i don’t get it.


There are many things that confound me. Here are some of them.

1. Joanna Newsom
She’s a singer (if you can call that awful noise coming out of her singing). I don’t even know if I like her songs, because I can’t get past her disturbingly odd, babyish voice. It makes me want to stab someone everyone. YUCK. I wouldn’t want to subject anyone to an entire song, so here’s a brief (you’re welcome) taste of her singing in a commercial. How is she successful? Who is buying her records? For the love of god, why won’t someone stop her? I don’t get it.


2. The Lottery
I don’t get why I can’t win the damn thing. I would be sooo good at being filthy rich.


3. French fries
Why can’t I find good french fries? I like a nice, hot, greasy fry. Greasy enough that the salt sticks to them (and doesn’t bounce off). I do not like firm, crispy fries! When you hold them they should be flaccid. Now, McDonalds (circa the seventies) made a great fry. Alas, the movement to make healthy fries ruined what used to be my favorite food. If I wanted to be healthy, I would eat a frickin’ apple. And what’s with the weird coating some of them have? Lame. And I hate that they turn into hard, dry matchsticks if you don’t eat them quickly enough. It’s all so very sad. I just don’t get it.


4. aging
Why is anti-aging research not a priority? Who cares about new football stadiums, flying cars, diseases, space exploration and wars if I am not around to enjoy them? I don’t get it. Don’t scientists and the powers that be in government not realize that they are aging too? They need to get on this stat. I’m falling apart here!


5. Wonder Woman movie
I don’t get it. Who wouldn’t want to see a Wonder Woman movie? No one, that’s who. Will I ever get to see Princess Diana on the silver screen in my lifetime? C’mon Hollywood – give the people (me) what they want. For crying out loud, Elektra, Daredevil, Captain America and the Green Lantern got their own movies. Even stupid Thor got a movie. Speaking of which, have you seen Conan’s version? OMG, it’s brilliant. ker-SMASH!

Other things I don’t get: math, the Kardashians, football, duckface, steampunk and sushi. What don’t you get? Let me know in comments!

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23 thoughts on “i don’t get it.”

  1. Hmmm. She is annoying. I’m pretty sure the lottery is a scam too. I never win. The best place to get greasy good fries are what we call chip trucks, I suppose they are just called food trucks in the US. If you are buying your food from a truck on the street, than can drive away from health inspectors, healthy food is not your first priority.

    I don’t get Jersey Shore (the show, not the geographical location). It’s like the Kardashians only maybe a step lower. Well, a very small step. I also don’t get mayonnaise or miracle whip. Why do you want slimy white stuff on your sandwich making stuff slide around? Nor do I get the Tea Party, but I’m not alone there I don’t think. They scare me.

    1. I read somewhere that food trucks might be cleaner than restaurants because they are inspected more frequently. But the food truck that used to come to my old office looked pretty sketchy.

      I agree with the you in the Jersey shore, the Tea Party and especially mayo. That stuff is just wrong.

  2. Because I love Ingrid Michaelson (and some other indie singer-songwriter chicks), people always tell me to listen to Joanna Newsom. No thanks!

    And those fries you like sound just like the fries at Five Guys! Have any in CA? I never get the fries there cause I like when they are thin and crisp, like at McDonalds. MMM.

    1. Phew! I thought you might yell at me about Joanna Newsom.

      I just Googled Five Guys. There are a few out here. I’ll def. give them a try. You weren’t around when McDonald’s had the good stuff, so I am mentally patting you on the head.

      1. I was just next to a Five Guys today (I went to the Subway next door). I haven’t been yet.

        Have you ever tried well done fries at In-N-Out?

        1. We should go to Five Guys!
          I’m not a fan of In-N-Out fries. They’re fresh, so they should be good, but they’re so blah. And they have no sog. If I order them well done, wouldn’t they be crispy? Crispy = bad.

  3. ker-SMASH! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!

    I dont get steampunk either, although I think might get it if I actually tried. What i don’t get: reality TV shows with attractive people who have the intelligence of a doorknob and the personality of a dead cockroach; stupid drivers; horror flicks; non-alocholic beer, and Republicans. Oh, and vegans. 🙂

    HUGS…

  4. OK, Kersmash! was pretty damn funny.

    I have a Joanna Newsome song and her vice is different, but not horrible on it. I never win the lottery,but I never play either. I get steampunk, but it has gone too far.

    I don’t get Jersey Shore; well reality tv as a whole really; the beach and guacamole.

      1. When I was in school in Wisconsin, the Student Union had a little sandwich shop, where you could fill out a checklist of the things you wanted on your sandwich or wrap, and they’d make it to order.

        I can’t tell you the number of times I got fooled into checking off the box labeled “avocado”, thinking it was the perfect addition to a turkey & provolone sandwich. The Wisconsin Union version of “avocado” was pre-prepared “guacamole” out of a can, which tasted like neither avocado nor guacamole.

        I can understand not understanding that sort of guacamole, for sure. For myself, I love eating me some made-from-scratch guacamole while doing cool math problems.

        And maybe you’d have a better appreciation for the beauty of math if the world’s coolest math blog hadn’t been dormant for even longer than Craig’s Tumbler site. Sigh.

  5. Well I’m forty and it looks like yesterday I had like twenty and the first part felt much much longer? I thought about what I’m going to be in life and such when I grow up but I never really grew up? Everybody just speaks like it will be better but it’s kind of worse?
    And the strangest of all is when I drink coffee I need to watch closely not to spill the sugar into the ashtray cause that’s what happens sometimes and I’m surprised when I do it?!?

  6. OMG Joanna Newsom’s voice is AWFUL. She sounds like a 3 year old. I’ve never won the lottery either. I’m not really picky about french fries, but I don’t often eat them. Aging sucks. I liked Thor!

    Things I don’t get: The Real Housewives of anywhere, pickles, adult acne, why there’s nothing on TV on labor day, and why I keep getting fatter.

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