Tag Archives: beans

Have You Ever … Gone Camping?!

National Camping Month was first observed in June of 2009, and helps to inspire Americans of all ages to go camping.  June is also the Obama Administration’s Great Outdoors Month, and on the 23rd of this month, families all over the United States will celebrate the Great American Backyard Campout.  Have you ever gone camping?  What have you done while camping?  Let’s find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever gone camping?
2. Have you ever gone camping at a campground?
3. Have you ever gone camping in a backyard?
4. Have you ever gone camping in the wilderness?
5. Have you ever slept in a tent inside your home?
6. Have you ever slept outside under the stars?
7. Have you ever started a campfire?
8. Have you ever told scary stories around a campfire?
9. Have you ever sung camp songs around a campfire?
10. Have you ever cooked food over a campfire?
11. Have you ever made s’mores around a campfire?
12. Have you ever eaten beans right out of the can while camping?
13. Have you ever eaten fish you caught while camping?
14. Have you ever been awoken by wild animals outside your tent while camping?
15. Have you ever had to run away from wild animals while camping?
16. Have you ever pooped outside?
17. Have you ever had to use something other than toilet paper after pooping outside?
18. Have you ever camped outside during a thunderstorm?
19. Have you ever ended a camping trip early because you couldn’t handle it?
20. Have you ever been bitten by a snake while camping?
21. Have you ever drank alcohol while underage, while camping?
22. Have you ever smoked pot while camping?
23. Have you ever secretly masturbated while others were sleeping in your tent?
24. Have you ever participated in a circle jerk while camping?
25. Have you ever had sex in a tent?

Tell us your total in the comments!

Thanks to Craig for his help with this post!


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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 11

Our tenth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate ten weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

As we begin the 11th week of BC&RL3, we take a peek at somewhere BC&RL has never gone before … into the cupboards! Much like our ‘in the fridge’ week, this week we take a look inside each of our contestant’s cupboards, pantries, or wherever they’re storing their non-refrigerated foodstuff.  Check it out!


TwoPi
Our pantry is a converted broom closet. The top two shelves hold liquids (olive oil, vinegar, key lime juice, Thai fish sauce, etc…), while the next two shelves are mostly canned goods (lots of pineapple, tuna, various soups, tomatoes, etc….) The lowest shelves (mostly off camera) have non-food items, such as trash bags and various food storage items. I mostly use the stuff on the top two shelves; the rest of the pantry mostly consists of forgotten items lost in the transition from grocery bag to dust bin.


Tam
This could be called my Carb Cupboard (sorry Polt). This picture shows it tidier than it sometimes is, and messier than at other times. The top shelf is carb heaven – pasta, noodles, mac & cheese and rice; second shelf is canned goods and things like drink mixes; third shelf is breakfast stuff – cereal, juice (and ice-cream toppings – not so breakfasty); fourth shelf is snacks – crackers, chips, popcorn, little fruit cup thingies for lunches; bottom shelf is trash bags, light bulbs and potatoes. There is a shelf above you can’t see, but it is empty juice jugs, vases and booze. Ahem.


Mr. Sombrero
All I have are spices and shit. I’m going for the win. Vote for me in The Messiest A** Pantry – 2012. Yeah, no comment.


Ryan
Most of my non-refrigerated food is in these three cupboards. The others contain some spices and extra dry goods. Note the supply of oatmeal, raisins, and cinnamon ready for breakfast.


Polt
So this week, we’re talking what’s in our cupboard. In my cupboards all I have are dishes, glasses, Tupperware, that sorta stuff. I do have a pantry, but I use that for storage purposes. And I have a series of shelves in the cellar way, but they only contain some cans of soup, green beans, spaghetti-O’s, fruit salad, some salad dressing and a lonely can of tuna. Most of my non-refrigerated food I just store on my counter top like so: cereal, popcorn, peanut butter, whole wheat bread, spray cheese, sugarless caramels, Pringles, and Crystal Light. I don’t eat the pathetic looking plant there, I’ve had Janis for about ten years, longer than any plant I’ve ever had.


