Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Members: Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello
First Comic Book Appearance:
May 1984
Place of Birth: McMahon’s Pet Emporium, Chesabeake Bay
Residence: the New York City
Type of Residence: Sewer Hideout
Relationship Status: single
Regional Accent: New York Reptilian
Occupation: Crime Fighters
Height & Weights: Ranging from 5′-5’2“, 145-155lbs
Master Splinter
Favorite Ninja Weapon: Katana Blades, Sai, Nunchukus, Bo
Catch Phrase: “Cowabunga!”
Favorite Food: Pizza
Skateboarding, Video Games, Hanging out with April O’Neil
Favorite curse word: None

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a team of four teenage anthropomorphic turtles, who were trained by their rat sensei, Master Splinter in the art of ninjutsu.  From their home in the storm sewers of New York City, Leonardo (the leader), Michelangelo (the funny one), Donatello (the smart one) and Raphael (the other one), battle petty criminals, evil megalomaniacs, and alien invaders, all while remaining isolated from society at large. The Turtles have appeared in comic books, cartoons, video games, and feature films.  Along with their signature weapons, these heroes in a half-shell will harness the power of teamwork, honesty, morality, humor, pizza gluttony, ‘Turtle Power’, radioactive ooze, and an ear-worm theme song to defeat their Leporidae opponent.


Also known as: J.P, Trick, Small Mammal
Alias: Rabbit of Caerbannog
Date of Birth:10/8
Place of Birth: Providence, RI
Residence: Johnston, RI
Type of Residence: A hutch
Relationship Status: Available
Occupation: HR, Operations Specialist, Adorable Bunny
Height & Weight: 9″, 4.5lbs
Mentor: El-ahrairah
Favorite Ninja Weapon: Katana
Catch Phrase: “I’ll cut a bitch.”
Favorite Food: Basil, Carrots, Cilantro
Hobbies: Hopping, Jumping, Jujitsu
Secret Weapons: Agility, Iron Teeth, Garrote, rope dart, meteor hammer
Favorite curse word: Fuck

The exact origins of everyone’s favorite bunny, John, are unclear, but it is believed that he he was birthed as part of large litter by very fertile parents.  John hails from the tiny state of Rhode Island, where he enjoys spending time in gardens and feeding on his own feces.  (It’s true: Rabbits often reingest their own droppings to digest their food further and extract sufficient nutrients.)  John’s other hobbies include delivering eggs on Easter, paper crafts, being kind to everyone, and wiggling his cute little fluffy bunny tail.  John’s secret weapons include: speed, agility, iron teeth, garrote, rope dart, meteor hammer, a rapid reproductive rate and a razor-sharp wit.

Who will win in the battle of Turtles vs. The Hare?  Will the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hurl a canister of radioactive ooze at John … and turn him into a real man?  Or will John defeat the mutant team with his speed, agility and strong hind legs?  We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to John & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!


10 thoughts on “C&R Fight Club: THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES vs. JOHN!”

  1. Four to one? This doesn’t seem fair… to the turtles! john has age, inner rage (from all that taking of the high road nonsense) and prowess with sharp cutting implements (as seen from his paper art). Plus he has a cold, dead heart. Those turtles are soup.

  2. Michelle makes some good points. Being small doesn’t mean less powerful and seriously, he combined IQ of those four reptilian air heads could fit in John’s left ear. Oh yeah, and the power of a well placed “fuck” (as a curse word) should never be underestimated. Nor as a verb, but that’s a different game.

  3. I never like the TMNT, and the figure you used for john is Yusagi Yujimbo, which was an amazingly funny comic, so yeah, john’s gonna kick turtle ASS! Er,,,,um, shell…..?


    1. I’ve never read his comic — but he appeared in more than just that — Usagi Yojimbo has appeared several times in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the comic, both of the animated series, and the toy line), and the Turtles have appeared in Usagi Yojimbo as well. In his guest appearances, he is closest to Leonardo, both sharing the same ideals and code of ethics.

      He was always one of my favorites on the animated series … which makes it difficult to vote for anyone but John!

  4. Hmmmm…my only worry is that the tortoise won in the fable!!! That said john will kill those turtles and make something pretty out of their shells

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