Tag Archives: french fries

A Holiday Glee-cap

I’m fairly certain that Michelle M., Craig and myself are the only ones that still watch Glee.  So instead of accepting that you’ve given up on the series, I’ve decided to cram the crap-fest down your unwelcoming throats!  Behold, the highlights of last week’s Holiday episode:



Random Crap #2

What does one do when they’ve had a busy week, realize they have a post due the next day and have no time or idea of what to do? Why, cobble together some random crap and send it in to Adam, that’s what.

1. Burger King was giving away free french fries on Saturday and Sunday.

Diet? What diet?

2. Did you know that you can tell which side of the car the gas tank is on by the little pump picture on the gas indicator? If the pump is on the right, the tank is on the right, and if it’s on the left, the tank is on the left. I just learned about this recently, thanks to Vanna White.

3. Adam posted this picture of a superhero cake on Facebook. Once again, Wonder Woman has been overlooked. It’s deplorable.

Here’s a cake that did it right. And it probably tastes better, too.

4. I went to the pet store with Harry and didn’t come home with all the parakeets.

5. The new Prometheus trailer looks amazing!

I got chills watching it. I can’t wait!!

So there you have it, my (Not) Friday 5, er, Random Crap (part two)! Stay tuned next week to see if I post another tired 5 list or finally come up with something original.

Hot guys skip the fries.

Tuesday night I met up with Ryan for the third annual West Coast Puntabulous Get Together! We met in La Jolla (where the rich people and Ryan live) at Five Guys. Enrico suggested I try Five Guys french fries once upon a comment (more on that in an upcoming post), so I was excited to see what they had to offer.

They had these fancy soda dispensers. I felt like I was in Japan.
*I chose grape Fanta

Here is my healthy, nutritious dinner.

I had the Adam special – lots of pickles. Yum!

Man, they don’t skimp on fries.

Ryan did not order fries, which is why he looks like this. Hubba Hubba! Because he is a
gentleman and did not want me to feel like the pig I am, he ate a couple of my fries.
* right after I took this photo Ryan ripped off his shirt and did 50 pull-ups.

The world’s population hit 7 billion. Most of that is comprised of Ryan’s family.
Did you know he has 70 cousins?

We talked until the wee hours of the morning, then Ryan put his shirt back on
and we said our goodbyes. The end.

i don’t get it.

There are many things that confound me. Here are some of them.

1. Joanna Newsom
She’s a singer (if you can call that awful noise coming out of her singing). I don’t even know if I like her songs, because I can’t get past her disturbingly odd, babyish voice. It makes me want to stab someone everyone. YUCK. I wouldn’t want to subject anyone to an entire song, so here’s a brief (you’re welcome) taste of her singing in a commercial. How is she successful? Who is buying her records? For the love of god, why won’t someone stop her? I don’t get it.

2. The Lottery
I don’t get why I can’t win the damn thing. I would be sooo good at being filthy rich.

3. French fries
Why can’t I find good french fries? I like a nice, hot, greasy fry. Greasy enough that the salt sticks to them (and doesn’t bounce off). I do not like firm, crispy fries! When you hold them they should be flaccid. Now, McDonalds (circa the seventies) made a great fry. Alas, the movement to make healthy fries ruined what used to be my favorite food. If I wanted to be healthy, I would eat a frickin’ apple. And what’s with the weird coating some of them have? Lame. And I hate that they turn into hard, dry matchsticks if you don’t eat them quickly enough. It’s all so very sad. I just don’t get it.

4. aging
Why is anti-aging research not a priority? Who cares about new football stadiums, flying cars, diseases, space exploration and wars if I am not around to enjoy them? I don’t get it. Don’t scientists and the powers that be in government not realize that they are aging too? They need to get on this stat. I’m falling apart here!

5. Wonder Woman movie
I don’t get it. Who wouldn’t want to see a Wonder Woman movie? No one, that’s who. Will I ever get to see Princess Diana on the silver screen in my lifetime? C’mon Hollywood – give the people (me) what they want. For crying out loud, Elektra, Daredevil, Captain America and the Green Lantern got their own movies. Even stupid Thor got a movie. Speaking of which, have you seen Conan’s version? OMG, it’s brilliant. ker-SMASH!

Other things I don’t get: math, the Kardashians, football, duckface, steampunk and sushi. What don’t you get? Let me know in comments!

My Last Meal

The other day I came across a macabre, yet interesting blog – Dead Man Eating. It features the last meals of prisoners condemned to death. In the event that Mr. M. cheats on me or Adam shares another stupid vagina-hate post, I will most likely be enjoying a last meal of my own.

