Tag Archives: fashion

Biggest C&R Loser 2013

Biggest_CR_Loser_2013

Welcome to the 9th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40!  This week’s theme is “THE LITTLE THINGS YOU HATE” – Everyone is annoyed by something. What’s one of the ‘little things’ that bother our contestants? Maybe it’s the blobby fat hanging over their waist bands or the way that diet food always tastes awful. Let’s find out what bothers them!


Tam

Fruit_Plate

The little things. Little tiny portions. Seriously, look on the package of some of your fave snack foods. 120 calories… for 8 chips. WTF? No one in their right mind eats 8 chips or 1 cookie. Get a grip manufacturers.


TwoPi

twopi-feb28-big

Annoyances? I’m annoyed that my weight seems stuck, just fluctuating between two numbers for week after week. And I’m annoyed that I keep forgetting that there’s a blurb due on Wednesdays, so I’m always dealing with these at the 11th hour.


Adam

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Ya know what bugs me? The fact that junk food is delicious and yet it makes me feel bad about myself! I need liposuction and/or Lap-Band surgery. Too bad I spent my last $5 on this stupid contest.


Michelle M.

bcrlh

I hate that I have to wear jeans and long sleeved shirts when it’s 90 degrees because I can’t fit into my shorts and tshirts. So maybe I better get going on this weight loss thing. Summer is just around the corner (especially in San Diego).


Mikey

little things

Little things that drive me crazy??? Numbers! All I do now for my diet is think about numbers: calories, grams, and amount of time moving. The only numbers that are not small that are driving me crazy are my weight and my pant size. THE HUNGER IS TO BIG TO BE A LITTLE ANNOYING THING.


Mr. Sombrero

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I hate my job! Was that the question? I’m sick of people and I don’t even have time to diet these days. Somebody pay me to nap and be happy!!


Nathan

aviarios-del-caribe-sloth-sanctuary.10968.large_slideshow

The little thing I hate the most is my own laziness! There is so much that I could accomplish if I were less lazy (the least of which is getting more done for this competition).


Polt

guilt

This week it’s the little things we hate about the contest. Hmm, I don’t think any of them are little. I HATE being fat in the first place. I hate having to diet. I hate having to exercise when I feel like blobbing on the couch. I hate that the food I’m suppose to eat, I don’t like, and the food I LOVE is bad for me. I hate not looking like a male fashion model. I hate Congressional Republicans and their policies. Wait….I digress….

What I hate most, I think, is the guilt. When I go to bed at night and I realize I haven’t walked, even though I had the time. Or when I order a regular Pepsi at a restaurant instead of just water. Or when I eat a whole freaking (small-sized) pizza instead of a salad. I hate the guilt the comes with it. But I’m used to guilt…I kill it by eating a Cadbury caramel egg!


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Advice From The Expert… ASK ADAM!

It seems that people are always pestering me for my expert advice.  Truth be told, I’m awesome at everything.  I know all of the answers.  All you have to do is ask.  That’s why I’m introducing my new advice column: Advice From The Expert… Ask Adam! 


Dear Adam: What should I make for dinner tonight?
Signed, Starving For Supper

How about a nice micro-green salad topped with a simple ginger and garlic-spiked orange glazed tempeh!  Nom!


Dear Adam: I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who was young, cute, and rich. But I only got two out of three. Should I hold out for the full package or should I settle for hot but poor?
Signed, Should I Settle?

How many young, cute and rich guys do you know that aren’t characters on Gossip Girl? Be happy that you landed 2/3 of the perfect man!


Dear Adam: I know you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, but what are you proscribed from wearing after Memorial Day?
Signed, Fashion Backwards

When in doubt … just wear plaid!


Dear Adam: How can I get my husband to clean his bathroom more often?
Signed, Wedded Pissed

Two words: WITHHOLD SEX. It’s the best way to get whatever you want!  That bathroom will be sparkling in no time!


Dear Adam: A couple of vegans moved in across the street. Should I be afraid of their aggressive cult-like ways?
Signed, Confused Carnivore

Trust me, vegans are just like everyone else! … but just to be safe, make sure to lock your doors and windows after dark.


