Why do weeks with that start with holidays (read: a day off) always feel like the longest? Is it because we then try to cram five days of brain-numbing work into four? Or is because the three days we had off in a row are so glorious that the next four just seem to take forever? I’m going to say unequivocally that it is both. That is why I’m so freaking glad we got to Friday and I can write this glorious five for you. So sit up, pay attention and find out what absolutely irreplaceable things I loved this week.
To start things off, let’s cover stupid people. Maybe stupid people is too broad a term. Let’s go with completely brain dead, knee jerk, conservative jackwads. Some of them even go on Facebook and then think that the the news from the Onion is real. They rant and rave. Then those of us with brains laugh at their inanity. Visit Literally Unbelievable to see what happens when two brain cells interact with the digital world.
Speaking of the digital world, the folks over at The Frisky have created a flowchart with Adam in mind. It helps him to decide which of his two favorite creatures he is with: Spring or Mr. Sombrero. It is quite brilliant. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Now that we know how Adam figures out what mammal he is hanging with, we should move on to a less raunchy topic. I like to call it “what’s up your butt?” Obviously some of the same individuals who thought the Onion news was real have also found a billboard campaign in Washington state about colon cancer awareness too suggestive. The “What’s up your butt?” billboards were taken down after protests. I think it could have been worse. They could have said “you need to get fisted by your doctor to know if you have a disease that could kill you mercilessly.”
Now that we have you thinking about your butts, I’m going to move on to something more intriguing: me. The Museum of Me to be precise. It is a project by Intel designed to make your Facebook profile into a long distance commercial that yanks the tears from your eyes. And it works. Maybe it is because my current profile picture is of my new niece, but gosh…it had me at “hello.”
Now…I know you are thinking, “Mikey, that was only four things and you just talked about yourself. What more could a self-possessed man like yourself find more awesome than you.” Two words: my boyfriend. If you didn’t realize, he was on Jeopardy! on Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week. He was brilliant, poised and handsome. I can honestly think of nothing more important to feature on this week’s five than him.
Yay…you made it through the treacly part without jumping ship. I have to admit that this was a tough five to develop, but you have them in order from least important to most: Literally Unbelievable, the Frisky Cat Flowchart, What’s up your butt?, the Museum of Me, and my boyfriend. Close contenders this week were: sunshine, Montreal, Jem as voiced by Randall (of honey badger fame), and hardcore gay porn. What five things made your list this week?