Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…

Queen Elizabeth II

Also known as: Elizabeth Alexandra Mary
House: House of Windsor
Date of Birth: April 21, 1926
Place of Birth: Mayfair, London, United Kingdom
Residence: Buckingham Palace, London, United Kingdom
Occupation: Constitutional monarch of sixteen independent sovereign states, the figurehead of the 54-member Commonwealth of Nations and Supreme Governor of the Church of England.
Relationship Status: Married to Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
Weight: Probably not very much because she’s a tiny old lady

Born in 1926, Queen Elizabeth II was just 25 years old when she ascended to the British throne on the death of her father, George IV, in 1952.   She enjoys monochromatic outfits, pearls, corgis, jubilees, stupid hats, tea, crumpets, and blood pudding.  Despite nearing an age of 81 she appears remarkably mobile with little intent of passing the throne to Prince Charles early.  With her entire kingdom standing behind her, we expect this little old lady to rock the boxing ring old school (with lances, swords and perhaps a mace).


Also known as: Chris S.
Date of Birth: November 25, 1967
Residence: Polt’s Palace, Waynesboro, Pennsylvania
Relationship Status: Single (and active)
Favorite Color: Purple
Favorite Superhero: Superman
Occupation: Law Enforcement/Security & Blogger
Height & Weight: “I stand a little over 6 feet tall and weigh less than 300 lbs.”

A lover of all things purple, male and/or Asian, Polt hails from the majestic Polt’s Palace in Waynesboro, PA.  Polt spends his day tweeting, complaining about work, hooking up with gentleman callers, stalking argyle-clad co-opers, reading Star Trek novelizations, performing with Mama Polt, and posting pornography on his website.  Though his job at the prison is non-specific and has never been elaborated upon, we expect that Polt possesses Superman-like strength, and will be a powerfully purple competitor.

Picture in your mind a battle of these two worthy opponents. Both enter the ring, but only one will leave.  Does the greatest queen that North America has ever seen stand a chance against the actual Queen?  Or will the Queen’s age hold her back (we all know that Polt is old, but he’s not tthhaatt old).  That’s for you to decide. Who will win in this epic battle of Queen vs. Queen?  We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent!

Find out if this battle will end with a signature wave or a “HUGS…” on Sunday at noon!


19 thoughts on “C&R Fight Club: QUEEN ELIZABETH II vs. POLT!”

  1. Battle Royale!!!
    I should do the Polt thing and give each contestant one vote… but I don’t want another Craig debacle, so I’ll vote a meeelion times for Polt. I think he could probably HUGS… Elizabeth to death.

  2. Polt’s a good mama’s boy with impeccable manners and the queen is THE FUCKING QUEEN. He’ll do the right thing, and forever after be loved by millions around the globe.

  3. Polt. No question. He may be a sweetheart, but when push comes to shove, I’m pretty sure he can block a handbag roundhouse and bite the corgies back.

  4. Despite the look of crazy in the Queen’s eye in that pic, I’m pretty sure he can take her down with one arm tied behind his back.

  5. SO if I win, does that mean I get to take her place at the wedding? Not that I really want to BE at that boring thing, but perhaps when it’s over, behind some Middle Aged tapestry, I can give Harry a right good snogging!


  6. And ya know, I was kinda worried when my time came for this. I mean look at the previous matches: A big large loud black woman vs a pixie-ish little white girl and the force that IS Captain Krik vs our own little Criaggers. But actually, I’m kinda happy I only get to battle a little old lady the age of my grandmother! Whooo-Hoo!

  7. “No question, the Queen is going down.Not *on* Polt, but rather because of him.”

    Yes, john, there are some things, some places even Polt doesn’t dare to tread.

    (and why am i referring to myself in the third person so much today?


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