Tag Archives: Birthday

Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!

I’ve written so many of these damn Have You Ever quizzes that I actually searched C&R and Googled to make sure that I haven’t already written an ‘On Your Birthday’ one. If it does exist, I can’t find it. So here it is! In honor of my upcoming birthday: Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!

You know the rules but I’ll tell you anyway: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever had a birthday?
2. Have you ever received a crappy gift on your birthday?
3. Have you ever bought yourself a present on your birthday?
4. Have you ever worked on your birthday?
5. Have you ever thrown yourself a party on your birthday?
6. Have you ever been surprised by a birthday party at work on your birthday?
7. Have you ever been surprised by a surprise party on your birthday?
8. Have you ever baked yourself a cake on your birthday?
9. Have you ever received a free meal at a restaurant on your birthday?
10. Have you ever received a free drink at a bar on your birthday?
11. Have you ever turned into a gluttonous cake monster on your birthday?
12. Have you ever thrown up on your birthday?
13. Have you ever been disappointed (for any reason) on your birthday?
14. Have you ever lied about your age on your birthday?
15. Have you ever forgotten your own birthday?
16. Have you ever ignored your birthday and hoped it would just go away?
17. Have you ever cried on your birthday?
18. Have you ever gotten really drunk on your birthday?
19. Have you ever used illegal drugs on your birthday?
20. Have you ever had to spend your birthday alone?
21. Have you ever broken up with someone on your birthday?
22. Have you ever deleted your birthday on Facebook just to see who really remembers your birthday?
23. Have you ever had sex on your birthday?
24. Have you ever received any type of sex act as a birthday gift?
25. Have you ever slept with a prostitute on your birthday?

Tell us your total in the comments!


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Fat Betty in “Gluten-Free Cake”










Happy Birthday Michelle M.!

Today is a very special day … it’s Michelle M.’s Birthday!
From all of your friends, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


A Limerick:

We all know her as Michelle M.
We think her to be quite the gem.
But I have been told
She’s getting quite old,
So it’s time to start calling her “ma’am.”

– Jere



Wishing you a mouth-watering birthday!
-David P.





-Tam


Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people ever, Cooper’s mom and Wonder Women fan….
Michelle M.!!!! I hope you have the most awesome Birthday ever because you deserve it!!
xoxo
– TJ and the doggies (Cooper’s Compadres)



Happy Birthday! From X-Heather and TwoPi


A Haiku About Michelle

The best in our books
Happy Birthday To Michelle
Hail Wonder Woman

– Kristen



Ode to Her Awesomeness
By Craig

What could one possibly say,
About the delectable Michelle M?
If she were a dessert,
She’d be la crème de la crème.

She lives in California,
All the way on the West Coast.
She’s the Cocky & Rude writer,
That us readers love the most.

She never met a head,
She couldn’t put on another body.
Don’t let her sweet looks fool you,
For her mouth is quite a potty.

With those flowing golden locks,
Like a superhero’s cape.
It begs that age old question,
Does the carpet match the drapes?

Her husband is a sexy beast,
Who likes pizza and canned beer.
There’s not a single gay around,
Who doesn’t wish that he was queer.

Wonder Woman is her idol,
And Cooper is her bird.
I don’t know who she loves most,
But Harry’s definitely in third.

So today is her birthday,
Hope she have lots of fun.
Happy Birthday Michelle M!
Congrats on turning twenty one!


Dear Michelle,
I heard it was your birthday so I wanted to send you a short note. I hope you have a wonderful day and that you don’t divorce your husband so you can marry a politician and then your ex marries a skinny little waif and then you can’t stop eating because you hate your life and you are fighting with your kids and your mother-in-law thinks you are useless and then you become the fattest woman in Westchester and then you can’t wear any of your clothes and then you feel so worried that you will eat up all your kids and then you will worry that Gene might be too small and gamey to be palatable and then your daughter hates you because you want to go skiing and she goes to her dad’s and get’s her period and then she comes back to you and whines and you are thinking “hurry up and have a baby so I can eat it.” Can I eat your cake?
Love, Fat Betty


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
From Mikey & Ty


Happy birthday to the most creative, talented, elfin proportioned person I know!
Happy Birthday Michelle!
Have a great day and best wishes for the coming year! -John


Ok, I know that Harry and Craiggers are gonna get real jealous here, but I got only one question for Michelle M.:

I Wonder Woman, are you my kinda woman?
Wit a back like that you fly like jets
Are you my Wonder Woman?

te quiero,
mr. sombrero


Happy Birthday Michelle M.!!! I decided to celebrate your birthday by mixing
my two favorite things: you, and my favorite albums!!! -Enrico



HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MICHELLE!!!!


