This is a wooden plaque that Craig mailed to Mr. Sombrero (MY BOYFRIEND).
So my question to you is: What should I do with it?
Over the years, many of us have shared n00d photos of ourselves with Craig. He’s just obsessed with seeing our junk! Today he has decided to share a sampling of his collection with the world. Enjoy!
Last month I announced that one lucky C&R reader would win 100 GRAND*! That’s right —
100 GRAND*! Woohoo! To win, all you had to do was submit a photo of the
ugliest thing that you own. Behold, the submissions (click to enlarge):
Art: A small art print that freaks the hell out of anyone that sees it as evidenced
by the continuous inquiries of “What the hell is that?”
Chair: This chair with green and gold eagles on white upholstery is
perfect example of mid ’70s interior decor!
Light bulb: Neon-orange creepy-looking incandescent light bulb that screams
mid ’90s German-techno-punk-just-rolled-off-of-Bjork-music-video-set-sex-toy.
Puppy: 21″ tall ceramic white poodle with a plastic jewel encrusted collar.
It sits next to my front door, which it guards with its fluffy ferocity.
Purse: I was in the local drug store when the purse caught my eye.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was hideous. I had to buy it.
T-Shirt: That is a whoooole lot of ugly. Except Kari.
Now it’s up to you to decide who wins. The poll will remain open until Friday around noon. One vote per IP address. Winner will be announced Sunday, prize will be mailed within 3 months of announcement. Good luck / Thank you / Congratulations / Whatevah!
*100 Grand refers to a single, standard size 100 Grand candy bar.
Probably none of these – john seems to be leaning towards a dog. Instead of a parakeet.
Which is silly, because, as everyone knows, parakeets are as good as or even better than dogs.
Their poops are smaller and easier to clean up
You’ll never see them pulling a “Toby”
They are cheaper (food, toys, care) than a dog
You don’t need to walk them
They bathe themselves
They will vote for you in important C&R elections
They don’t slobber all over you when you kiss them
They won’t hump your leg
They don’t have bad breath
They sing along to the radio with you
They love youtube
They can fly
They can talk (even though it’s creepy)
They get along well with rabbits
He recently asked for input on his facebook question of the day.
The kid suggested a greyhound – but are greyhounds and rabbits a good mix?
Tam suggested a Cavalier King Charles spaniel…
Justin didn’t weigh in, but I’m sure he would suggest a Siberian Husky.
David P. suggested a large dog,
while Polt would go for a lap dog. Maybe a poodle, like Mama Polt’s Angel.
I am partial to Shiba Inus.
Or collies. You never know when you might fall down a well.
josh said to get a nice dog.
In one of my favorite Kids In the Hall bits, Bruce McCulloch sings the praises of a terrier:
So many choices!
So, john, if you do end up with a dog, I’m sure the lucky pooch you choose will be a great addition to your life and will provide you with lots of love, joy and companionship. Just don’t put a bandanna on it.
And we are back. I know you are all waiting on pins and needles for the final fourteen (and maybe actually hot) shows of the new fall season. Last week we learned that even thought there are a lot of guys on tv this fall, they aren’t all hot. Many of them are actually quite not hot. This is awful. So where are all the hot men these days? Let’s find out.
14. How to be a Gentlemen – Sadly one of this fall’s shows that is supposed to be about men has very boring talent. David Hornsby is cute but Kevin Dillon is creepyish.
13. The Playboy Club – The second show of the season trying to use 60s nostalgia has an admittedly attractive man in it’s cast. Sadly Eddie Cibrian is married to Leann Rhimes. That’s just crazy.
12. Charlie’s Angels – For a show that is probably supposed to be chock full of hot women, it sure has one sexy man in the cast. Sadly, I don’t think there will be a lot of hotties in the regular cast. Ramon Rodriguez (sexy)
11. Ringer – Yes, Buffy is finally back, but more importantly she is surrounded by men ranging from creepy, ancient handsome to dreamy handsom. I hope this twisty show finds a way for all these guys to end up in bed together.
10. The Secret Circle – The CW does find very good man candy and Thomas Dekker definitely qualifies. This shows might have been bumped up on the list had Dekker gone gay like he was supposed to on that other show that time.
9. Whitney – What is with all the women centered shows??? Can’t they at least have more men like Chris D’Elia on them so they can be really hot?
8. Grimm – Things are not looking grim on Grimm. Star David Guintoli has my vote for break out hotty of the year.
7. Hell on Wheels – The title of this show might have hell in it, but the cast looks like heaven. A wide variety of types for all the connoiseurs out there.
6. Terra Nova – In the same class as the previous, this show has more men, but they are younger and hotter. Score! Even if it wants to be this years Lost.
5. Once Upon a Time – One of the real contenders for this year’s Lost has another wide swath of hot men. From the gorgeous Josh Dallas to the sexy male stripper of Robert Carlyle.
4. New Girl – For a show about a girl, this show has some the best Grade A beef out there. Perpetual hottie (and Veronica Mars alum) Max Greenfield is a mild obsession of mine. Oh and Jake Johnson and Lamorne Morris are both suitably hot as well.
3. Homeland – Diego Klattenhoff is hot. He is a man in uniform. I want to see him out of that uniform. That is all.
2. A Gifted Man – As a society, we have been blessed to receive many opportunities to see Patrick Wilson bare buttocks. Sure most of his work is really serious, but who cares. He’s amazing.
1. American Horror Story – It looked for a while like the way to win was to have the most men per screen minute. However the real way to win is to be Dylan McDerrmott. This man is the most gorgeous, sexy, blue-eyed, dark haired piece on the planet. I’m not scared at all.
Every year (or at least the past two) Cocky & Rude has striven to inform our readers of the best new television shows of each season. To come up with our highly important rankings, I use a complicated point system that makes calculating the betting odds on a horse race look like basic addition. These numbers are then thrown out and I evaluate the programs based upon the only aspect that really matters: the hotness of the men on each program. Some say this is shallow, but to them I say “Jerry O’Connell: he’s not cute and he is tv show cyanide.” Now that you know what this post is all about, I will commence with what I do best, which is being a catty bitch while evaluating men.
This season there are THIRTY new scripted television shows. I don’t know if that is a record or anything, but it seems like a lot. Sure there are newer and newer networks introducing scripted shows than ever before, but that can’t account for all the turnover. Anyway, one of these new shows got removed from the list immediately due the fact that it is an animated series focusing primarily on children. I am not gross enough to evaluate the attractiveness of cartoon boys, so I am kindly leaving Allen Gregory off the list.
29. Pan Am – ABC’s “we are gonna copy Mad Men” show ends up all the way at the end of the line for not having a single penis in the cast of series regulars. I don’t like tuna enough to catch this flying honeypot.
28. Boss – Kelsey Grammer needs to go away. That is all I have on this show.
22. Enlightened – Luke Wilson was sorta cute 10 years ago, now he’s just boring. And the other guy in the show looks like a Luke Wilson clone who has a mutation. Solidly cruising down the mediocre lane.
Now that you suffered through the bottom 15, don’t you want to know what shows have all the hotties on them? Well you have to wait. Check back next week for the final 14 shows.