Tag Archives: Celebrate

Commenter Cocktails!

Tomorrow is National Martini Day! Because the “M.” in Michelle M. sometimes stands for Mixologist, I created the following cocktails in honor of my favorite bloggers/commenters. Please drink responsibly.

The C&RmyCoke and rum and a splash of Berenger’s zinfandel. Garnish with cheeseball.

For Craig: The Dancing Monkey – Curacao, banana rum, pineapple vodka and cream of coconut.

For Mush: The Goblin Box – Green Goblin apple cider and boxed wine.

For Tam: The TaM/Mtini – Red vodka, Meyer’s Lemon mix and Maple syrup.

For The Kid: It’s not my job to corrupt the kid (that’s all on Adam). So it’s juice for her.
But she can put it in a Solo cup if that helps her cred.

For Nathan: The NathanCanadian whiskey and Kool – Aid.

For newlywed Talita: The Glamourgirlie – Pink vodka, Nuvo sparkling liqueur,
Chambord and pink sugar for the rim.

For john: The Boozy Bunny – Orange tequila, triple sec and carrot juice.

For Paul: The SwirlBailey’s Irish Cream, Kahlua, Chambord, raspberry
and chocolate syrup and whipped cream.

For Chris D.: The EnforcerIrish whiskey, coffee, donut vodka.

For Enrico: The Hotel TuesdayPineapple juice, tears and a maraschino cherry.

For josh: The Trashytini – Citrus vodka, orange and lemon-lime Flavor Ice.

For Ryan: The Skinny Cupcake – Skinny boy margarita and water.

For fdot: The Green Squirrel – Frangelico hazelnut liqueur, peanut vodka,
Nocello walnut liqueur, pistachio liqueur.

For Ty: The Ty One On – This potent potable contains Bulldog Strong Ale,
Bulldog gin and Bulldog rootbeer.

For Mr. Sombrero: The Sexy Sombrero – Sombrero tequila and ginger ale.
Because he has to deal with Adam, I recommend multiple shots.

For TwoPi: The TwoPi – 3.14 oz. Vanilla vodka, 3.14 oz. Apple beer and a splash
of pumpkin spice liqueur. Top off with Cool Whip.

For Jere: The Blind Mascots – Iguana beer, Flying Dog pale ale, Moosehead lager
and a splash of champagne to celebrate graduation from law school.

For Polt: The Purple Passion – Kurant vodka, curacao, grenadine and passion fruit liqueur.

For David P.: The Someone in a Martreeni – Acai vodka, wheat grass and spinach.

For Justin: The Asterisk – Dark Chocolate liqueur, maple liqueur and and an *endlessly* flowing keg of beer.

For Vuboq: The Vuboq – V is for vodka (pear), U is for umbrella, B is for bitters,
O is for Orangecello and Q is for quince liqueur.

Fat Betty: The Blambablam – Whipped cream vodka, caramel vodka, chocolate liqueur,
white chocolate liqueur, cappuccino liqueur, vanilla ice cream, chocolate shavings
and Reddi Whip (to top off drink or to spray directly into mouth).

For Dr. Para: The Dr. Para – Pour all drinks above in a Big Gulp cup, toss in some gummy bears and enjoy!

*Cooper’s cocktail will be featured on Cooper’s Corner Tuesday.

So how will you celebrate National Martini Day? What’s your alcoholic beverage of choice? How does it feel to have a beverage named after you? Did I forget anyone? Let me know in comments!


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Find Out Who Has The Biggest Boy-Parts! (NSFW)

While innocently surfing the Internet, I stumbled upon some survey results from a few years ago.  It seems that the reputable source, Condomania.com has determined a unique rankings of average penis size in the 50 states.  Here’s Condomania’s results, ordered by largest to smallest penis:

By now you’ve scanned the list to see where you rank.  Are you lucky enough to be living in well-endowed New Hampshire?  Or maybe you’re living in Micropenisville, Wyoming?  Most of the C&R frequent commenters living in the following 8 states … and here’s how we measure up:

The results turned out quite well for the presumably well-hung Mikey, Craig, Ty, Josh, Jere and the rest of our New York commenters.  Unfortunately those of us in New Jersey (like myself) and Maine didn’t quite measure up.  But as those of us who are a bit less than well endowed often claim: it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean.