My week.

Monday
Harry had hockey, so Cooper and I watched The Muppets. My favorite muppet is Floyd. He’s so cool and laid back – the opposite of me! Cooper’s favorite muppet was the little girl giving Walter the side-eye. Cooper is also a big Chris Cooper fan.

Did I have a soda, candy and popcorn while watching the movie? No. I had celery sticks, apple sauce and water.

Tuesday
I checked in on the roses. After finally getting rid of whatever was eating holes in the leaves, our five rose bushes came down with powdery mildew. And just when they were looking so healthy and lush and were starting to bloom. I had to cut them all back. Boo.

I did my ironing. I hate ironing. Here is a shirt that is supposed to be “no iron”. Grrrr.

Wednesday
Wednesday we got in the car and headed to Temecula‘s wine country (about an hour north of us). Last year Harry gave me a horseback ride and wine tasting lunch for my birthday. We finally got around to doing it. My horse’s name was Rusty and Harry’s was Quincy. It was super hot, and my horse kept fighting me to be in front of the guide, but it was fun!

After our ride we went to Wilson Creek Winery for our wine tasting. Woo hoo!

Then we had lunch. The restaurant was outdoors. They had misters which was lovely on such a hot day. The rolls had cheese on them (yuck), but the crackers were pretty good. I had a (steak) salad.

Thursday
Thursday was the last day of my painting class. Some of the students brought in snacks. One of them brought chocolate cupcakes. I took one because it would have been rude of me to refuse.

Here is the painting I’ve been working on. It’s Franz Marc‘s Red Horses. It’s a little off because the dimensions of my canvas are different from the original. And I still have a lot yet to do. I’m the queen of unfinished projects, but hopefully I’ll keep working on it.

Friday
After dinner at a Mexican restaurant with friends (I had 2 daiquiris, peach and strawberry), Harry and I decided to go to the local dive bar to drink some more. He had beer and some kind of cinnamon shot thing. I had 2 rum and cokes. They have a neat jukebox with bajillions of songs.

We killed zombies, played air hockey (Harry won) and pool (Harry won – maybe it’s because I played this way…).

Saturday
We went to our local farmer’s market. We got some fresh, organic California strawberries.

Then we took the car in to Pep Boys because the air conditioner broke. This would be their second go round trying to fix it (this isn’t our first experience having to bring the car back for a re-repair). After we got there they told us to bring it back another day (after just telling us on the phone to bring it in). After we get it fixed we shall never, ever return. Manny, Mo and Jack can suck it.

We decided to have lunch in Hillcrest. We went to Freebirds World Burrito. It’s kinda like Chipotle, but with more options. Check out my huge burrito:

We sat outside and guess what music was playing? “Black Betty”. I kid you not. Also, I totally didn’t have a brownie or cookie. Willpower!

On the way home we saw this bar. It reminded me of Adam.

Sunday
I didn’t do much. I can’t find my brand of shampoo anywhere anymore, so I used this brand for the first time. It smells like flowers and fruit salad.

I also read, played on the computer and watched tv. Then I worked on Cooper’s exciting post for Monday.
Check out Cooper’s Corner for a very important announcement: http://cooperscorner.info/

So how was your weekend? And who is your favorite muppet? Let me know in comments!

What Were They Thinking?!

Last Saturday I had the honor of attending Mikey’s birthday karaoke party!  Despite the fact that private room was as hot as balls, everyone had a fantastic time.  I only managed to snap a few photos before the party became a giant, sweaty wet t-shirt tragedy.  And I’m sorry … but there is no video evidence.  Some voices are just too good to share with the rest of the world!  And now, without further ado … What Were They Thinking?!

