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Biggest C&R Loser 2013

Biggest_CR_Loser_2013

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Welcome to the 7th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40!  This week’s theme is always a Biggest C&R Loser favorite!  It’s time for: “What’s Inside Your Fridge?” Let’s see what our contestants are hiding behind the refrigerator door!  This week each of our contestants will show you a photo of their fridge and describe the contents. Here we go!


Nathan

healthy-fridge-270x300

My fridge at home looks a lot like the one in this photo. Now that I’m leeching off my parents for practice teaching, they only have healthy things in the fridge. It should be good for me as long as I don’t splurge on my own! Which I won’t, because I’m broke.


Polt

photo (13)

Ah yes, this week is the fridge picture. And here we go! Top shelf: OJ, milk, butter, Ginger ale; next shelf: eggs, carrots, celery, salsa; next shelf: Salad stuff, and meat (to make chili tonight); next shelf: Diet Coke, baking soda, two bottles of wine, one bottle of beer; In the lower drawer is an onion, for the chili; The door shelves contain condiments, then yogurt, the applesauce. Healthy, I know! But now I’m really looking forward to the chili tonight!


Tam

fridge

So. Our fridges. I tried to have it neater this time so Adam wouldn’t freak out. I only got groceries on Sunday so I’m surprised it’s not fuller (more full?). My freezer is stocked up and yes, that is two containers of Hagen Daas. But come one, it was $3 off, and it’s next to the box of Weight Watchers egg mcmuffins so I think that has a moderating effect on the ice-cream calories. I tend to fill up the freezer, then don’t buy anything until it empties out. Just restocked. Our top shelf is usually lunch stuff, pudding, juice, etc. There are some leftovers in there this time, I usually have an average number of fruits and veggies in the bottom and we have lots of juice and soda in the door along with various bottles of sauce, relish, whipped cream in a can, marinade, salad dressing, etc. Oh and that little drawer inside is chock full of cheese. (Sorry Michelle) So an average fridge? We take our lunch to work/school every day and we cook dinner at home 13 out of 14 days, so we usually have a lot of staples on hand to make it fast and easy.


TwoPi

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Atop the fridge are several boxes of cereal, bottles of dishwasher detergent, and vitamins. Freezer is packed, mostly with frozen fruit, ice cube trays, and coffee. The main section of the fridge has waaaay too much stuff in it, with the bottom shelf dominated by a pot of broccoli-bean-and-lemon pasta, and various other containers of leftovers. Good luck finding what you’re looking for in there!


Adam

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In the freezer I have some frozen veggies and pitas. On the fridge door I have some condiments, seltzer, rice milk, canned fruit and water. In the fridge I have some Fresca, veggies, fake cheese, leftover taco “meat”, apples, hummus, peanut butter, tofu and tempeh. YUM! Now I want to go eat it all.


Michelle M.

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We always have the following in the fridge: juice, salad dressings, condiments, fruits, veggies, Harry’s beer and my zinfandel (Beringer’s!), dill pickles (Adam’s favorite) and salsa. There are usually ingredients for a meal or leftovers from my cooking, but I didn’t cook this week (lazy!), so the fridge is a little bare. There are some leftover fajitas from the Mexican restaurant where we had dinner the other night. And the yogurt (yuck!) is Harry’s, he’s been making smoothies.

freezer

In the freezer: 1st drawer: frozen veggies. 2nd drawer: popsicles (Harry had a cold/sore throat), ice cream and vodka. I find when I freeze Thin Mints, the box will last longer than a day. That hummus is soooo garlicky – when Harry eats it, the house reeks of garlic. That’s why it was banished to the freezer (until I’m out of town or die). 3rd drawer: Lots of leftovers (in the back), some Lonely Man dinners and a big old bag of strawberries for Harry’s smoothies.


Mikey

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What’s in my fridge? Not a lot at all as you can see. There are a lot of condiments though…I’m on the all condiment diet you see. Lots of flavor…very little health.


Mr. Sombrero

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Now that I look at this picture I realize how crammed, small, messy and badly-lit this fridge is. Maybe I should be on Food Hoarders, if there is a show like that. It does have good things in it. Lots of veggies and fruits, some protein and leftovers. Yummmmm!


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Finding The Perfect Fry

Once upon a time my favorite food was the french fry. When I was a kid, if we went to a fast food restaurant, my go-to meal would be two large fries and a chocolate shake (yikes). Back then, fries were delicious, greasy and salty. Nothing like the “healthier” fries of today (which are hard, dry and tasteless). Why they are trying to make fries “healthier” is a mystery to me. If I wanted to eat something nutritious, it wouldn’t be french fries in the first place.

After eating a few too many dud spuds, I decided to see if there were any good fries out there.
What follows is my quest for the perfect fry.

McDonald’s – Not bad. Not great. They’re best if they’re fresh from the fryer. And you have to eat them before they become cold and hard.

Jack in the Box – They taste almost exactly like McDonald’s.

Burger King – Too crisp, too dry.

Wendy’s – “Natural cut” fries. Too crispy and dry. The sea salt didn’t adhere.

