Tag Archives: brooklyn

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 7

Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate six weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Last week we took a look at a single meal that each of our contestants submitted. This week we’re taking a look inside each of their refrigerators. Just what are they hiding inside? We’re about to find out!

In my fridge are a wild and crazy assortment of take out food products. With Ty away for work, I have indulged my inner bachelor with all the food ordering options Brooklyn has to offer. Please note the half eaten piece of carrot cake (gross) and the assorted condiments that I save from my meals and eventually throw out.

Apparently I’ve found a time machine, and managed to reverse what little progress I’d made so far in the competition. Time to reassess and regroup for next week. As for the fridge… From the top going down, reading left to right: We store cereal, dishwasher detergent, and pain medication on top of the fridge. I didn’t open up the freezer, but had I done so, you’d see ice cube trays and assorted frozen fruit, a few kinds of frozen pasta (ravioli mostly, for my kids mostly), and coffee grounds stored in the door. On the front of the freezer: a few photos of friends and their children, various coupons and papers, and fridge magnets, including our Puntabulous Memorial Magnet. Top shelf of the fridge: On the left, mostly jars, mostly condiments. On the right, beverages, primarily half-gallon glass bottles of milk, from a local dairy, and some fruit and veg juices. Next layer: cheeses (in the drawer), eggs (and dyed hard-boiled eggs in the cardboard container) Lowest shelf: Strawberries, apple sauce, juices, and some leftovers in the white bowl with blue lid. (Chicken and veg stir fry, if memory serves me correctly). Low bins: various shredded cheeses and tortillas on the left, various vegetables on the right. Door: The obligatory collection of salad dressings, steak sauce, and other random condiments, butter in the butter bin, random adult beverages on the lowest shelf.

So this week, we’re doing our fridge photo. Mine is now filled with stuff on my diet: meat (steak, sausages, ham) and salad stuff (lettuce, carrots, celery, cheese, hard boiled eggs, etc) and plenty of condiments (ketchup, A-1 Steak sauce, several different kinds of salad dressing). The yogurt’s been there a few weeks, too many carbs for me to eat too often. Diet Coke. Oh and that bottle of wine’s been there since before Christmas…have to find just the right time to drink that.

A lot of the food here is actually my roommate’s, especially in the freezer. My single serving ice creams are just off camera in the freezer door. The other items of note are the blue containers filled with the beans that I cooked last night ready to be taken with me to work.

My fridge is usually filled with pretty healthy stuff, lots of cheese products, meats, fruits, veggies and things for lunches like juice boxes, pudding, fruit cups, etc. Also lots of random stuff like pickles, salad dressing, condiments. And usually leftovers of some kind, we always seem to have leftovers.

Mr. Sombrero
Yeah, there’s mostly veggie and dairy action goin’ on in my refridge. Some soy and hummus goodies in between. And no, that’s not dried up poop, that’s a ginger root. Also, some cat food for Mr. Mini Sombrero.

Michelle M.

This is pretty much how the fridge always looks. Missing are containers of leftovers. I cook “real meals” about twice a week. Other nights we eat leftovers. The two nights a week Harry plays hockey, I usually have soup or rice. Weekends we go out for dinner or scrounge around in the cupboards. The container in the back is ground flax seed (which I always forget to sprinkle on stuff). The beer is Harry’s, I drink the zinfandel. Other stuff you see are condiments, salad dressing, salsa (is salsa a condiment?), applesauce, fruit, veggies, salad, assorted juices and water, butter (boo!) and soda (boo!). Pretty healthy for the most part. I’m glad Adam didn’t ask for a picture of the freezer. That’s where the thin mints, tater tots and ice cream live.

I admit it: My fridge usually isn’t this empty. I usually go grocery shopping on Sunday, but since last Sunday was some random Christian holiday, my grocery store was closed. So this week I’m just going to starve! Here’s what I have… Freezer door: frozen corn, peas, broccoli and Brussels sprouts. Freezer: frozen pitas and English muffins, 2 leftover frozen black bean burgers, and ice cube tray storage. Fridge door: ketchup, jelly, a few miscellaneous condiments, iced tea, seltzer water, almond “milk”, garlic, and a giant bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale that I got for my birthday (last July). Fridge: basket containing 3 apples, water, mozzarella-style vegan cheese, leftover pizza sauce, hummus, 2 whole wheat pitas, tofu, tempeh, and a bottle of diet root beer (hiding behind the water) that I can’t drink because I stopped drinking soda. Woohoo!

And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!


C&R Fight Club: MIKE TYSON vs. MIKEY!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Full Name: Michael Gerard Tyson
AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Iron Mike, The Baddest Man on the Planet
Date of Birth: June 30, 1966 (age 45)
Place of Birth: Brooklyn, New York, U.S.
Hair Color: Black
Relationship Status: Married to Lakiha Spicer
Occupation: retired American boxer, actor
Height & Weight: 5 ft 10 in, approx. 226
Hobbies: raising, breeding and racing pigeons
Favorite place to bite someone: Ear
Tattoos?: numerous, including a tribal tattoo on his face
Criminal Record: convicted rapist
Movie Appearances: numerous, most notably The Hangover and The Hangover Part II
Favorite Song: Phil Collins, In The Air Tonight
Awards: Numerous, including National Golden Gloves Champion Heavyweight 1984, Undisputed Heavyweight champion (held all three major championship belts; WBA, IBF, and WBC) – August 1, 1987 – February 11, 1990
Stats: 50 Wins (44 knockouts, 5 decisions, 1 disqualification), 6 Losses , 0 Draws, 2 No Contests
Claim to Fame: former Undisputed Heavyweight champion of the World

Mike Tyson is a former Undisputed Heavyweight champion of the World and holds the record as the youngest boxer to win the WBC, WBA and IBF world heavyweight titles, he was 20 years, 4 months and 22 days old. Tyson won his first 19 professional bouts by knockout, with twelve of them occurring in the first round. Tyson successfully defending the World Heavyweight championship nine times, including victories over Larry Holmes and Frank Bruno. Throughout his career, Tyson became well-known for his ferocious and intimidating boxing style as well as his controversial behavior both inside and outside the ring. Tyson’s secret weapons include superior ear-biting ability, a penchant for raping people, fists of steel, and a terrifying face tattoo.


AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Mike, Mickey Mouse, Marrow
Date of Birth: 05/11/1879
Place of Birth: Bay Shore, NY
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Current Residence: Brooklyn, NY
Relationship Status: happily cohabitational
Occupation: gay for pay
Height & Weight: Shorter than Craig & Heavier than Craig
Hobbies: movies, literature, making grammatical mistakes so Adam has a reason to interact with me
Favorite place to bite someone: in the bedroom
Tattoos?: none
Criminal Record: that was stricken from the record when I turned 18 so I don’t see how it is any of your business
Movie Appearances: Grey Gardens ( I was a cat in a former life)
Favorite Song: 99 Luftballons, Nena’s famous anti-balloon protest song
Awards: some really dorky overachiever awards throughout grades K-12 then I became an award winning underachiever
Claim to Fame: I invented post-its
Secret Weapons: metaphors and thesauri
Favorite curse word: tit-wank

In Mikey’s own words: “I’ve had so many lives that it’s hard to just write about the current one, but I’ll try.  I was born a long time ago in the realm of the fairies. You might know it as Long Island.  Anywhooo after I saved the world from destruction by the Noid in the late ’80s I decided to go into semi-retirement.  I now spend most of my time watching 30 Rock, The Catherine Tate Show and anything else that is available streaming on Netflix.  When I’m not doing that, I have a job.”  Mikey’s secret weapons include “metaphors and thesauri,” as well as a never-ending supply of cheese balls, a really smart boyfriend, an incredibly long tongue and the ability to lick ginger pussy better than anyone else.

Who will win in the battle of  MIKE vs. MIKEY?  Will Mike Tyson tear Mikey limb from limb? Or will Mikey pelt Mike Tyson with cheese balls and lick him to death? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Mikey & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!

The Friday Five…Million

It was bound to happen. We have found five million favorite things this week. Not really five million, not even one million. There were just so many things we saw online this week that we can’t contain ourselves and keep it to the five you have come to love. It is rather a random mix of clips actually, but I’m convinced they will pick you up out of the doldrums of the week and put you in a great mood for the weekend.

First up falls under the title of so adorable that you must squeal with glee. No, not the television show that has been so un-cute lately that I want to vomit. The kind of glee it used to bring. See what happens when you film the inhabitants of a sloth orphanage doing their best to just be sloths. Oh and if you are my secret Santa, please consider giving me one of these this year!

How can you follow that ultimate adorableness? With heartrending tragedy that is also kinda funny. Last weekend people gathered in Richmond, Virginia to welcome the holiday season. What they got was a parade in which something really disturbing happened to Rudolph. Please click this link to see what happened. It is guaranteed to blow you away.

Now that you have seen the things that can indeed go horribly wrong for you if you just want to par-tay, let’s see what happens if you take irony too far. In NYC, there is an invidious group of people living mostly in Brooklyn who are know as hipsters. They relish in everything that is not theirs and dress up in just about any style from just about any period of American historical fashion. I’m serious. I saw a dude dressed in a tricorner hat with a handlebar mustache. I carry an electric beard trimmer around to forcibly remove the ironic facial hair but no one can defeat the hipsters like Charles Bronson can. Ladies and Germs, I give you our savior.


Now that the world has been set right by our hero, we entreat him to focus his energies on Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson used be cool. He was beyond the Thunderdome with Tina Turner and the ultimate insurgent in Braveheart, but now he is just a disgusting pathetic loser. That’s why we are hoping you will watch this refashioning of his upcoming movie with Jodie Foster called The Beaver. That’s right: Jodie Foster is going to be in a movie called The Beaver and it is not about her not so secret sapphic side.


Take a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath, cuz there is more! After Tuesday’s completely flaccid and vapid episode of Glee, I bet you have a hankering for some good music. We at Cocky & Rude are willing to fill that niche. First up is a parody of the trailer of Inception. What’s that you say? Inception came out months ago? Well a good joke never really goes bad, does it? See what happens when Glee cast hopefuls turn the Inception trailer into A Capella.


The Penultimate item of the week is altogether more musical and funnier than this week’s episode of Glee. Lip speaking the words to Let It Be just might be the new Rickrolling. Check out what happens when you get a bunch of celebrities together to prove that the We are the World remake is not the funniest thing that ever happened.


You made it! This is the very last thing we have to share with you this week. You should be very proud and write about it in the comments. With all the hype (and many of us hoping for a Broadway’s next big flop) about the new Spider-Man Musical, I couldn’t ignore the musical that lives in its shadow. I think the Hulk musical in the clip below is Wicked meets Phantom. Not sold on it yet? Well watch the clip and come to NYC for a show for once!

Captain Hippo-Hulk: Inside and Out (Hulk Musical)

I hope you enjoyed my rundown of the clips you would have already seen, if you were us (read: sit around online ALL the time). I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. Happy Weekend, Folks! You earned it!