What were Mikey and Ty thinking?!
Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Submit your potential What Were They Thinking?! photos to:
cockyandrudedotcom@gmail.com

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 7

Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate six weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Last week we took a look at a single meal that each of our contestants submitted. This week we’re taking a look inside each of their refrigerators. Just what are they hiding inside? We’re about to find out!


Mikey
In my fridge are a wild and crazy assortment of take out food products. With Ty away for work, I have indulged my inner bachelor with all the food ordering options Brooklyn has to offer. Please note the half eaten piece of carrot cake (gross) and the assorted condiments that I save from my meals and eventually throw out.


TwoPi
Apparently I’ve found a time machine, and managed to reverse what little progress I’d made so far in the competition. Time to reassess and regroup for next week. As for the fridge… From the top going down, reading left to right: We store cereal, dishwasher detergent, and pain medication on top of the fridge. I didn’t open up the freezer, but had I done so, you’d see ice cube trays and assorted frozen fruit, a few kinds of frozen pasta (ravioli mostly, for my kids mostly), and coffee grounds stored in the door. On the front of the freezer: a few photos of friends and their children, various coupons and papers, and fridge magnets, including our Puntabulous Memorial Magnet. Top shelf of the fridge: On the left, mostly jars, mostly condiments. On the right, beverages, primarily half-gallon glass bottles of milk, from a local dairy, and some fruit and veg juices. Next layer: cheeses (in the drawer), eggs (and dyed hard-boiled eggs in the cardboard container) Lowest shelf: Strawberries, apple sauce, juices, and some leftovers in the white bowl with blue lid. (Chicken and veg stir fry, if memory serves me correctly). Low bins: various shredded cheeses and tortillas on the left, various vegetables on the right. Door: The obligatory collection of salad dressings, steak sauce, and other random condiments, butter in the butter bin, random adult beverages on the lowest shelf.


Polt
So this week, we’re doing our fridge photo. Mine is now filled with stuff on my diet: meat (steak, sausages, ham) and salad stuff (lettuce, carrots, celery, cheese, hard boiled eggs, etc) and plenty of condiments (ketchup, A-1 Steak sauce, several different kinds of salad dressing). The yogurt’s been there a few weeks, too many carbs for me to eat too often. Diet Coke. Oh and that bottle of wine’s been there since before Christmas…have to find just the right time to drink that.


Ryan
A lot of the food here is actually my roommate’s, especially in the freezer. My single serving ice creams are just off camera in the freezer door. The other items of note are the blue containers filled with the beans that I cooked last night ready to be taken with me to work.


Tam
My fridge is usually filled with pretty healthy stuff, lots of cheese products, meats, fruits, veggies and things for lunches like juice boxes, pudding, fruit cups, etc. Also lots of random stuff like pickles, salad dressing, condiments. And usually leftovers of some kind, we always seem to have leftovers.


Mr. Sombrero
Yeah, there’s mostly veggie and dairy action goin’ on in my refridge. Some soy and hummus goodies in between. And no, that’s not dried up poop, that’s a ginger root. Also, some cat food for Mr. Mini Sombrero.


Michelle M.

This is pretty much how the fridge always looks. Missing are containers of leftovers. I cook “real meals” about twice a week. Other nights we eat leftovers. The two nights a week Harry plays hockey, I usually have soup or rice. Weekends we go out for dinner or scrounge around in the cupboards. The container in the back is ground flax seed (which I always forget to sprinkle on stuff). The beer is Harry’s, I drink the zinfandel. Other stuff you see are condiments, salad dressing, salsa (is salsa a condiment?), applesauce, fruit, veggies, salad, assorted juices and water, butter (boo!) and soda (boo!). Pretty healthy for the most part. I’m glad Adam didn’t ask for a picture of the freezer. That’s where the thin mints, tater tots and ice cream live.


