Tag Archives: Airplane

Stuff I actually dream about

In my last post I talked about the things I like to daydream about.
But what do I dream about when I’m fast asleep? Let’s find out…

Monday I dreamed that Jessica Simpson was coming out with a line of butter candies. The flavors she had were: buttered toast, buttered popcorn, hot buttered rum and baked potato with butter. She needed my help to come up with the 5th flavor. I suggested buttered waffles.

Tuesday I dreamed that I worked at the Mad Men offices. I was going through everyone’s files to find out what their salaries were. I’m sneaky that way.

Wednesday I dreamed that I was hanging out with Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman. She was really impressed that I had a gold ring with three purple stones (I do not really have a gold ring with three purple stones).

Thursday I dreamed that I was a consumer reporter analyzing pool rafts.

Friday I dreamed that I couldn’t open my high school locker. It seemed I spent all night trying to open my combination lock. I hate those kinds of dreams. (In high school my locker combination was 10-16-38).

Saturday I dreamed that I was in charge of refreshments for the Honey Boo Boo airshow (she would jump out of an airplane and fly to the ground). I couldn’t find a dozen doughnuts, cupcakes or cookies, so I had to mix and match. It was very frustrating.

On Sunday I dreamed that I went to a party thrown by Kathy Griffin. I par-tayed until the wee hours. The next day Liam Neeson was mad at me for keeping his little boy out all night long. I guess I was supposed to be babysitting him – oops.

So what does any of this mean? Who cares. At least I didn’t dream that my teeth were falling out or that I had a mouth full of gum. My favorite dreams are flying dreams – but I rarely have those. What are some of the weird dreams you have? Let me know in comments!


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Have You Ever … Peed?!

A recent study showed that “having to urinate really bad while driving is equivalent in terms of impairment to about a 0.05 blood alcohol level, according to the invaluable research done by Dr. Peter Snyder, a VP of research at Rhode Island Hospital.” My advice? Just pee! Where ever you are, just let it out! Just how creative have you been with your urination? Let’s find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever peed?
2. Have you ever peed in a public restroom?
3. Have you ever peed in the opposite gender’s bathroom?
4. Have you ever peed while taking a shower?
5. Have you ever peed into a kitchen sink?
6. Have you ever peed into a jar or bottle?
7. Have you ever peed into a cup for a drug test?
8. Have you ever peed on the side of the road?
9. Have you ever peed in a port-a-john?
10. Have you ever peed while in a moving train?
11. Have you ever peed while in an airplane?
12. Have you ever peed while in a bus?
13. Have you ever peed in pool?
14. Have you ever peed in the ocean?
15. Have you ever peed in the snow?
16. Have you ever peed onto a floor?
17. Have you ever peed in front of someone else?
18. Have you ever peed in a bed?
19. Have you ever peed in your pants?
20. Have you ever peed out of the window of a moving vehicle?
21. Have you ever peed while driving a car?
22. Have you ever peed onto someone else?
23. Have you ever peed into someone’s mouth?
24. Have you ever peed into your own mouth?
25. Have you ever peed during sex?

Tell us your total and any fun pee stories in the comments.


Have You Ever … Been Responsible for a Horrible Odor?!

A wise man once said, “He who smelt it, dealt it.” Let’s face it, we’ve all dealt it once or twice in our lives. Now it’s time to come clean about your dirty odors.

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have you ever?!

1. Have you ever been told that you’re wearing too much perfume or cologne?
2. Have you ever stunk up your workplace with a really smelly meal? (ie stinky fish)
3. Have you ever been sent home from work or school because you smell bad?
4. Have you ever received complaints for emitting a smelly burp?
5. Have you ever been accused of having bad body odor?
6. Have you ever been accused of smelling like urine?
7. Have you ever been told that you should shower more often?
8. Have you ever retched after smelling your own dirty laundry?
9. Have you ever denied responsibility for a smelly fart?
10. Have you ever felt guilty for stinking up the bathroom?
11. Have you ever fled a public restroom after making it very smelly?
12. Have you ever dropped a smelly fart bomb in a car?
13. Have you ever blamed someone else (or a pet) for a stench that you were actually responsible for?
14. Have you ever been responsible for an awful smell on a bus or airplane?
15. Have you ever used a porta-potty and managed to make the already-present odor significantly worse?
16. Have you ever caused anyone to vomit after smelling a horrible odor that you were responsible for?
17. Have you ever been given dirty looks because of your odors by plumbers, house cleaners or sewer repairmen?
18. Have you ever received complaints from a neighbor for cooking smelly food?
19. Have you ever set off a stink bomb?
20. Have you ever trapped a partner under your bed covers and created a dutch oven?
21. Have you ever been accused of having a room in your house that stinks like sex?
22. Have you ever emitted a smelly fart during sex?
23. Have you ever been told that your genitals smell badly?
24. Have you ever been told that your sexual fluids smell badly?
25. Have you ever had an infection or disease caused you to emit a nasty odor?

Fess up to your stink (and tell us your total) in the comments!

Have You Ever … On An Airplane?!

How are you celebrating National Aviation Week (August 15th – August 21st)? How about you buy me a plane ticket to somewhere exotic? You could include some spending money, plus a nice hotel room and all sorts of delicious gourmet vegan meals. Thanks!

