Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Tam, “The Kid” and John.
All the way back on Tam’s birthday, May 5th, Tam faced off against the butter-loving Food Networker, Paula Deen. It was a slippery battle (mostly because they kept squirting butter and Vegemite at each other), but in the end Tam claimed the prize with 84% of the popular votes.
While I may be the senior member of this trifecta, I believe I have some abilities that the others do not. On the one hand, I control the life of said most junior member. Party on Saturday? HAHAHAHA, yeah right. How about cream cheese and tomato sandwiches in your lunch every day for the next term? I have skillz. I may be old, but I’m wiley, I’ve got experience on my side and taking out a rabbit and a teenager easily distracted by cute boys and wedding dresses will be a snap. I have the appropriate Tumblr blogs bookmarked and carrots ready for step one in my plan: distraction. They are going down. -Tam
The next week we dropped Tam’s daughter, “The Kid” into the C&R Fight Club ring with the formidable Rebecca Black. The Friday pop princess did not stand a chance against “The Kid” and trusty steed, Sprinkles the Pony. “The Kid” won her surprisingly close match with 59% of the popular vote.
Do you actually think you’ll win against me? I’m Jack’s smirking revenge. I’m Jack’s cold sweat. Hell, I’m even Jack’s raging bile duct. I’m the all-singing, all dancing crap of this world, but I’m done with this, these are my words now. I’ll pull the rabbit out of the hat and send my mother back home. I spend my nights in a cage and my days at the underground. I’m made of steel and have youth on my side, ’cause I be eating a Triple Big Mac with an extra large fry. Ain’t no body more beast then I, are you even going try and call that a lie? Give me a chance to unleash my world of fury because when you leave the match your vision is gonna be blurry! -“The Kid”
After all the Tam family fun, we pitted John (the bunny) against all four of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the battle of ‘Turtles vs. the Hare!” But unlike Aesop’s classic tale, John defeated the turtle foursome with an impressive 88% of the popular vote.
I sense some dissention in the ranks and I am going to exploit that by pitting mom against daughter. Forget the fact that I am taller than both combatants, combined. I am going to first side with the Kid. She can wear that top, she can stay out after midnight, no, she can’t talk to Adam, it will scar her for life. Once Tam is out of the way, I will pick off the Kid! – John
Who will win in the battle of Tam vs. “The Kid” vs. John? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., Tam, Kristin & John for your assistance with this post!