Dear Adam: My younger brother is a great guy but has no self-esteem. His lack of confidence has kept him from doing anything with his life. He’s in a dead end job, hasn’t had a relationship in years, and his circle of friends has dwindles more and more each year. I want to encourage him, but he refuses to discuss his plans or goals with anyone. I just want him to be happy, but he clearly is not. What should I do?
Signed, Sibling Misery

Don’t worry, he’ll grow up eventually. Can I have his number?


Dear Adam: What the hell should I do with my life?
Signed, Miss Direction

Become a prostitute! Prostitutes make TONS of money!  You’ll be rich in not time at all!


Have a question for Adam? Email him today!

Enlightening Adam: The Vagina

“Fear (of vaginas) always springs from ignorance.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Misunderstanding … arising from ignorance breeds fear, and fear remains the greatest enemy of peace (and vaginas). – Lester B. Pearson

Recently our very own Adam shared with us a mean, offensive and misguided post about everyone’s friend – the vagina. His obvious distaste and ignorance is distasteful and ignorant! Vaginas aren’t scary – I’m rather attached to mine. Why, the vagina is a miraculous body part which has been celebrated in fashion:

cinema:

the theater:

pop culture:

cuisine:

and art:

Without vaginas, none of us would even be here! Plus, they’re warm and
cozy and perfect to laze around in on a chilly day:

Also, the vagina is a hero! Not a zero.

So, while Adam is free (and encouraged!) to abstain from the ladyflower, I do hope that he will one day overcome his phobia. Or at least stop spewing intolerance and misinformation – such as the following:

1. They’re foreign! What is that thing? It looks like a mess of flappy skin with a hole in the middle. Ew!

They’re not foreign at all. Mine is a U.S. citizen who can vote, run up debt, make fun of Canada, become obese and start wars in the middle east. And Adam, you have a floppy thing with a hole in the middle, too. By the way, did you take biology? You’ve got a lot more than the vagina in your diagram.

2. What’s in there? Teeth? I saw that movie … it was quite eye-opening.

That’s just a myth. Like lightning never striking twice, gum hanging around in your stomach for seven years, Sasquatch or the Puntabuschlong (sorry Polt).

3. They’re smelly! I hear that they often smell of fish sticks and cabbage that has sat in the sun for a bit too long.

Uh, maybe if you never bathe. Mine smells like honeysuckle, cinnamon and baby unicorns.

4. Yeast infections! I’m not even sure what a yeast infection is … but ew! Wash that thing out once and a while!

Men get yeast infections too. I’ve never had one. But then, I don’t bake bread in my vagina.

5. Periods! Menstrual cycle? Yuck! Why is there blood dripping out of your vagina? If it’s bleeding, then maybe you should just let it die!

Oh, but periods are so much fun. Cramps, bloating, mood swings, fatigue…maybe you’re just jealous. Too bad they only last 38 years on average (more or less).

6. Babies come out of them! WTF! How does a freak’n baby fit through that hole? That’s disgusting!

It’s the circle of life Adam! Actually I’m surprised you don’t think babies come from storks or cabbage patches. And disgusting? Perhaps (and don’t forget painful).

7. The clitoris. Straight guys can’t find it … I don’t even know what it is! And upon research … is it just a tiny penis?

For some straight guys this is very true. And very sad. Tragic even.

8. Queefs? My dick never farts … why are there farts coming from your frontside?

Ask Oprah. She seems pretty excited about hers.

9. How do they work? Where does the penis go? Where does the pee come out of? Can Google Maps help me? Please?

Google Maps is not going to help. Try Wikipedia.

10. It’s not a penis! ‘Nuff said!

Can’t argue with that. But, like it or not, the vagina is here to stay. So perhaps we should stop looking at the vagina as an object of horror and instead, embrace this misunderstood bit of anatomy with open arms.