But before I get too ahead of myself … let’s find out what you’ve done on an airplane. The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your

points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever ridden on an airplane?
2. Have you ever flown first class on an airplane?
3. Have you ever sneaked into first class on an airplane?
4. Have you ever been inside the cockpit on an airplane?
5. Have you ever piloted an airplane?
6. Have you ever flown over an ocean on an airplane?
7. Have you ever watched a movie on an airplane?
8. Have you ever consumed a meal on an airplane?
9. Have you ever gotten drunk on an airplane?
10. Have you ever thrown up on an airplane?
11. Have you ever fallen asleep on an airplane?
12. Have you ever had another passenger fall asleep on your shoulder?
13. Have you ever gone to the bathroom on an airplane?
14. Have you ever farted loudly on an airplane?
15. Have you ever been uncomfortable when an overweight passenger ‘overflowed’ into your seat?
16. Have you ever been driven crazy by a crying baby on an airplane?
17. Have you ever made a commotion on an airplane because you were afraid of flying?
18. Have you ever yelled at another passenger on an airplane?
19. Have you ever yelled at a flight attendant on an airplane?
20. Have you ever gotten in trouble on an airplane?
21. Have you ever flirted with a stranger on an airplane?
22. Have you ever had sex with someone you know on an airplane?
23. Have you ever had sex with a stranger on an airplane?
24. Have you ever been on an airplane that was overrun with snakes?
25. Have you ever been on an airplane that crashed?

In the comments, tell us your point total and (approximately) how many times that you’ve flown in your lifetime.

Have You Ever … Had Sex?!

Sex, copulation, coupling, fornication, mating, relations, banging, screwing, shagging, hanky panky, funny business, making whoopee … and fu¢k!ng. The Kinsey Institute says that “By their late teenage years, at least 3/4 of all men and women have had intercourse, and more than 2/3 of all sexually experienced teens have had 2 or more partners.”  And since most of us have done the deed by now … today we’re going to talk about where we’ve done it.  You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever had sex?
2. Have you ever had sex in a bed?
3. Have you ever had sex in a hotel room?
4. Have you ever had sex on the floor?
5. Have you ever had sex in a kitchen?
6. Have you ever had sex in a closet?
7. Have you ever had sex in a bathroom?
8. Have you ever had sex in a basement?
9. Have you ever had sex in an attic?
10. Have you ever had sex in an office?
11. Have you ever had sex in a friend’s house?
12. Have you ever had sex in a store?
13. Have you ever had sex in a movie theater?
14. Have you ever had sex at an amusement park?
15. Have you ever had sex at a bar?
16. Have you ever had sex in a restaurant?
17. Have you ever had sex in a school?
18. Have you ever had sex in a swimming pool?
19. Have you ever had sex on a beach?
20. Have you ever had sex in a tent?
21. Have you ever had sex outside?
22. Have you ever had sex in a car?
23. Have you ever had sex on a boat?
24. Have you ever had sex on a bus?
25. Have you ever had sex in an airplane?
26. Have you ever had sex in a camper or RV?
27. Have you ever had sex on a train?
28. Have you ever had sex at a park?
29. Have you ever had sex in a parking lot?
30. Have you ever had sex in the sleeper cab of an 18-wheeler truck?

Tell us the truth.  Come all over the place clean.
Tell us your total in the comments!

Have You Ever… Annoyed Michelle M?!

We’ve long considered Michelle M. to be one of the nicest and most beloved inhabitants of the blogosphere.  But as we’ve recently found out, Michelle is a mighty force to be reckoned with.  You cross her, and you she might just beat the ever-loving shit out of you.  And it is for that reason (we want to protect you from her rage!) that we asked Michelle to come up with her own Have You Ever?! list of annoyances.  You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever been Kristen Stewart, Ashton Kutcher or Jennifer Love Hewitt?
2. Have you ever failed to return a shopping cart?
3. Have you ever sent Michelle a chain email?
4. Have you ever eaten a tub of garlicky hummus before getting into bed?
5. Have you ever left your dog out in the yard to bark all damn day?
6. Have you ever had a spoiled brat who is out of control/doesn’t listen to you?
7. Have you ever mispronounced jalapeño?
8. Unless you’re Craig, have you ever said “me and him” or “her and me”, etc.?
9. Have you ever been a die hard, crazy ass Republican?
10. Have you ever made noise at a movie theater?
11. Have you ever spit in public?
12. Have you ever loaded the dishwasher improperly?
13. Have you ever used too many asterisks in your comments?
14. Have you ever designed a stupid Wonder Woman costume?
15. Have you ever been a salesperson/customer service rep. who ignores Michelle FOREVER and doesn’t know how to say, “I’ll be with you in a moment.”?
16. Have you ever made Michelle do math?
17. Have you ever walked on the wrong side of the lake path?
18. Have you ever had bad breath while sitting next to Michelle on an airplane?
19. Have you ever left a mess in the staff break room?
20. Have you ever written a song that Michelle can’t get out of her head for days?
21. Have you ever changed the chicken noodle soup recipe at Panera?
22. Have you ever posted a duckface photo?
23. Have you ever given your kid a weird/pretentious name or a name with a ridiculous spelling?
24. Have you ever used a lawnmower or leaf-blower before 10am on a weekend?
25. Have you ever called Michelle Ma’am?

Add your name and score to Michelle’s hit list in the comments!