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Who Needs To Diet When You Can Just Bang Instead?

This guy used to be a fat ass until he started masturbating 100 times a day!

A recent article on Shine From Yahoo! has listed the amount of calories you can burn by participating in romantic activities.

Making Out, 30 minutes: 230 calories
Foreplay20 minutes: 87 calories for women, 107 for men
Unclasping a bra with both hands: 8 calories
Unclasping a bra with one hand: 18 calories
Unclasping a bra with your mouth: 67 calories
Strip Tease: 60 calories
Oral Sex: 100 calories
Missionary Position, 10 minutes: 250 calories
Woman on Top, 10 minutes: 300 calories for women, 130 calories for men
Sex Standing Up: Up to 600 calories for both people
Masturbation: Up to 150 calories per session
Orgasm: From 60-100 calories

What does this mean?

Each time you eat three Oreo cookies (160 calories), you should perform one session of oral sex and then do a strip tease.

After eating a scoop of vanilla ice cream (2-1/2 oz. – 170 calories), you should masturbate and then unclasp a bra with on hand.

After binging on an entire jar of peanut butter (18 oz. – 3,200 calories), you should have sex standing up 5 times and then unclasp about 12 bras with one hand.

I think you get the point…

So how many calories have you burned lately? Why do we even bother exercising when we can just bang instead? And after reading this, are you going to rethink your exercise routine?


Straight Girls & Gay Porn

So when Adam and Michelle put out their whiny request saying they were “tired” and “too exhausted” to post this week (wah wah wah) and DESPERATELY wanted guest posts, I thought … what could I, the classy sophisticated woman that I am, write about for a guest post? Of course, the obvious answer was Mikey’s favorite: hardcore gay porn.

Now everyone knows that straight girls only like porn with romantic music and floaty curtains, and soft gentle non-threatening male actors, right? Heh. Yeah. Well, I can’t speak on behalf of all straight girls, only the ones in my little pervy corner of the universe, and that description? Not so much. I decided I would do a survey of a few of my friends who I know enjoy a little man-on-man action, or at least a picture of a nekkid bottom now and then. Well, they told two friends, and they told two friends and so on, and so on. You know the drill. I ended up with 110 responses. Ack! I needed to buy a Survey Monkey pay subscription to access them all.

So what is the story with these women? They’re just looking at artsy pictures right? Well, we’re looking at pictures, I’m not sure how many are “artsy”. Have you been to Tumblr lately? Ahem. 97.3% have a gander at the boys, many on a daily basis, or several times daily, or hourly. Do you know how fast a dashboard moves on that site? Ya gotta keep up or you’ll miss a good one.

Now surely they’re not WATCHING videos. I must be alone in that jungle of testosterone, right? Oh no, I’m not alone. Basically 83% of us girls surveyed like to watch some hot video action, although we are basically cheap and don’t want to pay for it.

Okay, but they’re all single and sad and desperate like me I’m sure. Hmmm. Maybe? 37.6% of us are footloose and fancy free and can watch whatever the hell we want on the internet. But 35.6% have husbands who don’t really care.

I got some interesting comments:

So there you have it. But you’re asking “why?” right? Most people do, even other straight girls. And no, none of us imagine one of the ‘stars’ coming to their senses and sweeping us off our feet. Some of us like to watch straight porn or girl-on-girl as well, but there are a lot of common reasons women don’t like watching porn with other women in it. We are not the target audience. It’s aimed at men and as a rule shows women that men (supposedly) find attractive. The men involved don’t really matter, because straight guys are staring at the women. Straight girls? We’re looking at Ron Jeremy. Ack. If that’s not a freaking turn-off what is? I like to look at attractive men and seriously, you aren’t going to find many in straight porn. So I’ll go where my eye can enjoy the view, doubly, or more.

Here are some of the comments from my survey respondents:

So there you have it folks. In general the reasons why some of us girls like gay porn are: we like men and the way men look; straight porn makes us feel icky or self-conscious; and … it’s just hot. *shrug*

I received so many interesting answers to my questions about porn stars on twitter, live sex shows, strippers and how “out” you are with your habit, that I will definitely be using much of this info for some posts on my own site. Too much great data not to mine for other posts. I admit my survey sample was skewed to those who already have an interest in the subject matter, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as fun otherwise.

