Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Three, we’ll drop three Round Two winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Michelle M., “The Kid” and FDot.
In her C&R Fight Club Round 1 fight, the queen of of the Puntabugang, Michelle M. faced off against the queen of all media, Oprah Winfrey. In what many thought would be a difficult match, Oprah queefed all the way to an easy knockout, when Michelle M. destroyed her with 87% of the popular vote. In Round 2, Michelle M. faced off against two worthy opponents: Captain Kirk and Polt. With firsts of fury, Michelle M. easily trounced the two with 66% of the popular vote. Michelle M. has recently adopted a gluten-free diet… with this help or hurt her? And with Cooper at her side, how will she stand up against “The Kid” and FDot?
These two don’t stand a chance. I mean, c’mon, I defeated Kirk. With one arm tied behind my back. There is no way that Fdot is ready to face me in the ring – he should just stay in the kitchen where he belongs. Those chocolate chip cookies aren’t going to make themselves. As for Kristin, face it, I’m older and I have more insurance.TOWANDA!!!!
In her C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, Tam’s little princess, “The Kid” faced off again pop princess, Rebecca Black. With the assistance of her trusty steed, Sprinkles the Pony, “The Kid” defeated Black with just 59% of the popular vote. In Round 2, “The Kid” faced off against John and her own mother — and managed to defeat them both with 80% of the popular vote. “The Kid” is known for her movie references, hammering the refresh button, and she’s not afraid to beat up her own mother. But does she stand a chance against FDot and Michelle M.?
If you think adding a third person to this fight will phase me, think again. After being a thirteen man cage match in the underground back in ’97 there ain’t a chance that I’ll lose. I’m fierce and have put on over 10kilos of muscle from training with the highest class of security guards around. I’m strong, I’m tough and I’m god’s unwanted child. I plan on taking this ring by storm and not only will I tear up the competition I’ll tear out the ring, the crowd and anything that’s within the square kilometer. Just call me the Hulk because once I’m in the ring I’m ready to explode.
In his C&R Fight Club Round 1, ‘Fan Favorite‘ FDot faced off against ‘Fan Favorite’ Tom Hanks. FDot proved that there can only be on favorite when he defeated Tom Hanks with 67% of the popular vote. In Round 2, FDot faced off against a dynamic duo of opponents: Paul and VUBOQ. With just 46% of the popular vote, FDot managed to defeat them both. FDot is known for his powerful trash-talking ability and chocolate chip cookie bribery … but will that be enough to beat “The Kid” and Michelle M.? We will soon see…
So this week I have to face off against Inch High, Private Eye and The Fetus. No problem. For starters, Inchy already has a platform here every Monday, so a win for her could only lead to weekly doses of gloating. The Fetus should be disqualified as she’s not even of voting age yet. Besides, losing is good for a teenager, it builds character. As an extra precaution, I include pictures to keep Inchy and The Fetus distracted from voting: the world’s most expensive martini, and texting! I’d also remind the majority of the male population here that I’m single, easy, discreet and have no problem picking up the tab.
Who will win in the battle of Michelle M. vs. “The Kid” vs. FDot? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., “The Kid” and FDot for your assistance with this post!