Finding The Perfect Fry

Once upon a time my favorite food was the french fry. When I was a kid, if we went to a fast food restaurant, my go-to meal would be two large fries and a chocolate shake (yikes). Back then, fries were delicious, greasy and salty. Nothing like the “healthier” fries of today (which are hard, dry and tasteless). Why they are trying to make fries “healthier” is a mystery to me. If I wanted to eat something nutritious, it wouldn’t be french fries in the first place.

After eating a few too many dud spuds, I decided to see if there were any good fries out there.
What follows is my quest for the perfect fry.

McDonald’s – Not bad. Not great. They’re best if they’re fresh from the fryer. And you have to eat them before they become cold and hard.

Jack in the Box – They taste almost exactly like McDonald’s.

Burger King – Too crisp, too dry.

Wendy’s – “Natural cut” fries. Too crispy and dry. The sea salt didn’t adhere.

Islands – They’re cut fresh daily and supposedly “cooked to perfection.”  If “perfection” means so dry the salt bounces off them, then I guess they are. I wouldn’t order them again.

T.G.I. Friday’s used to have some pretty good fries – with a yummy seasoning. But not anymore.
Pass.

Chili’s – meh.

Carl’s Junior – I need some more adjectives for “dry” and “tasteless”.

Callahan’s – We usually just go here for the beer. If I have enough to drink, I usually want some french fries. Theirs are okay. But only if they’re fresh from the fryer. The cajun spice helps.

Applebee’s – Maybe the best of the bunch. Not fantastic, but not disappointing.

Arby’s – they only have the curly fries in my location (which are almost an entirely different animal, due to the seasoning), but I tried them anyway. They were greasy (which is good) but had been in the fryer a little too long (which made them too hard). I couldn’t taste the seasoning on my batch at all.

Brazen BBQ in Hillcrest – Man, were these bad. They were like the potato sticks you buy in a can from the grocery store. Sadness.

Brewski’s is a little hamburger place in my neighborhood. The burgers are good, but the fries aren’t.

Fatburger – The fat fries are pretty good. But only fresh from the fryer. You can see in the picture the shine of grease on the fry. That is always a good sign.

Five Guys – I went here with Ryan. They give you a TON of fries, which is great. And from the picture, they look nice and greasy. I was too busy yapping to remember how they tasted. I know I didn’t finish them all, but that was due to trying not too look like a pig in front of the svelte Ryan, and not because of the taste.

Red Robin – Pretty good when fresh. But not outstanding. They say the baskets of fries are “endless”, but they only put in about 5 at a time.

Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza – Dry, tasteless and disappointing. Boo.

SeaWorld – Surprisingly good. You have to eat them quickly, before the sea gulls try to swipe them.

Smashburger – These fries were horrible. So bland and dry. I didn’t even want to finish them. I threw about half of them away.

In-N-Out – Their fries are cut right in front of you, so you’d think they’d be fresh and delicious. But they’re just hard little bits of tasteless potato.

Fuddruckers fries are pretty darn good. They’re nice and soft and have a tasty seasoning on them.

Sonic – They were good. There were a few really good soggy, greasy ones in there.

As you can see, this Sonic fry passes the flaccid test.

Now that I’ve sampled so many of the fries in my area, I’ve come to the conclusion that the perfect fry no longer exists. And that french fries are no longer my favorite food. And that I need to start eating salad.

This post is dedicated to Fat Betty.

Blam!

So what french fries are good in your neck of the woods? Do you think I’ll ever eat a french fry again? Did you read this whole post? It was really long. What is your favorite food? Let me know in comments!


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39 thoughts on “Finding The Perfect Fry”

  1. Wow. Now that you made me think about it, good fries are hard to find. SeaWorld winds for best container.

    Love the t-shirt.

      1. WHAT?! HOW DARE YOUR OPINION DIFFER FROM MINE! GOD I HATE THE INTERNET! YOU ARE JUST A TROLL TRYING TO CAUSE TROUBLE AREN’T YOU? DIE NEWB!

          1. But…but… you’re on the internet… and I am compelled to correct you… and yet you present your opinion reaonably… I do not understand…

            ::HEAD EXPLODES AND I DIE::

  2. Not bad. Not great. – If it were anyone else King Friday Toga (my new nickname after this weekends epic disaster party) would have removed your tongue for suggesting that McDonald’s fries are not the best. In fact, there are only 3 things worth eating at McDonald’s (the fries, chicken nuggets, and the sausage biscuits,) the rest is all a gathering of haphazard toxic sludge in food form.

  3. Fries are really hard to pin down…I hate when they are soggy and greasy…and then they are too crisp they suck….I don’t know that I have had “good fries” in a really long time.

    1. I agree. I can’t remember the last great fry I had. I don’t like potato skin so “natural” fries don’t really do it for me. Probably the best ones come from a chip truck (as they’re called here) and are covered in cheese curds and gravy. Uber soggy then. And yummy.

        1. But that’s why they taste so good. I’m sure they could make them with soy cheese and pretend gravy with no hint of real meat for you. *gag*

  4. Hmm. No one answered Michelle’s question about their fave food. We got caught up in FF talk. Mine is pizza. I could eat pizza every day and I’m not that fussy. Thick, thin (preferred though), cheap, expensive, whatever. Except the frozen ones that taste like chemical preservatives

      1. I like ice cream but if someone said “do you want this bowl of ice cream or this slice of pizza?”, I’d likely pick the pizza.

        If I can I usually pick sweet potato fries.

        1. “Thick, thin (preferred though), cheap, expensive, whatever” Are we really talking about pizza or are you discussing the kind of boys I used to sneak in through my bedroom window during my teen years?

        2. I might pick pizza in that case as well. Ice cream is good, but pizza isn’t going to make me feel sick unless I eat way to much of it.

  5. I’ve been thinking about what restaurants you didn’t try. Daphne’s came to mind, but their fries are fairly standard. I remember Steak Escape had relatively good fries.

    1. I didn’t make it to Dairy Queen, KFC or Wienerschnitzel either. Maybe I’ll have to do an addendum.
      I forgot my camera at Rock Bottom. Their fries were super skinny and lame.

    1. Sonic’s tater tots are very bland. And Callahan’s tater tots taste like dish soap. Ore-Ida ones are pretty good.

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