A final note … New Yorkers shouldn’t whip out their junk and celebrate too quickly.  When Condomania.com ranked the 20 most populated U.S. cities by their average penis size, some new facts were revealed:

It’s good news for commenters like Harry, Ryan and VUBOQ, who live in or near San Diego and Washington D.C.  It looks like they may out-measure a few of our New York City friends after all.

So how do you measure up?  Are these lists accurate?  And what city and state will you be visiting on your next vacation?


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Ryan Wins!

This is it!  The final week is complete!  Today we reveal the winner of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3, the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh!  But before we make it official and name Ryan as the winner, let’s check in with our contestants one final time and find out how they’re doing.  How do they feel about the contest?  Are they proud or disappointed?  Would they do it again?  Here’s what they had to say, in order of Rudest Loser to Biggest Cock:


MR. SOMBRERO: 8th Place, RUDEST LOSER!
It’s been quite a ride. I’m nowhere near the goal I set for myself but I did manage to lose few tiny pounds of blubber. I think I would be better at it if I didn’t have to write all these weekly updates 8-/ (was that the right emoticon for rolling eyes? Anywho, I will continue ‘participating’ even after this contest is done so maybe by the next round I’ll be more disciplined. And now, if you’ll excuse me, imma go celebrate with señor Cuervo.


POLT: 7th Place!
So this is then, the Final Week. Comparing this with my first photo, you can see I lost the weight, but kept all the skin. *SIGH* What did I think of the contest? Same as the others, although it was fun to check each week and see how everybody else was doing. Would I do it again? Sure why not? I’ve been in all three of them so far, right? Why not a fourth, if there is one? And how did I do? Well, I didn’t lose as much weight as I wanted, but then again, weight loss has always been a secondary goal. I’m on the diet to get my blood sugar under control, per the doctor. And I won’t know how successful I was at that until the middle of June when I get my blood work results. But at any rate, it was fun, congrats to everyone who did better than me (which I presume is everyone else), and I’ll see ya all again in the fourth contest (if there IS one).


ADAM: 6th Place!
I managed to lose of bit of weight during the course of BC&RL3, but overall I’m fairly disappointed with myself. I had hoped to jump start a significant weight loss and that didn’t happen … yet. Losing weight is a constant battle and I really just need to get my head in the game. Am I proud of myself? Yes! Somebody’s gotta be proud of me! ((self hug)) Would I do it again? OF COURSE! (It’s my website, I don’t have a choice!) Love to you all and congrats to Ryan!!


TWOPI: 5th Place!
I’m submitting the same photo that I started this competition with, as I feel like I’m just getting started on my diet, WWO-style. I’m pleased that I managed some modest weight loss in BC&RL3, but I need more dramatic changes to get to where I want to be.


TAM: 4th Place!
Well, overall I’m disappointed in my result. I know it’s mostly because I didn’t exercise but it did make me more conscious of what’s going into my mouth, not a bad thing and it’s nice to know I’m not the only slack ass out there who can’t stick to a diet. Yay for the lazy dieters club. I intend on keeping up the efforts and keep trying. Maybe I’ll even put more effort in. Or not. I’m not sure but I’m going to not be so oblivious as I go forward, so thanks for that C&R, it’s been fun, sort of.


MICHELLE M.: 3rd Place!
I’m sad the contest is over. Because I’m only about halfway to my goal weight – I went from being a hippo to a pig. But I’m proud of myself because I lost 7 pounds. It’s hard for me to lose weight now that I’m older, so I’ll take what I can get. Too bad I didn’t work out… But I’m going to keep on keepin’ on until I lose the rest of the weight. I don’t want to have to participate in BC&RL 4 next year!


MIKEY: 2nd Place!
Am I proud of myself? YES! I lost more weight in this round of BC&RL than I did in the previous rounds. Also, I’m eating healthier and going to continue to lose weight even now that this stupid thing is over. I will celebrate by commencing operation starvation. Will I do the contest again? YES. Especially if I can end up winning like he was formerly in cupcake form.