Mikey
You can see that I keep my kitchen cabinets better stocked than the fridge. That is influenced by the fact that I am obsessed with having every possible spice on hand in case it ever comes up in an exotic recipe. AND I DON’T HAVE THEM ALL YET. You can also see healthy olive oil on one shelf and brown rice on the other. See…I am trying.


Michelle M.
We have a tiny cupboard. Here’s what’s in it.
1. coffee (for Harry) tea and hot chocolate
2. canned vegetables and beans
3. nuts, popcorn, raisins, nuts and emergency chocolate
4. rice, pasta, lentils, Asian noodles
5. bread, soup, vegetable and chicken broth
6. cooking oils, hot sauce, pasta sauce, peanut butter
7. cereal, granola bars, pretzels, crackers
8. baking stuff
9. Harry’s breakfast fixings (oatmeal and stuff to make it taste good).


Adam
Left top: teas, oatmeal, olive oil. Left middle: Emergen-C, random ingredients, soy sauce, pepper oil, balsamic vinegar. Bottom left: lots of spices and seasonings. Top right: flour, rice, sugars. Middle right: Indian food, raisins, Maggi noodles, lentils, popcorn. Bottom right: canned veggies, sauces and vitamins.


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 7

Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate six weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Last week we took a look at a single meal that each of our contestants submitted. This week we’re taking a look inside each of their refrigerators. Just what are they hiding inside? We’re about to find out!


Mikey
In my fridge are a wild and crazy assortment of take out food products. With Ty away for work, I have indulged my inner bachelor with all the food ordering options Brooklyn has to offer. Please note the half eaten piece of carrot cake (gross) and the assorted condiments that I save from my meals and eventually throw out.


TwoPi
Apparently I’ve found a time machine, and managed to reverse what little progress I’d made so far in the competition. Time to reassess and regroup for next week. As for the fridge… From the top going down, reading left to right: We store cereal, dishwasher detergent, and pain medication on top of the fridge. I didn’t open up the freezer, but had I done so, you’d see ice cube trays and assorted frozen fruit, a few kinds of frozen pasta (ravioli mostly, for my kids mostly), and coffee grounds stored in the door. On the front of the freezer: a few photos of friends and their children, various coupons and papers, and fridge magnets, including our Puntabulous Memorial Magnet. Top shelf of the fridge: On the left, mostly jars, mostly condiments. On the right, beverages, primarily half-gallon glass bottles of milk, from a local dairy, and some fruit and veg juices. Next layer: cheeses (in the drawer), eggs (and dyed hard-boiled eggs in the cardboard container) Lowest shelf: Strawberries, apple sauce, juices, and some leftovers in the white bowl with blue lid. (Chicken and veg stir fry, if memory serves me correctly). Low bins: various shredded cheeses and tortillas on the left, various vegetables on the right. Door: The obligatory collection of salad dressings, steak sauce, and other random condiments, butter in the butter bin, random adult beverages on the lowest shelf.


Polt
So this week, we’re doing our fridge photo. Mine is now filled with stuff on my diet: meat (steak, sausages, ham) and salad stuff (lettuce, carrots, celery, cheese, hard boiled eggs, etc) and plenty of condiments (ketchup, A-1 Steak sauce, several different kinds of salad dressing). The yogurt’s been there a few weeks, too many carbs for me to eat too often. Diet Coke. Oh and that bottle of wine’s been there since before Christmas…have to find just the right time to drink that.


Ryan
A lot of the food here is actually my roommate’s, especially in the freezer. My single serving ice creams are just off camera in the freezer door. The other items of note are the blue containers filled with the beans that I cooked last night ready to be taken with me to work.


Tam
My fridge is usually filled with pretty healthy stuff, lots of cheese products, meats, fruits, veggies and things for lunches like juice boxes, pudding, fruit cups, etc. Also lots of random stuff like pickles, salad dressing, condiments. And usually leftovers of some kind, we always seem to have leftovers.