I know porn is not for everyone, but if it’s your thing, happy watching.


Check out Tam’s blog: Tam Reads, Writes & Rambles, read her reviews at Brief Encounters, or follow her on twitter.

Who Should Hook Up?

Here at C&R, we’re all about love and happiness.  With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we’re hoping to spread some love by pairing up some previously unattached couples.  Vote for your favorite new couple below … and maybe we’ll spark a love connection! *Contestants (except for Mr. Sombrero) are encouraged (but are under no obligation) to bang.

Tam’s Twitter Adventures











Happy Black Friday Birthday, Polt!

Last year, C&R told you the truth about the first Thanksgiving, and how it lead to the birth of Polt.  In case you’ve forgotten, here it is:

About 7000 years ago, this dude named Columbus sailed across the Atlantic Ocean.  The Queen of Spain had given him three boats:  The Nina, the Pinta and the Titanic.  After 14 days and 14 nights, Columbus landed at Plymouth Acclaim Rock where he met Pocahontas and George Washington!  Pocahontas was totally turned off by Columbus’s bad style (buckles and funny black hats), so she went off to have a threesome with John Smith and the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  Columbus was SO pissed (because Pocahontas had nice tits and he wanted to motorboat them), that he raped a bunch of Native American and gave them all smallpox.  Rude!

Polt's Proud Papa!

To celebrate his mascara, Columbus, Lois, Clark and Ernie Hudson all went to an Indian casino and saw a live performance by Barry Manilow!  Columbus instantly turned gay and fell in love with Barry.  That night they had crazy butt sex.  One year later, Baby Polt sprung from Barry Manilow’s loins!  Everyone was happy and gave each other blowjobs to commemorate the day of Polt’s birth.  Columbus dressed Baby Polt in purple, and fed him a first meal of microwaved Lean Cuisine turkey, apple cobbler and maize.

And so began the American tradition of Thanksgiving:  the day in which we all give thanks for Polt.  We’ve celebrated it every year on this day since the beginning of time (Polt is very old), and will continue to do so until we become bored with the whole damn thing. (source)

But that’s not quite the end of the story.  Today is Black Friday, and wouldn’t you just know it — Polt was there for the very first Black Friday!  Here’s how it happened:

6985 years ago, Polt (who was 14, if you do the math) was having sex for the first time with a cute little Asian boy named George Takei.  Suddenly, something hit him right in the face!  After he wiped himself off, he had a thought: what if the people of the United States celebrated his birth every year by having butt sex with Asians (preferably with hairthings)?  Without hesitation, he grabbed his purple iPhone and told Suri Cruise to call his BFF, President Abraham Lincoln.

Polt and A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat enjoy some pornography.

A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat (as Polt used to call him) thought that it was a grand idea, as he had just finished “banging Margaret Cho ‘old-school style’ in the oval office while both Florence Nightingale and Florence Henderson watched.”  Polt commended the President on his stellar cocksmanship and wished him a good evening.

The next day, President Lincoln called a special joint session of Congress (it was on a Saturday!) where all the Democrats and douchey Republicans argued about Polt’s idea of Asian Sex Friday.  George Washington thought it might be a little “too controversial” and Bill Clinton was concerned that he would only be allowed to have sex once a year.  At one point, Al Sharpton just started screaming “racist!” over and over again.

After years of debate, temper tantrums and filibustering (oh, and we can’t forget Polt’s daily nagging messages on Facebook), Congress decided to officially name the day after Thanksgiving: “Butt Sex with a Latin, Indian, Spanish, Caucasian, African, Arabic or Black Friday.”  Polt and A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat celebrated the naming of the official holiday by going to see ‘How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying’ on Broadway.  In the middle of the performance, Harry Potter zapped A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat in the head with his wand and assassinated  him.  Bummer!

Over the years, the name of the day after Thanksgiving has been shortened to: “Black Friday.”  The meaning has also changed slightly, as it is now associated with shopping.  (Because everyone knows that shopping is better than sex!)

And that’s how Black Friday really came to be!
Happy Black Friday Birthday, Polt!

The Cocky Chronicles 1.06

Episode 1.01 | Episode 1.02 | Episode 1.03 | Episode 1.04 | Episode 1.05

For more adventures of Super Viagra & Vagina Girl, go to Puntabulous.com