RYAN: 1st Place, BIGGEST COCK!!!
I am happy to have lost some more weight, but I’m a little disappointed that I wasn’t as disciplined as last time. At least I’m no longer embarrassed to take off my shirt.


And now the results:

CONGRATULATIONS RYAN!!!
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST COCK!!!
…AND You Won Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 13

Our twelfth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate twelve weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

BC&RL3 is almost over!  What are the contestants going to do after the contest ends?  Will they continue their diets or fall back into their old ways? Here’s what they had to say…


Mr. Sombrero
Ok I barely lost any weight but this contest opened my eyes and I realized how much I suck at it an need to take this whole weight-losing seriously. Since I always cram things last minute I hope that I can lose few more pounds by the end of this competition. I have few things lying around the house that can help me do that…


TwoPi
On the advice of my physician, I’ve quit caffeine completely. Next up: joining Weight Watchers online. Charles Barkley says I need to “learn to lose like a man”; I’m guessing he lost a bet or something, based on the photo above. Will WW push my weight loss past the 10% goal I set at the start of BC&RL3? Time will tell. I do know that I won’t end up looking like this photo though — Sir Charles has much better legs than I do.


Tam
Will I continue after this great contest is over? Yes. I’ve been a total slacker lately, but it’s always been there in the back of my mind, so it’s keeping me more honest than I might be otherwise. I have a trip to the UK in Sept. and losing some weight would be nice, so I think I’ll keep at it, even if I don’t have to check in every week. The way things were going before we started this, I would have been up as much as I’ve lost, so if nothing else, this brought my compulsive eating to a halt. I’ll keep slogging away. Congrats to Cupcake. Someday I shall be a cupcake, ’tis my fondest wish. (And I’m writing this before I know who wins, but I’m sure it’s Cupcake.)


Adam
Let’s face it, I’ve done horribly in this competition. But I’m going to change — I swear! Diet, exercise, willpower, and weight loss are all in my future! I hope…


Michelle M.
I’m about halfway to my goal, so I’m going to keep on dieting until I get there. Summer is coming and I want to fit into my shorts!


Ryan
I plan to continue after this, but I haven’t exactly been that diligent over the past few weeks. If I do my best to keep track of what I eat and make my exercise goals, I could hit my next weight goal sometime this summer. I don”t know if that will be the end because I’ve never been this lean in my life, so I have no idea where I want to end up. I think I might pick up running in the next couple of weeks. I’m at the point that walking longer doesn’t provide much of a challenge beyond finding the time.


Polt
This week, we’re to talk about Beyond BC&RL3. When this is over, I’ll not fall back into my old ways, cause I don’t want my doctor yelling at me. I got onto this diet I’m on because of her, and luckily it just happened to correspond with this competition. Weight loss, though, is only a secondary goal. My main goal is to get my sugar levels down. And that I’ll continue, hopefully, well after the contest. And in doing so, I’ll eventually end up all sleek, and svelte, and sexy-like. Just like this photo!


Mikey
The graph here is what I had hoped my weight loss would look like. It hasn’t yet, but I have started to lose weight again! Ty and I are continuing to two a few things to maximize our loss and minimize our waists: cooking healthier foods rather than doing the NYC thing of ordering in ALL THE TIME, substituting seltzer for tonic (don’t laugh…it works. I lost 5 lbs after making that small change), and trying to get more of the dreaded exercise.


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 12

Our eleventh week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eleven weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Rosie O’Donnell once admitted to stopping at multiple Waffle Houses because she was embarrassed to order so much food from a single fast-food restaurant.  This week I asked each of the contestants for a pre-diet embarrassing admission.  Here’s what they had to say…


Michelle M.
Well, there was that one time I ate 10 tacos…


Ryan
I’m most embarrassed with how I would get a large bag of candy, eat until the sugar made me feel sick, and then sometimes keep eating. I’m also not proud of how I would sometimes substitute a bag of Doritos or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for a meal or how quickly I could go through a box of donuts.