Mr. Sombrero
Yeah, there’s mostly veggie and dairy action goin’ on in my refridge. Some soy and hummus goodies in between. And no, that’s not dried up poop, that’s a ginger root. Also, some cat food for Mr. Mini Sombrero.


Michelle M.

This is pretty much how the fridge always looks. Missing are containers of leftovers. I cook “real meals” about twice a week. Other nights we eat leftovers. The two nights a week Harry plays hockey, I usually have soup or rice. Weekends we go out for dinner or scrounge around in the cupboards. The container in the back is ground flax seed (which I always forget to sprinkle on stuff). The beer is Harry’s, I drink the zinfandel. Other stuff you see are condiments, salad dressing, salsa (is salsa a condiment?), applesauce, fruit, veggies, salad, assorted juices and water, butter (boo!) and soda (boo!). Pretty healthy for the most part. I’m glad Adam didn’t ask for a picture of the freezer. That’s where the thin mints, tater tots and ice cream live.


Adam
I admit it: My fridge usually isn’t this empty. I usually go grocery shopping on Sunday, but since last Sunday was some random Christian holiday, my grocery store was closed. So this week I’m just going to starve! Here’s what I have… Freezer door: frozen corn, peas, broccoli and Brussels sprouts. Freezer: frozen pitas and English muffins, 2 leftover frozen black bean burgers, and ice cube tray storage. Fridge door: ketchup, jelly, a few miscellaneous condiments, iced tea, seltzer water, almond “milk”, garlic, and a giant bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale that I got for my birthday (last July). Fridge: basket containing 3 apples, water, mozzarella-style vegan cheese, leftover pizza sauce, hummus, 2 whole wheat pitas, tofu, tempeh, and a bottle of diet root beer (hiding behind the water) that I can’t drink because I stopped drinking soda. Woohoo!


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 3

Our second week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate two weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Diet is an important part of every weight-loss regimen. This week, the contestants were invited to tell us how they’ve changed their diet to help attain their weight-loss goals. Here’s what they said:


Michelle M.
My diet this past week has pretty much consisted of cough drops, orange juice and ginger ale. If I could keep this up, I would reach my goal weight in no time at all. When I’m feeling better, though, I’ll be cutting out the junk food and trying not to eat after 8pm.


Ryan
My diet hasn’t changed much because I never went back to my old diet after last year. My current calorie budget is around 1800 calories from a balanced mix of carbs, protein, and fat. Like last year, oatmeal with raisins is my breakfast. Lately, I have been experimenting with dishes that combine beans and pineapple.


Tam
Yes, this picture represents my “diet” for the past week. Gotta love being on a work trip. Ugh. So I’ve only been back 3 days really, back on the “wagon”, the starvation wagon. Next week be better. Swear. I bought all the stuff to make salad for my work lunch. I like salad, I’m just to lazy to prepare it. I also have banned any ice-cream in my house that I would like to eat. No temptation. Lately I’ve been craving sweet things, so I stocked up on my fave black seedless grapes and pineapple so hopefully when I get the craving for cake, those will suffice. Now that I’m home and can determine how things are cooked I think it will be easy to be careful. I think according to Spark people I eat about 1300 – 1500 calories a day. I’m usually at the low end if I pay attention and am not at the muffin/beer buffet. Hey, but at least I’m not up. Go me.


TwoPi
I love to cook. It is a central piece of who I am, one of my favorite recreational activities. Whatever dietary changes I put in place now need to be ones I can sustain for the long haul. So for the most part, I’m unwilling to change my diet, my cooking habits, although I am working toward incorporating more green vegetables and less protein, less fat, into the choices I make. The primary change in my diet isn’t what I’m eating, but how much I’m eating. I’m trying to be conscious of portion sizes, of not taking seconds, of not snacking out of boredom. (I love numbers, but I’m not counting calories.) No doubt the scale shows that I’m making modest progress at best, but in all honesty I’m not worried about losing the most weight in BC&RL3, I more concerned with being able to keep the weight off while still feeling satisfied in the kitchen and dining room.


