Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Ty, Mush & Jere!
Our resident Jeopardy! genius, Ty, faced off against the wheelchair-bound genius, Stephen Hawking on July 7th. The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote.
I didn’t watch professional wrestling as a kid, and I don’t watch professional basketball as an adult, so I’m not super familiar with the concept of trash talk. According to my extensive Internet research, I should threaten to kill my opponents and their loved ones, impugn their paternity, and imply that I have had sexual relations with their significant others. That seems a bit harsh. So instead, I will say what I said to my opponents on Jeopardy!: “Good luck, suckas!!” -Ty
The following week, Michelle “Mush” Morgan faced off against Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the epic battle of Mush vs. Rock. The Rock’s expert wrestling moves and experience hitting people with folding chairs proved useless against Mush’s fiery Mexican food farts and superior IT skills when she beat The Rock with a very close 53% of the popular vote.
Just ’cause you bitches are big, strong, strapping boys don’t mean that my old age and treachery won’t overcome! I will beat your asses! I will dominate! YOU ARE GOIN’ DOWN!!! -Mush
Jere battled the animated twosome, Tom & Jerry in his first C&R Fight Club battle. Did the cat and mouse’s giant hammers, mouse traps, stinky cheese and presumable invincibility and immortality slow Jere down in his battle? Nope! He dragged the cartoons to court, sued (and kicked) their asses with a win of 95% of the popular vote.
Those queens? Please. When I’m done cock-slapping them around this fight, they’re both gonna wish they had never seen me. Let us pray the pimp’s prayer for these bitches. Lord, please pray for the soul of these pussies and guide my pimp hand and make it strooong Lord! So that they might learn a ho’s place. Amen! -Jere
Who will win in the battle of Ty vs. Mush vs. Jere? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., Ty, Mush & Jere for your assistance with this post!