Polt
So this week, we’re detailing an something embarrassing we did before we started the contest. Hmm, well being over 300 12 years ago was pretty embarrassing in an of itself. But let’s see, what else embarrassing did I do? Oh yeah, well a few years back, mom made me a Boston Cream Pie for my birthday. She, dad and I each had a slice when she gave it to me. Then I took it home. By 8:00 the next evening, the entire pie was gone. It was simply THAT good, ate the whole damn thing in less than a day. Not the first time either. But in my defense, Mama Polt makes a HELLUVA delicious pie! (and I don’t have any photos of her pies, so the one I included in just a generic pie, which I’m sure tastes nowhere near as good as hers!)


Mikey
My shocking admission is that I love to eat ice cream and like Fat Betty I just can’t stop. You see that pint of Ben & Jerry’s? I could make that my bitch in about 20 minutes, no brain freeze, one spoon, pure bliss. Truth be told, I MISS IT SO FREAKIN MUCH. 😦


Mr. Sombrero
Does a honey badger think some of his actions are embarrassing? Of course he doesn’t. He’s a honey badger. Does Mr. Sombrero think eating an entire tub of Twix ice cream… before dinner… is embarrassing? Probably not. He’s Mr. Sombrero. Wait… we’re suppose to be dieting? Ok, now I’m embarrassed to admit something…


TwoPi
I do all the cooking and grocery shopping for the family. One of the benefits (or risks) of grocery shopping alone is the opportunity to buy a “little treat” or snack for the drive home. For a while, I was craving Doritos, and each time at the grocery I’d buy a big bag of Doritos, and snarf them down on the drive home. (This might be two or three times per week at its worst.) At one point I had the brilliant idea to put wet wipes in the car to eliminate the tell-tale signs of Dorito snarfage, but in a cold weather climate this doesn’t work out so well. I might not have lost as much weight as my compatriots here, but BC&RL3 *did* help break me of my shameful Dorito habit.


Tam
I don’t think I’ve ever done something like that, not that I can think of. Although I have eaten my lunch in my office at 10:30 and then went and bought lunch in the cafeteria at 12:00. Sigh I’m more paranoid what people are thinking when I legitimately buy food for more than me. If you go to the drive-thru and order two burgers and fries (both the same) and you get to the window and there is only you in the car, are they wondering what kind of a pig I am or assuming I’m taking it home for someone? When I order a large pizza I hope they realize I’m not home alone, I could have five kids running around in there. So I’m conscious of how it looks when I order/buy certain foods, but I’ve not done too much sneaky food eating/buying.


Adam
Much like Tam, I’m also incredibly paranoid about being judged. A few years ago (when I was vegetarian) I was feeling blue and put myself on a a steady diet of veggie subs, Doritos, Entenmann’s chocolate chip cookies and Peanut M&M’s. I’d stop at the local Wawa convenience store almost every day after work and stock up on the evening’s depression binge. I’d often feel embarrassed by the mass of junk food that I was buying, and would somehow convince myself that if I bought two drinks, the cashier would think my purchase was for multiple people. It was convenient because then I had two drinks to wash down all the crap!


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

NSFW: Have You Ever… ?!

Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month? I didn’t either … but Tam told me! Before you go celebrate … how about a quick Have You Ever Quiz?

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever… Masturbated?!

1. Have you ever masturbated?
2. Have you never masturbated?
3. Have you ever masturbated while looking at pornography?
4. Have you ever masturbated while looking at National Geographic magazine?
5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a computer?
6. Have you ever masturbated while watching the news?
7. Have you ever masturbated in a shower?
8. Have you ever masturbated in a bathroom?
9. Have you ever masturbated in a bed?
10. Have you ever masturbated in a bath tub?
11. Have you ever masturbated in a kitchen?
12. Have you ever masturbated in public restroom?
13. Have you ever masturbated in a car?
14. Have you ever masturbated into a sock (or other article of clothing)?
15. Have you ever masturbated into a toilet?
16. Have you ever masturbated into a tissue or paper towel?
17. Have you ever masturbated while using a sex toy?
18. Have you ever masturbated in a moving vehicle?
19. Have you ever masturbated while at work?
20. Have you ever masturbated in a movie theater?
21. Have you ever masturbated at a strip club (or similar location)?
22. Have you ever masturbated on camera?
23. Have you ever masturbated with or in front of another person?
24. Have you ever masturbated with or in front of 2+ people?
25. Have you ever masturbated in your neighbor’s shed?

