Tag Archives: fast

How To Get Super Ripped So Everyone Wants To Have Sex With You!

I was paging through the latest issue of Details magazine and I don’t know why, but this article caught my eye.

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It’s all about The Six Fastest Ways To Get Ripped; which are (1) pull-ups, (2) bench presses, (3) squats, (4) farmers walks*, (5) military presses* and (6) deadlifts*. BUT I DISAGREE! That list is complete bullshit.

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Here’s my list of The Fastest 6 Ways to Get Ripped:

1. Have good genes.
2. Exercise 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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3. Take lots of steroids.
4. Never eat anything that tastes good.

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5. When the photographer comes, make sure you’re super tan, dehydrated, and covered in oil.
6. Make sure that they Photoshop the crap out of you so you look perfect!

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are super ripped and everyone wants to have sex with you!

*You may be wondering WTF farmers walks, military presses and deadlifts are. I have no idea. If I had actually read the article, I could probably tell you.


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Stuff I actually dream about

In my last post I talked about the things I like to daydream about.
But what do I dream about when I’m fast asleep? Let’s find out…

Monday I dreamed that Jessica Simpson was coming out with a line of butter candies. The flavors she had were: buttered toast, buttered popcorn, hot buttered rum and baked potato with butter. She needed my help to come up with the 5th flavor. I suggested buttered waffles.

Tuesday I dreamed that I worked at the Mad Men offices. I was going through everyone’s files to find out what their salaries were. I’m sneaky that way.

Wednesday I dreamed that I was hanging out with Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman. She was really impressed that I had a gold ring with three purple stones (I do not really have a gold ring with three purple stones).

Thursday I dreamed that I was a consumer reporter analyzing pool rafts.

Friday I dreamed that I couldn’t open my high school locker. It seemed I spent all night trying to open my combination lock. I hate those kinds of dreams. (In high school my locker combination was 10-16-38).

Saturday I dreamed that I was in charge of refreshments for the Honey Boo Boo airshow (she would jump out of an airplane and fly to the ground). I couldn’t find a dozen doughnuts, cupcakes or cookies, so I had to mix and match. It was very frustrating.

On Sunday I dreamed that I went to a party thrown by Kathy Griffin. I par-tayed until the wee hours. The next day Liam Neeson was mad at me for keeping his little boy out all night long. I guess I was supposed to be babysitting him – oops.

So what does any of this mean? Who cares. At least I didn’t dream that my teeth were falling out or that I had a mouth full of gum. My favorite dreams are flying dreams – but I rarely have those. What are some of the weird dreams you have? Let me know in comments!


Straight Girls & Gay Porn

So when Adam and Michelle put out their whiny request saying they were “tired” and “too exhausted” to post this week (wah wah wah) and DESPERATELY wanted guest posts, I thought … what could I, the classy sophisticated woman that I am, write about for a guest post? Of course, the obvious answer was Mikey’s favorite: hardcore gay porn.

Now everyone knows that straight girls only like porn with romantic music and floaty curtains, and soft gentle non-threatening male actors, right? Heh. Yeah. Well, I can’t speak on behalf of all straight girls, only the ones in my little pervy corner of the universe, and that description? Not so much. I decided I would do a survey of a few of my friends who I know enjoy a little man-on-man action, or at least a picture of a nekkid bottom now and then. Well, they told two friends, and they told two friends and so on, and so on. You know the drill. I ended up with 110 responses. Ack! I needed to buy a Survey Monkey pay subscription to access them all.

So what is the story with these women? They’re just looking at artsy pictures right? Well, we’re looking at pictures, I’m not sure how many are “artsy”. Have you been to Tumblr lately? Ahem. 97.3% have a gander at the boys, many on a daily basis, or several times daily, or hourly. Do you know how fast a dashboard moves on that site? Ya gotta keep up or you’ll miss a good one.

Now surely they’re not WATCHING videos. I must be alone in that jungle of testosterone, right? Oh no, I’m not alone. Basically 83% of us girls surveyed like to watch some hot video action, although we are basically cheap and don’t want to pay for it.

Okay, but they’re all single and sad and desperate like me I’m sure. Hmmm. Maybe? 37.6% of us are footloose and fancy free and can watch whatever the hell we want on the internet. But 35.6% have husbands who don’t really care.

I got some interesting comments:

So there you have it. But you’re asking “why?” right? Most people do, even other straight girls. And no, none of us imagine one of the ‘stars’ coming to their senses and sweeping us off our feet. Some of us like to watch straight porn or girl-on-girl as well, but there are a lot of common reasons women don’t like watching porn with other women in it. We are not the target audience. It’s aimed at men and as a rule shows women that men (supposedly) find attractive. The men involved don’t really matter, because straight guys are staring at the women. Straight girls? We’re looking at Ron Jeremy. Ack. If that’s not a freaking turn-off what is? I like to look at attractive men and seriously, you aren’t going to find many in straight porn. So I’ll go where my eye can enjoy the view, doubly, or more.

Here are some of the comments from my survey respondents:

So there you have it folks. In general the reasons why some of us girls like gay porn are: we like men and the way men look; straight porn makes us feel icky or self-conscious; and … it’s just hot. *shrug*

I received so many interesting answers to my questions about porn stars on twitter, live sex shows, strippers and how “out” you are with your habit, that I will definitely be using much of this info for some posts on my own site. Too much great data not to mine for other posts. I admit my survey sample was skewed to those who already have an interest in the subject matter, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as fun otherwise.

I know porn is not for everyone, but if it’s your thing, happy watching.


Check out Tam’s blog: Tam Reads, Writes & Rambles, read her reviews at Brief Encounters, or follow her on twitter.

A Very Poopy Christmas: Part 5

Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4