Tag Archives: duck

Stuff I actually dream about

In my last post I talked about the things I like to daydream about.
But what do I dream about when I’m fast asleep? Let’s find out…

Monday I dreamed that Jessica Simpson was coming out with a line of butter candies. The flavors she had were: buttered toast, buttered popcorn, hot buttered rum and baked potato with butter. She needed my help to come up with the 5th flavor. I suggested buttered waffles.

Tuesday I dreamed that I worked at the Mad Men offices. I was going through everyone’s files to find out what their salaries were. I’m sneaky that way.

Wednesday I dreamed that I was hanging out with Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman. She was really impressed that I had a gold ring with three purple stones (I do not really have a gold ring with three purple stones).

Thursday I dreamed that I was a consumer reporter analyzing pool rafts.

Friday I dreamed that I couldn’t open my high school locker. It seemed I spent all night trying to open my combination lock. I hate those kinds of dreams. (In high school my locker combination was 10-16-38).

Saturday I dreamed that I was in charge of refreshments for the Honey Boo Boo airshow (she would jump out of an airplane and fly to the ground). I couldn’t find a dozen doughnuts, cupcakes or cookies, so I had to mix and match. It was very frustrating.

On Sunday I dreamed that I went to a party thrown by Kathy Griffin. I par-tayed until the wee hours. The next day Liam Neeson was mad at me for keeping his little boy out all night long. I guess I was supposed to be babysitting him – oops.

So what does any of this mean? Who cares. At least I didn’t dream that my teeth were falling out or that I had a mouth full of gum. My favorite dreams are flying dreams – but I rarely have those. What are some of the weird dreams you have? Let me know in comments!


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DON’T TRUST THE B—- IN APARTMENT FRIDAY FIVE!

It’s Friday … and that can only mean one thing. It’s time for the Friday Five, MOTHAFUDGERS!

First up this week is the breaking news that a company called Applied Clean Tech has developed a system that makes paper from sewage! Apparently 99.9% of what comes through municipal waste water treatments systems is nasty-ass black and grey “water” … but that other .1% is a goldmine! It’s made up mostly of food waste, toilet paper and clothing fibers. Once cleaned, these “solids” can be transformed into a whole new type of paper. It’s an interesting idea … but I’m not sure if paper made of shit will really catch on.  Cuz it’s made of shit.  S-h-i-t.

Is your vagina white enough? Apparently in India, it’s rather important for your vagina to be as shiny and as white as possible. I had no idea, but I guess there’s a hierarchy of skin tone within the Indian community. “As if it isn’t bad enough that darker-skinned people are encouraged to stay out of the sun and invest in skin-bleaching products like Fair & Lovely, and that white actresses are being imported to play Indian people in Bollywood movies, now everyone has to be insecure about the fact that their vaginas happen to be the color that vaginas are?” On the one hand, this is deeply disturbing … on the other, it’s oddly hilarious (for people with sick senses of humor like me). Check out this commercial for Clean and Dry Intimate Wash:

Wednesday night I went to see David Sedaris! He’s one of my favorite authors, and whenever his tour makes its way to central Jersey I do my best to make it to one of his readings. This was my third time, and he never fails to amuse. The entire audience laughed for 90 minutes straight.  I just love him so much!

Forth on the weekly list of five is something mindless and stupid (JUST LIKE ME!) … it’s the … wait for it … PROCATINATOR! It doesn’t even really require explanation … just click here. Wait until you’re amused, and then hit refresh. Hit refresh again. Now come back to C&R. OMG I’m in heaven. Since I discovered Procatinator, I’ve visited at least 1000 times a day. Seriously.  I’m totally serial.

And finally this week is a web video so amazing that it deserves an introduction by none other than Michelle M.:Sweet Brown! Oh Lord Jesus, I love her.”  And I love you, Michelle M.!  I nominate Sweet Brown for Monday Muse 2012!  Check her out here:

This week’s Five contained paper made out of human shit, sparkling white vaginas, David Sedaris, animated cat .gifs with music, and SWEET BROWN!

OH LORD JESUS! I smell barbeque and that means I must run from my computer!  Now I got bronchitis! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Thank the FSM that the Friday Five is complete!

This week’s runners up: The return of The Big C and Nurse Jackie, Harry M. accepting my Facebook friend request, pizza, avocados, vacation requests, Kathy Griffin, Dawson’s Creek, Party of Five, unsweetened iced tea, and hardcore gay pornography.  DUCK!  (a reference from season 5)

WHAT’S YOUR FRIDAY FIVE??!?!?!?!?!

It’s Party Time!

Last Saturday, a few members of the Puntabugang C&R Army converged upon New York City for a festive evening of friends, vegan (and non-vegan) treats, booze, caffeine-free diet soda, pop music and great conversation.  A wonderful time was had by all, which you can see exhibited in the following 60 out-of-focus, grainy, and often odd photos (some of which were masterfully taken by “The Kid”).  Enjoy!

In attendance:
Chris D., FDot, “The Kid”, Kris, Mikey, Mr. Sombrero, Tam, Jeopardy! champion Ty, & Adam

Not in attendance:
Polt (says I have a sultry and sexy voice), Craig (was curled up in his bed crying over his urinary tract infection), Jere (he was too busy watching American Horror Story), and everyone else.