A few weeks ago there were a few power transformer fires and failures in my area of New Jersey. As a result, myself and the residents of my neighborhood were faced with some time without our beloved electricity. These outages meant that we didn’t have TV, Internet, lights, refrigerators … any of the modern conveniences that civilized human beings have grown accustomed to. So what is there to do when the power goes out? Here’s 10 helpful suggestions…
1. Wait it out. The power is bound to come back soon. Try staring at a light bulb until it turns back on, repeatedly hitting the power button on your television’s remote control, or perhaps flipping a light switch up and down until to works.
2. Spend time with others. Instead of just waiting for the power to come back, why not spend time waiting with someone else? Have a conversation, play a game, tell stories … pay some face-time now so you don’t have to waste precious Internet time when the power comes back.
3. Read. Sick of all the together-time? Then how about some alone time? Grab that novel that you’ve always wanted to read, or that stack of magazines that you haven’t gotten to yet. Find a sunny window or bright candle and read.
4. Let the batteries run out. Sick of reading? Then power up your cell phone, laptop computer or iPod and enjoy your electronics until the batteries run out. You’ve probably got a few hours of juice left.
5. Organize and clean. This option is kind of a bummer, so you might as well just skip it.
6. Have Sex. Why clean when you can make a mess and squirt your bodily fluids all over a willing participant? You don’t need to have the lights on to have sex … sometimes it’s even better when you can’t see your partner.
7. Masturbate. If you’re not lucky enough to have sex with a mate or willing neighbor, then why not your hand? Granted, you’ll have to use your imagination or old-fashioned pornography (magazines) to get excited… Oh, and don’t forget — vibrators usually run on batteries.
8. Eat. When you’re done with sexitime (or self-sexitime), why not chow down on all that melting food in the fridge? Start with the junk food in the freezer (ice cream), and work your way through your cold storage. After all, it’s all just going to spoil anyway.
9. Get Drunk. Finished with the fridge? Head to the liquor cabinet next. The power has probably been out for hours now … so why not just drink the darkness away?
10. Go to sleep. You’re stuffed to the gills and completely drunk. Just go to sleep. Maybe the power will be back on when you wake up. If not? Then just repeat the process.