C&R Fight Club: TOM HANKS vs. FDOT!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Full Name: Thomas Jeffrey Hanks
Date of Birth: July 9, 1956 (age 54)
Place of Birth: Concord, California, U.S.
Current Residence: Beverly Hills, California, U.S.
Relationship Status: Married to Rita Wilson (1988–present)
Children: Colin, Elizabeth, Chester, Truman
Occupation: Actor, producer, director, voice over artist, writer, speaker
Salary: Anywhere from $800 per film (for He Knows You’re Alone) to $70,000,000 (for Forrest Gump  – gross and profits).
Height & Weight: 6′ (1.83 m), 170lbs
Hobbies: golf, surfing, hockey
Favorite Movies: His top five all-time favorite films are 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Godfather, Fargo, Elephant and Boogie Nights
Top Grossing Projects: Hanks is ranked the highest all time box office star with over $3.639 billion total box office gross, an average of $107 million per film.  He has been involved with seventeen films that grossed over $100 million at the worldwide box office. The highest grossing film he has starred in is 2010’s Toy Story 3.
Political Affiliation: Democrat
Famous Role: Andrew Beckett in Philadelphia, the title role in Forrest Gump, Commander James A. Lovell in Apollo 13, Captain John H. Miller in Saving Private Ryan, Joe Fox in You’ve Got Mail, Chuck Noland in Cast Away, and voicing the character Woody in the Toy Story series.


Favorite curse word: Horseshit, not bullshit, that is a very different word, horseshit is a very specific thing”

It’s no exaggeration to say that Tom Hanks is one of the most famous men in Hollywood.  As an actor, producer, director, writer, voice-over artist and speaker, his film projects have grossed over 3.639 billion dollars. The quintessential nice guy has been nominated five times for an Oscar, and has won twice. Hanks has also distinguished himself from other megastars by staying in the spotlight but out of the tabloids, with a stable off-screen life with his actor wife, Rita Wilson, and their children.  Hanks’ secret weapons include kindness, Oscar beatings, a group of powerful friends (including Stephen Spielberg and Ron Howard), prop guns from Saving Private Ryan, exceptional foot speed (see: Forrest Gump) and the ghost of Abraham Lincoln (a distant relative).


AKA / Alias: Tim, Flinker, Big Pimpin’ Flink
Date of Birth: 4/30/1973 (A Monday, meaning I’m fair of face)
Place of Birth: St. Vincent’s Hospital, Greenwich Village, NYC (now closed)
Current Residence: Mamaroneck, NY
Relationship Status: Involuntarily Single
Occupation: Certified English and Special Education Teacher; Taxi Dispatcher; Wit and Raconteur
Salary: Far less than is currently needed to sustain my Vanderbilt levels of spending.
Height & Weight: 6 Feet 0 Inches; 188lbs and dropping
Hobbies: Movies, Lamenting the lack of romance in my life, Pointing out the faults of others. Breathing, Air Hockey
Favorite Movies: The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Clue, Annie Hall, Laura, Safety Last, Le Fils, Hellphone
Top Grossing Projects: $50 on that scratch-off lottery ticket. Stoners was accepted into a few film festivals.
Political Affiliation:  Registered Independent
Famous Role: I appeared as ‘Flinker’ in the Documentary, Stoners
Famous Catch Phrases: “Don’t fuck with Flink” “Sorry, you can’t pass.  Next time, try actually doing some work.”
Secret Weapons: The power to charm others with my innocence and naivete. The power to self-preserve myself over others.
Favorite curse word: Goddamnmohterfuckingsonofabitch (one word)

Fan Favorite, FDot, is a worthy opponent for Tom Hanks.  Here’s his story, in his own words: “Found abandoned in a hallway of a Greenwich Village hospital, I was raised by the Mole People of NYC until I was 6.  Sent out on a quest to gather scraps of food from high end restaurants, I was discovered by a middle-aged couple and taken to live in the suburbs.  The rest of my formative years were spent in Catholic grammar and high schools.  I entered the teaching profession as a way to hang on to my youth, a youth that keeps me looking much younger than my physical age.  My days are spent hanging up on telemarketers while my nights are spent looking for a social life.  I once ran over a squirrel with my car.  I enjoy listening to music with the sound turned off.  I believe in unexplained phenomena and the spirit world, as some spirits owe me money.  I have been known on occasion to eat food, especially if someone else is paying.  Mostly, I stay quiet in the background and observe, waiting for the perfect moment to arrive.”  FDot’s secret weapons include: “the power to charm others with my innocence and naivete and the power to self-preserve myself over others.”

Who will win in the battle of  Fan Favorite vs. Fan Favorite?  Both contestants are the beloved by the world … but there can only be one winner.  Will Hanks drop his nice-guy persona and smash FDot over the head with one of his Oscars?  Or will FDot blind Hanks with the burning glow of his innocence before sneaking in for the kill?  There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want.That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to FDot & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!


17 thoughts on “C&R Fight Club: TOM HANKS vs. FDOT!”

  1. This could be a close call because I think Tom Hanks comes across as an aww shucks nice guy, but given the chance he’ll poke your eye out with a sharp stick and kick you in the crotch. Watch your back FDot.

  2. Are you kidding? FDot goes on stakeout to monitor his delinquent students. Tom Hanks doesn’t stand a chance against someone that hardcore.

  3. I’m going with favorite movies, for the win:

    Tom hanks’: I too love Fargo, Elephant & Boogie Night.
    FDot’s: I too love Clue.

    So, by a score of 3-1, I gotta vote for Tom Hanks.


  4. HOWEVER, FDot has made for me copies of both Being Human series, The Doctor Who specials, The Kids In The Hall special, as well as loaned me the entire Scott Pilgrim series of books AND he ran over a squirrel for me, cause we all know how evil they are!

    So, I think I gotta vote for FDot too! 🙂


  5. I may be the only person on the planet who really doesn’t like Tom Hanks….but it is true. so..surely FDot gets my vote?

    1. Oh I dont like him either. I think the acting he does in movies is fine, but certainly not the TOALLY AWESOME GREATEST ACTOR EVER type of acting a lot of people think it is.

      Which is yet another reason why I’ll vote for FDot. 🙂


  6. I think Tom Hanks at the time of “Bosom Buddies” (with the help of Peter Scolari) could have taken FDot down, but, now, the Hankinator is too soft and pudgy. FDot will destroy him.

  7. I’ll just take this opportunity to remind everyone that Tom Hanks is a divorcee who also appeared in The Bonifre of the Vanities….one of the worst movies of all time.

  8. Um, will this fight actually happen? Both of these guys seem so nice I can’t see them coming to exchanging fists.

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