Polt
So this week, we’re supposed to talk about how our diet’s changed. Mine…hasn’t. Although, come to think of it, I have been eating a lot of Cheetos lately. That shouldn’t be a problem, I mean they’re just cheesey-powder covered air anyway, right? And air has no calories, right? So, yeah, this is a good thing in my opinion.


Mikey
My diet has changed moderately so far. I’m working to cut back on fried foods and unnecessary sugars (like tonic….sure club soda is really boring, but so many fewer calories!). I never count calories, only cocktails, of which there have been few since I am sick with bronchitis and I shouldn’t even be writing this thing. The upside to being sick is that I’m losing weight by not doing much. That’s awesome.


Adam
This week, like many of the other BC&RL3-ers, I was plagued by illness. A splitting migraine and a 4-5 days of nausea left me without much in my belly. My diet (now that I have recovered) will consist of healthy meals and no snacking. I usually eat very healthy meals, but I’m awful at maintaining my diet once the sun goes down. Cookies, chips, pretzels and candy are the salty and sweet nightly demons that make me fat. But no more!


Mr. Sombrero
I have to admit that I haven’t given much thought to the diet factor of this challenge. Nutritionally my diet is pretty good but my biggest enemies are peanut butter and quesadillas. That will be the toughest part, scaling down on those yummy monsters. And the fact that Adam just gave me his quesadilla maker is not making it any easier to get on track… Now that I think about it, he might be trying to sabotage me… [insert gasp and dramatic telenovela music here]


And now, the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

EXCLUSIVE: The Truth Behind Michelle’s Mugshot

Although Craig and I have occasionally been referred to as ‘rivals’, we are pretty good friends.  And every once and awhile, we trade ideas for blog posts.  When Dave S. resurfaced, I suggested that Craig interview him to find out where he had been for so many months.  When that idea imploded, I posed another interview question: “What’s the deal with Michelle M.’s mugshot?”  Craig countered with a better idea.  Instead of just asking Michelle, he decided instead to ask everyone else.  They’d come up with their ideas, he’d illustrate them, and it’d turn out to be a fantastic blog post.

But there’s one problem with that idea: Craig is lazy! He hasn’t taught himself the latest version of MS Paint, so he can’t really even draw the theories.  He also has also given up blogging lately as he plays with his new Tumblr site.  Flash forward a few weeks of my pestering, and I finally offered to just write the blog post myself.  Craig graciously accepted, forwarded me all of your theories, and the rest is history…

Why Was Michelle M. Arrested As A Child?

Chris D.’s Theory:

Michelle M. was arrested for accidentally stealing Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.  If one should accidentally stumble into an invisible jet, it is hard to get out of it.  All you have to do is bump the wrong darned invisible button, and the damn thing takes off and flies you to Wonder Woman’s home base. Then Wonder Woman is left to cab it back in costume. While waiting for a cab, Wonder Woman gets some “interesting” offers from sketchy looking lonely men, and eventually a dirty look from the cab driver.  She is so pissed off that she has wee Michelle arrested. (Chris D. blogs at Perspectologist)

Jere’s Theory:

Well, she obviously murdered a man just to watch him die. But I believe that she was arrested because authorities found truly shocking amounts of smut on her computer. I’m talking ridiculously excessive, even by California standards. Not like kiddie porn or anything, but a whole lot of disturbing and probably unsanitary images. There was a whole section devoted to back hair (divided into “slight” “beastly” and “braided”) and another titled “how I saw the pool party” that we can’t even describe in print. The most disturbing thing of all, though, was that every single picture had been digitally altered to replace the faces of the original subject with the cut-out heads of some random blogging nerds. (Jere blogs at Blind Prophecy)

Paul’s Theory:

Michelle McKee was born Magdalena Fuentes in Tijuana, Mexico.  She was arrested along with an accomplice (see photo below) stealing lip gloss and tequila from a liquor store.  Because she cooperated with investigators (and because she didn’t look Mexican) she was cleared of all charges and granted full citizenship.  Her accomplice was sentenced to a lifetime of wandering the world carrying a backpack full of useless crap. (Paul blogs at Where The Parkway Ends)

Ryan’s Theory:

It was for taking a joy ride on the USS Midway. Authorities are still not sure how she managed to get the museum’s engines to work again.