Now finish spanking your monkey and tell us the total in the comments!


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 9

Our eighth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eight weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

People say that you should never sweat the small stuff.  But sometimes it’s the little things that drive us crazy.  This week we asked each of our contestants what one (or more) ‘little things’ are that bother them.  Maybe it’s their blobby fat that hangs over their waist band, or the way that diet food always seems to taste awful.  Here’s what they said:


Tam
When you say little things, I’ll take it literally. Why are little things so fattening? It’s only a few peanuts. They’re miniature M&Ms. It’s just dried cranberries. All of them JAMMED with calories (in addition to good things). All small food should have small calories. If you eat a huge burger, big calories. Tiny cookies, tiny calories. Why are these things not logical?


Mr. Sombrero
There are few things that bother Mr Sombrero. Number one is the scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. What the frak scale?! I thought we were in this together?! Did Adam put you up to this? [no response] Whatever. Another thing that bothers Mr Sombrero is his full length mirror. I don’t like what I’m seeing. Yes I’m talking to you mirror. Don’t give me that fat look. You know what else bothers Mr S? That kid that lost his cupcakes. Yeah that Ryan kid. Showoff. I think I’ve seen some of his cupcakes hanging around my scale. And another thing, what is up with veggie farts. I mean seriously, enough is enough. And do they have to smell like hipster’s wool hat on a hot and humid urban August afternoon? Yeah these are some of my (least) favorite things…


Ryan
I’m getting tired of tracking everything. It’s the key to my success so far, but it gets really frustrating whenever I eat something outside of my normal routine. The uncertainty of how much food something contains can make planning the rest of the day pointless. This leads me to rely mostly on whether I feel hungry, but this leads to the temptation to let myself have what I want to eat even if I shouldn’t.


Michelle M.
One of the little things I hate is being a girl and trying to lose weight. It’s hard to stay on track when you automatically put on up to 5 pounds of water weight each month. You think you’re being good and the WHAM the numbers on the scale jump up. It’s so discouraging. And craving sugar and salty snacks doesn’t help. Stupid hormones.


TwoPi
What irritates me the most is having to pay attention to the bathroom scale once a week. Bad enough having to stand on the darned thing, which naturally gives out a little creaking noise, as in “Oh my GOHD how many of you ARE there?” Then there’s a number, which is never the number I remember from when I was in high school (roughly the last time in my life I stood on a bathroom scale on a regular basis). And finally, there’s the blasted comparison of this week’s number with last week’s number. Ugh. I feel like a schoolboy who just got called in front of the class and didn’t do his homework. Bleh.


Mikey
The little things I hate are the way my shirts fit and the way that my pants fit. I feel like ALL of my shirts are too small and I float around like the pink iceberg named Fat Betty. My pants however are loose enough that I need a belt, but my belt doesn’t have a hole at the right spot….so they are constantly sagging and showing my ample rear.


Adam
A little thing that I hate?  Clothes that don’t fit.  I’ve gained some weight in the last year — and now the shirts I wore last year aren’t fitting.  Why can’t someone design clothing that grows with you?  Or maybe I should just buy every available size of shirts that I like.  That way one of ’em will always fit!  Think of all the plaid!!!


Polt
So this week we’re talking about the little things we hate. Writing these blurbs each week can be a pain, but I’ll not mention that. And I thought I’d actually have to force myself to be taking walks, but I find I enjoy them, and frankly, feel a bit guilty when I don’t take one at least every other day. No, I think what irritates me the most about this diet thing, is the lack of variety in the food I’m eating. I’m eating all the meat and veggies I want (not that I want, or even eat all that many), but after awhile, I’ve just gotten sick of steak. I’d really like to have a sub and some chips, or a big plate of steaming hot pasta and meatballs, or a huge greasy slice of pizza…but I cant. Steak and salad for me…thank you very much. Ah well, in the end it’ll be worth it, right?


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!