Adam
I admit it: My fridge usually isn’t this empty. I usually go grocery shopping on Sunday, but since last Sunday was some random Christian holiday, my grocery store was closed. So this week I’m just going to starve! Here’s what I have… Freezer door: frozen corn, peas, broccoli and Brussels sprouts. Freezer: frozen pitas and English muffins, 2 leftover frozen black bean burgers, and ice cube tray storage. Fridge door: ketchup, jelly, a few miscellaneous condiments, iced tea, seltzer water, almond “milk”, garlic, and a giant bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale that I got for my birthday (last July). Fridge: basket containing 3 apples, water, mozzarella-style vegan cheese, leftover pizza sauce, hummus, 2 whole wheat pitas, tofu, tempeh, and a bottle of diet root beer (hiding behind the water) that I can’t drink because I stopped drinking soda. Woohoo!


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Gay Porn: The Survey Continues!

So I started with my first analysis of the results here at Cocky & Rude and then I posted at my own blog about Gay Porn and Social Networking and now today we’ll touch on exposure to the flesh, sometimes with touching. Ahem.

I asked who had seen some dancing boys, either completely nekkid or with the naught bits covered. I was actually kind of surprised how many hadn’t, or how many hadn’t seen them completely in the buff. My first experience with male stripper was when I was 19. It was a friend’s Mom’s 50th birthday party. Yes, awkward. Anyway, this was way back in the day, ‘cause I’m old as dirt, and in Manitoba no less, and they were completely bare. Huh. Who’d have thought we were so progressive out there on the prairies.

What did people have to say about the dancing boys:

Ok while I can appreciate the skin I just can’t get past the boys that can’t shake their booty – so I would rather watch boys that can dance rather than uncoordinated attempts. – Riley (point taken, have some rhythm white boys)

Some drool worthy in my college days. One gent who was apache had me really drooling. And those guys in NOLA. – SamK (Okay, Andrew in NOLA was pitiful but the others were ‘fine’)

Only once in the total buff, and he wasn’t that good-looking, which sort of spoiled the experience. I’ve seen lots of strippers or go-go dancers in g-strings/jock straps… – Janet (Why was Janet looking above his shoulders?)

I’ve seen both. I sort of prefer them to be not entirely naked. I’m way more about the arms and chest than the peen. – Anon (that’s a point – we all know penises are gross)

Okay, so maybe you’d seen one up there gyrating on the bar and having a good time. Maybe you’ve even touched a bare ass or two in passing. What about something more. Really getting down and dirty. Well, not surprisingly the numbers there are much lower. I’m thinking largely because that may be illegal in most places? Not sure. Anyway, most of us are willing to give it a try though and see if it’s worthwhile. The ladies in the circles I run in are nothing if not open minded.

So what was it like for those who’ve experienced it?

Once, in passing, in Thailand, and it made me really sad 😦 – Anon (that doesn’t sound fun)

Maybe, oh hell yeah, let me at it? Have watched the men down on Bourbon Street with a gay co-worker. – SamK (How did I miss this in NOLA?)

At a gay club we hadn’t visited before – it was actually pretty good – needless to say we did go back again! But have also seen some pretty bad ones – Riley (Riley, the voice of experience.)

Only if no women are involved. – Ruby Netherlips (True that. I heard some oddly horrific/yet fascinating stories about Japan from a colleague)

Does the Folsom Street Fair count? 🙂 There were all sorts of lovely men doing lovely things to each other, and I have photos to prove it 😉 – Anon (I can’t believe she didn’t share the pics!)

Only reason I haven’t is I’d rather go in the company of a friend, and the opportunity hasn’t come around yet. But on that fine day…! – Willa Okati (author) (We’ll have to work on that Willa.)

A club isn’t my thing. Certainly wouldn’t mind seeing two guys having sex live, though, but outside of a club, not sure how that would come about, lol. – Anon (I believe cash would exchange hands. Maybe if we all chipped in?)

So there you have it. Monday on my blog I’ll have some final thought on WHY we like the all-boy porn. I was so impressed by everyone who answered by poll and shared their personal stories and reasons for their preferences. Not all anon as you note either.

Thanks to C&R for hosting some of my results and for inspiring the survey. It was great fun.


Check out Tam’s blog: Tam Reads, Writes & Rambles, read her reviews at Brief Encounters, or follow her on Twitter.