Tag Archives: Christian

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 7

Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate six weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Last week we took a look at a single meal that each of our contestants submitted. This week we’re taking a look inside each of their refrigerators. Just what are they hiding inside? We’re about to find out!

In my fridge are a wild and crazy assortment of take out food products. With Ty away for work, I have indulged my inner bachelor with all the food ordering options Brooklyn has to offer. Please note the half eaten piece of carrot cake (gross) and the assorted condiments that I save from my meals and eventually throw out.

Apparently I’ve found a time machine, and managed to reverse what little progress I’d made so far in the competition. Time to reassess and regroup for next week. As for the fridge… From the top going down, reading left to right: We store cereal, dishwasher detergent, and pain medication on top of the fridge. I didn’t open up the freezer, but had I done so, you’d see ice cube trays and assorted frozen fruit, a few kinds of frozen pasta (ravioli mostly, for my kids mostly), and coffee grounds stored in the door. On the front of the freezer: a few photos of friends and their children, various coupons and papers, and fridge magnets, including our Puntabulous Memorial Magnet. Top shelf of the fridge: On the left, mostly jars, mostly condiments. On the right, beverages, primarily half-gallon glass bottles of milk, from a local dairy, and some fruit and veg juices. Next layer: cheeses (in the drawer), eggs (and dyed hard-boiled eggs in the cardboard container) Lowest shelf: Strawberries, apple sauce, juices, and some leftovers in the white bowl with blue lid. (Chicken and veg stir fry, if memory serves me correctly). Low bins: various shredded cheeses and tortillas on the left, various vegetables on the right. Door: The obligatory collection of salad dressings, steak sauce, and other random condiments, butter in the butter bin, random adult beverages on the lowest shelf.

So this week, we’re doing our fridge photo. Mine is now filled with stuff on my diet: meat (steak, sausages, ham) and salad stuff (lettuce, carrots, celery, cheese, hard boiled eggs, etc) and plenty of condiments (ketchup, A-1 Steak sauce, several different kinds of salad dressing). The yogurt’s been there a few weeks, too many carbs for me to eat too often. Diet Coke. Oh and that bottle of wine’s been there since before Christmas…have to find just the right time to drink that.

A lot of the food here is actually my roommate’s, especially in the freezer. My single serving ice creams are just off camera in the freezer door. The other items of note are the blue containers filled with the beans that I cooked last night ready to be taken with me to work.

My fridge is usually filled with pretty healthy stuff, lots of cheese products, meats, fruits, veggies and things for lunches like juice boxes, pudding, fruit cups, etc. Also lots of random stuff like pickles, salad dressing, condiments. And usually leftovers of some kind, we always seem to have leftovers.

Mr. Sombrero
Yeah, there’s mostly veggie and dairy action goin’ on in my refridge. Some soy and hummus goodies in between. And no, that’s not dried up poop, that’s a ginger root. Also, some cat food for Mr. Mini Sombrero.

Michelle M.

This is pretty much how the fridge always looks. Missing are containers of leftovers. I cook “real meals” about twice a week. Other nights we eat leftovers. The two nights a week Harry plays hockey, I usually have soup or rice. Weekends we go out for dinner or scrounge around in the cupboards. The container in the back is ground flax seed (which I always forget to sprinkle on stuff). The beer is Harry’s, I drink the zinfandel. Other stuff you see are condiments, salad dressing, salsa (is salsa a condiment?), applesauce, fruit, veggies, salad, assorted juices and water, butter (boo!) and soda (boo!). Pretty healthy for the most part. I’m glad Adam didn’t ask for a picture of the freezer. That’s where the thin mints, tater tots and ice cream live.

I admit it: My fridge usually isn’t this empty. I usually go grocery shopping on Sunday, but since last Sunday was some random Christian holiday, my grocery store was closed. So this week I’m just going to starve! Here’s what I have… Freezer door: frozen corn, peas, broccoli and Brussels sprouts. Freezer: frozen pitas and English muffins, 2 leftover frozen black bean burgers, and ice cube tray storage. Fridge door: ketchup, jelly, a few miscellaneous condiments, iced tea, seltzer water, almond “milk”, garlic, and a giant bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale that I got for my birthday (last July). Fridge: basket containing 3 apples, water, mozzarella-style vegan cheese, leftover pizza sauce, hummus, 2 whole wheat pitas, tofu, tempeh, and a bottle of diet root beer (hiding behind the water) that I can’t drink because I stopped drinking soda. Woohoo!

And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!


Christmas in my Brainbank

Today is the origin of the holiday we call Christmas.  Technically the believers in Christ celebrate his “birth” on December 25, but really the Christians just put little baby Jesus in a manger at this time of year because the pagans already celebrated a bunch of shit right now. I’m all knowledgeable about this stuff and you should believe me.  The other fact I know about this time of year is that the music is amazing and awful.  It isn’t often that one gets this magnificent combination, but when it happens it is like a stripper giving out free lap dances on the day you take your coworker out to celebrate his recent engagement to that chick he knocked up a few months ago.

Where was I?  Oh right, Christmas music.  I absu-fraking-lutely love listening to Christmas music.  Maybe it’s because my parents made us listen to it, but this is one brainwashing I don’t fully hate.  I love that when the shit is hitting the electric heater in my office (the very heater we have to use because our building won’t adequately heat our office) I can turn on some Bing and I’m back in a place where no amount of stupidity can hurt me.  My brothers and I would roar with laughter when stupid old, dead Bing Crosby started singing about Christmas in Killarney.  Of course, we didn’t know that Killarney was  real place and that we probably had ancestors there.  We just found the rhythm and lyrics ridiculous.

Some twenty years later, I remember the joy we experienced in those moments.  Something so essentially happy is captured in my soul and reflected when I hear the Christmas songs that seemed bothersome or irritating as a kid.  So many memories (good or bad) can be triggered by our senses, but is generally a comfort to me that the music of Christmases gone by makes me engage with a bygone part of my life.  So much of my holiday build up is about stress: stress over shopping, angst over getting crap done at work before closure, and mostly stress over what to give that person in the bloggy gift exchange.  Then I put on my holiday mix and all is good in the world.

Yet I know that Christmas music is a bit controversial.  A lot of people seem to hate it, A LOT.  When it gets stuck in their heads, they are driven mad.  I think this is the definition of the human experience:  that which makes one person happy makes the other psychotically depressed.

So which are you, my dear bloggy friends?  Does a Mele Kalikimaka make you smile with memories of luaus gone by or vomit up the roasts porks gone by? Either way, what is or isn’t your favorite music of the season.  Share, scare, and swear away.

A Very Poopy Christmas: Part 5

Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4