I’m probably going to be a little depressed and anxious about sitting in Old Sparky, so I’d like to share my last supper with some people who will lift my spirits. Here are some of my favorite comedians who will keep me laughing all the way down that green mile. By the way, I’m going to see the hilarious Kathy Griffin this month! Second row! If you’re not totally jealous, there is something wrong with you.

I gave a ridiculous amount of thought into what I want my last meal to be.

I will start with a couple of Godiva’s milk chocolate caramels, then gnosh on some nuts (macadamia, Brazil and pecans are my favorites). Next, I’ll have a few handfuls of Lay’s potato chips and Tostito’s Hint of Lime chips (aka: the devil’s chips). Oh my god, I love bread and butter! I think the Outback’s bread is deeelicious – I can eat it forever. I’ll be wanting a nice juicy steak, too (suck it Adam. Woohoo! Kathy Griffin!). And french fries – greasy and salty, please. A tomato salad sounds tasty, as does corn on the cob with enough butter to bring Paula Deen to orgasm – gotta make sure to eat my veggies (right, Polt?). Chicken in brandy peppercorn sauce is next on the list, followed by mashed potatoes (food of the gods). I must have some grilled pineapple, too. I’ll wash this all down with fruity cocktails (and keep ’em coming)! For dessert I’d like a piece chocolate cake with ice cream and a slice of cherry pie. And finally, a wafer thin-mint.

So, what would you like your last meal to be? And with whom would you like to share it? Let me know in the comments!

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2

It’s been four months since our last Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser contest drew to a close.  Since then, some of our contestants have let their weight slip in the wrong direction.  That’s why we’re back with Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2.  This time we’re upping the ante and the competition will be more fierce, more exciting, and more … populated!  We’re starting this week with 18 players divided into 9 teams.  Most of our players from the first BC&RL contest have returned, along with a bunch of new faces.  Starting next week, you’ll be voting to eliminate players each week until our finale in about three months.  After our winner is crowned, we’ll catch up with all of our eliminated players and award the biggest behind-the-scenes loser with a special prize.  Are you excited?  So are we!  Let’s meet the players…

Mikey: Mikey is the name; weight loss is my mission.  After losing our last competition by gaining weight instead of losing it, I am determined to kick some butt and take names.  My basic approach to this will be avoiding all the foods I find to be tasty and fulfilling, so basically I’m going to eat like Adam.  I would call it the Ginger diet, but people might think I’m only going to eat ginger root or actual gingers, which would be really gross.  I also intend to do something I haven’t done in a very long time: work out.  I’m usually morally opposed to this kind of thing as it causes me to sweat, which is not very nice.  If I slip on the sweat, I’m going to sue.
Ty: My Goal: Duh, to lose weight. That goal does not include coming to terms with my deeper issues towards food (I like it) and exercise (I hate it). My Plan: To throttle anyone who tells me how he often gets so busy he forgets to eat, or what a high she gets from exercising for five hours every day. I’m not sure yet how that will help me lose weight, but it will definitely make me feel better.

GINGY & THE HAT Adam & Mr. Sombrero
Adam: I’ve grown rather plump in the last few months.  Let’s face it: eating is fun.  Food is delicious.  I like things that are fun and delicious.  It’s really the perfect combination.  And as my weight began to grow and grow, I knew in the back of my mind that I would be able to lose it all when I was ready.  So now it’s time to do that … and it’s kind of awesome that I can drag you all along with me.  Make no mistake:  I’m going to win BC&RL this time.  I’m going to lose a lot of weight in the next three months.  And I’m going to destroy you all.  It’s just that simple!  HAHAHAHA!!! <– evil laughter
Mister Sombrero: Hi, my name is Mr. Sombrero and I’m an alcoholic Adam’s boyfriend.  I have a biiiiiiiig sombrero, un mustacho and un grande belly, because I love tacos, burritos, and I can’t say no to an empanada.  My weight-loss regiment will include watching Jane Fonda Exercise Videos and the Anything-Cheese Diet®. I would like to point out that I’m a lousy teammate and I have scored in the 100th percentile on the ‘Have You Ever Annoyed Adam’ quiz I can’t wait to win this!  Ay-ay-ay!!!!