Islands – They’re cut fresh daily and supposedly “cooked to perfection.”  If “perfection” means so dry the salt bounces off them, then I guess they are. I wouldn’t order them again.

T.G.I. Friday’s used to have some pretty good fries – with a yummy seasoning. But not anymore.
Pass.

Chili’s – meh.

Carl’s Junior – I need some more adjectives for “dry” and “tasteless”.

Callahan’s – We usually just go here for the beer. If I have enough to drink, I usually want some french fries. Theirs are okay. But only if they’re fresh from the fryer. The cajun spice helps.

Applebee’s – Maybe the best of the bunch. Not fantastic, but not disappointing.

Arby’s – they only have the curly fries in my location (which are almost an entirely different animal, due to the seasoning), but I tried them anyway. They were greasy (which is good) but had been in the fryer a little too long (which made them too hard). I couldn’t taste the seasoning on my batch at all.

Brazen BBQ in Hillcrest – Man, were these bad. They were like the potato sticks you buy in a can from the grocery store. Sadness.

Brewski’s is a little hamburger place in my neighborhood. The burgers are good, but the fries aren’t.

Fatburger – The fat fries are pretty good. But only fresh from the fryer. You can see in the picture the shine of grease on the fry. That is always a good sign.

Five Guys – I went here with Ryan. They give you a TON of fries, which is great. And from the picture, they look nice and greasy. I was too busy yapping to remember how they tasted. I know I didn’t finish them all, but that was due to trying not too look like a pig in front of the svelte Ryan, and not because of the taste.

Red Robin – Pretty good when fresh. But not outstanding. They say the baskets of fries are “endless”, but they only put in about 5 at a time.

Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza – Dry, tasteless and disappointing. Boo.

SeaWorld – Surprisingly good. You have to eat them quickly, before the sea gulls try to swipe them.

Smashburger – These fries were horrible. So bland and dry. I didn’t even want to finish them. I threw about half of them away.

In-N-Out – Their fries are cut right in front of you, so you’d think they’d be fresh and delicious. But they’re just hard little bits of tasteless potato.

Fuddruckers fries are pretty darn good. They’re nice and soft and have a tasty seasoning on them.

Sonic – They were good. There were a few really good soggy, greasy ones in there.

As you can see, this Sonic fry passes the flaccid test.

Now that I’ve sampled so many of the fries in my area, I’ve come to the conclusion that the perfect fry no longer exists. And that french fries are no longer my favorite food. And that I need to start eating salad.

This post is dedicated to Fat Betty.

Blam!

So what french fries are good in your neck of the woods? Do you think I’ll ever eat a french fry again? Did you read this whole post? It was really long. What is your favorite food? Let me know in comments!


Have You Ever … Gone Camping?!

National Camping Month was first observed in June of 2009, and helps to inspire Americans of all ages to go camping.  June is also the Obama Administration’s Great Outdoors Month, and on the 23rd of this month, families all over the United States will celebrate the Great American Backyard Campout.  Have you ever gone camping?  What have you done while camping?  Let’s find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever gone camping?
2. Have you ever gone camping at a campground?
3. Have you ever gone camping in a backyard?
4. Have you ever gone camping in the wilderness?
5. Have you ever slept in a tent inside your home?
6. Have you ever slept outside under the stars?
7. Have you ever started a campfire?
8. Have you ever told scary stories around a campfire?
9. Have you ever sung camp songs around a campfire?
10. Have you ever cooked food over a campfire?
11. Have you ever made s’mores around a campfire?
12. Have you ever eaten beans right out of the can while camping?
13. Have you ever eaten fish you caught while camping?
14. Have you ever been awoken by wild animals outside your tent while camping?
15. Have you ever had to run away from wild animals while camping?
16. Have you ever pooped outside?
17. Have you ever had to use something other than toilet paper after pooping outside?
18. Have you ever camped outside during a thunderstorm?
19. Have you ever ended a camping trip early because you couldn’t handle it?
20. Have you ever been bitten by a snake while camping?
21. Have you ever drank alcohol while underage, while camping?
22. Have you ever smoked pot while camping?
23. Have you ever secretly masturbated while others were sleeping in your tent?
24. Have you ever participated in a circle jerk while camping?
25. Have you ever had sex in a tent?

Tell us your total in the comments!

Thanks to Craig for his help with this post!


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 11

Our tenth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate ten weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

As we begin the 11th week of BC&RL3, we take a peek at somewhere BC&RL has never gone before … into the cupboards! Much like our ‘in the fridge’ week, this week we take a look inside each of our contestant’s cupboards, pantries, or wherever they’re storing their non-refrigerated foodstuff.  Check it out!


TwoPi
Our pantry is a converted broom closet. The top two shelves hold liquids (olive oil, vinegar, key lime juice, Thai fish sauce, etc…), while the next two shelves are mostly canned goods (lots of pineapple, tuna, various soups, tomatoes, etc….) The lowest shelves (mostly off camera) have non-food items, such as trash bags and various food storage items. I mostly use the stuff on the top two shelves; the rest of the pantry mostly consists of forgotten items lost in the transition from grocery bag to dust bin.


