Hey everyone, Craig here! For months we were titillated with the identity of Adam’s significant other, the elusive Mr. Sombrero. It wasn’t until he and Adam went on a trip to the exotic locale of Sandy Hook, New Jersey that we finally got our first glimpse of the man behind the feline sombrero. And there was one thing that stood out about this man. He was hot. Like, really hot. Like, what the fuck was he doing with the ginger turdbagel known as Adam? Clearly Adam is unworthy the hotness that is Mr. Sombrero and I’ve made it my duty to save him from Adam’s repulsiveness and show him what it’s like to be loved by a real man. Me. So I’ve asked everyone’s favorite Photoshop goddess Michelle M. to help me show Mr. Sombrero all the pleasures that dating me could bring to his life:
We could run along the beach with lens flare!
We could ride a tandem bike!
We could go to fairs and feed each other cotton candy right after you do one of those games where you hit the weight with the hammer and set off the bell and win me an adorable pink bunny rabbit!
I could sing you love songs that rival all the birds in the sky!
We can stay up late watching Battlestar Galactica romantic comedies!
Or only watch a few minutes before more carnal pleasures take over. Wink.
And then in the morning we could look positively fabulous while we have breakfast and you remind me how amazing I was the previous night.
And when I’m super rich and famous, you can accompany me on all the fancy red carpet events I’m invited to!
Or we could star in our own private Cialis commercial!
And if none of those things appeal to you, we could just play with our balls for hours and hours and hours.
So what do you say, Mr. Sombrero? Don’t you think it’s time you ditched the zero and got with the hero? I’m eagerly awaiting your sexy phone call text message.