Polt: Hello all, this is Polt. Along with the baldy beautiful Jere, we make up The Jailhouse Lawyers! I have several plans for the contest. Plan 1: Will the weight to fall off. If that doesn’t work, Plan 2: Have enormous amounts of sex to increase my caloric usage, and work the weight off. If that doesn’t work, Plan 3: Die. Lots of weight falls of when you’re dead. And after all the fast food, Mama Polt’s lard cooked food, and candy I’ve consumed over the past week, I got lotsa weight to lose! I got this thing in the bag!
Jere: Hi, I’m Jere. As a law student, stress eating and lack of time for exercise is just a way of life. But I’m hoping to change that in 2011. I’d love to shed the pounds I put on last semester. I would claim I’m doing this to be healthy and blah blah blah, but I really just want to get laid and New York homos can be very shallow.

TEAM OINK Harry & Michelle M.
I am Harry McFatty. I need to lose a few pounds because I’ve been drinking too much beer.
Michelle M.: Hi! I’m Michelle M. My goal is to be as slender as Joshrico. But I’ll settle for dropping the 10 pounds I’ve been carrying around for the past 10 years or so.

Mel: After a holiday season of chocolate binging, I’ve packed back on a few of the 40 pounds I lost last year. I’m still around 30 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest, but Good Dog am I feeling bloated lately. And strangely, people keep telling me I have this glow about me. Fuckers.
John: (Written By Mel) John is a mysterious man-rabbit who allegedly looks something like the one to the right. Craig & Tam may or may not know otherwise, but they’re not talking. Perhaps out of sheer terror.

I wasn’t a fat kid; I’ve been slowly and steadily gaining weight my entire life. This morning, I weighed more than I’ve ever weighed. (These last few weeks of total indulgence have certainly taken their toll!) I don’t mind being pudgy, but the land of pudgy borders on the land of fat, as we all know, and THAT JUST AIN’T COOL. I intend to use an online calorie and fitness tracker called Sparkpeople. I’ll also be using bento boxes (to make portion control more fun, because in reality it totally sucks). I’ll also be making a real effort to increase my walking, bike riding, number of yoga classes, and I might even do the Two Hundred Situps program again.
I’ve discovered that sitting at a desk all day and having french fries at the cafeteria every day is not conducive to keeping one’s pants size. Somehow, I managed to survive the holidays without doing to much damage. Hopefully, this contest will give me the motivation to move around and make my own healthy food.

Paul: Hey guys, since I am a type 2 diabetic and have not taken care of it for 2 years this is not simply a weight loss contest for me but a need to change my life.  I will be seeing the doctor next week and I’m sure he will get me back on my meds, insist on reasonable diet, and regular exercise.  My mantra for the year is “lose 50 to get to 50” so watch out!  Here comes a future skinny bitch!  For now, I need Whitey to help me read the scale.
FDot: I am FDot. I also have an Indian name, but it has a large number of consonants and I forget their order. For recreation, I like to look outside windows. I have already started my plan for this competition by ordering all the weight loss medications I see advertised on TV. In addition to losing weight, I will also suffer liver failure, heart attacks, kidney implosions, an addiction to gambling and uncontrollable sobbing.

Tam: Because I feel like a giant lump of lard that is getting nothing but bigger and bigger, I have chosen to publicly humiliate myself by joining this challenge. My goal is to not get eliminated in the first round due to my weakness for all foods containing calories and have my partner hate me for life thus traumatizing him the first week of the competition. Hopefully I’ll be a slightly smaller lump of lard by the end of this process and that we can kick everyone’s ass, without ending up out of breath and in need of oxygen.
Nathan: Due to the rapid expansion of my waistline, I’ve decided to endure this competition. Regardless of how far I make it in this competition, I’ve made a new year’s resolution not to eat out ever (beer exempted) for three months. My main goal in this competition is not to be eliminated first. I have confidence in Tam and I’s capabilities, and we are going to bring it for this competition!

ENCRAIGO Enrico & Craig
Enrico: Hey y’all. I’m Enrico and I won the first round of BC&RL. After adding on the pounds last time, I’m ready to lose them so I can win again. And let’s be honest, if I lose even 10 pounds, my percentage of body weight lost will probably be greater than the 1 or 2 pounds that everyone else will lose. Adam, get ready to send me a prize… again!
Craig: Hello there! I’m Craig from Puntabulous and even though my Mom says she doesn’t want me to lose a pound, I’d love nothing more than to get rid of my muffin top! Seriously, if you flick my muffin top, my boobs jiggle. No joke! So my goal is to create some healthy habits and eliminate jigglage!

Now that you’ve met all of our contestants, who do you think will win?  Place your bets in the comments!  And check back next Thursday for the results of our first weigh-in!