Polt’s Theory:

Obviously, Michelle M. was arrested for being overly cute and excessively precocious! (Polt blogs at Polt’s Palace)

 

Mush’s Theory:

That kid was never any good. Getting processed at such a tender age did nothing to deter her; after the invention of Photoshop she was unstoppable. They used to call it graffiti. Now they call it humor. (Mush blogs at Goblinbox)

 

Tam’s Theory:

After extensively stalking Michelle’s family members on Facebook (especially her in-laws), following her non-existent Twitter feed and blog, and sending out my own special spy who happens to live Michelle’s area to canvas the neighbors, I believe I have finally unveiled the truth behind Michelle’s arrest during her dark and troubled childhood. As a child Michelle developed a love for beans. Kidney beans, wieners and beans, bean chili, bean soup and bean salad all left Michelle warm, content and full. However, as with many bean-lovers, there were side-effects. At school Michelle would try desperately to hold it in until she get to the playground at recess, but she could not help but let a little toot go from time to time in the class. The complaints of her classmates led to several reprimands from the teacher and this was followed by a visit to the principal. Michelle’s parents were called in and the school laid it on the line, Michelle had to quit the beans or face expulsion and several children had fallen ill following her last foray into bean heaven and the resulting gaseous explosions of an unnatural strength. However despite her parents’ best efforts to eliminate beans from their diet, Michelle managed to steal a case of pork and beans and before school ate the entire case. During math, Michelle let it rip and the smell caused three children to vomit, two had their eyes begin to water and the teacher to wretch. It was the last straw; after all of the warning, the school thought perhaps the police would be the answer. They called the police to promptly arrest Michelle for causing a public disturbance. The school was closed for the remainder of the week while it was aired and it was necessary for the police to drive back to the station with the windows down on the police car. Michelle did finally learn her lesson and no further police intervention was necessary. (Tam blogs at Tam’s Reads)

 

John’s Theory:

Michelle tried to use her adorable little smile and pig tails to begin her plot to rid the world of cheese.  Michelle developed her hate of the wonderful dairy product early on in her life.  Since Photoshop wasn’t around for Michelle to appropriately channel her rage, she turned to a life of crime.  Michelle, having just watched the Superfriends, tried to follow Lex Luthor’s lead and planned to kill all the grass in La Mesa CA.  Her logic: destroy the grass, cows can’t eat.  No cows =  no cheese.  The only flaw in her plan?  Michelle didn’t realize that La Mesa is in CA, not Wisconsin.  After serving time, and working with a court appointed psychiatrist, Michelle focused her considerable talent and intelligence in more artistic endeavors and to emulate Wonder Woman rather than Lex Luthor.

 

Craig’s Theory:

Michelle M. was arrested for burning a Wonder Woman training bra at a peace rally.  Charges were dropped when it was discovered that the bra belonged to the police officer. (Craig used to blog at Puntabulous)

 

Mikey’s Theory:

As a child, Michelle was the head of an international drug and gun cartel that was owned and operated out of the San Diego suburb of La Jolla.  Michelle was known as La Niña Brutal to the criminal community who feared her wrath.  Known for having killed ten men twice her size and three times her age, she alluded capture by the FBI for over years.  Once captured, prosecutors attempted to try her as an adult, but numerous child psychologists testified that she was being manipulated by the adults around her and therefore should be tried as a child.  She spent five years in a juvenile detention facility and had her record stricken once she turned 18.

 

And Here’s My Theory:

Which theory is your favorite?  And which one is most likely to be true?
Let’s come to terms with the truth, in the comments.