And who knows. Maybe someday Adam will learn to love pussy…

Disappointment

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? I have! I thought that feeling of not belonging would go away when I came out, but it didn’t. I often felt like I wasn’t the right kind of gay for the world that we lived in. I wasn’t super flamboyant, I wasn’t into fashion, and I wasn’t a twink. I also wasn’t the perfect Will to every woman’s Grace. I was just a guy who wanted to figure out what he wanted. And that is exactly what I love about Disappointing Gay Best Friend. I can relate to the gay best friend’s eye rolling and positively normal responses to his female best friend who assumes he is going to whore it up and be obsessed with clothes, going out, and the anal.


Going Out

Fashion

The Anal

Early Signs of Homohood

Coming out of the closet can be a difficult and traumatic time in every homosexual’s life.  Each experience is different.  Some people come out early and some never come out.  Some of us lucky enough to have supporting and accepting families, and some of us are not.

My first step out of the closet was in my early 20s to some of my close friends.  In my mid and late 20s, I came out to most of my family.  When I think about it, I’m disappointed that I waited so long to tell them.

I know such labels are sometimes frowned upon, but I’m a fairly “straight-acting” and “masculine” guy.  I’ve never really fit into the incredibly “stereotypical gay mold.”  I don’t speak with a lisp, I have an awful fashion sense, and I’m not very good at interior design (although I like to think I am).  But that’s not to say that I didn’t exhibit a few questionable signs early-on.  Here are the clues that my family should have picked up on:

My Little Ponies
I’m a child of the ’80s, and while I didn’t play with dolls, I had the next best thing.  My Little Ponies were all the rage, and I had a few of them.  I used to just sit back and let them gallop around my imagination!  My action figures would ride them all around my room.  I’d brush and cut their hair, and if she wasn’t too busy, I’d bug my mom to braid it.  At one point I probably had a dozen My Little Ponies and Trolls, all with braided hair.  It was magical!

G.I. Joes
I never had any of the old G.I. Joes that looked like actual dolls — mine were all the 5-6″ plastic action figures with lots of opposable joints, guns and accessories.  My G.I. Joes never fought each other, as intended.  Mine were all in complex relationships, love triangles, families feuds and usually ended up kissing each other in the end.  I still remember renaming Baroness to “Rebecca.”  She was a total slut.

Legos
Most kids build cars and airplanes out of their Legos.  I always built houses.  Sometimes they were multi-level, sometimes they were ranch houses, and sometimes they were even on top of a boat.  But they were always houses.  Each had bedrooms, bathrooms, a kitchen, family room, etc.  My little Lego people would live in the house.  It was basically just a dollhouse that I could constantly redesign and expand upon.

’80s Plastic Charm Necklaces
These were all the rage in the mid to late ’80s.  And I wanted one SO badly.  Most boys my age weren’t into jewelry, but I wanted one of these necklaces more than anything!  I remember BEGGING my parents, who refused for weeks until they finally gave in.  And then I wore it everywhere.

Madonna & Cindi Lauper
My mom’s music influenced my young tastes.  She loved Madonna and Cindi Lauper the most, and so did I.  I remember pledging my love and devotion to Cindi Lauper at a young age.  My plan was (and still is) to marry her.  And Madonna music?  I still know all the lyrics to her early hits.  My mom thought it was hilarious when I’d sing along.  Her favorite was, “Come on girls. Do you believe in love? ‘Cause I got something to say about it. And it goes something like this!”

Mary Lou Retton
I wasn’t sure if I should include this in my list or not … because it probably makes me more of a lesbian than anything else.  After she gymnasticed her way through the Olympics, I became obsessed with Miss Mary Lou.  I had a poster of her on the wall of my bedroom.  (I also remember having a framed photo of Ronald Reagan too … but I’ll save that story for another time.)  And at every chance I could get, I would watch her exercise-themed TV shorts, ABC Fun Fit.  “Like a tigerrrrr… GROWL!”

Then of course, I grew older.  I became better at hiding things and passed as straight for quite a long time.  But to be honest, I’ve always been a little jealous of the “stereotypical” gay man.  It’s gotta be at least a little easier to come out of the closet when everyone already knows the truth!  If only my family had put the pieces together … my teens would have been slightly less traumatic!