put everything Adam suggested on his. I skipped the mushrooms, peppers and hummus (I don’t like tahini). Luckily for Harry and for Adam, the hummus was not too garlicky and Harry didn’t have to sleep on the couch. Yay!


Here is the beauty shot. I also made sweet potato fries and steamed some broccoli. So what did we think of Adam’s Beanie Burgers – Mr Sombrero approved!?

*Yes we eat on tv trays. Once again, keeping it Klassy.


They were terrific! I think next time I make them, I’ll put in a little more cayenne pepper. We like it spicy. I might also see what happens if I put in a little less flour. But in all, Adam’s Beanie Burgers – Mr. Sombrero approved! were delicious. They taste great, are easy to make (not much prep work is needed), are super healthy and are very versatile. The next day Harry put one on a tortilla and I had my burger with barbecue sauce, chips and a pickle. I’m going to try one tomorrow with salsa.

*That’s berry flavored iced tea (yuck). I totally had more chips than are in the photo. I didn’t want to look like a pig.


On my peas in a pod scale, I give Adam’s recipe 5 peas in a pod! Thanks Adam!

If you have a recipe for me to try (that doesn’t include any yucky ingredients) send it to me and I’ll make it and rate it next time on “The Unadventurous Eater”!