Tam
This could be called my Carb Cupboard (sorry Polt). This picture shows it tidier than it sometimes is, and messier than at other times. The top shelf is carb heaven – pasta, noodles, mac & cheese and rice; second shelf is canned goods and things like drink mixes; third shelf is breakfast stuff – cereal, juice (and ice-cream toppings – not so breakfasty); fourth shelf is snacks – crackers, chips, popcorn, little fruit cup thingies for lunches; bottom shelf is trash bags, light bulbs and potatoes. There is a shelf above you can’t see, but it is empty juice jugs, vases and booze. Ahem.


Mr. Sombrero
All I have are spices and shit. I’m going for the win. Vote for me in The Messiest A** Pantry – 2012. Yeah, no comment.


Ryan
Most of my non-refrigerated food is in these three cupboards. The others contain some spices and extra dry goods. Note the supply of oatmeal, raisins, and cinnamon ready for breakfast.


Polt
So this week, we’re talking what’s in our cupboard. In my cupboards all I have are dishes, glasses, Tupperware, that sorta stuff. I do have a pantry, but I use that for storage purposes. And I have a series of shelves in the cellar way, but they only contain some cans of soup, green beans, spaghetti-O’s, fruit salad, some salad dressing and a lonely can of tuna. Most of my non-refrigerated food I just store on my counter top like so: cereal, popcorn, peanut butter, whole wheat bread, spray cheese, sugarless caramels, Pringles, and Crystal Light. I don’t eat the pathetic looking plant there, I’ve had Janis for about ten years, longer than any plant I’ve ever had.


Mikey
You can see that I keep my kitchen cabinets better stocked than the fridge. That is influenced by the fact that I am obsessed with having every possible spice on hand in case it ever comes up in an exotic recipe. AND I DON’T HAVE THEM ALL YET. You can also see healthy olive oil on one shelf and brown rice on the other. See…I am trying.


Michelle M.
We have a tiny cupboard. Here’s what’s in it.
1. coffee (for Harry) tea and hot chocolate
2. canned vegetables and beans
3. nuts, popcorn, raisins, nuts and emergency chocolate
4. rice, pasta, lentils, Asian noodles
5. bread, soup, vegetable and chicken broth
6. cooking oils, hot sauce, pasta sauce, peanut butter
7. cereal, granola bars, pretzels, crackers
8. baking stuff
9. Harry’s breakfast fixings (oatmeal and stuff to make it taste good).


Adam
Left top: teas, oatmeal, olive oil. Left middle: Emergen-C, random ingredients, soy sauce, pepper oil, balsamic vinegar. Bottom left: lots of spices and seasonings. Top right: flour, rice, sugars. Middle right: Indian food, raisins, Maggi noodles, lentils, popcorn. Bottom right: canned veggies, sauces and vitamins.


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Have You Ever … On Thanksgiving?!

Woohoo, today is Thanksgiving!  Are you spending the day with your family?  Watching the parade?  Stuffing your face with dead animals?  Falling asleep early because you’re stoned out of your mind on tryptophan?  Need a break from all that crap?  Instead of a fourth slice of pumpkin pie, teat yourself to a Thanksgiving-themed Have You Ever?! quiz!  Yayyz!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever spent a Thanksgiving away from your family?
2. Have you ever celebrated Thanksgiving alone?
3. Have you ever attended the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City?
4. Have you ever sat through the entire Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on television?
5. Have you ever watched football on Thanksgiving?
6. Have you ever come out of the closet to anyone during Thanksgiving dinner?
7. Have you ever cried on Thanksgiving?
8. Have you ever made your mom cry on Thanksgiving?
9. Have you ever been forced (or forced others) to recite what they’re grateful for?
10. Have you ever single-handedly cooked a Thanksgiving dinner?
11. Have you ever not eaten turkey on Thanksgiving?
12. Have you ever slid jellied cranberry sauce out of a can?
13. Have you ever dropped a dish while bringing it to the table OR while passing it around the table?
14. Have you ever needed to find an open supermarket on Thanksgiving because you (or someone else) forgot or messed something up?
15. Have you ever consumed at least two forkfuls of EVERY dish on the table?
16. Have you ever eaten an entire pie in one sitting?
17. Have you ever fallen asleep mid-Thanksgiving dinner due to a tryptophan overdose?
18. Have you ever ate so much on Thanksgiving that you felt sick?
19. Have you ever vomited after eating Thanksgiving dinner?
20. Have you ever clogged the toilet after taking a massive Thanksgiving dump?
21. Have you ever gotten drunk on Thanksgiving?
22. Have you ever gotten high on Thanksgiving?
23. Have you ever given a hand or blow job underneath the Thanksgiving table?
24. Have you ever received a hand or blow job underneath the Thanksgiving table?
25. Have you ever had sex (any kind) on Thanksgiving?

Well?  HAVE YOU?  Tell us your total in the comments.

Maybe this is why all my coworkers hate me?

Coworker: I made one of those beer can chickens.  The can sits in this rack that goes inside the chicken when it cooks.
Me: Oh, I’ve seen those.  They sell them in the redneck isle of WalMart.